vonnie6200
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Post by vonnie6200 on Jan 26, 2011 21:35:42 GMT -5
You hit the nail on the head, Vonnie. The real precurser to teen sex is ... the onset of puberty. We're biologically programmed to enjoy sex, and our hormones see to it that we understand that. That's really all that's necessary to start the ball rolling. All parents can hope to do is educate their kids, try to impart all the knowledge they have about not only the physical side, but the emotional side, and hope for the best. We're not miracle workers, and we're not going to stop biological urges. Best we can hope for is a little self-control. My two cents- self esteem is important in so many ways. Kids, with high self esteem, are less likely to be influenced by peer pressure and less likely to be looking for love in all the wrong places. Fostering self esteem is important and needs to start before the hormones kick in. It could be a significant factor in how a kid responds to the hormonal onslaught. I agree - and I have been thinking lately that a part of self esteem is related to depression - which I really haven't seen addressed in this area I believe that a lot of depression is chemical and not all kids/teens are on a fair footing
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jan 26, 2011 21:36:25 GMT -5
We agree again, Vonnie. I, too, believe schools should concentrate more on teaching teens real-world skills, like how to handle finances. Certainly, the academic subjects are important; however, kids need the basics of how to live life, too. When they leave high school, they do so very unprepared, unless their parents have had the good sense to do the necessary teaching.
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vonnie6200
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Post by vonnie6200 on Jan 26, 2011 21:40:11 GMT -5
We agree again, Vonnie. I, too, believe schools should concentrate more on teaching teens real-world skills, like how to handle finances. Certainly, the academic subjects are important; however, kids need the basics of how to live life, too. When they leave high school, they do so very unprepared, unless their parents have had the good sense to do the necessary teaching. LOL - I was blessed with great parents and learned most of this early on - and "To Sir With Love" was the movie in my senior year of HS
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steff
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Post by steff on Jan 26, 2011 21:41:07 GMT -5
And if schools really want to be effective they should, IMHO, be teaching the economic impact of unplanned pregnancies and what it takes financially to live in this world.
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most schools won't even teach about condoms, much less touch teaching the effects of unplanned pregnancies with a 10 foot pole. and that really would open a whole new can of worms.... the choices that a teen has in regards to an unplanned pregnancy.... adoption, keeping the baby, or abortion.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jan 26, 2011 21:41:42 GMT -5
And if schools really want to be effective they should, IMHO, be teaching the economic impact of unplanned pregnancies and what it takes financially to live in this world. (I think this would/could be the most important class most HS students could take) It has been quite a little while since I was a teenage boy but, if I remember correctly, Mr. Jones's economic lessons never were the topic of back seat conversations.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jan 26, 2011 21:41:58 GMT -5
Self-esteem is critical to almost anyone, if you think about it. The more you think of yourself, the better care you'll take of yourself, the more you'll believe you can accomplish (and, therefore, accomplish), and the more you'll be able to resist temptations that might interfere with your life plans. Kids, growing up in a world of knees, where everyone bigger than you are is boss, often have a difficult time getting past that period and on to the period where they begin to learn to be responsible for themselves, and their actions. Vonnie's point about depression is also important. Hormonal changes can cause some real problems, and some kids are more profoundly impacted than others. There's the kid who just seems to naturally get it all right. Then, there's the kid who, despite the best efforts of parents and others, flounders. The key for that kid is to notice early enough to catch the problem before it has a chance to do serious damage.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jan 26, 2011 21:43:37 GMT -5
You're right, bill. I don't recall having many conversations about algebra while on dates, either.
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steff
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Post by steff on Jan 26, 2011 21:44:26 GMT -5
we've had to work extra hard in my house on the self esteem issues because of the hair loss. thankfully, we had the help of the school in minimizing the potential issues.
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Post by marjar on Jan 26, 2011 21:45:20 GMT -5
My two cents- self esteem is important in so many ways. Kids, with high self esteem, are less likely to be influenced by peer pressure and less likely to be looking for love in all the wrong places. Fostering self esteem is important and needs to start before the hormones kick in. It could be a significant factor in how a kid responds to the hormonal onslaught. I agree - and I have been thinking lately that a part of self esteem is related to depression - which I really haven't seen addressed in this area I believe that a lot of depression is chemical and not all kids/teens are on a fair footing It is a huge issue! I think some of it is related to hormones and imbalances common during these years, as well as how hormones impact other systems. I suspect we've not hit the tip of the iceberg on this, as far as research and understanding the full depth of impact. Then, we have the situational depressions, that are part of the adolescent psyche. The teen years are difficult ones.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jan 26, 2011 21:45:23 GMT -5
I can imagine what a problem that is with your son, Steff. He's fortunate to have good, caring parents and a cooperative school system!
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 26, 2011 21:45:35 GMT -5
LOL or Pat Nixon and 'dick'.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jan 26, 2011 21:46:30 GMT -5
I've often thought, marjar, I wouldn't do the teen years over again for anything! What a nightmare, and I didn't have it bad!
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Post by marjar on Jan 26, 2011 21:49:21 GMT -5
we've had to work extra hard in my house on the self esteem issues because of the hair loss. thankfully, we had the help of the school in minimizing the potential issues. Good for the school.
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steff
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Post by steff on Jan 26, 2011 21:49:41 GMT -5
I don't know what we would have done if the school hadn't agreed to allow him to wear a baseball cap mmhmm. Now he's older and can deal with it much better, but in junior high? it was a nightmare and a battle. I had to push and push bringing up his self esteem to get them to agree... that an a dr's note...lol
It was at the Charter school where they immediately agreed with my view on it affecting his self esteem. They didn't bat an eye and immediately agreed to the baseball cap/hoodie
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vonnie6200
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Post by vonnie6200 on Jan 26, 2011 21:51:52 GMT -5
It has been quite a little while since I was a teenage boy but, if I remember correctly, Mr. Jones's economic lessons never were the topic of back seat conversations. [image] Read more: notmsnmoney.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=politics&thread=2136&page=23#ixzz1CCT9pI1eLOL - and maybe young girls should be taken to a separate room to role play a bit - as much as I enjoyed sex - teen girls are the biggest losers if it goes wrong - they are the ones left to face some of life's toughest choices - you boys in the back seat could always get married, join the Army, join the circus, lie about the girl
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jan 26, 2011 21:52:25 GMT -5
Sounds like the Charter school is just the right place for him. So often, they have a less structured form that lends itself to those kids who need that sort of thing to do their best work.
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Post by marjar on Jan 26, 2011 21:55:13 GMT -5
I've often thought, marjar, I wouldn't do the teen years over again for anything! What a nightmare, and I didn't have it bad! I know what you mean. I have no desire to return to those years,myself, or parent through them, again.
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Post by marjar on Jan 26, 2011 21:59:09 GMT -5
You hit the nail on the head, Vonnie. The real precurser to teen sex is ... the onset of puberty. We're biologically programmed to enjoy sex, and our hormones see to it that we understand that. That's really all that's necessary to start the ball rolling. All parents can hope to do is educate their kids, try to impart all the knowledge they have about not only the physical side, but the emotional side, and hope for the best. We're not miracle workers, and we're not going to stop biological urges. Best we can hope for is a little self-control. Thank you! And if schools really want to be effective they should, IMHO, be teaching the economic impact of unplanned pregnancies and what it takes financially to live in this world. (I think this would/could be the most important class most HS students could take) I completely agree. Kids need to learn life skills, in addition to academics. Learning the financial impact, that can result from a moment of passion, might go a long way in fostering responsibility. Kids might think twice about giving into their urges.
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Loopdilou
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Post by Loopdilou on Jan 26, 2011 22:01:39 GMT -5
I think we tie sex up too much with love. When kids are looking for approval and they tie that approval to the illusion of love and then tie love to sex, it only stands to reason that they would equate sex with approval. Sex has nothing to do with love and everything to do with lust. Women who own their bodies and themselves are less likely to give in to the illusion of sex and more likely to not sacrifice their bodies to the dangers of sexual contact. Own your bodies and you own the responsibility to stay protected and not at the mercy of a potential sexual partner. You lose that ownership when love gets thrown into the equation, especially false love/lust.
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Loopdilou
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Post by Loopdilou on Jan 26, 2011 22:03:48 GMT -5
Thank you! And if schools really want to be effective they should, IMHO, be teaching the economic impact of unplanned pregnancies and what it takes financially to live in this world. (I think this would/could be the most important class most HS students could take) I completely agree. Kids need to learn life skills, in addition to academics. Learning the financial impact, that can result from a moment of passion, might go a long way in fostering responsibility. Kids might think twice about giving into their urges. And would it be so hard to incorporate these into math, econ or social studies classes?
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vonnie6200
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Post by vonnie6200 on Jan 26, 2011 22:05:22 GMT -5
I think we tie sex up too much with love. When kids are looking for approval and they tie that approval to the illusion of love and then tie love to sex, it only stands to reason that they would equate sex with approval. Sex has nothing to do with love and everything to do with lust. Women who own their bodies and themselves are less likely to give in to the illusion of sex and more likely to not sacrifice their bodies to the dangers of sexual contact. Own your bodies and you own the responsibility to stay protected and not at the mercy of a potential sexual partner. You lose that ownership when love gets thrown into the equation, especially false love/lust. I can't believe I agree with you but I think I do - only if the girls are taken into separate rooms and really eduacted
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vonnie6200
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Post by vonnie6200 on Jan 26, 2011 22:06:46 GMT -5
I think we tie sex up too much with love. When kids are looking for approval and they tie that approval to the illusion of love and then tie love to sex, it only stands to reason that they would equate sex with approval. Sex has nothing to do with love and everything to do with lust. Women who own their bodies and themselves are less likely to give in to the illusion of sex and more likely to not sacrifice their bodies to the dangers of sexual contact. Own your bodies and you own the responsibility to stay protected and not at the mercy of a potential sexual partner. You lose that ownership when love gets thrown into the equation, especially false love/lust. I can't believe I agree with you but I think I do - only if the girls are taken into separate rooms and really eduacted Or maybe not - maybe all those really horny teen boys need to know that the girls get it
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Loopdilou
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Post by Loopdilou on Jan 26, 2011 22:07:22 GMT -5
Umm.. what? Why is a separate room required?
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vonnie6200
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Post by vonnie6200 on Jan 26, 2011 22:07:53 GMT -5
I completely agree. Kids need to learn life skills, in addition to academics. Learning the financial impact, that can result from a moment of passion, might go a long way in fostering responsibility. Kids might think twice about giving into their urges. And would it be so hard to incorporate these into math, econ or social studies classes? Actually - that would be an excellent class - better than most out there
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jan 26, 2011 22:09:26 GMT -5
as much as I enjoyed sex - teen girls are the biggest losers if it goes wrong - they are the ones left to face some of life's toughest choices - you boys in the back seat could always get married, join the Army, join the circus, lie about the girl Sorry but I am going to disagree with you on this one (from the perspective of a person who knows what it is like to be a 17 year old married father spending Thanksgiving and Christmas of what would have been his senior year in high school in boot camp; who later was informed by his wife that he had inappropriately pressured her to marry and not abort the child; who after seven years of marriage and another daughter was divorced; who had his children taken to the other side of the country; having to listen to comments by the girls about not wanting to talk to him while waiting on long distance calls; having them in the end disappear from his life). No, it isn't always the teenage girl, now holding her grandchildren, who is the biggest loser in the situation.
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Loopdilou
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Post by Loopdilou on Jan 26, 2011 22:12:31 GMT -5
No it isn't. In many cases they both lose. :/
That could so easily be the description of my life if things had just been slightly different.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Jan 26, 2011 22:16:17 GMT -5
I'm sorry, Bill. Truly sorry. I've known others, both male and female, who've had similar tales to tell. It's brutal.
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vonnie6200
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Post by vonnie6200 on Jan 26, 2011 22:17:41 GMT -5
as much as I enjoyed sex - teen girls are the biggest losers if it goes wrong - they are the ones left to face some of life's toughest choices - you boys in the back seat could always get married, join the Army, join the circus, lie about the girl Sorry but I am going to disagree with you on this one (from the perspective of a person who knows what it is like to be a 17 year old married father spending Thanksgiving and Christmas of what would have been his senior year in high school in boot camp; who later was informed by his wife that he had inappropriately pressured her to marry and not abort the child; who after seven years of marriage and another daughter was divorced; who had his children taken to the other side of the country; having to listen to comments by the girls about not wanting to talk to him while waiting on long distance calls; having them in the end disappear from his life). No, it isn't always the teenage girl, now holding her grandchildren, who is the biggest loser in the situation. For some reason - you and my brother - are in the minority and that is very sad it it usually the mom left holding the bag, trying to take of the kid on hr own - or make the other choices You seem to be very much like my brother - who has had to fight to be a part of his kid's life - but it is a lot less common when the father are very young
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vonnie6200
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Post by vonnie6200 on Jan 26, 2011 22:20:39 GMT -5
and having read the last few posts - it reaffirms what I learned 30 years ago - unwed/unplanned pregnancy results in hard choices -
and teens in this situation have fewer resources to deal with it
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2011 22:24:28 GMT -5
My mom got the brunt early on... they were 16/18 when i was born, and my dad got custody when we were 3 and 6, and she got pretty much emotionally trampled on... and i didn't have her as a really big or 'parental' type role growing up... but we have a great relationship now... see each other every week, and she's real involved with my kids...
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