thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 13, 2012 14:49:29 GMT -5
My husband does a lot. I let him do things how he wants - even if it drives me crazy. Actually, it is better that his "style" drives me crazy. I can't be anywhere near the kitchen when he cleans it. He does it so weird - totally ineffecient. It takes him an hour to do what I can do in 10 minutes, because he cleans one area, and then moves all the dirty dishes around and around and around, until he ends up cleaning each area 5 times. I'm not sure what he is thinking, but I can't go in there while he is working on it. If he did it in a less annoying way, I would go in and help and we could be done in 5 minutes - but instead, I get the remote control for an hour! Woo Hoo!
But, he is excellent with the kids. He handles all kinds of things - birthday parties (birthday present shopping and wrapping!) buying any sports equipment, including shoes, haircuts, getting them to activities, helping with homework, discipline. He is awesome. He also cooks. He's a little lax on the cleaning - but I'm a moody pain in the ass, so we all bring some negatives into the marriage.
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wodehouse
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Post by wodehouse on Jun 13, 2012 14:57:01 GMT -5
I come home from work, put away the clean dishes from the dishwasher that I'd run the night before. Then clean up all the day's dishes and cr@p that's accumulated on the kitchen counter during the day (I don't know why DW can't put the clean dishes away and put dirty dishes in the dishwasher). Then DW will cook some dinner. Then I clean the kitchen again and run the dishwasher. I just don't understand how DW can stand to have all this dirty clutter around the kitchen. This is sort of a pet peeve of mine that I leave the house all clean in the morning and come home to find a disaster area; I would think she could unload the dishwasher at some point during the day...a time-out from whatever it is she does.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 13, 2012 14:59:36 GMT -5
Maybe she is my husband's sister. The clean dishes are most definitely "out of sight, out of mind" to him. Although, the dirty socks in the middle of the floor are invisible, and the pile of clean clothes (all folded and ready to be put away) on the coffee table don't seem to be in his way either.
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Epiphany
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Post by Epiphany on Jun 13, 2012 15:33:10 GMT -5
Division of labor is one of the things we fought most about early in our marriage. It is a hard balancing act of expectations and communication and I think couples should talk about it more before marriage.
I can relate to so many things said on this thread already but I'll just say a few things. My mom was a stay at home mom and took care of all housework/cleaning so I felt that to be a good wife I should too....except I work full time.... and then would resent dh as he sat on the couch and I did everything.
Dh is happy to "help" with the cleaning.... as long as I spell out what needs to be done and what I want "help" with. For some reason that phrasing just kills me. It's shared responsibility! BUT to keep peace I've given that up and when he asks if I'd like help I tell him yes and give him a task.
DH would also just pay for things to be done rather than do them himself. When we met he paid to have his house cleaned and dropped off his laundry to be washed. He's not incapable, he really feels that he shouldn't have to work at home if he works full time which is insane and not normal. He thinks we have the money so why not? I think it's a waste when we are perfectly capable and don't have kids. This is one of the many reasons we don't have kids - I cannot imagine the sacrifice we'd both have to make to give up our thinking in this area and I refuse to do it all and be a martyr like his mom was.
To be fair - dh is really great. He does lots of house projects (we've remodeled top to bottom) takes care of the pets without asking, picks up clutter around the house, and is generally a neat and good guy. I have had to adjust my own expectations down because my cleaning standards are higher.
I think Rachael from friends said "but I want you to want to do the dishes!" and he responded "I'm not ever going to want to do dishes"
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 13, 2012 15:54:28 GMT -5
"Milee - It's time for you to take a very loooong vacation without the family. He may see things differently and you won't have to say a word. "
Sigh. That was my thought, too. Unfortunately, DH is pretty smart about how to manage that. Take a few months ago when I went to Africa for almost 3 weeks. He brought his mother over to take care of everything and the things she doesn't know how to do (yard work, all our financial management) just sat and waited until I returned. The boys didn't get help with homework and only went to about 1/2 their normal activities, so were stir crazy when I got back, but they were alive and happy to have been with grandma, so that's OK.
Swamp's given me some really good advice and encouragement, though. This is only my problem because I've let it be. Within the next week or so, I'm going to hire some help.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Jun 13, 2012 15:59:52 GMT -5
milee: *hugs* one of the multiple reasons my mother decided to divorce my father was that when she asked for his help- with house work, yard work, whatever -his response was to make my brother and I help, which really wasn't much help. She left. He kept the house and primary custody of bro and I. Suddenly, he had to learn to cook, to do the dishes, to do laundry, etc. Suddenly, he was repsonsible for making sure our homework was done, we were home on time, and he even had to answer the difficult questions like "can I spend that night at BFF's house" or "can BFF sleep over". My father's attitude about housework is 180 degrees different in his second marriage.
For the record, I have good relationships with both of my parents.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 13, 2012 16:02:53 GMT -5
You guys give good advice and good support. Thanks. It is nice to have a place to talk about these things with people you "know" and like but who aren't going to look at you funny at dinner parties for the next 2 years, KWIM?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 13, 2012 16:07:20 GMT -5
You guys give good advice and good support. Thanks. It is nice to have a place to talk about these things with people you "know" and like but who aren't going to look at you funny at dinner parties for the next 2 years, KWIM? What on earth are you talking about? We don't support or encourage NOBODY. We are all a bunch of punk assholes whose hobby is tearing down everyone we perceive as inferior. And we LIKE IT THAT WAY. Don't you DARE start spreading rumors otherwise or we might have to have a little talk
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Jun 13, 2012 16:19:22 GMT -5
I would think she could unload the dishwasher at some point during the day
My lazy ass brother put in two dishwashers in his house so he would never have to put away dishes. Takes dishes out of the clean one to use and puts them in the dirty one. When the dirty one is full he runs it and starts all over again.
The two dishwashers is just the height of his laziness. Was so bad his wife did leave him and file for divorce.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 16:20:10 GMT -5
I would think she could unload the dishwasher at some point during the dayMy lazy ass brother put in two dishwashers in his house so he would never have to put away dishes. Takes dishes out of the clean one to use and puts them in the dirty one. When the dirty one is full he runs it and starts all over again. The two dishwashers is just the height of his laziness. Was so bad his wife did leave him and file for divorce. He is a friggen genius.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 13, 2012 16:22:52 GMT -5
Well maybe I'm lazy, too because I think the 2 dishwasher thing sounds pretty smart. Except I wouldn't even transfer the dishes from the clean one to the dirty one. Once the cycle had finished, I'd flip the magnet (or whatever system tells the Fam if it's clean or dirty) to clean and let the clean ones sit in there. As people use the clean dishes, they can just load them into the other "dirty" one. Wish I had a bigger kitchen - I'd do this in a heartbeat.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 13, 2012 16:24:58 GMT -5
My sister has the 2 dishwashers, two small ones stacked on top of one another.
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Jun 13, 2012 16:27:20 GMT -5
I would think she could unload the dishwasher at some point during the dayMy lazy ass brother put in two dishwashers in his house so he would never have to put away dishes. Takes dishes out of the clean one to use and puts them in the dirty one. When the dirty one is full he runs it and starts all over again. The two dishwashers is just the height of his laziness. Was so bad his wife did leave him and file for divorce. Why didn't I think of it? Thats an AWESOME idea! Think of it! No worried about unloading, putting away, no worries about dirty dishes in the sink....
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jun 13, 2012 16:28:04 GMT -5
<<wonders if the portable dishwasher in storage still works>>
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 13, 2012 16:30:29 GMT -5
I LOVE THE TWO DISHWASHER IDEA.
But, I freely admit to being pretty lazy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 16:30:51 GMT -5
When we first got married, i basically took on everything. Because i thought i was Super Woman and could do it all. And, i did and could. That was fine until we had kids. Then, the strain got too much and i said enough. So, it was time to divide things more fairly. It was a bit of a battle but now things are pretty evened out.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 13, 2012 16:36:30 GMT -5
I'll admit that I feel like the useless one in my relationship. My DH does a lot for us - All the yard work, all the car work (himself-he hasn't hired anything out since he became a SAHS except new tires and now he has access to equipment to do those himself), 90% of the laundry (I do my good clothes), I cook 2 or 3 meals a week and he takes care the rest (even if it is just left overs), he does 100% of cleaning - except what we can get our 2 yo DS to do. So, I have the job, I pay the bills, and I do the major meal planning/putting together of the grocery list. DH takes care 90% of DS's stuff. I try to step in on the weekends, but sometimes it feels like I'm in the way or I don't do it "right". I try to do things that I know will help him out and he does the same for me. We've never argued about who does more. We do have discussions where I say "Honey, I don't do enough around the house" and he says "honey, you do so much; I need to do more for you". I don't know what i would do if I was married to someone who expected me to do it all. I am not superwoman.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Jun 13, 2012 16:37:56 GMT -5
I would think she could unload the dishwasher at some point during the dayMy lazy ass brother put in two dishwashers in his house so he would never have to put away dishes. Takes dishes out of the clean one to use and puts them in the dirty one. When the dirty one is full he runs it and starts all over again. The two dishwashers is just the height of his laziness. Was so bad his wife did leave him and file for divorce. Why didn't I think of it? Thats an AWESOME idea! Think of it! No worried about unloading, putting away, no worries about dirty dishes in the sink.... I am SO installing a 2nd dishwasher in the kitchen when I get home!!!
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Jun 13, 2012 16:39:46 GMT -5
Laundry should be:
water detergent let it fill and start agitating add clothesYeah but like... WHY?!??!! No one has yet explained this to my satisfaction. The goal is dirty clothes + soapy hot water, yes? Who cares in what order they meet? My father was a textile chemist so I actually heard about this type of thing ad nauseum growing up. The detergent was supposed to be added into the water to dilute it before it touched the clothes. I think that it was because the dye in the clothes would run or fade from the direct undiluted contact with the detergent. The dye and material today are totally different than they were then though. I don't think the detergent is the same either. So it may not make much difference today. I have a front loader though so I have no choice when what gets mixed when. I put the clothes in the drum close the detergent in the slot on top and close the door and hit start. ;D
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Post by roselia on Jun 13, 2012 16:46:32 GMT -5
If a partner is lazy and not committed in a relationship, i.e. if the relationship is one sided then you're best without a partner.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2012 17:41:03 GMT -5
OMG, I literally LOLed at the two dishwasher thing and told my DH, who also thought it was funny.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 13, 2012 18:12:23 GMT -5
Maybe that was in "The Breakup" which was Jennifer Anniston & Vince Vaughn. I just don't remember a Rachael co-habitation in Friends.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 13, 2012 18:24:49 GMT -5
Why didn't I think of it? Thats an AWESOME idea! Think of it! No worried about unloading, putting away, no worries about dirty dishes in the sink.... I am SO installing a 2nd dishwasher in the kitchen when I get home!!! So how do you know which one is the clean dishwasher and which one is the dirty dishwasher?
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jun 13, 2012 18:25:42 GMT -5
I know someone who had two dishwashers. They got unloaded though and dishes put away though. Big family though and the kitchen was big enough so why not?
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 13, 2012 18:31:58 GMT -5
I wonder how many dishwashers the Duggars have in their house.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jun 13, 2012 18:33:01 GMT -5
I wonder how many dishwashers the Duggars have in their house. They eat on paper plates.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 13, 2012 18:38:28 GMT -5
Being single is easy, if I don't do it, it doesn't get done . So having someone do 50% of the chores would be a nice break! On the other hand, i don't have to meet anyone else's standards but my own. So leaving dirty dishes in the sink isn't a big deal to me.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Jun 13, 2012 18:40:12 GMT -5
Seriously? With that many people? How environmentalist of them. Some people really go overboard with this "save the earth" stuff.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jun 13, 2012 18:42:02 GMT -5
Seriously? With that many people? How environmentalist of them. Some people really go overboard with this "save the earth" stuff. Yeah we've talked about it on here before. Between the paper plates and the disposable diapers, they could fill their own landfill.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jun 13, 2012 18:54:29 GMT -5
"I honestly think every person needs to live on their own at least 6 months or longer. No dorms or no roommates, just you. Because then you learn that the are no fairies - laundry, bills, grocery, cleaning and maintenance all need to happen on a regular basis. I know some people learn this while living at home but so many don't."
I think that's part of the problem. Many people in society today don't ever live on their own, ever. Many go straight from college to living with their husband/wife/GF/BF, or from parents to with their spouse, or from college to roomates. Many never live alone. While it's not all fun and games, you do end up needing to learn how to do everything from Laundry to taxes to cooking to grocery shopping.
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