When SAHM's want a divorce...

[Firebird]

I'll let you know which one is worse . . . . I have a nephew in the category of living with a parent who doesn't want him. However, I don't know the lasting effects yet, just the current one .. which is anger at the moment.

Yeah, I definitely agree that both have lasting affects. It's hard to know which is worse. It would be nice if people simply didn't have kids until they knew they wanted them, but I know that's not reality.

[Firebird]

Even women on birth control can get pregnant, right?

Pretty unlikely if you don't screw up taking it. Technically possible, yes.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

You can. There are a lot of drugs out there that render BC about as effective as a tic tac. If you also do not take it properly or are on too low of a dosage you can also get pregnant.

All that's explained in the information packet and your doctor should explain those things too.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

The "three months" is not a hard and fast rule for everyone. There are women that forget to take the pill for a day or two and wind up pregnant. What the doctor should have said was for her to use other precaution once she stopped the birth control until she was ready to actively start trying to get pregnant

Ding Ding!

[Deleted]

Jul 24, 2012 12:40:48 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

The "three months" is not a hard and fast rule for everyone. There are women that forget to take the pill for a day or two and wind up pregnant. What the doctor should have said was for her to use other precaution once she stopped the birth control until she was ready to actively start trying to get pregnant

Ding Ding!

But she did want to actively start trying for kids...

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Based on Wrongside's post though it sounds like she assumed she'd have three months in order to get ready and it happened sooner. My OB said if I wasn't ready to get pregnant tomorrow then I needed to use a back-up because "three/six months" is an average, not a fact for every woman.

[Miss Tequila]

Wow...my heart breaks for the children...what mother would willingly give up her children? When I separated from my husband, I didn't want a dime of his money (I dont care what SF says, we aren't all gold diggers!) but it would have been war if he tried to get custody...luckily my husband knew our children were better off with me...

[Deleted]

From Wrongside's post, she said the woman wanted kids ASAP.

[thyme4change]

I'm sorry, I've worked with too many children with issues from a parent abandoning them. It's a sort of a topic too close to me I guess.

We aren't clear if she is ABANDONING them. I think you are making an assumption of what was said. I'm trying to give her the benefit of doubt that she just offered the children's stable, loving father primary custody. You are making the assumption that this person never wanted kids, and is a horrible person, etc. etc. All she may have said is "It will be best for the kids if they can stay here with you while I find a job and get a place to live. I won't move than 5 miles away so I can see them at least 3 days per week."

[lynnerself]

Jul 24, 2012 12:26:13 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

She went off birth control 2 months before their wedding because her dr told her it would take 3 months to get it out of her system

She needs to go smack her doctor.

I know at least a couple of cases like this where brides didn't know they were pregnant and drank themselves silly at the wedding.

[Deleted]

Jul 24, 2012 12:44:45 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Wow...my heart breaks for the children...what mother would willingly give up her children? When I separated from my husband, I didn't want a dime of his money (I dont care what SF says, we aren't all gold diggers!) but it would have been war if he tried to get custody...luckily my husband knew our children were better off with me...

men make terrible parents.

[Firebird]

All she may have said is "It will be best for the kids if they can stay here with you while I find a job and get a place to live. I won't move than 5 miles away so I can see them at least 3 days per week."



I'm agreeing with Thyme a lot today. I need to go lie down.

[beags]

Jul 24, 2012 12:43:45 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Based on Wrongside's post though it sounds like she assumed she'd have three months in order to get ready and it happened sooner. My OB said if I wasn't ready to get pregnant tomorrow then I needed to use a back-up because "three/six months" is an average, not a fact for every woman.

did you know if you are on an antibiotic for an illness it makes the pill less effective and you can get pregnant even if taking it regularly?

[beags]

Jul 24, 2012 12:45:04 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I'm sorry, I've worked with too many children with issues from a parent abandoning them. It's a sort of a topic too close to me I guess.

We aren't clear if she is ABANDONING them. I think you are making an assumption of what was said. I'm trying to give her the benefit of doubt that she just offered the children's stable, loving father primary custody. You are making the assumption that this person never wanted kids, and is a horrible person, etc. etc. All she may have said is "It will be best for the kids if they can stay here with you while I find a job and get a place to live. I won't move than 5 miles away so I can see them at least 3 days per week."

that's not what she said .. .she said I want a divorce, take the kids.

She didn't say I want a divorce, and I'm taking the kids OR

I want a divorce, we can figure out custody later


She said I want a divorce, take the kids.


To me that says I want out of this, all of it.

Who knows why . . perhaps she's one of those who are never happy .. the grass is always greener on the other side . . . perhaps loves to be taken care of with no responsibilities.

(selfish type, you know.)

Seems to me she's looking for love in all the wrong ways.

Wanted children, but when they got to the point where they took some effort, she wanted out.

It wasn't like the husband wasn't taking care of things . .he was working 80 hours . . . she stayed at home . . so he was making the money. She just doesn't want the responsibility.

Before you say it . . yes, I was a stay at home mom until my children started school. My husband worked about 80 hours a week.

Is it easy raising them for what seems like on your own? No, but I did it.

[swamp]

Jul 24, 2012 13:01:20 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Jul 24, 2012 10:17:54 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Man, I can't imagine dumping my kid. Not in a hundred thousand years. ;(



But you wanted your children. There are women who do not want to be mothers, but capitulate for their spouse.

I'm not saying I agree with it, but IMO it is better that she walk away than harm her children, either physically or psychologically because she was forced to make a decision tht she didn't want to make.

The ironic thing is that she is hurting them psychologically by walking away from them.
Why can't people like this just grow up, suck it up and take responsibility for their lives? Me, me, me, all the time.

because if she is mentally ill, she can't.

[midjd]

Jul 24, 2012 12:54:48 GMT -5 beags said:

Jul 24, 2012 12:45:04 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

We aren't clear if she is ABANDONING them. I think you are making an assumption of what was said. I'm trying to give her the benefit of doubt that she just offered the children's stable, loving father primary custody. You are making the assumption that this person never wanted kids, and is a horrible person, etc. etc. All she may have said is "It will be best for the kids if they can stay here with you while I find a job and get a place to live. I won't move than 5 miles away so I can see them at least 3 days per week."

that's not what she said .. .she said I want a divorce, take the kids.

She didn't say I want a divorce, and I'm taking the kids OR

I want a divorce, we can figure out custody later


She said I want a divorce, take the kids.


To me that says I want out of this, all of it.

Who knows why . . perhaps she's one of those who are never happy .. the grass is always greener on the other side . . . perhaps loves to be taken care of with no responsibilities.

(selfish type, you know.)

Seems to me she's looking for love in all the wrong ways.

Wanted children, but when they got to the point where they took some effort, she wanted out.

It wasn't like the husband wasn't taking care of things . .he was working 80 hours . . . she stayed at home . . so he was making the money. She just doesn't want the responsibility.

Before you say it . . yes, I was a stay at home mom until my children started school. My husband worked about 80 hours a week.

Is it easy raising them for what seems like on your own? No, but I did it.

To be fair, we're hearing this information third- or fourth-hand. Assuming Wrongside heard it straight from the husband, we're getting Wrongside's version of the husband's version of what the wife said. And inferring a hell of a lot from it.

Of course, I guess that's the fun of YM...

[midjd]

Then she should have had kids.

Good thing that biologically, no one is capable of developing mental illness AFTER having kids.

Oh, wait...

[Deleted]

Jul 24, 2012 13:03:11 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Jul 24, 2012 13:01:56 GMT -5 swamp said:

because if she is mentally ill, she can't.

Then she should have had kids.

If only there was a way to make sure certain people didn't have kids. maybe a pass/fail genetic and IQ test. Those that fail get their tubes tied.

[beags]

That's the thing, we dont know if she mentally ill or just selfish.

There are many who are just selfish.

If it's due to mental illness, she gets the help and comes back . . great.


If she just leaves, gets no help, and never returns .. . then she is just selfish.

If someone wants something bad enough, they find a way to get it. If it is a mental problem, she will seek help.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jul 24, 2012 13:03:11 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Jul 24, 2012 13:01:56 GMT -5 swamp said:

because if she is mentally ill, she can't.

Then she should have had kids.

Ok, we'll stuff them back inside.

[thyme4change]

she said I want a divorce, take the kids.

She didn't say I want a divorce, and I'm taking the kids OR

I want a divorce, we can figure out custody later


She said I want a divorce, take the kids.

Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't realize you were in the room and knew what she said. I was going off the assumption that we got the story third hand from several people who are stunned and likely full of emotions.

[beags]

Jul 24, 2012 13:04:30 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Jul 24, 2012 13:03:11 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Then she should have had kids.

If only there was a way to make sure certain people didn't have kids. maybe a pass/fail genetic and IQ test. Those that fail get their tubes tied.

or a vasectomy.

[beags]

Jul 24, 2012 13:05:20 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

she said I want a divorce, take the kids.

She didn't say I want a divorce, and I'm taking the kids OR

I want a divorce, we can figure out custody later


She said I want a divorce, take the kids.

Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't realize you were in the room and knew what she said. I was going off the assumption that we got the story third hand from several people who are stunned and likely full of emotions.

I'm sorry, read the very first post. She says right in the first post that the mother said I want a divorce, take the kids.

[beags]

We can only go by what the first post says . . . any other thing is just assumptions based on what one may have wanted it to be.

I'm sorry if you think that I thought better and was standing in the room . .. I just read the first post and that's what it said.


I have to go by that . . NOT what you thought may have been said.

[beags]

Jul 24, 2012 13:09:07 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

Jul 24, 2012 13:06:58 GMT -5 beags said:

or a vasectomy.

If someone is mentally ill, then their caretaker should see to it that they don't get pregnant.

that's assuming the caretaker knew they were mentally ill. Some people are good at hiding it.

Not all doctors are psychiatrists.

[thyme4change]

You might be right - but I just like to keep an open mind that maybe it is just possible that the OP wasn't a completely accurate portrayal of exactly what happened. It was clearly shorthanded.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

If someone is mentally ill, then their caretaker should see to it that they don't get pregnant.

Hmm .I think Loop needs to smack Dark and Swamp should probably have a talk with her husband.

I better figure out how to split DH's half and give it back to him. He developed PPD after Gwen was born. Clearly I failed in my duties to make sure he never had a child.

[thyme4change]

I didn't realize that mental illness was diagnosed at birth, and was consistent and constant throughout life. Heaven forbid a middle aged person becomes clinically depressed after changes in hormones and life circumstances. That would never happen.

[beags]

it still doesn't take away from the fact that she left.

none of it matters .. . the kids right now know that their mother left them. If she continues to stay gone, they will know they were never wanted.

If it lasts a short time and the mother is getting help, that can be explained.

If the mother has truly left, the kids will feel unwanted and will always ask what did we do?

If she's gone and stays gone . . it's just plain selfish.

She's an adult, she can recognise if she has a problem, she can get help. If she chooses to ignore it all and walk away from everything, that's her own selfish choice.

It still doesn't take away the fact that the children will suffer, if that's the choice she decides to make.

[Deleted]

Jul 24, 2012 13:13:23 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I didn't realize that mental illness was diagnosed at birth, and was consistent and constant throughout life. Heaven forbid a middle aged person becomes clinically depressed after changes in hormones and life circumstances. That would never happen.

It doesn't happen on Long Island. Once a woman has kids on Long Island they are immediately prescribed zanax and prozac and a sleeping aid.