Raising kids with religion: Yes or no?

[Bob Ross]

I think it'd be pretty funny to completely make up a new religion and then raise your kids with it just to see how long it takes for them to unscrew up themselves once they reach adulthood.

[sheilaincali]

I was raised Catholic and DH was raised Southern Baptist. We do not currently believe in organized religion. DS was baptized Catholic as a gift to my father but has never received his first communion or attended Sunday school (or CCD for those Catholics out there).
We do discuss religion frequently at home and why we believe the way we do. We strongly encourage DS to formulate his own opinions on religion.

DS' best friend's mom is a Lutheran Pastor and together we have had some of the most fascinating and well thought out discussions with him about religion. His mom's opinion is that her son should be free to explore and educate himself on all religions. That kid is very well informed and a fountain of information. He hasn't fully decided if Lutheran is what he is meant to be for the rest of his life.

Some days I wonder if I should raise DS with a stronger religious background but it's just so far out of line with our current beliefs that I can't bring myself to force him to go to church and try to find comfort in a place that is so uncomfortable for me. Hope that makes sense.

[Firebird]

Some days I wonder if I should raise DS with a stronger religious background but it's just so far out of line with our current beliefs that I can't bring myself to force him to go to church and try to find comfort in a place that is so uncomfortable for me. Hope that makes sense.

For me, it would be disingenuous to raise my children Christian for many reasons but this is close to the top of the list - it wouldn't reflect my own beliefs, and I feel deeply uncomfortable with the idea of bringing my kid to a place that's designed to teach them something is true when I don't believe it to be.

[Deleted]

tbird - U.S. Catholic nuns are a huge source of dissent in the Catholic church. The Pope went out of his way to slap them down recently. You'd be joining a hardcore, revolutionary movement.

[Firebird]

U.S. Catholic nuns are a huge source of dissent in the Catholic church. The Pope went out of his way to slap them down recently.

Really? Why?

[kgb18]

Karma for you. I applaud that approach. And your DD sounds very cute

Thank you!

kgb's daughter is absolutely adorable/gorgeous and you should see her rock her shades!

You're too kind. I think she's pretty adorable, but as I always say, I'm a little biased.

I would like to point out that being raised in a particular religion doesn't necessarily make you "brainwashed." I was raised and still am Catholic, but I can also think for myself. I have decided over the years that I don't agree with everything the Catholic church teaches (particular when it comes to issues of fertility and birth control).

I think it's fine to say you want a child to decide for him/herself, but if you don't expose them to some religion they'll likely never decide on any religion. My brother decided he was done with church years ago. The only clue my nephew has about God or church is when they're around for holidays or whatever and we all go to church and they don't. At Christmas the rest of us were getting ready for Mass and DN said, "That's stupid." But he didn't even know what was stupid. My mom said it was Jesus's birthday and his response was, "I don't even know her." My mom was pretty upset.

I just had a little talk with him and told him he didn't have to go to church, but that it wasn't nice to call it stupid because different people think it's important to do different things and you should never call someone else names or say what they think is stupid just because it's not how you feel.

Sorry, that got long!

[Deleted]

U.S. Catholic nuns are a huge source of dissent in the Catholic church. The Pope went out of his way to slap them down recently.

Really? Why?

The Pope is concerned that U.S. nuns are too focused on poverty and social justice issues rather than gay marriage, etc. The Pope is putting a priest in charge of the nuns.

A few years ago I had a conversation with a Marianist Brother who referred me to books written by a U.S. nun about gay Catholics, female priests, etc. There is a ton of debate. It's just under the radar of most people. Catholic nuns in the U.S. have a history of dissent and activism.

www.reuters.com/article/2012/04/20/us-usa-vatican-nuns-idUSBRE83J1B720120420

[whoisjohngalt]

Not yet, but yes, it will be with religion - 100% and feel very strongly about it

Lena

[Firebird]

I would like to point out that being raised in a particular religion doesn't necessarily make you "brainwashed."

I agree that there are ways to do it without brainwashing. However, in many cases the religion is taught as though it were objective truth, like gravity, and that can sometimes lead to brainwashing. It's very hard to "unlearn" things you learned as a child, even if you don't believe them anymore.

Hell is an easy example. When you grow up being told that God puts people who don't believe in him in hell as if it were fact and not opinion, it's awfully hard to reject that belief later even if intellectually you think it's ridiculous. There tends to be a part of you that holds on emotionally even if you don't want to - especially insofar as believing that YOU are probably headed for hell if you reject the belief in hell!

It can really be a vicious circle but I truly think it starts with presenting religious theory as fact to small children. Brainwashing is a strong word, a harsh one, but that's really what it is - that's what we'd call any other subjective belief instilled in an impressionable mind as though it were fact.

[Firebird]

I just had a little talk with him and told him he didn't have to go to church, but that it wasn't nice to call it stupid because different people think it's important to do different things and you should never call someone else names or say what they think is stupid just because it's not how you feel.



It should be the law to teach this little nugget to kids regardless of what other beliefs they might have.

[Deleted]

I was raised Roman Catholic. When I went away to college it was the beginning of a 25-year period outside organized religion. I had no use for their treatment of women. Eventually I found the Episcopal Church, which has very similar traditions but more encouragement to think, study and question. So I got back the beauity of the ritual, the occasional Latin motet, incense and women at the altar. I was home. DS was 6 when I joined and I realized that I could bring him up in that church in good conscience- basic Christian roots, encluragement to think and question, and tolerance.

God has a sense of humor. DS eventually got to the point where he wouldn't go to church and I didn't fight him- I think you need to pick your battles. He went to college and joined a conservative evangelical group. It suits him- I think he needs more structure.

I'm very glad I brought him up with some basic direction and some religious roots. Even though both of us have left the religions in which we were raised, it was a step in the right direction.

[raeoflyte]

May 11, 2012 17:18:44 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

U.S. Catholic nuns are a huge source of dissent in the Catholic church. The Pope went out of his way to slap them down recently.

Really? Why?

The Pope is concerned that U.S. nuns are too focused on poverty and social justice issues rather than gay marriage, etc. The Pope is putting a priest in charge of the nuns.

A few years ago I had a conversation with a Marianist Brother who referred me to books written by a U.S. nun about gay Catholics, female priests, etc. There is a ton of debate. It's just under the radar of most people. Catholic nuns in the U.S. have a history of dissent and activism.

www.reuters.com/article/2012/04/20/us-usa-vatican-nuns-idUSBRE83J1B720120420

I'm related to 5 nuns. 3 great aunts, and 2 cousins (probably my mom's cousins). I freaking LOVED them! Some of the funnest most intelligent women I've ever known. If I had grown up in the early 1900's with the choices of marry or join the convent--you bet I'd be in a convent too.

[raeoflyte]

May 11, 2012 17:31:54 GMT -5 Firebird said:

I agree that there are ways to do it without brainwashing. However, in many cases the religion is taught as though it were objective truth, like gravity, and that can sometimes lead to brainwashing. It's very hard to "unlearn" things you learned as a child, even if you don't believe them anymore.

I know this happens, and I had friends like that, but my mom taught me her beliefs while teaching me how to think for myself. I think sometimes she regrets that. I was never in trouble for asking any question, and she never acted like she or the church or even god had all of the answers.

[Sam_2.0]

Trent from the SD said something once that stuck with me. He said that the best thing people could do to influence society is to have kids, and to raise them to carry on the parents' beliefs (I am grossly paraphrasing).

[findingdeadbeats]

May 11, 2012 16:14:02 GMT -5 Firebird said:

Some days I wonder if I should raise DS with a stronger religious background but it's just so far out of line with our current beliefs that I can't bring myself to force him to go to church and try to find comfort in a place that is so uncomfortable for me. Hope that makes sense.

For me, it would be disingenuous to raise my children Christian for many reasons but this is close to the top of the list - it wouldn't reflect my own beliefs, and I feel deeply uncomfortable with the idea of bringing my kid to a place that's designed to teach them something is true when I don't believe it to be.

I completely agree. I have always been atheist. When we first moved to a rural area people suggested we find a church so that we could belong in the community. I would find nothing more disingenuous than to go to a church with people and pretend to believe in something I clearly do not.

[Deleted]

May 11, 2012 22:11:38 GMT -5 @findingdeadbeats said:

I completely agree. I have always been atheist. When we first moved to a rural area people suggested we find a church so that we could belong in the community. I would find nothing more disingenuous than to go to a church with people and pretend to believe in something I clearly do not.

I agree with you- it was one of the reasons I stayed out of organized religion for so long- I wasn't going to pretend something just so I could sit in a pew somewhere. I think that if you did it with some notion that it was good for the kids, they'd see right through it.

[Deleted]

Raising your children in your own beliefs is not 'brainwashing". That is ridiculous.

[Deleted]

May 11, 2012 22:11:38 GMT -5 @findingdeadbeats said:

May 11, 2012 16:14:02 GMT -5 Firebird said:

Some days I wonder if I should raise DS with a stronger religious background but it's just so far out of line with our current beliefs that I can't bring myself to force him to go to church and try to find comfort in a place that is so uncomfortable for me. Hope that makes sense.

For me, it would be disingenuous to raise my children Christian for many reasons but this is close to the top of the list - it wouldn't reflect my own beliefs, and I feel deeply uncomfortable with the idea of bringing my kid to a place that's designed to teach them something is true when I don't believe it to be.

I completely agree. I have always been atheist. When we first moved to a rural area people suggested we find a church so that we could belong in the community. I would find nothing more disingenuous than to go to a church with people and pretend to believe in something I clearly do not.

Well, obviously, if you don't believe, you don't go.

[Firebird]

shooby- again, I only consider it brainwashing if the beliefs are presented as uncontested truth/fact. I think if parents present their beliefs AS their beliefs, while making sure the kids know there are plenty of other valid faiths out there, then it's not brainwashing.

[Deleted]

I don't think many parents are going to try to convince their kids to believe something they don't believe. But, if i want to teach my children "Hell" as a fact, that is my perogative to do so.

[Deleted]

May 11, 2012 22:11:38 GMT -5 @findingdeadbeats said:

May 11, 2012 16:14:02 GMT -5 Firebird said:

Some days I wonder if I should raise DS with a stronger religious background but it's just so far out of line with our current beliefs that I can't bring myself to force him to go to church and try to find comfort in a place that is so uncomfortable for me. Hope that makes sense.

For me, it would be disingenuous to raise my children Christian for many reasons but this is close to the top of the list - it wouldn't reflect my own beliefs, and I feel deeply uncomfortable with the idea of bringing my kid to a place that's designed to teach them something is true when I don't believe it to be.

I completely agree. I have always been atheist. When we first moved to a rural area people suggested we find a church so that we could belong in the community. I would find nothing more disingenuous than to go to a church with people and pretend to believe in something I clearly do not.

Well said, both of you.
I struggled with this as well and I did join a church because I felt it was a good move socially and for my children. I wanted to believe I was doing the right thing but my mind and my Spock like analysis of the daily happenings in the church and the church school left me with far too many either unanswered or unsatisfied questions and left me feeling quite hypocritical. So we left and have not looked back, it was an interesting experience.

[TheOtherMe]

My sister raised her four children in the Lutheran church. They are no ages 21-33. As of now, none attends church although her daughter (age 33) was married in the Lutheran church.

My sister is broken hearted that her son is marrying this summer without any kind of religion in the ceremony.

She keeps hoping that as they get older, they will return to the church.

[shelby]

May 11, 2012 14:36:12 GMT -5 movingforward said:

I think it is better to focus on raising children with morals as opposed to focusing just on religion. Some people can't seem to get the concept that morals and religion really have nothing to do with one another. IMO people should expose their children to different types of religion and also let them know they have the right "to not believe." To me people should be equipped with enough knowledge to know why they do or do not believe in something as opposed to just being either brainwashed to believe a certain way and/or because they ignorant on the subject.

I like this a lot and how I feel as well. I would like to expose my children to the good aspects of church and community giving and sharing of ideas. But I do have a problem with the fear and guilting children into a certain way of believing as SOME churches do.

[Deleted]

May 12, 2012 11:15:22 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

My sister raised her four children in the Lutheran church. They are no ages 21-33. As of now, none attends church although her daughter (age 33) was married in the Lutheran church.

My sister is broken hearted that her son is marrying this summer without any kind of religion in the ceremony.

She keeps hoping that as they get older, they will return to the church.

As a mother I think I would be happy just to see them get married as so many chose not to bother these days.
If your children are happy and healthy then perhaps just be happy for them?

[Deleted]

May 12, 2012 11:25:33 GMT -5 shelby said:

May 11, 2012 14:36:12 GMT -5 movingforward said:

I think it is better to focus on raising children with morals as opposed to focusing just on religion. Some people can't seem to get the concept that morals and religion really have nothing to do with one another. IMO people should expose their children to different types of religion and also let them know they have the right "to not believe." To me people should be equipped with enough knowledge to know why they do or do not believe in something as opposed to just being either brainwashed to believe a certain way and/or because they ignorant on the subject.

I like this a lot and how I feel as well. I would like to expose my children to the good aspects of church and community giving and sharing of ideas. But I do have a problem with the fear and guilting children into a certain way of believing as SOME churches do.

I agree.

[cronewitch]

I was sent to Sunday School but parents didn't go to Church. I think kids should be exposed to some education but then allowed to think for themselves. Mom didn't tell me she believed in God until she was old, I don't know if Dad believed.

My little brother's children never went to churches except his son when he was about 5. The church gave him nightmares so they didn't have him keep going or ever send his little sister. Now the sister's daughter told her she had never been to church, I think she heard about church from friends.

My other brother is strongly in favor of church, all his kids are too except one. The kids grew up with all their friends in the church youth groups and now raising their kids the same way. The church is the entire social life for adults and children, they seem very happy with it.

[TheOtherMe]

May 12, 2012 11:26:52 GMT -5 @joey said:

May 12, 2012 11:15:22 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

My sister raised her four children in the Lutheran church. They are no ages 21-33. As of now, none attends church although her daughter (age 33) was married in the Lutheran church.

My sister is broken hearted that her son is marrying this summer without any kind of religion in the ceremony.

She keeps hoping that as they get older, they will return to the church.

As a mother I think I would be happy just to see them get married as so many chose not to bother these days.
If your children are happy and healthy then perhaps just be happy for them?

I'm sure she is happy the adult children are happy and healthy. The couple that are getting married this summer are living together. They are only getting married because both sets of parents convinced them it's better for their children to have married parents. My niece (the 33 year old) isn't happy because mom and dad would not contribute one penny to her wedding if she lived with her now hubby, yet they are contributing to her bother's wedding.

[swamp]

May 11, 2012 16:41:54 GMT -5 Firebird said:

U.S. Catholic nuns are a huge source of dissent in the Catholic church. The Pope went out of his way to slap them down recently.

Really? Why?

Because they're treated as second class citizens. They apcant say mass or administer the sacraments, and they can't be a part of the church hierarchy.

[Deleted]

I think there are a lot more believers than church goers. I think the generation of today doesn't really view church as a necessity or in the same way as older generations. I don' t think it is the social gathering place so much anymore. Maybe for some. But, i think most people worship at the church of their kids' sports leagues. That seems to be where everyone is.

[Tennesseer]

May 12, 2012 17:43:47 GMT -5 swamp said:

May 11, 2012 16:41:54 GMT -5 Firebird said:

U.S. Catholic nuns are a huge source of dissent in the Catholic church. The Pope went out of his way to slap them down recently.

Really? Why?

Because they're treated as second class citizens. They apcant say mass or administer the sacraments, and they can't be a part of the church hierarchy.

Many of the nuns also were cited for spending too much time promoting social justice issues such as the right to abortion and supporting gay rights issues. The Church was not happy the nuns/sisters were not promoting church doctrine.

A classmate of mine entered the religious life/convent right out of high school. Years later she was removed from religious life by the Catholic powers-that-be because she was an outspoken critic of the church's stand on abortion. She helped poor women secure abortions.