Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jul 5, 2012 16:25:53 GMT -5
I agree, Firebird. And I do my best to practice what I preach!
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Green Eyed Lady
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Look inna eye! Always look inna eye!
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jul 5, 2012 16:26:18 GMT -5
By the way, does this thread strike anyone else as... weird? LOL! Find me one that isn't.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 5, 2012 16:26:43 GMT -5
I agree, Firebird. And I do my best to practice what I preach! I think you do it well, for whatever that's worth
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jul 5, 2012 16:27:23 GMT -5
That's nice of you to say. Thank you.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 5, 2012 16:27:59 GMT -5
By the way, does this thread strike anyone else as... weird? LOL! Find me one that isn't. True! But this one has really gone all over the place. Where else on teh interwebz can you find marital counseling interspersed with a discussion of religious differences with some random "offers" here and there?
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jul 5, 2012 16:30:08 GMT -5
I guess I can understand where WWBG is coming from on the funeral thing. I lost my grandmother when I was married. I was extremely close to her. It was a life-altering loss. I could have used a sholder at that time. Not to lean on necessarily, but just to not feel so alone. Among the many things I resent him for - that ranks in the top 5. Holding on to that is completely unproductive - especially since we are divorced - but a complete failure of support is not easily forgotten.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jul 5, 2012 17:00:03 GMT -5
"I understand, and that makes sense to me too. But it also makes it just a little more strange that you don't consider it appropriate to adjust the roles in your marriage accordingly, because of what the Bible says. Presumably you wouldn't stone your daughter if she came home pregnant and presumably you no longer sacrifice animals - so why can't you treat this "wife must obey her husband" business in the same vein?"
I realize this thread has become more or less a commentary on WWBG's marriage, but I wanted to respond to this.
First of all, where did I ever say I wouldn't "adjust" the roles of my marriage (which doesn't even exist at this point)? Did "I" ever say I would expect to be obeyed? To me, those are two different animals, what is absolute truth and what I plan to do are two different animals. To me, it's like arguing is the sky blue then extrapolating what I'm going to do about it. They are different.
Truth be told I don't know what I'm going to do when/if I ever get married. Is that okay, have uncertainty in your heart and be conflicted over something? A lot of it will likely depend on the person I end up marrying and what THEY want, since I could go either way. As I said, I don't think you're committing a sin if you don't structure your marriage that way, and even if it is it's just one more sin among many. To me, the bible lays out the truth and how things "should be" in an ideal world. But as humans we are flawed and woefully short of our ideal selves, the bible acknowledges this. Therefore, obeying the strictest letter of the law of the bible isn't the right course of action, and the overarching message of the bible is setting us free from the law though the blood of Christ.
Just because I believe it is truth doesn't mean I interpret it literally and will structure my relationships around it. So I really do "take it in the same vain" as stoning and the like.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 5, 2012 17:05:39 GMT -5
Just because I believe it is truth doesn't mean I interpret it literally and will structure my relationships around it.
My bad, Phoenix. I misunderstood your past posts, because that is indeed what I thought you planned to do.
I apologize.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jul 5, 2012 17:24:31 GMT -5
Just because I believe it is truth doesn't mean I interpret it literally and will structure my relationships around it. My bad, Phoenix. I misunderstood your past posts, because that is indeed what I thought you planned to do. I apologize. That's okay . It's an easy trap to fall into, assuming what others really believe. I did the same thing when I originally said you didn't "get it." So I apologize too.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jul 5, 2012 17:36:04 GMT -5
Phoenix.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 5, 2012 18:31:30 GMT -5
I also understand a long distance trip. In a way, it wish DF hadn't gone because I had to hold myself together when I really didn't feel like it the whole time. On the other hand, he saw my family at its worst and liked them anyway. They also like him.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 5, 2012 21:13:07 GMT -5
WWBG wrote:
I agree there are times one partner defers to the other and vice versa. For me that would be situation normal. I don't have much experience with funerals when I was married or even seriously involved. I don't think there were any grandparents left to die for my XH and myself. The only funeral I remember attending with my XH was for his mother. In social situations some times he preferred me to take the lead and since we flew across the country for the funeral we weren't involved in any of the planning. We were just important attendees. I don't remember anything different about how we handled her funeral contrasted with anything else.
I do think what kind of funeral it is and who the survivors are determines the importance to some extent. I actually felt more needed and useful at a funeral a good friend had for her daughter. Her daughter was only a few years older than I. That funeral ended up being an all day event. The funeral parlor and the cemetery were not close together and after the cemetery they treated some of us to dinner at a restaurant. Contrast that with XH's Mom's funeral. It was all in the same location, no one went to a cemetery. Started with the church service and ended with refreshments served downstairs in the basement. I felt personally my support was more needed before and after than during the event but he may have felt otherwise.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2012 2:03:54 GMT -5
I attended Goose's grandmother's funeral a few years ago because it was important to him. I HATE funerals. I feel like I am going to have a panic attack when I see a body in a casket. I didn't go UP to her casket (that tradition is probably one of the weirdest ones I think people do at funerals...go up and gaze at the dead body...shudder). I not only HATE funerals, but his Grandmother HATED me! She never got over the fact that I didn't hold our wedding until her and Grandpa got back from their scenic drive. They arrived at church on time, but then decided they were there too early and apparently left to go for a drive. They didn't get back to the church on time for the start. I didn't know. I honestly didn't pay attention to what my guest were doing. I was busy! She never forgave me for that and would throw it in my face every chance she got...for over 10 years before she passed. BUT I went to the funeral to support him.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jul 6, 2012 2:08:52 GMT -5
I'm not too big on funerals either. Especially viewing dead bodies, I prefer it if they're just creamated and you just see the urn.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2012 2:37:35 GMT -5
I will be cremated as well. The thought of spending eternity in a box freaks me the hell out. Plus, I don't want to turn into a Zombie when the Zombie Apocalypse comes.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 6, 2012 7:28:29 GMT -5
I went with DF to a former employees daughters funeral. Mercifully, she finally passed from MS. They did the whole open casket thing with her mother telling everyone how good her daughter looked. Uh, NO! I'm a pro at walking by slowly and keeping my vision elsewhere. It meant a lot to the mother that DF was there and it meant a lot to DF that I went with him. Something his EX would have never bothered with. It's just something you do when your loved one needs you.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 6, 2012 7:29:17 GMT -5
DF is spending eternity in a box waiting for the zombie time. I'm a crispy critter.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 6, 2012 7:30:01 GMT -5
Angel, Sorry Grandma tried to make you feel bad for her own failure to be there. Personally I don't think you should hold a wedding for anyone except the participants. Getting them ready can be a task enough.
I know you were being respectful to Goose, but the second time she brought it up that it wasn't the wedding day I think I would have said the following. "I will no longer discuss with you your choice to leave and be late to my wedding. Sorry"
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2012 7:30:27 GMT -5
DH's father is Lebanese and in some Arab cultures it is customary to go to the funeral and take pictures of the body to show to relatives who couldn't be there. I wish someone would have told me in advance.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 6, 2012 7:31:58 GMT -5
OMG! Yeah, I'd have freaked out for sure!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 6, 2012 7:32:19 GMT -5
Is it to make sure they're really dead?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2012 7:32:41 GMT -5
I think turning into a zombie might be cool, actually....BRAINS! BRAINS!!!!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 6, 2012 7:35:34 GMT -5
Well, in my case, then everyone could say I was really a ditzy airhead! Instead of just thinking it!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2012 7:39:59 GMT -5
Is it to make sure they're really dead? I think so....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2012 7:50:09 GMT -5
DH's father is Lebanese and in some Arab cultures it is customary to go to the funeral and take pictures of the body to show to relatives who couldn't be there. I wish someone would have told me in advance. lesbians take pictures of the body?? who knew?? also how could his father be a lesbian?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 6, 2012 7:54:28 GMT -5
Wouldn't that freak people out if I started taking pictures at funerals? I'll tell them I'm Lebanese. Liven things up a bit.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2012 7:55:33 GMT -5
DH's father is Lebanese and in some Arab cultures it is customary to go to the funeral and take pictures of the body to show to relatives who couldn't be there. I wish someone would have told me in advance. lesbians take pictures of the body?? who knew?? also how could his father be a lesbian?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 6, 2012 8:03:13 GMT -5
Rob. Sigh.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2012 8:08:48 GMT -5
I know, I make all the ladies sigh
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 6, 2012 8:15:18 GMT -5
;D
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