Thank you all.

[MittenKitten]

Beth: Did you list your DH's ideas for making/finding/getting money? I really need to come up with a few ideas myself! I also like lists, they give me a concrete idea of what I need to do, plus something to check off when I accomplish it!

Hope all is going well for you!

[busymom]

Beth, do you have Craigslist users in your area? You'd be amazed how many people give away swingsets around here! And in decent shape, too. ;D


DH & I have been doing some plant-swapping with friends & coworkers for our garden. We've traded some flowering plants for some vegetable plants so far this spring.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'll take a look at fb and craig's list.

*-*-*-*-
This is the stuff DH listed. Some of it we've done, some we haven't.

"The list I have in my head is what possible adjustments can we do to ……. (get our head out of water)
make/keep the money market where we need it to be at the end of the year & for next year
make up for the $1,600, if needed. (cause the last $1,400 credit card bill just came out of there without being replaced)

Examples of adjustments (not saying we are going to do all of these)
AT&T phones/internet changes
Change dish programming & or dish vendor or cancel dish service
Temporarily reduce both retirement plans
Temporarily reduce church giving’s
Detailed grocery reconcilement / Determine what changes are needed / Implement
I’m sure there are more"

I added
Move Caleb to Holly's. Put Keira in MPS in Fall. I think we need to seriously talk about these. I don't know that I like either option and we need to balance our financial needs against the best interests of the kids.

Sell stuff (comics, camper, bed frame in basement, I'm sure there's other stuff)
Borrow from the kids' savings accounts (they're too young to know really) Again, not an option I like.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Had a good weekend, overall. Didn't get enough sleep as the kids aren't sleeping well/though the nights lately. But overall it was a good weekend.

My "bonus" mom is retiring tomorrow so I'm taking some time to go to her retirement party.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm tired, cranky and hungry today. Ate 1 of my snacks and am holding out for lunch. Overall, I'm doing ok. I modified my list in post 215 slightly. And I did some stuff that WASN'T on it, like replace the guts in the toilet and take another whack at the leak in the fridge water line. I fixed 1 leak but created another... Sigh. I think I can just tighten the nut and it will stop leaking.

[Anne_in_VA]

Beth - I've been reading your thread and think you're doing an amazing job! I've been where you are and it is overwhelming. Keep at it!

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm trying Anne. Thanks for the encouragement. Some days it's really easy and other days it's really hard. But I try to keep slogging along, on the theory that eventually the good/easy days will overtake the hard days and the neutral days.

[Deleted]

Hey, Beth! I hardly ever come over here and have been wondering where you've been. Surprise! I found you. I only read just the last page of this thread hope I haven't done one of the things that drives me nuts that posters have done on other threads chiming in with my two cents' worth before reading the whole thing and discovering that I'm way off base!

I don't know if you remember that I'm "retired" but work five days a week as a cleaning lady. Gives me somewhere to go and something to do and puts some extra money in my pocket. Extra? Is there such a thing as extra money?

Lemme tell you about something that is sooo small but that adds up quicker than you'd think. I get paid daily but deposit my money usually just once a week on Fridays. After I've allocated 10% of my week's pay for regular savings, paid my bills, left a cushion for whatever might come up over the weekend/the next week, whatever odd amount is there gets moved to my (tiny) savings account. For instance, if I have $164.73, $14.73 goes to savings, leaving me with an even $150. Or if I have $137.12, then $7.12 gets dumped into savings. See what I mean? It's happened that I've only had a dollar or two and change, but I do it even for next-to-nothing amounts.

If we were still living in the age of having to go to the bank to do it, I probably wouldn't because I'd be embarrassed with tiny amounts. But I can transfer money from checking to savings online, so it's not like I have to face a person ;D

Right now I'm saving to get the timing belt and water pump replaced on my car. When that's been done, it'll be time for tires. And Christmas. And heaven only knows what all else! Once I transfer money from my checking account to savings, ten men and a horse couldn't sweet talk me into moving it back!

Ok. Now I'm going back to the beginning and read the whole thread.

ETA: Well, yeah. I can see how you feel overwhelmed and depresssed and tired of being a grown-up. And that's putting it mildly Funny, but we could put my name in all the posts where yours is and pretend it's 35-40 years ago and there'd be precious little difference

The only advice I can offer is don't get too...too tired, too stressed, too stretched, too hungry, too angry, too frustrated, too sad.

Back in the day, I'd get annoyed when people would tell me that "someday" I'd look back and laugh or that "someday" it would get easier because I really didn't give a rat's ass about "someday".

Have you ever gone back and read your own thread from the start? You've made great progress and should pat yourself on the back!

[anciana]

Hi, Beth, I've been away for a few weeks visiting family and now that we're back, I wanted to check in and see how're you doing. I've read your list. I had to laugh since I have a similar list in my head too I just don't want to put it all on paper as I might get overwhelmed Oh, the irony, lol. We also have a brand new leak in the fridge water line that I need to look into (it leaks when the ice maker is on), we just put in a new garden or are trying to (we lost most of it being gone last couple of weeks), kids need doc check ups, we want a new playset now that the kids are bigger, etc...
You know, I think that as the time goes on, you have more and more good days then the other ones. I hope you feel that too. It seems that therapy with Liz is helping, talking more (I mean articulating your needs/wants) with DH helps, winter being over and the spring/summer being here helps, taking time for yourself by yourself as well for activities with friends/mom helps. I am so glad you were able to find things that make you feel better. Sometimes it takes courage to even make that step as being "down" can become "normal" and just comfortable or one cannot imagine anything else. You are an inspiration to me. Hang in there and keep it up!

[Wisconsin Beth]

I had a pretty decent weekend. I lost it last night with DS at the bedtime routine. Told DH he was dealing with DS. DH knew and was trying to calm me down so he didn't argue it. DD's been happily picking DH for bedtime for the last 3 weeks or so. They got a routine that's working pretty well and they both like routine/ruts.

Thanks for the kind thoughts and words. I do need to go back and reread this. I am having more good days than bad, overall. And I had a long talk with my BIL's wife on Sat. Her situation is SO much worse than mine on all aspects that it helps to see my situation differently, if that makes sense.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I had a pity party of sorts last night. Told DH that "no offense, but I don't want to be married, be a parent, be responsible, etc. I just want to be left alone." So I watched 2 taped episodes of Hercule Periot (can't spell it), had a glass of wine and ate cookies. DH looked at me like I was nuts and went to work on the computer in the office. At least he didn't ask if I'd been taking my pills. The kids were driving me nuts at bedtime so he knew I was just frustrated and stuff. But he did leave me alone, for the most part.

I didn't sleep very well last night. I woke up a lot but the kids didn't. And this morning I did drop off for the kids and Miss Liz asked me if I'd lost weight. She said I looked good. Usually she sees me in jeans and a t-shirt and today I'm in "professional" clothes so that could have been it but I'm not looking a gift compliment in the mouth...

[CarolinaKat]

Miss Liz was giving you a compliment. Professional clothes are more form fitting than t-shirts and will make you look like you've been working out. She was being sweet to you.

FWIW, I had to start an anti-anxiety med because I couldn't cope with life and having a migrane (which i've had for 7+ weeks now) it's really helping me get though. So it's the one medication that's working for me, even though nothing's working on the migrane. I just thought I'd share and maybe you'd feel less alone.... or something... anyway we're here for you *hugs*

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jun 13, 2012 8:35:59 GMT -5 CarolinaKat said:

Miss Liz was giving you a compliment. Professional clothes are more form fitting than t-shirts and will make you look like you've been working out. She was being sweet to you.

I know. I used to be able to handle compliments. I'd like to get that ability back!

FWIW, I had to start an anti-anxiety med because I couldn't cope with life and having a migrane (which i've had for 7+ weeks now) it's really helping me get though. So it's the one medication that's working for me, even though nothing's working on the migrane. I just thought I'd share and maybe you'd feel less alone.... or something... anyway we're here for you *hugs*

Thank Kat. I love my happy meds. I'm on sertaline, 100 mg dose and it's been very good for me. 6 months ago, a night like last night would have had me in tears in front of the kids. Which freaks them out and then they try to make me stop crying, which makes me feel even crappier. So not going very far down that path is a good thing.

[taz157]

Jun 13, 2012 8:53:53 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Jun 13, 2012 8:35:59 GMT -5 CarolinaKat said:

Miss Liz was giving you a compliment. Professional clothes are more form fitting than t-shirts and will make you look like you've been working out. She was being sweet to you.

I know. I used to be able to handle compliments. I'd like to get that ability back!

FWIW, I had to start an anti-anxiety med because I couldn't cope with life and having a migrane (which i've had for 7+ weeks now) it's really helping me get though. So it's the one medication that's working for me, even though nothing's working on the migrane. I just thought I'd share and maybe you'd feel less alone.... or something... anyway we're here for you *hugs*

Thank Kat. I love my happy meds. I'm on sertaline, 100 mg dose and it's been very good for me. 6 months ago, a night like last night would have had me in tears in front of the kids. Which freaks them out and then they try to make me stop crying, which makes me feel even crappier. So not going very far down that path is a good thing.

I'm on the 50 mg dose of steraline and I definietly feel much better too. Just seeing how it helped you and how I was feeling, I decided to give it a try when my OB prescribed it. For me, its working wonders! There have been a couple of instances in where if I wasn't on it, I would have been a crying mess.

[anciana]

Gosh, Beth, don't know what to say except offer hugs, and lots of them. I am glad though that you can see the difference in bad days before therapy and now. I hope you found some temporary relief in being left alone for the evening. And I hope you can enjoy the compliment later.
Thinking of you while I

[Wisconsin Beth]

DH is being a crankyass lately. I called him on it this morning.

[anciana]

LOL, Beth! And what did he say to that?

[Wisconsin Beth]

He said he knew and he was sorry about it. "but everything went wrong. I forgot to run the dishwasher last night, the mouse fell off the laptop when I was moving it and fell apart, etc." Realized the JCPenney bill needed to be paid and couldn't find the bill. Then was storming around about how the account number's asterisked off the bill and I don't know where the card is (# is on the bottom of the bill by the banking codes) Basically, shit happens and he's getting pissy about it. I try to ignore it him when he gets this way but he's been doing it a lot the last week or so.

Last night he was getting pissy because he didn't get to bed until 9:15pm. The horror! I told him at dinner since I cooked, he gets to do dishes. He agreed. Well, 8:30pm he's slamming around the kitchen because he sat on his ass in front of the laptop while the kids got their last bit of TV before bedtime. He could have loaded the dishwasher then. Hell, he could have loaded them as soon as he was finished eating. Your lack of planning should be getting me out of bed to find out what the hell you're slamming doors for... And as I wrote, I tend to ignore him so he was really obnoxious last night. Couldn't find an 1/8 teaspoon for measuring. Couldn't find the invite for the kids' Father's Day thing tomorrow. For God's sake man. Open your eyes and look. Open your ears and listen to me. Shit happens. If you let it get to you, you turn into a sorry, whiney crabbyass that I don't want to be around. So yeah, going out to dinner with you on Sat. to celebrate Father's Day is NOT something I'm particularly looking forward to right now.

[taz157]

[Wisconsin Beth]

I also I told him to take a day off when the kids are still in dcp and I'm at work so he can try to relax. Doubt he will but

Thanks Taz.

eta to fix phrasing.

[anciana]

I was just thinking that something else is behind that behavior if he's been like that for a while. Stuff happens, but if you explode every time, than something else is wrong. He might need to unwind too as he might be overwhelmed just like you. Good idea for him to take a day off and relax or do whatever he likes. Any chance he could have an appointment of some sort in the moring and then take the rest of the day off?

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yeah, we're broke and he worries about money. All the stuff he's taking in expensive and time consuming. He's trying to figure out how to balance the kids, his job, his health and doing work from home. He's starting a yoga class in a couple of weeks. I'm hoping that will help some.

[anciana]

Worries about money are not fun. I know it's been tight for you, guys, and I know he feels responsible for the part of it. But it's not like he can help it, right? So, subconsciously he might be expecting your reproach and feels guilty too. Bam, there comes the explosion when everything hits the fan. Sorry, Beth, just what you needed, huh

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yeah. I'm manage. I'm thinking about taking the kids to the museum on Sat. morning. DS has never been. DD hasn't been in a couple of years. And my membership will be expiring soon so I should use it while I have it.

[anciana]

And if you do take the kids Saturday morning, you can tell DH to take the time to relax or do something fun as well. Does he have any wishes for Father's Day?

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yeah. I don't know what he'll do.

I just called my bff. I've known her since we were 2. We've lived together, traveled together and been friends forever. We've been having problems connecting the last few months but we just got caught up somewhat.

[Wisconsin Beth]

So I got home last night and remembered to check the calendar. Yep. I'm PMSing like a bitch right now and my period should come in the next day or 2. I told DH who IMMEDIATELY said something like "Ahh. Good to know/that explains it." So I'm guessing I've not been easy to live with the last couple of days either. I thought I had another week, which is why I mark the kitchen calendar - and no, I don't much care if people visiting the house see my 'x' on the calendar days and make the connection.

[anciana]

Well, that would definitely explain few things. Aren't you glad when you figure things out and it's not this mystery why is everything wacky. Do you have anything that helps with PMS or you just need to wait it out?

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yeah.

Not really. The stronger meds are helping with the PMS. Before we upped the dose, I'd fall back into that crying/messy pit about 10 days before my period would come. Right now, I'm cranky, tired and don't have a whole lot of patience but it's only a couple days before my period instead of 1/2 of the month. I'm sort of tracking, so when I see my doctor at the end of summer we can discuss and see what the options are.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I also have to stay out of the Useless partner thread.