Thank you all.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I had a good weekend, overall. Having Monday off with DH and sending the kids to dcp was really good too. He needed my help with some tests but that didn't take very long. I made soup and bread. And I finished putting the kids' play kitchen together. They love it. I did lose it last night at bedtime and yelled. I think I'm going to try to verbally say something about needing "quiet time/time out" to get myself under control, in hopes of not yelling.

I did make the decision to put Cocoa down next Tuesday, after Caleb's speech followup. She sort of nipped at my fingers the other night, wanting a treat. I'm willing to go 1 more week and hope/pray she doesn't try it on the kids.

Tonight after work I'm going to return my library books and hopefully get new ones (these were horrid) and get gas for the snowblower. I'm not sure what dinner's going to be tonight yet. I'm thinking tacos for the kids and leftover soup and bread for me. They've gotten a lot of peanut butter and jelly lately so I'd like to avoid that. They like pb&j and have been asking for it but still, they need SOME variety...

[MittenKitten]

beth: so happy things are going well for you. I think I may need to take advantage of your therapists advice! I have some massage GCs that I need to put to use. I also have visions of me alone with books, usually on a sunny beach. Honestly I could include the kids if they would play in the sand and not once say "Mom" lol. I have thought of going to a hotel for a night but I think I may end up bored beyond belief!

Great job working on everything and working with DH. Keep it up.

[naggie1972]

Get a kindle Beth at the first opportunity, will save one of the "to do" things....ie library.

[thyme4change]

I have to stop undermining DH with the kids.

Everyone will benefit if you are able to do this. This has to be my one huge success in marriage and child rearing - letting my husband be a great partner and a great father. He is happier, I am happier and the kids are happier for it. I would encourage you to keep working on this one. It will take 6 months to create a new "normal." Where you can watch him handle things and not get involved - especially if he is handling it differently than you might. 6 months until the kids call out "Dad" just as often as they call out "Mom." 6 months until the kids call out "Mom" and he jumps up and says "You stay put - I'll take care of it." And everyone will be much better off.

[Deleted]

Sounds like you have an awesome counselor!! Glad you are trending in the right direction! Best Wishes for an awesome 2012.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Lol Naggie. I'm resisting Kindle, Nooks, etc. I love real books and I used to work in the library. So I have friends to visit when I pop in. ;D

Part of why I post here is for me and part is for anyone else who may get some use out of this.

I'm hoping we get to a point like that. Right now, when the kids are insisting on me, we're trying to give them both of us. And the other day Keira did want me but accepted DH. And when I'm not home with them, they manage somehow. So I'm working on it.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Beth, get a Nook/Kindle. I resisted like crazy because I "love" books and therefore could not possibly sumbit to electronic books.

I finally got one for Christmas and I've been able to whip thru two books in two weeks something I have not been able to do with regular books in MONTHS. It is so much more portable, easy to store and I don't have to worry about paper shredding toddlers on the loose.

Plus you can borrow books from our local library. When I am done with the book it disappears back into cyberspace, no having to load Gwen in the car and make a trip to the library anymore. It makes getting/returning books A LOT easier.

I don't know why the hell I was so uptight about getting one.

I still have paper books it isn't like I tossed them all and I still go to the library, but having a NOOK provides me with the opportunity to have a book in my hand like I used to and not have to worry about rushing to get books back and I can now buy books without having to figure out where to store them (I already have too many).

My NOOK is currently holding 5 books and taking up way less space than 5 regular books.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm going to resist for now. Going to the library means I get a chance to talk with 2nd mom/bff and another good friend.

The kids are pretty good about not tearing the paper books, except for the lift the flap books (and they've torn apart a couple of board books) but overall I think I've had to tape less than a dozen pages of my books. And I leave them all over the house as I used to pump and read at the same time.

[Deleted]

Hugs. I'm glad you are making some movement and taking better care of yourself.

It's totally reasonable to me that your DH might be depressed - he's had lots of health issues and depression tends to happen when you are hurting and unwell for a long period of time.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I was happy yesterday afternoon. I was looking forward to playing in the snow with the kids and shoveling (yeah, I know, I'm sick. I won't feel this way in another couple of months I'm sure...)

I packed the kids up and we went outside to play in the snow/shovel last night. It went well for about 15 minutes, then Caleb started tossing snow in Keira's face, she started screaming (boy can that girl scream...) and didn't stop until we were inside. Then CALEB started screaming because he wanted to play outside more. Which was when I started to lose it. By the time Scott got home, I was desperate. Him calling to ask about dinner didn't help any either... By the time dinner was over, I was a mess. I laid on the couch and the kids swarmed over me while Curious George was on. DH asked what I needed/wanted and I told him 10 minutes of kid free time. Which he responded to by saying "this won't help now but do you want to go out to dinner tomorrow night, if we can find a sitter?" I didn't really answer him.

I don't know how I went from happy to unhappy so fast. I'm either o'ing or PMSing which is SO not helping right now. But I feel better this morning. We're not going out to eat though. But we're shoveled out and it looks like it's going to be a nice day today.

[skubikky]

I gotta say that usually I don't comment on threads like this as I don't usually have anything to add to what has already been said.

However, I did want to say that I think I understand.

My kids are grown (DS 22 and DD 25) and on their own. Just DH and I at home these days.

I do vividly remember how I felt when both were in dc with both of us working full time. Long commute...getting to day care late when it was snowing, what were we going to make for dinner, what about homework, laundry, ballet, hockey, food shopping....blah, blah, blah. The guilt, the stress, the short temper, and the thought....when will we get off this treadmill?

I know it's been said...it'll ease up and get better. Your munchkins are just at the age to be somewhat independent but in many ways are still babies. The time will go fast and one day you'll turn around and Caleb will be 18 and leaving for college and all you'll see is a vision of him as he is right now....your little boy. Same for Keira...except of course with a lot of girly drama along the way(wouldn't have missed it for the world). I miss my two. They're doing well but it's hard to get used to sometimes.

Glad that the medicine is helping. Hope that your DH has some success with this latest practitioner.

See, didn't really have anything useful to add, just that I wanted to wish you well.

P.S. I tend to be a bit of a hard ass but I've always found your postings very open and honest. You've had the courage to share it all and hopefully that's been reflected back to you in the good wishes and helpful responses from this group of ladies who, I gotta tell ya, I wouldn't mind having a cup of coffee with. Here's wishing you many better days ahead kiddo.

[trytofindbalance]

Hey Beth, ok, so my situation is very different from yours, but I can tell you that last year I started to feel very stressed, anxious and overwhelmed. I also started to feel bad physically. I felt like I was constantly on a treadmill, running, running, running to get everything done and I had zero time for myself. I went to my doctor and she did a ton of bloodwork. Everything came back great, but she warned me that I was showing signs of a sick thyroid, because I was too stressed out. She warned me that if I didn't alleviate some of the stress, I was going to end up getting very sick. She suggested that I exercise for 20 minutes a day, not to get in shape, but to release some of the stress. My DH got very upset and concerned, because he knows I'm not a big Dr. goer and he realized that he had contributed to some of my stress (mostly due to financial issues). Anyway, DH got his rear in gear and has been working very hard to remove the financial burden. He has also been helping with other chores, etc. Our communication has greatly improved and I've learned to ask him for help when I need it. I have also learned that not everything is going to be perfect all the time and it's not worth making myself crazy over. I have also made it a point to make some time for myself, which is very important. I did start exercising and it made a huge difference. My DH just bought me a T.V. (for Christmas) for the spare room and is moving my elliptical machine in there, so I'll be a little more motivated. I still have stress and I still have some days where I truly think my head is going to explode. We got a new puppy about 9 months ago and she can really wear on your patience, she whines all the time, runs around the house like a nut 24/7 and has been very difficult to train. I have also been working on relaxing and learning when it is time to simply say no to a request that is just too much.

I think the most important thing is finding some time for yourself and/or time with your hubby. Make it a point. Get a babysitter and get away for a bit. It's worth every single dollar for your sanity. You'll feel better, be calmer with the kids and glad you did it.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

::swoosh::

That is the sound of what you said flying over your DH's head. Next time I recommend "Take the kids right now before I hit you over the head with a 2 x4".

[Chocolate Lover]

Jan 13, 2012 16:47:17 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

::swoosh::

That is the sound of what you said flying over your DH's head. Next time I recommend "Take the kids right now before I hit you over the head with a 2 x4".

the direct approach is best

[Deleted]

It went well for about 15 minutes, then Caleb started tossing snow in Keira's face, she started screaming (boy can that girl scream...) and didn't stop until we were inside. Then CALEB started screaming because he wanted to play outside more.

Hugs Beth. I am probably about Stubikky's age. You wouldn't want your kids to be in their early or mid-20s tomorrow LOL but what she says is true, it will continue to get easier.

About what happened last night. I'm not sure exactly how old your kids are. But could you have perhaps put Keira in front of a DVD and continued to play outside for another few minutes with Caleb? (I'm not addressing the fact that he threw snow in Keira's face, ideally after a time out but whatever. I'm addressing the fact that your two small kids had different needs at the same time.) Again I'm not sure exactly how old your kids are, and that would mean that you would have needed to be able to see Keira from outside. Not sure if that would have been feasible or not, just a suggestion. I think you're in a house, so in theory you can watch them through the window whether you're inside or outside.

Beth mine are 25, 23, 19 and 13 now. The 25YO and the 23YO are both boys born 20 months apart. I used to PRAY that neither of them killed the other before age 18. Literally. I felt that if they both made it till 18 they wouldn't want to kill each other anymore. Of course at 18 and 16 they suddenly became best friends, and they still are today. When I see them together now I feel that I did something right.

I know that's no help for you now but you need to take heart and remember that "This Too Shall Pass". As the others have said do what you need to do, when you need to do it. PUT YOURSELF FIRST, at least SOME of the time!!!

Your DH's comment was misguided, but kind. Perhaps rather than not answering, you could have told him NO, I need you to deal with them NOW. I know it's very easy to give advice, especially over the internet. I can be extremely cutting and sarcastic, not necessarily a good thing.

Dunno, just hugs. We've all been there, and I promise, it does get better. Your kids are so young that even in a few months, they will be that more autonomous, and it will get that much easier. And that trend will continue.

As somebody else said earlier on, you MUST continue to see your therapist if she is helping you. Of course as a mom you need to put your kids first yada yada yada but you need to have the strength to do that. So that should be a priority financially, even if you don't see her as often.

More hugs!

[Deleted]

Another thought ... I had these "secret" sticker books when my kids were little. They just LOVED LOVED LOVED them. So I bought a few and I stashed them for "emergencies" when I needed one or the other or both to be quiet (or for when we were travelling but that's another issue).

[Deleted]

I've tried locking myself in the bathroom - I either end up with one or both kids knocking on the door wanting me...

A few weeks ago I hid in the bushes around my driveway to get 5 minutes to myself away from DS. I'm lucky the neighbors didn't call the police as he was screaming "Don't leave me!" from the doorway and I was screaming "I need a time-out!" while crouching in a bush.

I've found that if I'm really good about giving DS scheduled, one on one time, he's a lot better about not bugging me every minute. By that I mean being really focused on what you and your child are doing for 15 minutes and not checking your phone or emptying the dishwasher. Let him lead the activities. Then when you step away he should give you some space to do things. Like DS knows he's going to get uninterrrupted time first thing in the morning, when he comes home from school and right before I start cooking dinner. That way your child knows there is time every day when they have your undivided attention.

This is the advice my therapist gave me when DS was driving me up the wall and over it and it seems to help.

[Wisconsin Beth]

God, drama. You're so getting karma for that comment, when I regenerate...

I had 2 days where I realized I was happy. So that's a good thing. And I felt like working on stripping the wallpaper in the "big" bathroom again - a project started 3 years ago. My sister and 2 nieces came over to help on Monday and we got almost all of it down. There's patches by the lights, medicine chest, light switches and a few seams still. So I think it's a good sign that I wanted to work on an old project.

Yesterday, I put my dog down. We're now a pet-less household. So far, so good on the kid front with no dog. Keira will be 4 in May and Caleb was 2 at the end of Oct. I'm sad and I cried a lot yesterday but I think it was all for the loss of my dog, not for me or stress, etc. But I think I'm going to go see my therapist in early Feb.

DH and I are going out for dinner tonight. I gave him the choice of either watching me eat somewhere or going to the 1 restaurant where he can eat but we were/are damn well going out. Needless to say, he opted for Cafe Manna so he can eat too.

I'm really backed up at work, so I'll come back and answer/comment later on.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I gave him the choice of either watching me eat somewhere or going to the 1 restaurant where he can eat but we were/are damn well going out

That's similar to what I said to DH when picking where to go for my birthday. He doesn't have health problems, he's just so darn picky we are often limited to Village Inn or other chains.

I told him I wanted to go someplace upscale/trendy and if all he could eat was the bread baske then that's all he was going to eat and not bitch about it.

[regina24601]

Beth - I'm so sorry about your dog. That's a really, really tough thing to go through, even for someone who isn't struggling with depression as well. It sounds like you've prepared well for it and are handling it well. Still, I'm so so sorry.

[taz157]

Jan 18, 2012 10:26:25 GMT -5 regina24601 said:

Beth - I'm so sorry about your dog. That's a really, really tough thing to go through, even for someone who isn't struggling with depression as well. It sounds like you've prepared well for it and are handling it well. Still, I'm so so sorry.

[anciana]

Beth, so sorry about Cocoa Hang in there. Hope you and hubby have a nice date night!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jan 13, 2012 20:49:16 GMT -5 @debthaven2 said:

It went well for about 15 minutes, then Caleb started tossing snow in Keira's face, she started screaming (boy can that girl scream...) and didn't stop until we were inside. Then CALEB started screaming because he wanted to play outside more.

Hugs Beth. I am probably about Stubikky's age. You wouldn't want your kids to be in their early or mid-20s tomorrow LOL but what she says is true, it will continue to get easier.

About what happened last night. I'm not sure exactly how old your kids are. But could you have perhaps put Keira in front of a DVD and continued to play outside for another few minutes with Caleb? (I'm not addressing the fact that he threw snow in Keira's face, ideally after a time out but whatever. I'm addressing the fact that your two small kids had different needs at the same time.) Again I'm not sure exactly how old your kids are, and that would mean that you would have needed to be able to see Keira from outside. Not sure if that would have been feasible or not, just a suggestion. I think you're in a house, so in theory you can watch them through the window whether you're inside or outside.

We are in a house. Keira will be 4 in May, so she's 3.75 now. Caleb was 2 at the end of Oct. She doesn't like to be alone (won't play by herself in the basement) although she does sometimes play in her room by herself as well as sleep by herself.

I know that's no help for you now but you need to take heart and remember that "This Too Shall Pass". As the others have said do what you need to do, when you need to do it. PUT YOURSELF FIRST, at least SOME of the time!!!

Your DH's comment was misguided, but kind. Perhaps rather than not answering, you could have told him NO, I need you to deal with them NOW. I know it's very easy to give advice, especially over the internet. I can be extremely cutting and sarcastic, not necessarily a good thing.

Yeah, sometimes it's just hard to SAY what I need/want.

As somebody else said earlier on, you MUST continue to see your therapist if she is helping you. Of course as a mom you need to put your kids first yada yada yada but you need to have the strength to do that. So that should be a priority financially, even if you don't see her as often.

Yeah, I won't be seeing her weekly anymore, that's for sure. But i think I'm shooting for early Feb.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jan 13, 2012 21:05:14 GMT -5 @debthaven2 said:

Another thought ... I had these "secret" sticker books when my kids were little. They just LOVED LOVED LOVED them. So I bought a few and I stashed them for "emergencies" when I needed one or the other or both to be quiet (or for when we were travelling but that's another issue).

Yeah, we've done stickers with Keira. Right now crayons and paper work pretty well, as long as Caleb doesn't run away and eat the crayons... and between Christmas and the bribes in the "Poop in the potty prize" bag, we've got what feels like a bazillion crayons right now (K got a box of 64 for Christmas, the easel set we got them came with 48, K got a box of 24 for pooping and there's the "old" crayons from the last 2 years, all with wrappers peeled off by K. )

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jan 17, 2012 17:07:36 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

I've tried locking myself in the bathroom - I either end up with one or both kids knocking on the door wanting me...

A few weeks ago I hid in the bushes around my driveway to get 5 minutes to myself away from DS. I'm lucky the neighbors didn't call the police as he was screaming "Don't leave me!" from the doorway and I was screaming "I need a time-out!" while crouching in a bush.

OMG, the way you worded that is hysterical. Thank you for the laugh.

My next door neighbor also has a son named Caleb (not sure how they spell it though) and they were both outside when I screamed "NO CALEB DON'T EAT THE POOP!!" at the top of my lungs last year. Needless to say, the neighbors are a bit cautious of us since then...

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jan 18, 2012 10:21:44 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I gave him the choice of either watching me eat somewhere or going to the 1 restaurant where he can eat but we were/are damn well going out

That's similar to what I said to DH when picking where to go for my birthday. He doesn't have health problems, he's just so darn picky we are often limited to Village Inn or other chains.

I told him I wanted to go someplace upscale/trendy and if all he could eat was the bread baske then that's all he was going to eat and not bitch about it.

I'd mentioned it last week but I guess he either wasn't listening or didn't think I meant it. Don't know, don't really care right now either.

[taz157]

Jan 18, 2012 12:39:16 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Jan 17, 2012 17:07:36 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

I've tried locking myself in the bathroom - I either end up with one or both kids knocking on the door wanting me...

A few weeks ago I hid in the bushes around my driveway to get 5 minutes to myself away from DS. I'm lucky the neighbors didn't call the police as he was screaming "Don't leave me!" from the doorway and I was screaming "I need a time-out!" while crouching in a bush.

OMG, the way you worded that is hysterical. Thank you for the laugh.

My next door neighbor also has a son named Caleb (not sure how they spell it though) and they were both outside when I screamed "NO CALEB DON'T EAT THE POOP!!" at the top of my lungs last year. Needless to say, the neighbors are a bit cautious of us since then...

Both are

[anciana]

[quot; crayons from the last 2 years, all with wrappers peeled off by K. )[/quote]

What is it with kids peeling off the paper grom crayons anyways It always drove me nuts.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Thanks for the good wishes. I knew it was coming - she would have been 14 this spring and that's ancient for a lab. She didn't hear well, see well or smell well. She was pooping in the house on an irregular basis (I'd have her outside for 30 minutes and within an hour of being inside, she'd poop. No signs or anything.) And she was moving more and more badly, except when outside in this cold weather. THAT made the decision harder, knowing she was enjoying the cold/snow.

But I was REALLY ready to hit him with drama's 2x4 when the kids and I walked in the house last night. He promptly says "you sounded so down when you left me that message about dinner tonight (we mooched off my mom) and then asks if I feel guilty. Me - "no, I don't feel guilty, I feel sad." and he says Cocoa's name, which starts Keira in on "where's Cocoa? Is she coming back? Next week?" and then sobbing on me for a few minutes. I was trying to avoid mentioning Cocoa around the kids yesterday. So Keira and I drew pictures of Cocoa until Curious George distracted her. But damnit DH, THINK about what you're saying first please.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jan 18, 2012 12:47:17 GMT -5 anciana said:

; crayons from the last 2 years, all with wrappers peeled off by K. )

What is it with kids peeling off the paper grom crayons anyways It always drove me nuts.

My Mom says we used to do it too. I dunno. I remember trying to slide crayons out of the wrapper and back in it, without tearing the wrapper though. I have tidy kids though. They either pick up the wrapper shreds and give them to me or toss them in the garbage can by themselves.