How expensive can a divorce be

[quotequeen]

May 10, 2012 16:05:26 GMT -5 Taxman10 said:

May 10, 2012 15:38:01 GMT -5 The J said:

Taxman -- this board is subject to the same pg-13 guidelines as the rest of the forum. Cross the line again and you earn yourself time off.

For everyone else, the fact that this is an off-topic board does not mean that threads are free to simply turn into EE-style sex chats.

-- The mOd of YM

as I recall, aren't you the guy who used to go around spanking people?? giving them "j'ings"

He wasn't a mod on the old board and it didn't have the same code of conduct as proboards.

[Taxman10]

May 10, 2012 16:04:43 GMT -5 Firebird said:

Look, it's just a personal preference. I don't like to read graphic sex talk, especially when I'm at work. That's why I avoid such threads, and it gets a little frustrating when they are interwoven into threads like this one.

The talk about fertility cycles and condom tampering is legit because that directly relates to the subject at hand. But offering each other BJs and talking about the merits of different kinds of p*rn is going a little too far, IMO.

Yes i agree...this thread has many great merits that need to be discussed.

Like why the heck we can't find carl a good divorce lawyer already??

[Taxman10]

May 10, 2012 16:06:53 GMT -5 quotequeen said:

May 10, 2012 16:05:26 GMT -5 Taxman10 said:

as I recall, aren't you the guy who used to go around spanking people?? giving them "j'ings"

He wasn't a mod on the old board and it didn't have the same code of conduct as proboards.

he was giving them here too though, when he was a mod

[Deleted]

Ok I will try to see if I can answer some of those questions:

- We are talking about counseling; will see if that helps.

- I have been with my wife since we were 19, so no it was not a surprise that she wanted kids early. But you know what, when you graduate at 25 with 125k student loans and your first job is paying 42k in a HCOLA I believe we can agree that some changes need to be made to your plan.

- SAHM: I am a worrier by nature and knowing that our family livelihood is all on me and if my job is gone we are SOL is not going to help with my stress level. So yes there is some comfort in knowing that if push come to shove we could easily live off her income or mine (job loss, injury, etc). More power to the men that can handle it but "job security" is something that neither my wife nor I have... So in my head it is not "if" one of us loses our job but "when".

Not sure what else...
- sex: never been an issue in our relationship (heck we still had sex on saturday and Sunday night, yes condoms were used)

- she is not selfish but more so Frustrated. Not sure how to put it. She had this idea in her head that at 25 she will be at a certain point, 27 this, etc: settle down, kids, living the good life etc. Life would be perfect. She did not envision having 105k student loans left to pay, only making 43k/year, and having to live on a budget per say. A kid is the only part of her dream/fantasy that she can control or make become reality at this point and I guess she wants it bad.

- I don't know what she shared with her mom but she just informed me that her mom is going to lend us the 6k to pay off the credit card debt and we can just pay her back in one lump sum when we have it or can pay it back.

[The J]

I was posting emoticons which are still available. This was before proboards told us that we had to comply with a pg-13 guideline or have our forum deleted.

However, that is irrelevant to the fact that you have been told repeatedly, both here and on EE, what the guidelines are for posting.

You know what the guidelines are. You choose to ignore and violate them repeatedly. You do so again, you take time off. It's pretty simple and straightforward.

-- The mOd of YM

[emma1420]

As others have mentioned I would really encourage counseling.

While I don't think that anyone should be pushed into having a baby before they are ready, at the same women have limited biological clocks. And while many women do have children after the age of 30, 35, and 40, there are just as many women especially as they get into their 30's who really struggle. And so I get a woman becoming really concerned about that, especially if she is concerned that her fertility may be in question in her 20's.

Not that makes the breach of trust any better. But, in this case I think that for this to work there has to be some sort of middle ground. Drawing a line the sand about waiting to someone who may be terrified that their ability to have children may be dimishing simply won't work.

[Opti]

Tax, this isn't EE nor the early days when Moon felt we could push the PB boundaries with a bit more safety. I'm not sure what track we should return to, but it is possible to discuss this in a more YM manner than say a Dallas or Taxman free for all.

Could you please try to chill?

[quotequeen]

May 10, 2012 16:11:11 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

- I don't know what she shared with her mom but she just informed me that her mom is going to lend us the 6k to pay off the credit card debt and we can just pay her back in one lump sum when we have it or can pay it back.

Is that really going to help anything? Will you feel better about the financial situation because you owe the 6k to her mom instead?

[Deleted]

Carl, you'll still owe somebody $6k if her Mom loans it to you and Mrs to pay of the credit card debt. Frankly, if I were in your situation, I'd rather owe a bank than her Mom.

[Taxman10]

May 10, 2012 16:12:26 GMT -5 The J said:

I was posting emoticons which are still available. This was before proboards told us that we had to comply with a pg-13 guideline or have our forum deleted.

However, that is irrelevant to the fact that you have been told repeatedly, both here and on EE, what the guidelines are for posting.

You know what the guidelines are. You choose to ignore and violate them repeatedly. You do so again, you take time off. It's pretty simple and straightforward.

-- The mOd of YM

I often get confused with all the legalease....

[Taxman10]

May 10, 2012 16:15:03 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Carl, you'll still owe somebody $6k if her Mom loans it to you and Mrs to pay of the credit card debt. Frankly, if I were in your situation, I'd rather owe a bank than her Mom.

i agree. especially with your cazy family. keep paying the bank.

[Taxman10]

May 10, 2012 16:14:46 GMT -5 Opti said:

Tax, this isn't EE nor the early days when Moon felt we could push the PB boundaries with a bit more safety. I'm not sure what track we should return to, but it is possible to discuss this in a more YM manner than say a Dallas or Taxman free for all.

Could you please try to chill?

I"m trying to get this thing back on track.

J - what would you charge carl to handle his divorce??

that is the topic of the thread btw...

[NancysSummerSip]

Ok I will try to see if I can answer some of those questions:

- We are talking about counseling; will see if that helps.

- I have been with my wife since we were 19, so no it was not a surprise that she wanted kids early. But you know what, when you graduate at 25 with 125k student loans and your first job is paying 42k in a HCOLA I believe we can agree that some changes need to be made to your plan.

- SAHM: I am a worrier by nature and knowing that our family livelihood is all on me and if my job is gone we are SOL is not going to help with my stress level. So yes there is some comfort in knowing that if push come to shove we could easily live off her income or mine (job loss, injury, etc). More power to the men that can handle it but "job security" is something that neither my wife nor I have... So in my head it is not "if" one of us loses our job but "when".

Not sure what else...
- sex: never been an issue in our relationship (heck we still had sex on saturday and Sunday night, yes condoms were used)

- she is not selfish but more so Frustrated. Not sure how to put it. She had this idea in her head that at 25 she will be at a certain point, 27 this, etc: settle down, kids, living the good life etc. Life would be perfect. She did not envision having 105k student loans left to pay, only making 43k/year, and having to live on a budget per say. A kid is the only part of her dream/fantasy that she can control or make become reality at this point and I guess she wants it bad.

- I don't know what she shared with her mom but she just informed me that her mom is going to lend us the 6k to pay off the credit card debt and we can just pay her back in one lump sum when we have it or can pay it back.

Good, Carl. Progress. That last one, though....strings attached to that loan? Just curious. And knowing you, you will pay it back to the last penny. Good thing that it would likely be without interest, unlike your CC debt. But make sure this is not a same-crap-different-pile situation before you take the money.

[Sum Dum Gai]

Frankly, if I were in your situation, I'd rather owe a bank than her Mom.

Seriously dude, read this a couple times and really think about it. Would you rather owe a faceless bank that's going to charge interest, or your mother in law who won't, but will feel more entitled to meddle in your personal lives because you owe her the money?

I do see one upside to taking the money from family though, word will get around to the rest of the family that you guys are struggling and had to bailed out by parents (or that's the version the family will hear anyway) so hopefully they'll stop hitting you up for money.

[quotequeen]

May 10, 2012 16:17:57 GMT -5 Taxman10 said:

May 10, 2012 16:14:46 GMT -5 Opti said:

Tax, this isn't EE nor the early days when Moon felt we could push the PB boundaries with a bit more safety. I'm not sure what track we should return to, but it is possible to discuss this in a more YM manner than say a Dallas or Taxman free for all.

Could you please try to chill?

I"m trying to get this thing back on track.

J - what would you charge carl to handle his divorce??

that is the topic of the thread btw...

So why wouldn't you ask Swamp who is also in NY and has actually handled a divorce in her life?

[Deleted]

May 10, 2012 15:50:23 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

In 14 years of marriage, I've never went more than 4 days without sex with my partner. How do you fellas go months?

Have her push an 8.5 pound baby out of there then see if she'll let you go to town 4 days later.

Pushing out would probably be the easy part - how ever would I get a 8.5lb baby in there?

[justme]

May 10, 2012 16:18:31 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

Frankly, if I were in your situation, I'd rather owe a bank than her Mom.

Seriously dude, read this a couple times and really think about it. Would you rather owe a faceless bank that's going to charge interest, or your mother in law who won't, but will feel more entitled to meddle in your personal lives because you owe her the money?

Especially if she had knowledge of what her daughter was doing and kept mum "for the grandkids" or something.

[Deleted]

May 10, 2012 16:18:31 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

Frankly, if I were in your situation, I'd rather owe a bank than her Mom.

Seriously dude, read this a couple times and really think about it. Would you rather owe a faceless bank that's going to charge interest, or your mother in law who won't, but will feel more entitled to meddle in your personal lives because you owe her the money?

I do see one upside to taking the money from family though, word will get around to the rest of the family that you guys are struggling and had to bailed out by parents (or that's the version the family will hear anyway) so hopefully they'll stop hitting you up for money.

Let her mom take Carl to Judge Judy to get the money back.

[Sum Dum Gai]

Pushing out would probably be the easy part - how ever would I get a 8.5lb baby in there?

Stupid abstinence only sex ed... I hate having to be the one giving this talk.

When two people love each other very much they decide to share a special hug... etc., etc.... yadda... yadda... and finally after nine months of misery she pushes the screaming spawn forth cursing your name while it happens. The end.

Any other questions?

[Firebird]

- I have been with my wife since we were 19, so no it was not a surprise that she wanted kids early. But you know what, when you graduate at 25 with 125k student loans and your first job is paying 42k in a HCOLA I believe we can agree that some changes need to be made to your plan.

You and I certainly can. You and her, maybe not.

More power to the men that can handle it but "job security" is something that neither my wife nor I have... So in my head it is not "if" one of us loses our job but "when".

That's totally fine, cawiau. Only don't be surprised when she tries to get you to be the sole provider anyway after she has kids. I'd be stunned if she were ready to leap up and go back to work after your kid's first birthday.

A kid is the only part of her dream/fantasy that she can control or make become reality at this point and I guess she wants it bad.

And I sympathize. I really do. I wanted a baby with DH pretty much the second we were married. It was just lucky he happened to feel the same way and we were in a place where we could (technically, debatably) handle it okay from a financial perspective.

But there are serious economic realities that she has to face. That's part of being a grown-up. Easy for me to say, yes. That doesn't mean it's not true.

[andi9899]

May 10, 2012 16:17:01 GMT -5 Taxman10 said:

May 10, 2012 16:15:03 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Carl, you'll still owe somebody $6k if her Mom loans it to you and Mrs to pay of the credit card debt. Frankly, if I were in your situation, I'd rather owe a bank than her Mom.

i agree. especially with your cazy family. keep paying the bank.

[Opti]

May 10, 2012 16:11:11 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Ok I will try to see if I can answer some of those questions:

- We are talking about counseling; will see if that helps.

- I have been with my wife since we were 19, so no it was not a surprise that she wanted kids early. But you know what, when you graduate at 25 with 125k student loans and your first job is paying 42k in a HCOLA I believe we can agree that some changes need to be made to your plan.

- SAHM: I am a worrier by nature and knowing that our family livelihood is all on me and if my job is gone we are SOL is not going to help with my stress level. So yes there is some comfort in knowing that if push come to shove we could easily live off her income or mine (job loss, injury, etc). More power to the men that can handle it but "job security" is something that neither my wife nor I have... So in my head it is not "if" one of us loses our job but "when".

Not sure what else...
- sex: never been an issue in our relationship (heck we still had sex on saturday and Sunday night, yes condoms were used)

- she is not selfish but more so Frustrated. Not sure how to put it. She had this idea in her head that at 25 she will be at a certain point, 27 this, etc: settle down, kids, living the good life etc. Life would be perfect. She did not envision having 105k student loans left to pay, only making 43k/year, and having to live on a budget per say. A kid is the only part of her dream/fantasy that she can control or make become reality at this point and I guess she wants it bad.

- I don't know what she shared with her mom but she just informed me that her mom is going to lend us the 6k to pay off the credit card debt and we can just pay her back in one lump sum when we have it or can pay it back.

I totally understand the fear of a one income household and a stay at home parent so more power to those who have the jobs and ability to do so. Perhaps banking a certain amount would help at least a little with that.

As for the life plan by ages, the sooner you realize your plan is going to go off the rails and what you had planned and what you are living are different - the better IMO. For me, putting goals with ages has been counter-productive and has caused problems. For some people it may inspire them, but I think a happier life is about getting to most of the goals you want more than needing to hit them at an arbitary time. Maybe counseling could help with that?

It reads like you think there will eventually be a meeting of minds and goals. I hope it all works out.

[Taxman10]

May 10, 2012 16:19:45 GMT -5 quotequeen said:

May 10, 2012 16:17:57 GMT -5 Taxman10 said:

I"m trying to get this thing back on track.

J - what would you charge carl to handle his divorce??

that is the topic of the thread btw...

So why wouldn't you ask Swamp who is also in NY and has actually handled a divorce in her life?

I thought swamp answered what she'd charge on like the first page didn't she??

i want to know if J is cheaper...you know "YM" - save some money!

ETA: Oh yeah, and Swamp won't talk to me....so i couldn't ask her

[Firebird]

And so I get a woman becoming really concerned about that, especially if she is concerned that her fertility may be in question in her 20's.

Which is why it would make sense for her to really buckle down on those financial goals so that she can hurry up and get to their stated place of financial readiness - no consumer debt and $15k in savings. If shopping is a higher priority, fine, but then she has no right to turn around and cry that she wanted a baby MORE THAN ANYTHING when clearly that's not the case.

[quotequeen]

Or you're just trying to . Government lawyers aren't usually allowed to take on private clients on their own.

[Firebird]

Seriously dude, read this a couple times and really think about it. Would you rather owe a faceless bank that's going to charge interest, or your mother in law who won't, but will feel more entitled to meddle in your personal lives because you owe her the money?

x 100,000,000

[Sum Dum Gai]

If shopping is a higher priority, fine, but then she has no right to turn around and cry that she wanted a baby MORE THAN ANYTHING when clearly that's not the case.

DING! DING! DING! Give the woman a cookie!

If her biological clock was really ticking and she wanted a baby more than anything she wouldn't be bitching about the slightly crappy apartment in order to save the money they'd need to have one.

[Taxman10]

May 10, 2012 16:25:31 GMT -5 quotequeen said:

Or you're just trying to . Government lawyers aren't usually allowed to take on private clients on their own.

Oh really?? wow, i learn something new everyday.

that's why i come to YM - to learn something new.

at least i'm not:

;D

[Angel!]

May 10, 2012 16:15:03 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Carl, you'll still owe somebody $6k if her Mom loans it to you and Mrs to pay of the credit card debt. Frankly, if I were in your situation, I'd rather owe a bank than her Mom.

Owing her mom helps nothing & just gets her mom more involved in your lives.

[Peace Of Mind]

I remember Mrs. C wanting a baby so she could shop for him/her. Carl told us that once and he was freaking out. So she is probably thinking she would get a twofer.

The J - Miss you!