Taking your husband's last name

[Deleted]

May 11, 2012 13:37:05 GMT -5 swamp said:

May 11, 2012 13:35:14 GMT -5 lynnerself said:

Maybe a dumb question.
When you didn't take your husbands name, how did they announce you at the end of the ceremony?
You know the "I now present Mr. and Mrs So and So".

Swamp and Joe.

yeah, but you were Swamp and Joe before the ceremony...

[Miss Tequila]

"Thinking about it, among my group of friends it's actually rare for the woman to change last names. "

Hmmm...I think all of my local friends changed their names...and most of them got married much later than me. They are all professionals but still opted to take their husband's name. Even at the firm I just left, it was very rare for a women not to have her husband's last name.

[Sum Dum Gai]

It is 2012. If you know the grave site of this 1400's relative, dig them up and DNA test.

To actually be sure I'm directly descended I'd have to dig up every single father, grand father, great grand father, great great grand father, etc., etc. going all the way back for over a thousand years. If one single woman lied at any point in that chain, I'm not a biological descendant of the family who bore my name way back when.

[swamp]

May 11, 2012 13:41:31 GMT -5 midjd said:

I guess I'm pretentious.

Nah. It's mostly when the straight-out-of-law-school kids use Esq. that it's pretentious.

I think I do it because I have a general gmail type account for work, so you wouldn't know from the email that it came from a lawfirm, so I clarify in the actual email.

Or I'm just pretentious. Take your pick.

[Miss Tequila]

"yeah, but you were Swamp and Joe before the ceremony... "

I was Tina before the ceremony, too...I didn't change my first name...not that I would have minded...do you know there is a song Tight Twat Tina?? Try living with that through high school!

[swamp]

May 11, 2012 13:42:59 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

May 11, 2012 13:41:31 GMT -5 midjd said:

Nah. It's mostly when the straight-out-of-law-school kids use Esq. that it's pretentious.

No, It is pretentious. Swamp wants to make sure all the people she emails about wiring money to her because she is lost in London, know that she is better than them.

By teh way, I'm still waiting for my check from you, bucko.

[swamp]

May 11, 2012 13:43:10 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

May 11, 2012 13:37:05 GMT -5 swamp said:

Swamp and Joe.

yeah, but you were Swamp and Joe before the ceremony...

And we're still swamp and joe....................

I think at the receiption we were introduced as "The married couple, Swamp and Joe."

They may have called me "Mrs. Black" at the church. I don't remember.

[Deleted]

May 11, 2012 13:44:41 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

"yeah, but you were Swamp and Joe before the ceremony... "

I was Tina before the ceremony, too...I didn't change my first name...not that I would have minded...do you know there is a song Tight Twat Tina?? Try living with that through high school!

must... refrain... from... making... joke... at... Tina's... expense....

[Peace Of Mind]

DH wanted me to take his last name but it wasn't a deal breaker. Alicia - That part would really bother me, to be honest. I didn't really like DH's name as much as my own, but I don't hate it either. I only had to change the first 3 letters so it was no big deal. I don't think I know anybody in RL who didn't take their husband's last name. Even lawyers and doctors take their husband's last name, but may still use their maiden name if they were already established and were too cheap to change signs and letterhead. LOL! And some hyphenated it or just used their maiden name as their middle name and dropped their original one.

[Miss Tequila]

Jen, lol!!!

[Sum Dum Gai]

Which proves genetics didn't matter.

It actually proves the opposite. Bastards were stripped of their family name and any claim to the family titles or lands. They were pretty big on that whole blood descent thing, even though they had no real way to prove it. Basically if your kid was a shit, you could bribe somebody into claiming he nailed your wife, torture her until she confessed, and completely disown your kid.

[lynnerself]

My DB's first wife kept his last name after the divorce and then had a kid with some guy who didn't stay in the picture. She gave this kid her (and my brother's) last name. Caused all kinds of issues for DB when social agencies got involved.

[Sum Dum Gai]

And yet so many property owners were complete bastards.....how did come to pass?

Just good luck I guess.

[Mardi Gras Audrey]

I think it would say a lot to me if my DH made a name change a dealbreaker. Especially since it is something that the man could do. If he was not willing to do it himself (and change to my last name or a new one) but I am supposed to do that for him, that makes him a jerk, IMHO. You won't marry me because I won't do something that you yourself won't do? Fine, I'll take my maiden name and go home...

It would indicate that he will probably behave like that during the marriage and I don't need that kind of aggravation. Don't ask/expect someone to do something that you will not do yourself (I use this as a general rule in life)...

[lynnerself]

May 11, 2012 13:47:12 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

I don't think I know anybody in RL who didn't take their husband's last name. Even lawyers and doctors take their husband's last name, but may still use their maiden name if they were already established and were too cheap to change signs and letterhead.

All of the women doctors I work for (5 of them) have different names than their husbands.

[movingforward]

"Especially since it is something that the man could do. If he was not willing to do it himself (and change to my last name or a new one) but I am supposed to do that for him, that makes him a jerk, IMHO. You won't marry me because I won't do something that you yourself won't do? Fine, I'll take my maiden name and go home... "

[Cookies Galore]

May 11, 2012 13:43:12 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

"Thinking about it, among my group of friends it's actually rare for the woman to change last names. "

Hmmm...I think all of my local friends changed their names...and most of them got married much later than me. They are all professionals but still opted to take their husband's name. Even at the firm I just left, it was very rare for a women not to have her husband's last name.

I guess I shouldn't say rare, but it's not as common with friends as opposed to family members or acquaintances. I guess we're a bunch liberated bra burner or something. Or indifferent.

[Deleted]

May 11, 2012 13:49:22 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

Which proves genetics didn't matter.

It actually proves the opposite. Bastards were stripped of their family name and any claim to the family titles or lands. They were pretty big on that whole blood descent thing, even though they had no real way to prove it. Basically if your kid was a shit, you could bribe somebody into claiming he nailed your wife, torture her until she confessed, and completely disown your kid.

No, it proves that even if you were genetically the son of some rich guy, it didn't matter, if people thought you were a bastard.

If you actaully weren't genetically the son of a rich bastard, but people thought you were, you would be treated as such.


So only the name matters, not the genetics.

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"When you didn't take your husbands name, how did they announce you at the end of the ceremony?":::...

I think it was "introducing <WWBG First name> & <DW First name> for the first time as man and wife". I was so giddy I wasn't really paying attention.

While we're talking about pretentiousness, a co-worker started putting "Ph.D expected <N years later>" on his resume pretty much the moment he was accepted into the program.

[bean29]

May 11, 2012 12:50:52 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

This has come up at work a couple of times. My boss stated that when he got married about 25 years ago, he requested that his wife NOT hyphenate. He didn't care whose name she had but he thought hyphenating was a bad idea that would lead to lots of incorrect paperwork. Keep in mind this the late 80s in the Midwest. Yep, she hyphenated and had nothing but paperwork issues (apparently still does.)

I hyphenated in the early 80's. DH had no problem with it, but he did want me to do it the Mexican way - which is to put your DH's last name next to your first name. I am very sorry I did not do it that way b/c for almost our entire marriage I have carried the family health insurance and if they can't match up the last name the insurance can get rejected.

DH is thinking about changing his first name (too ethnic) he uses a nickname for business. If he changes his first name legally, I just might change my last name to be what he recommended originally.

[Apple]

I knew a girl who had a child with her BF, but didn't want to get the baby's birth certificate until they were married so they'd all have the same last name. Ummm.... on the birth certificate the mother puts her MAIDEN name, so I don't get what that issue was about.

[Sum Dum Gai]

So only the name matters, not the genetics.

OK, now I got ya. Yeah, I guess you're right. At the time they really had no way to know, so if the father insisted the kid was his, they went with it. If he insisted the kid wasn't, the kid was disowned.

[Bob Ross]

Personally, I could give a rat's ass about who takes or keeps who's name (I will say that hyphenating is hella stupid though).

However, I do think people who get all smug and pretentious about titles and so-called "accomplishments" should be punched in the fleshy patch.

Did you solve world hunger or cure cancer? No? Then STFU already. No one cares that you got your Ph-Drunk at Arizona State or are the youngest person to be promoted to middle management at Dr. Scholls.

[Deleted]

Man, I'm late to the thread again.

re: lawyers
When I worked at a law firm, they told me that you always refer to the other lawyer as Esq. but not yourself. JD is the credential by the way (I always thought esquire meant land owner - I don't know where this weird circle jerk among attorneys who passed the bar originated - MDs don't get special titles when they pass their licensure exam). Same with that "Honorable" nonsense.

re: doctorates
As I am currently busting my behind to attain this particular honorific... I don't think I would correct anyone who called me Ms. Crafty instead of Dr. Crafty (with the exception of my old shrew of a boss - I have fantasties about making just such a correction with her, but I own the douchebaggery behind that one). But I *WILL* be Dr. Crafty - so if I am paying a DJ and giving him a written script with which to make introductions, he better read the dang list correctly and not call me Mrs. Crafty. (My preference would be to be called Sarah, but still...)

re: engagement ring ransom notes
WWBG, I am assuming you meant that you should have offered DW a modest ring and offered to upgrade to giant ring if she took your name?
But if you really think you should have made it a dealbreaker, I just don't get that. Even if a name change is really important to someone, I can't see it ever being of equal weight to choosing your life partner.

[lynnerself]

I got married during my undergraduate college .
All my records say
First name, middle name, maiden name, married name.

[Deleted]

May 11, 2012 14:06:13 GMT -5 Bob Ross said:

Personally, I could give a rat's ass about who takes or keeps who's name (I will say that hyphenating is hella stupid though).

However, I do think people who get all smug and pretentious about titles and so-called "accomplishments" should be punched in the fleshy patch.

Did you solve world hunger or cure cancer? No? Then STFU already. No one cares that you got your Ph-Drunk at Arizona State or are the youngest person to be promoted to middle management at Dr. Scholls.

LOLZ!

[Deleted]

If she keeps her last name, can I keep my money when we divorce? Seems only fair if we are going to break down traditional barriers that we truly put both people on equal footing (some states do this more than others).

[savecents]

Kept my name for professional reasons, DH didn't care. Kids are getting his name, we're not going to hyphenate. That can get difficult a generation down if they marry another hyphenate name and have kids:"Jennifer Smith-Jones-Baker-Brown." I've seen it.

[Peace Of Mind]

Oh hell yeah, if I had an awesome title it would be with my name here! Hmmm. Dr. POM or POM, Ph.d... How does it look?

[movingforward]

May 11, 2012 14:12:28 GMT -5 @mmc said:

If she keeps her last name, can I keep my money when we divorce? Seems only fair if we are going to break down traditional barriers that we truly put both people on equal footing (some states do this more than others).

Sure, you keep yours and she keeps hers. Seems fair to me...