Thank you all.

[anciana]

Dang, now you'll have me going there to look

[Wisconsin Beth]

LOL.

I had to bail on Friday to pick up Caleb from dcp. They considered his diarrhea to be a problem. I didn't want to work anyway so leaving wasn't an issue. ;D

DH and I went out to dinner on Sat. night. We, ok, I talked alot and he really listened/heard me. There's some stuff we're going to have to sacrifice for in the next couple of years, for opportunities for me to advance. I think it really dawned on him that I'm as high as I can go without more education/certifications. So next year we'll be focusing on making me better. This year is obviously about making DH better, both physically and job wise. He's going to account for school money in the budget planning.

And I loaded more comics into a database to sell. They're offering $42 for this one issue of an oddball comic because it's considered the 1st appearance, in a comic book, of Sen. Barack Obama, before he started running for President. And my Futurama comics are appreciating nicely. Once I finish loading the entire collection in, I'll figure out the details of the selling part. Right now, if I sold everything they're willing to buy, it'd be over $600 for 377 comics. But some of those are things I'm not willing to sell yet.

[anciana]

All good news, Beth! Glad to hear that you had a nice time with DH on Saturday and that you were able to talk and come up with a plan. It's also nice to know that your comics are worth some serious money. Hopefully, having a plan in place and possibly a nice cushion with the comics sale DH can relax a little with money worries.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I think DH's plan for the comic money is to go to a b&b sans kids...

ETA - he's talking about selling his baseball card collection - mostly 1980s I guess, with some 1970s stuff. And he did tell me to add his comics to the list. He has about 60 or so. Some of his are pre 1980 but in pretty lousy shape.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm torn and I'm not sure how I feel about this. This is going to be kinda long I'm sure.

My DH and I bought vacation land almost 3 years ago. It's on a river, near a dam. There's a tangle of trees near the water. We don't get up there much because we have a 4 year old DD and a 2.75 DS. We bought a poptop camper to use when staying on the land.

DH's parents used to rent a cabin for 2 weeks every summer up North. Just before we bought the land, they decided they could no longer afford to do that. So they were very excited when we bought the land and the camper. DH and I sometimes joined them at the cabin.

2 summers ago, we went up with them and the kids and stayed in the camper. The weather sucked and we ended up coming home early because our basement flooded. So packing up in the rain with a toddler and a newborn was not fun and does NOT bring back happy memories.

Last summer, DH and I talked and agreed that camping on the land with 2 toddlers wasn't an option. He found a Groupon for a cheap cabin about 20 minutes from our land. We got a cabin with 3 bedrooms and invited both sets of parents to come with us. It was a decent trip. My parents got to see the land. They won't camp you see. We discovered that some trees had fallen on the land and decided that in 2012 we'd take care of them.

This year, DH and I are broke. And we still need to deal with the trees. I have a cousin whose dad was a professional tree trimmer (who also tree farmed) and my cousin agreed to swing past the land and give us his opinion on clearing out the trees. He said he thought it'd be about 2 hours of work and offered to help us take care of it. We'll pay him in beer. We agreed July would be a good time, proving I could arrange babysitting for the kids for a weekend. Because power tools + my kids = hospital trip and CPS.

So we're waiting for my sister to come home so we can pick a date. My cousin's fine with any weekend we pick. DH and I were looking forward to this because it's likely going to be the ONLY weekend away from the kids we get this year. Because, duh, we're broke. We figured we'd leave on a Friday afternoon, set up the camper and then on Sat. my cousin will come and we'll deal with the trees and then on Sunday we'll come home.

Yesterday, DH tells me that on Sat. night while I was in MIL's house (we'd gone there for dinner) with the kids and DH, his brother, bro's wife and the ILs were sitting outside talking, his parents asked about the land. So he told them our plans. Next thing he knows is that they're making plans to come up with us! [image] [image]

He knows I'm not happy about this. He's offered to talk to them and tell them they can't come. He was so flabbergasted at the time that he couldn't think of a response.

I like (most of the time) my inlaws. They watch the kids 1 day a week for free. They're not bad people. My FIL smokes a pipe and my MIL rambles on repeating the same stories every time a new person gets into hearing range. And under other circumstances, I wouldn't have a problem with them joining us. But I'm very disappointed and I'm not sure if I want DH to talk to them or not. And they're going to slow down the work (I've worked with them before. FIL's tends to do 1 step, stop and smoke/think about the next step; do step 2, stop and have a water/coffee/pee break; do step 3, stop and look at the results and then move on to step 4.) But I don't think I want to share a popup camper with them again. I don't sleep well with others in the same room/area, except DH. I can't even fall asleep snuggling with my kids most of the time.

I was picturing at least 1 nice lazy morning where we could sleep in. With 2 little kids, sleeping past 7am is a rare thing, to be cherished and treasured...

Anyway, I have therapy tomorrow night. I'm going to talk to Liz about this and see if we can untangle my emotions and thoughts on it.

[Works4me]

I recommend being honest - cousin is only coming by for a few hours Saturday afternoon, no further helps is needed but thanks for offering, this is your only chance to spend time with DH alone and the two of you really need some time that is just the two of you. Also, maybe point out danger of kids being there with work going on.

Maybe plan a family weekend for August and MIL/FIL/BIL & wife, can rent their own trailer or cabing as yours is not big enough now given the sizes/ages of your kids. Blame it on them needing beds, etc if all of you are there.



ETA - after all the two of you have been through in the last year plus raising two small children I think it is both imperative and great that you want some time alone together. I cannot see how anyone would be upset with you and dh wanting some time alone to nurture your relationship.

[anciana]

Oh, no, Beth. But, please, let your hubby talk to his parents. I agree with sarahjese, just have him tell them that you're using that time to take care of the trees which should take couple of hours and the rest of the time is a romantic getaway weekend for you two, so they would not want to come anyways. I am sure he was surprised and couldn't think of what to say, but now, given some time, he will be able to come up with something that would rectify the situation. I am sure your hubby was looking forward to spending some time with you and only you. He will take care of it. Do give him the green light!

[Wisconsin Beth]

So DH and I talked last night about vacationing. We agreed that he'd have the conversation with his parents and invite them to come up with us and the kids on a different weekend. We're going to try to get both trips in during July. They do know the purpose of the trip is to work because he told me last night they'd offered to help.

We also talked about the money we're going to get from me selling some of my comic books. I told him that while I'm good with selling some of them, since they're something that was important to me, I didn't want to blow the money on crap. I'd like it to go to something that's important to me/us. My suggestions were to start saving for pouring a slab for the land or working on our patio. He'd rather use it on a B&B. We agreed to think about it and see what other suggestions we can come up with. He did understand where I was coming from, which was good. And I get why'd he like to go to a B&B.

So all in all, a good conversation.

[anciana]

Woo hoo! All sounds great! Glad you and hubby talked and came up with a plan. That should all work much better for everybody.
I think I can understand how you feel about the money from the sale of comic books. When something is important to you, its understandable you want to replace it with something of value, possibly something tangible. We're finalizing my father's estate and hubby and I were talking about what to do with a little bit we might get after everything is sold. He wants to put it towards getting a newer car for me while that's not enough of a value/memory/tangible for me. Could you negotiate to use some of the comics sale proceeds towards B&B, and some towards the vacation land/patio?

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yeah, we'll keep talking about it.

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm not sure I knew. How are you holding up?

[anciana]

Beth, it's been a while, we're just finalizing now as it took a long time to get everything done. He got sick around the time your dad had the stroke, so we kind of went through it together, just the outcome was different And, thank you for asking, from time to time, it is still difficult, but that's life. I just wanted to point out how I am also searching for something worthwhile to spend the money on What an non-YM approved endeavor, lol

[Wisconsin Beth]

I had therapy last night. I basically rambled on about the land and our hopes/dreams for it. Liz agreed that 2 trips sounded like a good compromise and that it's great that Scott's talking to his parents about it.

We also agreed that I don't need a standing appt. anymore. So I'll be calling her if/when I need help again. Although I'll probably go see her at the end of summer, because I see Dr. Nolan at that time and I like having everything on the same page for this.

I feel so much better now than I did 6-8 months ago. I'm sure summer being here has something to do with that too but I'll deal with that when winter comes.

I am exhausted today. The kids tagteamed last night. I think they had bad dreams because I'd hear them cry out and get up to check and they'd roll over and go back to sleep. But I think one or the other was up about 1x an hour until 3am when I gave DD Tylenol. My plan is to pound out the essential work and go home and nap. Normally I could probably cope with this but it's coming on top of 3-4 nights of lousy sleep.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Is there something that your Dad loved to do and would have wanted your kids to do too? Fish? Swim? Read? Biking? Camping? Watching TV? College funds? Disney?

[drivingaround]

So glad every thing's looked up with life and your DH! All in all how many therapy appointments were in those 6-8 months? My better half had her first visit and was overwhelmed when the therapist suggested 5-6 months of weekly visits so curious others who've had counseling how often they went in. Obviously every situation is personal and different she was just caught off guard as was expecting bi-weekly or even monthly.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 27, 2012 10:27:06 GMT -5 drivingaround said:

So glad every thing's looked up with life and your DH! All in all how many therapy appointments were in those 6-8 months? My better half had her first visit and was overwhelmed when the therapist suggested 5-6 months of weekly visits so curious others who've had counseling how often they went in. Obviously every situation is personal and different she was just caught off guard as was expecting bi-weekly or even monthly.

I think 5 in 2011 and 5-7 in 2012. My 2011 insurance covered the visits for free so I tried to cram as many in 2011 as I could. I started therapy in late Oct. I think. And there was Thanksgiving/Christmas in there. Plus my therapist only has patients 2 days a week.

It was overwhelming at first - I don't know how much you know about my life but we have 2 kids, current ages 2.75 and 4. And juggling them, work, the appts. and life was really hard at first. I felt like I was abandoning them. So I got to add a heaping does of Mommy guilt onto the pile. I also had a pretty good idea of what was "wrong" and how to fix it. What I needed was validation and a safe place to vent/ramble on about stuff while I got strong enough to DO the stuff I needed to do.

Plus I was in a rut and it was really hard to heave myself out of it. Part of that was the depression. Once I started on meds, there was an immediate improvement, which leveled off and then dipped so we upped the meds to my current dose.

I guess my advice (not that you asked for it) would be to encourage her to take it 1 appt. at a time and keep on going to them.

[Works4me]

Beth - so glad that you and DH talked and that things are going well for you. I wanted to share something my BFF and I have both learned about getting away when one is basically broke. As important as it is, it is never as much fun as it sounds like it is going to be when it is expensive. Weird things happen, maybe it is just the stress, but it never turns out to be a restful and rejuvenating as it should be. We have both found that doing something more affordable is better all the way around. Even her DH has come to agree. Maybe you and DH could make a point of getting away in your pop up instead of the B&B this year. Sounds like it could be peaceful and cheap too. Cook ahead and then the two of you could relax and be totally alone.

One time a few years ago I needed to be gone overnight and decided to stay at a nice hotel and make a restful time of it. Electricity in bathroom went out at the hotel and it was a pita to move to another room, plus I was late for an appointment because of it. All I could think of is how much I was spending, even though they discounted it due to the inconvenience, and how much that money was to me in comparison to the rest of my finances. BFF and her DH last trip while basically broke involved an already broken bed at the hotel which totally embarrassed both of them. Things that would normally be non-issues become enlarged due to the fact that one is splurging and kind of guarantee disappointment. - make any sense or do I need more coffee - lol

[drivingaround]

Beth, thanks for the info, POV is helpful! Our insurance doesn't cover the visits, $135 each. We do not have kids but aspect of her counseling is accepting that we won’t and how her original idea of life isn’t happening and how to envision a different path. Validation is exactly what DW said, that she needed assurance it wasn’t in her head or pure emotions. She felt connected to her counselor and is going back just thought the # of sessions made in the plan seemed excessive but your suggestion of taking it one by one is great and in a roundabout way I did seek your advice! Counseling is such a taboo subject in RL which is sad since many could probably use an impartial, professionally trained sounding board every so often!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 27, 2012 11:17:47 GMT -5 drivingaround said:

Beth, thanks for the info, POV is helpful! Our HDHP insurance won’t cover the visits, $135 each. We do not have kids but area of her counseling is accepting that we won’t and how her original idea of life isn’t what’s happening and how to envision a different path. Validation is exactly what DW said, that she needed assurance it wasn’t in her head or pure emotions. She felt connected to her counselor and is going back just thought the # of sessions made in the plan seemed excessive but your suggestion of taking it one by one is great and in a roundabout way I did seek your advice! Counseling is such a taboo subject in RL which is sad since many could probably use an impartial, professionally trained sounding board every so often!

Yeah, my are $140 per session. My insurance kicks in after I spend $500 and then I have a copay until I hit another $500. We're still waiting for the bills to come in since I also had 2 trips to my primary care physician so far this year too.

We didn't think we could have kids. My DH was told he'd need surgery to father kids and I was told I'd need intervention to get pregnant. Plus I was on the pill. I only took a pregnancy test because I was tired of feeling tired and achy and knew the doctor's office would ask if I was pregnant before starting their workup. We were stunned speechless when it was positive the next morning. When DD was 10 months old, DH said "you're pregnant again." Me "No I'm not." "Yes, you are." And I stomped off to take the remaining test to prove him wrong. I was 37 when DD was born, 39 when DS was born. DH got fixed shortly after that.

I'm sorry you and your wife are having to deal with no kids when you wanted them. I'd guess that's much harder than our situation. I was 25 when I was told I wouldn't be able to have kids.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Well, I'm 42 now. I don't feel 42 though. Some days I feel really young and some days impossibly old. I don't worry or think about it an awful lot because I figure getting older beats the alternative - dying.

I don't wanna die. I've got a lot of stuff I need to accomplish before I can do that. Lots of places to go and things to do. Kids to raise and watch turn into people.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Had a good time camping this weekend with DH. I've posted a bunch about it on the kids and organizing threads so I'm not going to repeat myself here. But we got some stuff done and we talked about the land some. After setting up in the godawful heat on Friday and packing up on Sunday (mid 80s, I'd guess) I REALLY want power. The camper's got AC. DH was talking with a coworker about manufactured homes and he's thinking we should take advantage of the low interest rates soon to do it. I'm not sure we can afford to do it. And I know we can't do it while he's on all these supplements. I'm thinking maybe we can get him off the supplements and then start banking that money and maybe in 2014 we can do something. I think by then we'd be able to clear off damn near $1,400 a month between his supplements and dcp.

[Wisconsin Beth]

God, I want power even more up North. We were there from Friday to Monday with the kids and the ILs. It was hot. There were ticks. And the kids were screaming every time they saw a bug at first. It got better but UGH. Overall, I had a good time. We've got some pictures that once DH posts on his FB account, I'll link to here or the Pregnancy thread.

DH drank too much most nights. The kids refused to sleep in their bed area and we ended up with them in ours. So 4 people in a king bed. DH warned me about his Dad being "on a tear" on Friday night so I was kinda glad to be putting the kids down, which let me avoid him most of the night since it took forever every night since their routine was shot to hell and gone. DH told me a few times he'd make it up to me. I asked what and he said handling the kids bedtime pretty much singlehandedly. He was spending the time with his parents (and drinking with his dad) and he's close to them and doesn't get to spend much time with them. So while I wish there'd been less beer involved, I understand what was going on. He's offering to put the kids to bed on his own when we go camping in August with a group of my friends. We'll see.

But I want power up there. It would have been so much more comfortable with a fan or the AC on. And we should have set up the trailer awning. Oh well. I wouldn't mind camping again this year but part of me is quaking at trying to pack and unpack with the kids. And I'm trying to hoard some money to take DH to a b&b for his b-day in November and I don't want to "waste" my overnight babysitters, if that makes sense.

DH also volunteered me to try to determine value on some of his parents' stuff, like MIL's animal trading cards from the 50s and possibly FIL's silver dollars. Thanks DH. He specifically told them if there was any value to them, he (and I) wanted them to enjoy it while they're alive. YAY DH! I was putting the kids down when this conversation was happening. So while I want to whack him with Drama's 2x4 for volunteering me, he gets points for intent and trying to look out for them.

As part of the valuing I was doing of DH's Star Wars crap from the 80s, I got curious and poked around for the Lego Castle system from the 80s/90s. I desperately wanted it as a child and never got it. So I started buying them for myself around 18-25. Yeah, yeah, I didn't want to grow up. So sue me. I pretty much put them together, loaded them onto a shelving unit and wouldn't let anyone touch them. Keep the boxes, keep the instructions and didn't bother punching out the little plumes for their helmuts. So they gathered a bunch of dust before I put them back into their boxes and stuffed them in my Mom's attic. Where they still are and I'll be getting them back in a few months. Anyway, I checked eBay and some of the ones I've got are apparently in demand. Who knew? Some of them are selling for what I think I paid originally. Some are considerably more. So I'm thinking about do I want to keep them or sell them. We're also going to "inherit" the familial Lego collection from my Mom's house. Which is basically 30 years of Legos, including some of the Castle sets my younger brother got that are duplicates of mine but no longer have boxes and the instructions are torn.

I'm thinking that the money I'm getting from selling my stuff should go towards getting power on the land. I'm going to start researching options and costs and see if it's potentially feasible to do power next year. DH is talking about manufactured homes but I honestly don't think we'd be in a position to afford that until both DS and DD are out of dcp.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm thinking of taking a day off from work soon to work on the house while the kids are in dcp. I have furniture and deep cleaning to do. Plus I've got a bunch of projects started that need to be completed. Maybe I can hire my nieces to come and help out. I don't want to take time off to do crap around the house but it's so hard to find the energy to do it after the kids are in bed.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Stuff that needs to get taken care of:
1. front door trim.
2. scrub down big bathroom walls and finish getting the old wallpaper off.
3. rip up carpeting in kitchen and small bathroom.
4. rearrange furniture to get hutch out of office and into living room. Get shelf into office and comics organized on it.
5. get all of DH's crap that he's agreed I can research and/or sell online into shelf in office so it's handy for research.
6. deep clean whole house.
7. sort out kid clothing and get the outgrown stuff out of the house (a lot of it is currently in a laundry basket at the foot of my bed.)

[Wisconsin Beth]

I had a good weekend. Didn't lose patience or temper with the kids OR DH. Drank some wine in the evenings though. Took the kids to the Public Museum on Sat. morning. It was fun. They thought every skeleton was a dinosaur though. Finally vacuumed the kitchen. Boy was it nasty.

Had BLTs for dinner last night. DH bought some super healthy turkey bacon and it was really, really, REALLY good. But $6 for 12 strips/oz he thinks. But then again, I spend something close to that for my Center Cut bacon in the trays so it's not completely hideous... Tonight is chicken and tomorrow is burgers with the leftover turkey bacon.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Not an especially good night last night. Everyone was tired and cranky. Kids got absorbed into Toy Story 3, it was the first time I'd seen it too. I started cleaning and hit that weird place where even though you're exhausted you keep chugging along and doing stuff. Got to bed around 10:30 and couldn't fall asleep. Then DD woke up around 12:15 to pee and had wet the bed. So I had to change bedding and since I'm behind in laundry there was no clean twin bottom sheets. I ended up using a flat sheet and got her clean blankets. Since I was up I went downstairs and reset the dryer so DS's Toy Story shirt would be clean and dry. But the living room looks pretty good.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Had a good/bad weekend. Got some stuff done but the kids were kinda whiny and out of sorts but then again so was I...

[Wisconsin Beth]

We went camping this weekend. It was hot and sticky again. Every time we've used the camper this summer (cleaning it, packing it, setting it up or staying in it) it's been that way.

DH was out of patience most of the weekend. I think he's got this vision of vacation and reality isn't hitting it, not by a long shot.

Kids had their first encounter with a beach and loved it. Had their first encounter with a pinata and enjoyed it. They like camping, I think. DD says she does at any rate. Caleb ran away a couple of times, once into an oncoming truck. Thank God the driver was only going like 3 miles and hour and saw Caleb coming. He stopped and waited until DH had captured Caleb before he started moving on. Bless him for that, whomever he was.

I hated our campsite. It was in full sun and full of weeds/rocks/bare ground. So we had dirt everywhere all the time. I didn't get to spend much time with my friends. Our site was pretty far from the one we were using as a base. But since we have the youngest kids we have naptimes and can't leave the kids alone yet. And they fought bedtime and naptime like crazy. And DH and I both lost patience and then our lack of patience feeds off each other. We acknowledged that but don't really know how to change it on our own. So maybe it's time to see if we can get some help from Liz as a couple. Something to run past DH at any rate.

I smartly packed hotdogs for the kids for Sat night. It was our potluck dinner night with the full group. it was fun but I didn't get much of a chance to sit down. DH got Caleb to help for dinner and Caleb loved the tomato/cuke salad and the quinoa. The meat was chicken legs and the other kids were happy to see hot dogs. I'd got an 8 pack and opted to make them all.

Sunday I took the kids to the playground while DH packed up. For once, I got the better end of the deal... Came back and he wanted/needed a few more minutes so I did a drive around the park with the kids. They liked that too. Got back and the kids wanted to stay in their car seats and read books. So we finished packing up while they read. I love having kids that enjoy books. Keira was 'reading' to Caleb while they were in the car seats at one point.

[Wisconsin Beth]

DH and I realized how badly we feed off each other's emotions over the weekend. So this morning I suggested that we may want to make an appt. with Liz to get some pointers on how NOT to do this. DH is thinking about it but did say it might be a good thing. DH doesn't really like the idea of spilling one's guts to a counselor. He was forced to see one in grade school or something and it wasn't good for him I guess. But since it's help on a specific thing, it might be different.

We're also debating school for DD. DCP does some school and we didn't get into the school we really wanted her in. Everything that's got 4K openings that's not a 1+ hr round trip gets lousy grades on the assorted websites we were using to try to figure out a school. But if we put her in the 4K, it's about $450 a month saved in dcp. I have qualms. DH recently admitted to having qualms too. So we're both trying to figure out how much damage can MPS do to a 4K kid and if it's worth running the risk or not. I think we're both leaning towards sucking up the costs for another year and keeping her at dcp - where they do some teaching, it's more Montessori than traditional.

I did get a check for my comics. And I've got some titles of stuff I want to sell next. But they're buried in the office. My local comic shop does walk ins on Fridays and Saturdays. I contacted them and they said they need to see the issues, which I get. So I'm going to see if they'll match or beat the online store, now that I have a ballpark to work in for negotiating a price. Matching still means more money for me because there won't be a $20+ shipping fee.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I decided last night that I'm just shoveling shit around in my house. Moving stuff from 1 pile to another, making the piles look pretty and tidy but they're still piles of shit that need to be dealt with. I first heard this on a Doxie thread and it keeps surfacing both on other threads and in my head lately.

But I did get the comics I want evaluated/bought by the local store into 1 box. So now I just need to get to the South store on a Friday or Sat. and see what they say.

[Wisconsin Beth]

DCP just called. Short version, they think putting DD in MPS is a supremely bad plan for DD at this point. There's a scholarship we can apply for but no guarantees. So I emailed the conversation highlights to DH and told him we need to discuss this weekend. I was planning on doing it anyway because we need to shit or get off the pot on this.

So I may be sucking it up and posting our budget on YM. I'm not sure I've got a thick enough skin to handle it well though.