Is your partner useless?

[swamp]

Jun 13, 2012 12:35:39 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Laundry should be:

water
detergent
let it fill and start agitating
add clothes

Someone has no idea how to do laundry.

[Firebird]

Laundry should be:

water
detergent
let it fill and start agitating
add clothes

Yeah but like... WHY?!??!! No one has yet explained this to my satisfaction. The goal is dirty clothes + soapy hot water, yes? Who cares in what order they meet?

[busymom]

While I appreciate that DH sometimes starts the laundry, it doesn't occur to him to LOOK at the laundry as he's putting it in. He has set a lot of stains in the dryer because of this.


He was an awesome diaper changer when the kids were little, but I've said for years the man doesn't see dirt. Period. We'll get a call ahead that we've got drop-in company coming over, & he can't see the fingerprints on the windows, or the dog hair that needs to be vacuumed out of the carpet. I don't know if he really doesn't notice it, or doesn't care. I should've paid more attention to his "bachelor apartment".

[Deleted]

I always do detergent before clothes. Sometimes I do detergent, then water, then clothes - other times I do detergent, then clothes, then water. Adding detergent and then water allows the water to mix with the soap before you add the dirty clothes. At least that's my thought process...

[Deleted]

Jun 13, 2012 12:41:33 GMT -5 Firebird said:

Laundry should be:

water
detergent
let it fill and start agitating
add clothes

Yeah but like... WHY?!??!! No one has yet explained this to my satisfaction. The goal is dirty clothes + soapy hot water, yes? Who cares in what order they meet?

If you don't let the tub start agitating, the soap is not evenly distributed throughout the water and the clothes do not all get equal cleaning power.

[Deleted]

I need to put the clothes in first to free up my hands in order to put the detergent in.

[Deleted]

Jun 13, 2012 12:57:42 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

I need to put the clothes in first to free up my hands in order to put the detergent in.

it is a wonder you are still married.

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"So it is easy for him to say I complain when he does things but from my point of view if he actually tried to do it right I wouldn't complain.":::...

*shakes head* You of course realize that he IS doing it "right", its just "his right", and not "YOUR right". If your discussions broadcast the subtext that your way is the only right way, then I would bet he's jerking your chain on purpose. DW has gotten much better about the "its not right unless its done exactly as I'd do it via the exact method at the exact time I want it and your motivation is the exact right reason" nonsense. Perhaps she finally figured out that if all roads lead to mad, I might as well spend my time enjoying myself.

...:::"I know I need to have Swamp's talk: "I bring home 6 figures. I cook. I clean, I take care of the house, I take care of the kids. I am helping you paint the house right now. I'm not crazy. I'm kind of funny. I'm good in bed. If you don't start appreciating what you have, someone else will. " But I'm also pretty sure where that talk will lead and I'm not yet ready to go there with 2 small boys.":::...

This will only work if the other person's "numbers" are actually lacking by comparison. I can just imagine DW reading me a similar riot act. My response would most definitely be "good luck finding someone else that will give what I give in exchange for what you give".

...:::"Seriously the counselor told me that I needed to ask him to do things in uber specific terms. So now I feel like I am talking to a really slow 8 year old. I say exactly what I want him to do with every part that entails listed. He actually likes it. [image] he said at least then he knows exactly what I mean.":::...

If he likes it, and you are getting what you want, so much the better. Just try being on the flip side sometime... getting chastised because you should have known what he "really meant".

...:::"A friend of mine took photos of all the rooms in her house cleaned to their agreed-upon "specs" and then every time someone's chore was to "clean x room" the job wasn't done until the room matched the picture. But that was more to teach her kids how to clean; not sure how well it would work with spouse training":::...

This can actually be wonderfully beneficial for both sides. As someone who deals with business requirements and contracting systems, it is VERY important to sit both sides down and agree on what the final outcome must be. Otherwise, both sides try to pin the fault on the other, even though both sides "did what they were told".

[shanendoah]

My washer weighs the load before deciding how much water to use, so I can't start water before the clothes go in. (Plus, it won't run at all while the lid is opened- safety first.) Clothes go in. Liquid bleadh is put in the little liquid bleach place. Then detergent is put in the detergent place (it does direct it down to the bottom of the washer, so I don't think when it goes in matters). Then I close the lid and start the machine.

[8 Bit WWBG]

I don't care when DW adds detergent (since we do our own laundry) but I wish she'd stop insisting on using a full cup or the clothes "won't get clean".

She is the sucker who "double-concentrated" is made for. They know people will still use a full cap, so they give you less detergent so you'll have to buy it more often.

[Deleted]

Jun 13, 2012 12:57:42 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

I need to put the clothes in first to free up my hands in order to put the detergent in.

so there's no floor in your laundry room?

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 13, 2012 12:27:58 GMT -5 @missmargarita said:

When doing laundry, I've always started the water, added detergent and then put the clothes in...

I usually do it that way too. Because otherwise I forget to put the detergent in...

[Deleted]

Jun 13, 2012 13:02:24 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

I don't care when DW adds detergent (since we do our own laundry) but I wish she'd stop insisting on using a full cup or the clothes "won't get clean".

She is the sucker who "double-concentrated" is made for. They know people will still use a full cap, so they give you less detergent so you'll have to buy it more often.

the "super-concentrated" stuff is bullshit. It's the same damn detergent as before, but in a smaller bottle for the same amount of money. I still use a full cup when I have a full load. Sometimes I use a little more or DH will complain that the clothes "aren't clean enough".

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 13, 2012 13:04:49 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

Jun 13, 2012 13:02:24 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

I don't care when DW adds detergent (since we do our own laundry) but I wish she'd stop insisting on using a full cup or the clothes "won't get clean".

She is the sucker who "double-concentrated" is made for. They know people will still use a full cap, so they give you less detergent so you'll have to buy it more often.

the "super-concentrated" stuff is bullshit. It's the same damn detergent as before, but in a smaller bottle for the same amount of money. I still use a full cup when I have a full load. Sometimes I use a little more or DH will complain that the clothes "aren't clean enough".

then DH can do the damn laundry. You bitch too much about how I do it, I stop doing it.

On the up side, my kids like to pitch their dirty clothes down the basement stairs for me. ;D

[Wisconsin Beth]

yep, if your clothes aren't rinsed enough, they feel stiff and/or we itch.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

DH does a full turn around the bin when he puts in the detergent. I couldn't figure out why we were going thru detergent so fast till he demonstrated to me how much he adds. I decided I hate doing laundry more than I hate buying detergent so I kee my mouth shut.

[lynnerself]

My washer auto fills the water level based on the load size, so clothes go in 1st.
Detergent in its assigned space.
I'm in the less soap is better camp too.
I switched to liquid detergent because our incoming water was so cold in the winter that the powder wasn't dissolving.

[Deleted]

I also got the opportunity to point out at our nephew's b-day party that dads can, in fact, take their kids to b-day parties. I was the only mom there...

We split the parties because there are so many. My husband really enjoyed being the only dad at the Build-A-Bear party.

He is very useful and does a lot around the house and with our daughter. He doesn't do laundry though. I stopped that once I caught him adding the detergent on top of the clothes.

[quotequeen]

Jun 13, 2012 12:35:29 GMT -5 The Home 6 said:

Jun 13, 2012 12:33:13 GMT -5 Firebird said:

When doing laundry, I've always started the water, added detergent and then put the clothes in...

Apparently that's the right way. Putting in the clothes, then adding detergent, then turning on the water causes baby kittens to die.

I have a front loader. The detergent goes in a little compartment that pulls out of the front of the machine. Am I absolved of any kitten homicide?

Me too. Starting the water and putting the detergent in before putting the clothes in and shutting the door would make a big mess.

[KaraBoo]

Jun 13, 2012 12:27:58 GMT -5 @missmargarita said:

When doing laundry, I've always started the water, added detergent and then put the clothes in...

This is how I have taught my kids to do laundry - but I have a specific reason for it....

It's for the bleach. I don't have a dispenser, so I don't want the kids getting into the habit of dumping bleach straight onto their whites. If they dilute it in the water first, it won't ruin the cloths by putting holes in them.

(for the record, we barely create one load worth of whites for 6 people, so I usually do the whites myself....however, there will come a time when they do have to do them.....)

[Deleted]

Jun 13, 2012 13:22:03 GMT -5 KaraBoo said:

Jun 13, 2012 12:27:58 GMT -5 @missmargarita said:

When doing laundry, I've always started the water, added detergent and then put the clothes in...

This is how I have taught my kids to do laundry - but I have a specific reason for it....

It's for the bleach. I don't have a dispenser, so I don't want the kids getting into the habit of dumping bleach straight onto their whites. If they dilute it in the water first, it won't ruin the cloths by putting holes in them.

(for the record, we barely create one load worth of whites for 6 people, so I usually do the whites myself....however, there will come a time when they do have to do them.....)

Using bleach is so 1980.

[Sam_2.0]

Wait - you mean you are not supposed to use your washing machine as a hamper? I just toss our clothes that way every day, when its full I throw some soap in & start it up. I only separate out DH's work shirts.

[Deleted]

SAM!!!

[Deleted]

My ex was pretty useless. He believed in men's work and women's work. Unfortunately, there was no men's work at our house. We had no yard to mow (lived in the woods), and he hired out the car work, etc. He played golf most Saturdays while I cleaned. He did like to buy groceries, though, but I had to go along or we would have had no food.

DH is retired and not in the best of health. He'll rinse the dishes he uses and put them in the dishwasher. He washes his own clothes. I iron them, but that's because he wouldn't. I do the cleaning, etc. I guess we both do the finances since we keep the $$$ separate, but he basically writes one check to me. I do the taxes.

I don't consider DH "useless," though. I don't even think the division of labor is particularly unfair since I really don't clean house to please him. He has never complained, and I have been known to forget to dust a time or two.

[The Home 6]

quotequeen~ Big Sarge tried to do laundry while I was at class one time. He was putting the clothes in the front loader, measuring the detergent, bending down and reaching aaaaaallll the way in to pour laundry soap over the clothes. I came home and he asked me where the hell the laundry soap went.

sam~ HA! I use my dishwasher as a dish drainer. I have to wash my dishes by hand. My dishwasher is not to be trusted with knives.

[bean29]

Note to self: Take pictures of DD's Clean Bedroom.

(DD cleaned her bedroom to go to Great America Today- clean is a foreign idea to her). She put her clothes in the laundry room and told me some might be clean - they were on top of her dresser and she was not sure if they were clean or dirty. One cami still had the tags on but it had a big splotch or brown gunk on it that I think was ice cream. My DD is Not a clean freak by any stretch of the imagination.

DH can put dirty towels in the hamper in our bedroom - but he rarely puts the rest of his clothes in the hamper. I rarely wash his stuff unless he asks me to do laundry - I have no idea if it is dirty or not.

eta: I used to have the hamper in a different location and it had a cover. DH would put his dirty clothes on top of the hamper w/o lifting the cover. What is the logic in that? I no loger keep the cover on the hamper.

[tloonya]

The way he does it I rather to do everything by myself...and I mean everything!
But not useless. Working. Telling me how beautiful I am. How much I am loved (so I wouldn't ask him to do anything I suppose...). So to each it's own...

[Peace Of Mind]

Milee - It's time for you to take a very loooong vacation without the family. He may see things differently and you won't have to say a word.

When DH and I first lived together I did everything plus made more money than him. I would work all day, go to the grocery store and then cook dinner and do the dishes, etc. I had a maid come clean weekly, but I really do prefer doing it myself. He'd be watching TV or playing his guitar. After a year of that I explained to him what bs that was and that I wasn't his freaking mother. He's over 4 years younger than me. He sincerely thought I enjoyed doing everything. I enjoyed a home cooked meal, a clean house, etc. but not doing all of it by myself! That's when he took over the shopping and helped with other things, but it was still unbalanced by far. DH can also fix anything! Plumbing, electrical, whatever... But he's not allowed to handle money, nor does he want to, because he sucks at managing it but he rocks at making it.

I haven't worked in years so now we are even. ;D And I put in my soap after my laundry and have never had a problem. I prefer powder (Gain) and I feel it dissolves better as the water gushes over it instead of it being trapped under the clothes leaving powder spots on the darks.

[Sam_2.0]

When DH and I first lived together I did everything plus made more money than him. I would work all day, go to the grocery store and then cook dinner and do the dishes, etc. I had a maid come clean weekly, but I really do prefer doing it myself. He'd be watching TV or playing his guitar. After a year of that I explained to him what bs that was and that I wasn't his freaking mother. He's over 4 years younger than me. He sincerely thought I enjoyed doing everything. [image] I enjoyed a home cooked meal, a clean house, etc. but not doing all of it by myself!

Um, are we married to the same guy? At least you got yours to start helping out. I still do 95% of the house work, but he does help if I tell him specifically what I need him to do & when.

[Peace Of Mind]

Sam, LOL!! Did you see the part where I quit working? It took lots of yelling in the past 25 years, but it worked for the most part. I still have to do it about every 3 months to keep him motivated for the honey do's he still lets slide. Or I just threaten to hire somebody. He's too OCD to ever allow somebody else to do it and he'd just have to redo their work to meet his standards.