How expensive can a divorce be

[Deleted]

If you don't care to fight for anything?

- As in she keeps everything in the apartment (living room/dining room/bedroom set and all the crap in it)
- she keeps her car, I keep mine
- she keeps her 401k (14k) and I keep mine (20k)
- current savings will be used to pay off the joint credit card /close account and she can keep the rest (2k)
- I keep my student loans and she keep hers.

Basically really nothing to fight over and I just want my clothes and laptop, heck she can keep them if she want to.

[Deleted]

carl, what is going on?

it is better to talk to someone in real life, but even so, talk to someone, I know you are in a new area and may not know people but pick up the phone and call someone you trust

[gavinsnana]

Depends. If its agreeable and no kids, no property.. you can get it cheap or even do it yourself.

[Deleted]

Carl, trust me, divorces can get VERY expensive. Because too often people get angry, and ugly, and twisted, and they want revenge.

No financial advice, just very sorry you are hurting so badly.

[Sum Dum Gai]

Dude. When you first talked about your new position several people mentioned that doing the long distance thing was hell on a marriage and they'd seen plenty of people divorce over it. You said there was no way that would ever happen to you guys. I think at one point you said you'd give up the promotion and the job before you'd lose your wife. That was only a couple months ago. What the hell happened?

[swamp]

You guys can do it yourselves if you agree. But I don't think you really want to do go that route. Take a deep breath, step away formal few days, and really think about what life would be like without her.

[Deleted]

What Rob said!!!

[The J]

Carl -- check your private messages.

[Miss Tequila]

Carl....please talk to someone...divorce is nothing to be taken lightly...we've all seen through your posts how much you love your wife so please take a step back from it all.

All of that said, if you don't fight it is really cheap. I was separated 3 years ago and headed for divorce. I didn't want his money and he didn't want mine so divorce would have been easy peasy...we got along better discussing finanical liquidation than we did married!lol Money means nothing to me though, so I'm guessing I'm the exception.

but seriously, you don't go from loving someone to wanting a divorce unless something major happened (abuse, cheating)....most things can be worked out

[Deleted]

May 7, 2012 19:54:44 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

Dude. When you first talked about your new position several people mentioned that doing the long distance thing was hell on a marriage and they'd seen plenty of people divorce over it. You said there was no way that would ever happen to you guys. I think at one point you said you'd give up the promotion and the job before you'd lose your wife. That was only a couple months ago. What the hell happened?

It has nothing to do with my promotion or relocation.

Wish it did, would have been an easy fix.

[Deleted]

Carl, I recommend you take a breather before you post again, maybe 24 hrs or so.....and see my above post

sorry you are going through this man...

[Deleted]

I think you can get an uncontested divorce for about $250.

That's the money. The emotional toll is going to be huge. That's the part that costs you. And I don't think you would bounce back from throwing in the towel on a marriage that could be saved.

I truly hope this is a bad day talking, and not a serious inquiry. The life you and Mrs. Cawiau have built together is worth a hell of a lot more than $250 and some furniture.

[Deleted]

Carl, I have no idea how much a divorce can costs. I just wanted to say that obviously you're going through some serious stuff, and I'm sorry for that. Take some time and try to get your head together before you make any drastic moves or say something you might regret later. I hope everything works out for you; I want you to be ok.

[Green Eyed Lady]

Do you have a close friend here that you can PM with? I'm hurting for you. Please PM someone you trust.

[Peace Of Mind]

Carl, I thought you were kidding on the mid life crises thread. I also hope it's just a bad day and not something that can't be fixed. Best wishes for you that things work out soon! Sorry you are going through this right now with all that has been happening. (((Hugs)))

[Deleted]

It has nothing to do with my promotion or relocation.

Wish it did, would have been an easy fix.

I'm so sorry friend. Talk to somebody, take your time. Take a few days off work if you need to. I'm not a slacker and nor are you, but if you need to call in sick for a day or two, you need to call in sick for a day or two.

Please don't act in haste.

You know are well loved, both here and in real life.

Hugs. I know I'm not alone in wishing you all the best.

[Deleted]

It hurts my heart to read this. We are about the same age and have been with our SOs for roughly the same amount of time. I completely understand the desire to walk away and start over sometimes, but please PLEASE talk to someone. Have an honest discussion with your wife about your doubts, fears, etc. Just TALK! Don't bottle this up and (as others have said) don't make any sudden decisions. Lots of virtual hugs to you.

[raeoflyte]

I hope you can work this out.

[Cookies Galore]

May 7, 2012 20:31:51 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

It hurts my heart to read this. We are about the same age and have been with our SOs for roughly the same amount of time. I completely understand the desire to walk away and start over sometimes, but please PLEASE talk to someone. Have an honest discussion with your wife about your doubts, fears, etc. Just TALK! Don't bottle this up and (as others have said) don't make any sudden decisions. Lots of virtual hugs to you.

Please just talk and be honest with your wife! We are all here for you if you need us!

[Deleted]

Carl, ending my first marriage cost $600 but it was emotionally painful and took several years to feel okay again. I recently posted a question regarding financial considerations for divorce and my current husband and I have worked things out. I obviously don't know the details of what is happening in your marriage but try to work it out if possible.

No matter what happens, take care of yourself and find someone you trust to talk to because it really does help.

[Malarky]

Wow.

Take a deep breath, Carl.

Marriage is a process. I posted a while ago on the mid life crisis thread about how it gets easier when the kids get older, but you still have to watch them.

You guys are young in the marriage. DH and I went through the honeymoon stage, the buy a house while pregnant and how the hell are we going to pay for this stage, the we have two toddlers and a layoff and an injury and I can't work stage, the years of WTF were we thinking, we can't do this stage. Now we're facing the last year of the oldest being home...

Through it all, we never lost each other, even though it was a near miss at times. But we certainly drifted apart sometimes.

Judging from your posts, the last couple of months have been like a roller coaster in your lives. You need to step back and look at what you and your wife really want. Shut out all the noise from your family, her family and us, your cyber friends.

Sometimes all I need to remind myself of, no matter what else is going on, what I really want most in life is to grow old with DH. To spend the end of my days with the person who was there through it all-who knew all the in jokes and all my successes and failings and stayed anyway.

[simser]

It can be cheap, it can be expensive, but whatever it costs it can suck. The phrase "it's cheaper to keep her" is also true.

You probably don't know me but I feel like I know you since I've read your posts for years. If you want to talk you can PM me- I just went through a divorce like you said in the OP and we were not living together.

[Deleted]

Message deleted by debthaven2.

[Deleted]

I need to say, if things have changed so fundamentally that you DON'T want that anymore, if you feel if your heart that this is truly over, do it before the kids come along.

But I would be astonished if you still feel that way in a week's time.

[Nazgul Girl]

Carl, you and your wife are just getting started. If one of you was untrue to the other, then I can see that being a marriage-ending event, but if it's just " I'm unhappy " or " She's unhappy " then time alone will fix this. You've always seemed to be very close to your wife. What's the deal ? One minute a happy apartment on Main St., and now this ? I don't understand, but am very sorry to read this. Hopefully, you can both get some counseling and make the best decision.

[taz157]

May 7, 2012 20:06:40 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Carl, I have no idea how much a divorce can costs. I just wanted to say that obviously you're going through some serious stuff, and I'm sorry for that. Take some time and try to get your head together before you make any drastic moves or say something you might regret later. I hope everything works out for you; I want you to be ok.

FWIW, I thought he was originally talking about his cousin who recently married until I started reading some of the comments. Also, I haven't read the mid-life crisis thread.

Carl - Think about it and don't make any rash decisions. Good luck.

[Apple]

Dude, that sucks.
I'm not going to assume to know what is going on, but I can say there are two things in my life I would end a marriage over, immediately, no questions, no second chances. Hopefully whatever is going on is not something like that (and since you don't have a kid, one of them isn't possible). My divorce was 10 years ago, I hired a lawyer, but mostly just to get the paperwork correct. There was no fighting over anything, I told him to keep the house (that we bought together) and I would keep our son. $600 when all was said and done.

Good luck

[wvugurl26]

I just wanted to say good luck with whatever direction you go.

[Nazgul Girl]

My divorce cost me $ 6500, and it cost my ex around $ 10k plus 5 years of spousal support, but we had been married for 23 years, had a kid and debts, and he had forged my name to a $35,000 "business" loan. Oh yeah. Divorce can be emotionally and financially devastating, Carl. Frankly, you're in a depression, and your urge to divorce is a symptom of that. If your DW hasn't done anything out of the ordinary, then it would probably behoove you to start answering your phone and try to work things out. Just my opinion, but I've been there, done that, and it isn't simple or fun.

[cronewitch]

Good luck, give it a few days then consider counseling before tossing in the towel.

My divorce cost $500 including a new will but I gave him the house, my motorcycle and most things in the house. I didn't want him angry so made sure he couldn't complain.

You may have to split your retirement money and other assets more evenly even if you don't each assume half of all student loans.