Thank you all.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Happy New Year everyone! I hope 2013 is better for everyone.

We did some cleaning in the living room, DH and me. The gate surrounding the entertainment center is gone. The room looks so much bigger (and grubbier). We've got dibs on the couch in my brother's front room that he and his wife want to get rid of. But we need to get serious about the rooms-swap in order to make it work.

I now fit into 2 pair of pants. So weight loss is starting today. I am NOT buying fat pants again. NO. NO. NO. It is NOT happening.

I misplaced my meds over the weekend. I KNEW they were in the kitchen but had to sort though a lot of crap in trying to find them. So the kitchen is in better shape right now.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm tired today. The ILs don't want to handle both kids right now. FIL is home and doing better but still using the walker and MIL doesn't want to leave him and Cabe home together. Which I (and everyone) completely gets. So my parents are taking Keira to school this morning. She wanted to take her new Sofia the First doll in. Fine by me.

Must remember to check DVR to make sure it starts taping Sofia next week.

I did nothing last night once the kids were down. Watched TV, played Words with Friends and tried to remove 2 books from my Kindle (does that count as decluttering?) I'm glad it's a short work week. I need to check on Keira's school schedule for Jan. I think she's got off 1/21 and 1/25. And I think I'm off 1/21 too. But I need to confirm that and figure out what we want to do about the 2nd day. I'm grateful for having people that will happily watch the kids on days we can't. I need to start working on Keira's summer schedule. And figure out if I need to do anything to enroll her in her school next year or if that's automatic. Somedays I feel like the stupidest parent ever. None of this stuff occurs to me and then it all hits and I run around like a chicken with it's head cut off. But I've never had to deal with MPS before. So I'm learning. Anyway, I need to get some work done. Oh and check my paycheck. Should be interesting. I get paid every 2 weeks. And the checks are delayed. So the check I get today is, I think, for the 1st 2 weeks of Dec. And I think there's overtime there. So the pain of the 2% thing isn't likely to hit me until Feb. I'm not sure if that's better or worse, come to think about it. Anyway, I'm rambling.

[wvugurl26]

I think the 2% is based on when its paid not the period you earned it in.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jan 3, 2013 9:18:16 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

I think the 2% is based on when its paid not the period you earned it in.

Right but my paycheck is generally 80 hrs. So my "real" pay with the 2% is unknown by me at this point. The overtime masks the 2%, if that makes sense.

[wvugurl26]

Jan 3, 2013 11:44:38 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Jan 3, 2013 9:18:16 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

I think the 2% is based on when its paid not the period you earned it in.

Right but my paycheck is generally 80 hrs. So my "real" pay with the 2% is unknown by me at this point. The overtime masks the 2%, if that makes sense.

True. I won't know the real damage till I get my check in late January. That will be the first normal one with new rates for everything.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Well, I set some weight loss goals this weekend. Told DH about them too. Treadmilled last night. I slept like crap though. I keep waking up. I'm back in the bedroom after spending like 2 months on the living room couch - if I wasn't sick, DH was.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I put the parental controls on my Kindle. The kids keep getting into YouTube videos in Chinese or a similar alphabet. They like Angry Birds. And the free version of Where's My Perry has Cabe giggling like a loon. I can't get 1 board.

I discovered there's a free ap of the day. So I try to remember to go and check and see if it's anything interesting. I'm also addicted to Words with Friends. My SIL and I have 2 games running. And I have 1 with my mom. And a bunch with random strangers.

One of the drawers in the kitchen sort of died last weekend. It's probably fixable but in the meantime the silverware drawer in taking up LOTS of space on the desk/counter where DH does his stuff. I'm going to try to get to that this weekend.

And did I tell you guys I replaced the showerhead in the bathroom? I got one that's got both fixed and handheld showerheads. I love it. But the tubing for the handheld shower part isn't very flexible. DH likes the handheld ones but the last ones we've had had these amazingly flexible tubes. I wonder if I can just replace the tubing... Hmmm, something to look into. The water pressure isn't quite as good as I'd like it but we've got a filter and that reduces the water pressure in the showerhead. So this is probably as good as I'm going to get it.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm tired. But I'm down 3.5 lbs since last week. ;D And my living room is disgustingly dirty. I did some cleaning/decluttering/rearranging last night and I swear I swept up about a pound of dirt!

[taz157]

Jan 10, 2013 8:50:18 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

But I'm down 3.5 lbs since last week. ;D

[Wisconsin Beth]

I spent a chunk of time on the couch, watching Periot from the DVR, yesterday. I decided I can leave early from work 1 day a month for ME. And I can do anything I want during that time.

[Wisconsin Beth]

dear lord, im in a lousy spot today. Scott's at work, I'm pmsing like razy and have nothing to give anyone today. and I'm supposed to take keira to a hockey game tonight. i dont know if I've got a sitter for cabe or anything.

[anciana]

Hang in there, Beth Thinking of you today with hopes things work out for you

[Wisconsin Beth]

Hi anciana! Welcome back, it's been awhile since I 'saw' you.

The hockey was really fun, all in all. I swear we made like 4 laps of the place looking for the mascot for DD to hug. And all 5 of her girl cousins were there, so she got to hang out with them and act like a loon. ;D And it was nice to hang out with my family, in between the laps....

But I think I need to talk to my doctor about remedies for the PMS I'm experiencing. It's not physical, it's all emotional. I spent most of the weekend alternating between being cranky, tired, a screaming banshee, crying and begging the kids to behave for just 5 minutes (didn't work) And since my period's coming about every 3+ weeks, I'm doing this more frequently. I don't like it. Even if the solution is to take a double happy med dose those days or eat a pound of chocolate or something. It didn't help that I took both kids for haircuts (T could get us in on short notice) and then DH had to work on Sunday so he left around 11am.

My teenage nieces are arranging a gathering on this Sat. I jumped in and said I'd bring Keira by for a couple of hours. She loves her cousins.

Oh, and while at the hockey game I admitted to my family (It was my parents, both brothers and 1 sister) that I suck at parenting. My Mom said she thought I was doing a good job, my siblings were kind of non-committal. I followed up with "but I'm doing the best I can" and they got that. My BIL made a joke (I think) about not liking where this was going and my older brother quipped "the first step is admitting the problem" which I knew someone would say. It was good to say it to them though. The thing is, I do feel I suck at parenting. And I AM doing the best job I can. I'm not sure it's going to be good enough but, well, the kids aren't being abused, they're fed, clothed and loved. And they're being educated. They knew they're loved and they also know their cousins, even though there's an 8+ year gap.

[giramomma]

Beth-
There's a book out called Good-Enough Mother: The Perfectly Imperfect Book of Parenting. According to Amazon, people are pairing that with Good Enough Is the New Perfect: Finding Happiness and Success in Modern Motherhood.

I'd say, what you are doing IS good enough

I think it's all too easy to see the flaws in our parenting. For me, the flaws got magnified when we had our 3rd. #2 is definitely getting short changed. There are days she knows it. But, there are things that make up for it, like her love for the baby.

Right now, "It's good enough" is my rally cry.

I think you are doing the best you can, fixing/addressing whatever what you are in control of and letting the rest go.

I grew up in a household where my folks' mental illnesses were NEVER addressed appropriately. They had a choice and actively chose not to get themselves mentally healthy, and they chose to ignore my warning signs that things weren't right. That's the only situation I've experienced personally where the statements of "I'm doing the best I can" "What I'm doing is good enough" rang false.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Good Enough Is the New Perfect: Finding Happiness and Success in Modern Motherhood.

I own that book and it is awesome. I definetly recommend reading it. While it'll never make mommy guilt go away 100% it really helped to change my outlook.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'll take a look for it.

God, my office is freezing today. I've got a candle lit to aid in heat production. And no, that's not a joke. Brrrrr.

[seriousthistime]

Beth, how is your FIL?

[Wisconsin Beth]

He's doing better. Thanks for asking!

[Wisconsin Beth]

I am so ready for a nap.  And no kids/DH for a while.  Seriously, Keira puked at 3amish on Sunday morning.  And I was behind on laundry due to Cabe peeing though.  Honestly, I'm so bloody damn tired of doing laundry.  I'm tired of feeling like I'm the one pushing everyone to brush teeth, take vitamins, eat whatever, clean whatever, etc.  The house is a falling apart pit from hell right now.  And it's bloody cold here.  And I'm fat.  I want the fat fairy to come and remove 15 lbs.  I want the reno fairy to come and reno my kitchen and baths.  I want the decluttering fairy to come and declutter the house.  I want the cleaning fairy to come and clean the entire house once the decluttering and reno fairies leave.  And I want the cooking fairy to come and prep freezer meals that the entire family can/will eat. 

Oh, and the best WTF moment over the weekend was MIL calling after 10pm on Sunday night (waking me and DH up) to make sure we knew that DD was off of school on Monday....   

[Wisconsin Beth]

Still tired.  But at least no one puked or peed though last night.  Yay for small victories.  Cabe did wake up twice though.  Once around midnight because his covers had come off.  He was crying and trying to pull them back over himself from the floor when I got in there.  I admit, I waited in hopes DH would go in and I could stay in bed.  No such luck.  And again at 3amish.  No clue what was going on at 3am.  Took him to the bathroom and then back to his bed to snuggle.  Changed him into a dry pullup.  Which was still dry at 630am when I got him up.  I'm not sure if that's progress or not. 

He does seem to have made another language leap in the last week or so. 

Keira's in love with tights.  We're up to 7 pairs, so I don't have to do laundry midweek to make sure she has tights.  Yeah, I'm lazy/smart/something like that. 

I took Cabe's pillow pet to Mom's to get a seam fixed.  It's a sheep or panda.  It's black and white at any rate.  He's also got a ginormous tiger one.  Which I need to wash.  If I ever get caught up again.  Actually, all the guys in his bed need to be washed.  Sadly, most of them are NOT machine wash.  Why the F do companies market stuffed animals to kids that you can't toss in the washing machine? 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Ha,  DH reminded me to check.  He's been eyeballing his 401K the last couple of days.  He's at 199K.  So I checked mine.  As of yesterday I'm at $114K.  Woohoo!  We just bumped my contributions back up to 15% and he's at 5% with a 4% match.  We've got about $15K in IRAs.  We suck at IRAs.  I'll have some kind of pension, currently estimated around $30K a year.  So I think we'll be ok in retirement.  20+ years to go.  That's kind of scary, when I think about it.   

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm out of sorts lately.  Cold, tired, cranky, the usual basically.  I really just want to hibernate for a couple of weeks but that's not really an option. 

I'm mostly caught up on laundry.  A few towels and the clothes from yesterday.  I changed Cabe's bedding yesterday because it was wet.  I'm not sure if it was pee or spilled water - could go either way. 

Keira's and our bed gets done tomorrow. 

I need to do a Target run this weekend.  And today's my Mom's b-day.  She's 71.  And helping me take the kids to Tiny Tots tomorrow as DH has to work. 

[anciana]

Hi Beth, sorry to hear you're out of sorts. I popped in last time as I felt you're getting to that point again. Could it be this time of the year as the winter drags on and spring is not in sight yet? It just seemed to me like it happened last year too.     Then I promptly left on vacation / went back to my lurker mode   I can't seem to make up my mind if I'm going to participate or just read along

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yeah, the weather/climate probably has something to do with it.  It's about 10 degrees outside today with a pretty stiff breeze.  Not much snow though.  And it's really sunny today.  So it looks nice out but it's colder than a witch's broomstick. 

I'm gonna bail at work soon.  I'm going to buy me a new pair of sneakers, look at pants and swimsuits at Target and get DH some container thingies.  Then go home and toss a pizza in the oven and veg on the couch until I have to go pick up Keira. 

I'm debating taking the kids to my Mom's b-day dinner.  I can't afford the calories but the kids will have fun.  But there's nothing at the restaurant they chose that DH can eat.  So I'm dithering on that too.  <Beth hears "Should she stay?  Should she go?" from Sandra Boynton's book But Not the Hippopotamus. >

[Wisconsin Beth]

DH had a fairly large Freudian slip yesterday.  There's an appraiser coming on Friday for the cashout refi.  What he said was "I guess you need to clean before then."  To which I promptly called him on.  He said he didn't realize what pronoun he'd used and he was planning on cleaning too.  I do believe him but still think it was kinda funny. 

I did buy new sneakers last week. 

Weekend was odd.  I got really drunk on Sat. night.  And I spent a lot of time on both Sat. and Sun dealing with the kids while DH went to work or shopped - the kids did NOT want to shop with him.  So I guess they were having more fun with me than getting treats with daddy... 

Dinner tonight it pork chops.  I've got to work late on Wednesday (conference call with vendor on setting up an import process that failed the last time we worked on it.  I had a deadline then and called off the work and now we can't remember where the fail was.)  So if I feed the kids on Wed, it's leftovers.  Or more dino shaped pb&j sandwiches.  Cabe got a sandwich press for Christmas from my sister.  I used it last night on their pb&j's.  They loved it and ate 2 sandwhiches each.  And since we have sort of tiny bread, all I lost was the crusts.  And they pigged out on cheese sticks.  I'm sticking my head in the sand on how unhealthy meals are in our house right now.  They're eating, they're growing, they're more or less hitting the appropriate milestones and they're not too chubby. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm freezing cold today.  And I've got bad heartburn the last 48 hours.  Please, I'm not getting sick.  I have to be at work tomorrow. 

[anciana]

  Beth, too funny about DH's slip up. Good thing he accknowledged that he'll need to clean too. And a good reminder for him too.
  Sorry to hear you're not feeling well. Go get some chicken soup, any kind. It will warm you up and hopefully keep the sickness crud away. I still remember when I got a cold while being pregnant and couldn't take any medicine, so I ate chicken noodle soup every day. A bit much, I was so sick of it by day 5, LOL, but it seemed like it helped. Since then I still keep a can in my desk drawer at work. Hang in there!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Well, the weekend sucked big time.  I broke down crying on Sunday while DH was at work.  He did get home in the middle of it but I couldn't stop crying.  He took the kids so I could  have a shower in peace and quiet (and still crying in there)  Needless to say, an appt. with Liz is going to be made. 

And I screwed up my right shoulder (I'm right handed) and heat is the only thing helping. 

And the kids still manage to find me at night.  Doesn't matter if I'm on the couch or in the bedroom, they make a beeline for me at 0darkhundred.  I love them but yesterday I'd have sold them and DH for a nickle.  It was not good.  I'm modeling the exact behavior that drives me nuts with my kids.  And I need to change that. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm so tired.  I'm tired of herding kids.  I'm tired of DH.  I'm tired of being responsible.  I'm tired of trying to cook meals that the kids don't want to eat.  I'm tired of laundry (Cabe peed twice in his bed last night somehow missing the blankets both times...)  I'm tired of treading water (barely) in keeping up the house because as soon as I change/fix/clean/declutter something, someone comes along and messes it right back up.  I"m tired of being the one who handles the kid schedule.  I'm tired of being late for work.  I'm tired of being cold and I'm tired of being fat.  And I'm tired of being tired. 

[Deleted]