Raising kids with religion: Yes or no?

[Firebird]

Ah, my first off-topic post in the off-topic board. Feels good!

Do you believe in raising children in your own religion (if you have one)? Why or why not? Would you ever raise a kid with a religion you didn't personally believe, for example your spouse's religion or because you think a certain church teaches good morals?

If you were raised with religion, does this affect how you feel about it? Given the choice, would you have liked your parents to raise you religiously?

[Sum Dum Gai]

I'm personally against brain washing children. When they're older they can make up their own minds.

I apply that both ways though. I tell Loop to shut it when she starts talking about her Atheism around the kids too.

[midjd]

What Dark said. DH is an atheist, I'm agnostic... DH was raised agnostic, I was Baptist/Methodist and became a Mormon for a few years.

Oddly DH the lifelong atheist has WAY more hangups about religion than I do. I find it boring and just don't really care to talk/think about it at all... he likes to debate it.

I would want our kids to at least know what the Bible is, the basic tenets, etc. (so they don't ever lose on Jeopardy) - same with the tenets of Judaism, Islam, etc. But as far as taking them to church or giving them any formal religious education... nah.

My parents never forced me to go to church - they both stopped going when I was 8-9 - but I had a lot of friends who went to a certain church, so I stayed. Then I started dating a Mormon and he said he would break up with me if I didn't convert... so I put on the special underwear and went full hog for about 3 years. I quit the church when he dumped me anyway

If either parent had forced me to go to church, I'd probably be much more opposed to the idea of forcing my kids.

[swamp]

You know, if this was posted on P&M, there would already be 3 pages of posts, 2 bannings, and frothing at the mouth all over.

And to answer the question, my kids are being raised half assed catholic with exposure to other religions and ideas.

[Deleted]

My kids are being raised with some Christian traditions and some Jewish traditions. We also like pasta and meatballs alot.

[Firebird]

I apply that both ways though. I tell Loop to shut it when she starts talking about her Atheism around the kids too.

That's really good, because I agree that it goes both ways. Being raised in a strictly atheist home can be just as limiting and restrictive as being raised in a religious home. My hope is that my kids will feel free to believe or not believe whatever they want.

And I do worry about this sometimes because it's so easy to poke fun at the really crazy outliers in any given faith, and that can be hard/hurtful on people who actually believe the faith itself. So I'll try to keep that kind of thing to a minimum, especially if I know my kids practice a certain religion.

[Firebird]

You know, if this was posted on P&M, there would already be 3 pages of posts, 2 bannings, and frothing at the mouth all over.

I like that we can keep it friendly

[Firebird]

Oddly DH the lifelong atheist has WAY more hangups about religion than I do. I find it boring and just don't really care to talk/think about it at all... he likes to debate it.

Me too. I think that when you spend years thinking through your opinion about something (anything), you want to share it and defend it at every possible opportunity. At least that's how it is with me.

I could talk religion with anyone all day.

[Bob Ross]

I will pray for you all.

[Green Eyed Lady]

As stated numerous times, I am a Christian. I believe in God and the teachings of the Bible. My faith is a big part of my life. But I've often wondered that, if I had kids and they didn't want to join me in church or in my beliefs, what would I do? Would I force them? Would I just back off? I have no idea. I'm interested in reading how others with children deal with this.

[Wisconsin Beth]

May 11, 2012 14:26:08 GMT -5 swamp said:

You know, if this was posted on P&M, there would already be 3 pages of posts, 2 bannings, and frothing at the mouth all over.

And to answer the question, my kids are being raised half assed catholic with exposure to other religions and ideas.

Basically this.

But my kids are 4 and 2.5 so we end up in the crying/family room about 1/2 way though...

We do prayers at bedtime and have started extremely general discussions with DD. And since she's just hit the questioning stage, we try to answer her questions as best we can, based on our beliefs. DH did cave on the dogs in heaven thing, mainly because I was going to explanations on him if he didn't want that as an answer (because my pets are in Heaven, having a great time being themselves and pooping everywhere and I'm sticking to that...)

[movingforward]

I think it is better to focus on raising children with morals as opposed to focusing just on religion. Some people can't seem to get the concept that morals and religion really have nothing to do with one another. IMO people should expose their children to different types of religion and also let them know they have the right "to not believe." To me people should be equipped with enough knowledge to know why they do or do not believe in something as opposed to just being either brainwashed to believe a certain way and/or because they ignorant on the subject.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I don't know. I was baptized Lutheran and DH is Presbyterian it's all pretty close to the same thing. I lean more nowadays towards being an atheist.

I know it would thrill MIL if we raised Gwen in the Presb church MIL attends. But I am not going to let family influence how I choose to handle the subject.

I am not taking a toddler to church, I'd rather take the chance I will be smoted for not attending.

However when she is older I do plan on taking her and sending her to Sunday school.

I chose the Preb church because it is the easiest. We had her baptized there and DH's family are already members. I don't want to go church shopping for a Lutheran church. The one I would be comfortable at is all the way out in Millard (the one we got married in).

I want her to be "raised with religion' so she is knowledgeable. You can't make a choice if you don't have the facts, IMO.

It's up to her if she decides to continue as she gets older or not.

[telephus44]

I was raised Congregationalist and DH was raised Catholic. Neither of us really feel like we "fit" with either of those traditions. We've been going to a UU church, and I like their approach enough that we do take DS and have him go to the Sunday School program.

Although my MIL is teaching him some stuff about God, so every now and then we get odd
questions. I'm not entirely happy about it, but it's not brain-washing or stuff that I totally disagree with, like gay people are going to hell.

[Wisconsin Beth]

May 11, 2012 14:33:55 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

As stated numerous times, I am a Christian. I believe in God and the teachings of the Bible. My faith is a big part of my life. But I've often wondered that, if I had kids and they didn't want to join me in church or in my beliefs, what would I do? Would I force them? Would I just back off? I have no idea. I'm interested in reading how others with children deal with this.

As a general rule, in my family (Catholic) and DH's family (Lutheran), you drag the kids to church on a regular basis until they turn 18 or get jobs that interfere with Mass/service times.

But it makes my Mom very happy to have any of her family at Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. My younger brother goes as part of his gift to Mom (and handles a lot of teasing about the roof falling in.)

[Firebird]

May 11, 2012 14:33:55 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

As stated numerous times, I am a Christian. I believe in God and the teachings of the Bible. My faith is a big part of my life. But I've often wondered that, if I had kids and they didn't want to join me in church or in my beliefs, what would I do? Would I force them? Would I just back off? I have no idea. I'm interested in reading how others with children deal with this.

I am always, always interested in reading about how religious people deal with this (which is why I posted the question). I have very strong feelings on the subject, but I also don't think there's any one right answer. It depends on the individual family.

I think it can be very damaging, and I think growing up feeling forced to believe in a certain religion was incredibly damaging to me personally, but I also try not to judge. Parents do what they feel is right, and that's all that can realistically be expected of them.

But it's fascinating to hear people's reasoning behind their decision, all the same.

[Peace Of Mind]

When my ex and I were parents to his little sister and son we wanted to give them some experiences with our church. I too am a half assed Catholic and so was he. We didn't push it down their throats but I feel all kids need to experience the teachings and fellowship churches offer. When they become adults they can chose what they want to do or be. I'd be the same way if I had my own kids. My current DH wasn't even baptized so I did feel he should be. I prefer to err on the safe side since I don't know "for sure" what is and isn't. I like the peace and teachings at some churches and don't like some at others. But we are both lazy so we don't even go that much. Sometimes our friends try to get us to join their churches or invite us for Christmas Eve or Easter. We rarely go, but if I had kids I'd go more often.

Hmmmm. Maybe that's why I never had kids! So we didn't have to get up early on Sunday!

[Firebird]

We do prayers at bedtime and have started extremely general discussions with DD. And since she's just hit the questioning stage, we try to answer her questions as best we can, based on our beliefs.

WB, if you feel like answering (and I hope it's clear that my questions do come from a place of curiosity, I have no intention of flaming or judging anyone), when you answer these questions do you make it clear to her that this is what you believe and that other people believe other things? Or will you, once she's older?

Also, how would you react if your kids decided they didn't want to be part of your religion?

[raeoflyte]

I want to give my kids the spiritual structure that dh and I have, but we're really lazy and so far haven't done much.

Once they're 7-8 they can go to church with any and all of their friends. That was a great way to realize what wasn't going to work for me, and I liked talking to my mom about all the different aspects of different churches.

If my mom wanted to take the kids to catholic mass that would be fine, since our church was *really* liberal.

[kgb18]

I believe in raising children with religion. DH and I are both Catholic so that's how we're raising our kids. This came up in the thread about cultural differences when I said I dated someone who was Muslim. I could have compromised if I had married someone of a different religion that at least shared some basic tenants, but two people with strong beliefs in two very, very different religions is hard to overcome.

That being said, DD is still very little, but I'm teaching her about other cultures and religions. I want her to understand that there are a lot of different beliefs out there and she should not be judgmental of people who believe differently. At Christmas time we were walking through Target and she just started randomly shouting out to other shoppers, "Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanza!" I was amused and a bit embarrassed at the same time.

[Abby Normal]

Both DH and I grew up with religious background, and is in fact how we met. However, we are raising the boys to decide for themselves. We don't attend church, but do have conversations about God and faith. We simply present it as "this is what we believe and why". We are raising them to be "morally just" but I hate the thought of brainwashing kids. I cringe when our nieces (DH's side) spit out some ultra religious phrase (at age 5) that they have no understanding of what they are saying. Of course, SIL hates it when our boys start talking science.

[Firebird]

Some people can't seem to get the concept that morals and religion really have nothing to do with one another.

That's because for some people, they are wholly inseparable. If you genuinely believe that morality/goodness comes from God/religion, I can appreciate that it's very difficult to teach your kid that one has nothing to do with the other.

I think the thing that makes this question so hard for religious people (at least, this is what would make it hard for me) is how do you teach what you believe to be truth to your child while still allowing them room to be their own people and believe only if they actually believe?

Most religious people I know truly believe their religion is objective truth. So teaching their kids to believe it is no different from teaching their kids to believe in gravity. It's just fact, and it would be irresponsible not to impart it.

Yet religion is NOT objective truth, and teaching it as though it is does children a big disservice IMO.

I don't envy anyone this dilemma.

[raeoflyte]

May 11, 2012 14:45:52 GMT -5 @tbird said:

and a true appreciation for stained glass and marble.

I still love to go to catholic churches, I just don't always want to stay for a service.

[Firebird]

I want her to be "raised with religion' so she is knowledgeable. You can't make a choice if you don't have the facts, IMO.

But how is she going to be able to make that choice if she only goes to one type of church? Or do you plan to take her to lots of different churches so she can make an informed decision?

[moon/Laura]

I just want to point out that religion has been the ONE topic that we don't allow anywhere but the religious discussions area.

This may well be moved there, and there are some very specific rules for that board. Please read them.

[Deleted]

DH and I were raised Catholic and are raising DS that way. We liked aspects of our religious education - focus on community, on knowing God through intellect, the ritual, etc. I also think it's important for children to learn how to be still, quiet, and polite even while bored out of their mind.

I also want to raise DS Catholic because it's pretty rare to see a Catholic raised child become crazy religious as an adult.

[Firebird]

We didn't push it down their throats but I feel all kids need to experience the teachings and fellowship churches offer.

Why?

[Wisconsin Beth]

May 11, 2012 14:45:09 GMT -5 Firebird said:

We do prayers at bedtime and have started extremely general discussions with DD. And since she's just hit the questioning stage, we try to answer her questions as best we can, based on our beliefs.

WB, if you feel like answering (and I hope it's clear that my questions do come from a place of curiosity, I have no intention of flaming or judging anyone), when you answer these questions do you make it clear to her that this is what you believe and that other people believe other things? Or will you, once she's older?

Yeah, we'll have to make that distinction because DH is Lutheran and I'm Catholic. While the majority of beliefs are similar, there are some differences. We try to alternate churches too or we divide and conquer. It's too hard to take 2 toddlers to church on my own.

Also, how would you react if your kids decided they didn't want to be part of your religion?

I don't know how I'd react. I'm Catholic, it's part of who I am and even when I wasn't attending church, I was still Catholic. It's like having green eyes for me. I can't really explain it. DH is Lutheran and agreed to have the kids Baptized Catholic. I'm not sure why he caved, to be honest. I know my Mom had a brief conversation with him and after that he decided on Catholic.

I don't know if this helps you any FB.

[Deleted]

did you all see Moon's post?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Also, how would you react if your kids decided they didn't want to be part of your religion?

I suppose it depends.

If she's running off to be the 5th wife in a FLDS commune or getting ready to drink the Kool aid before Halley's comet arrives then yeah I am going to have something to say about it.

But if she doesn't want to be Lutheran, doesn't want to be Presbyterian, doesn't want to be an athesit that is fine with me.

The only time my mom and I had it out is when I told her I was an atheist, that is the one time we strongly disagreed with each other. It's not a subject we bring up.

Otherwise she has never cared which way I leaned.

I was baptised as a Lutheran because back then the Catholic church wanted everyone to be Catholic and my dad refused to convert.

Lutheran church didn't care that my mom was Catholic, so they went with my dad's church instead.