Thank you all.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Thanks Pink.  I see my doctor this morning for my shoulder.  I'm going to talk to her about this too. 

[anciana]

I am so sorry, Beth, looks like it's bee a rough few weeks 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yeah.  It's been a rough winter.  We were pretty much sick from Halloween to Christmas and now Keira's coughing again.   
My older sister swears it gets better as the kids age out of some of this stuff. 

[anciana]

Yes, it does get better as the kids get older and don't get sick that often. At least for the kids that go that route (DD still gets croup although she's suppose to outgrow it , but DS doesn't get sick very often any more). And this is the hardest time of the year

Is there any way your DH can carry a little more weight with the kids? I know it can be hard and things don't always seem even, but most of the times one of the spouses/parents usually carries more, it just flip-flops back and forth. I know that there are times when I just can't do as much as usual, and even though it might not be that much, but hubby will pick it up until I can. I clearly remember when DS was going through night time potty training that hubby would set his alarm clock to middle of the night, get up and take DS potty. I was still nursing DD through the night, but even as she was slowing down, he still kept taking care of DS. Yes, I would deal with the laundry, and it was getting old, but knowing that at night I need to take care of only one kid's needs helped my sanity tremendously.
You ARE doing a great job! Huggs and hang in there, Beth   

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm clinging to that for re-assurance anciana. 

I have bicep tendonitis in my right shoulder.  I'm on meds and no heavy lifting, i.e. no kid holding.  So of course yesterday was full of bumps, bruises and reasons they needed/wanted me to hug or carry them. 

I took them out to eat at Culver's for burgers and ice cream for dinner.  They mostly behaved.  I decided I wasn't going to look while Cabe ate the ketchup straight from the little plastic dish while we waited for our food to be brought out.  If I don't see it, it didn't happen, right? 

*-*-*--
I see the doctor again on the 22nd.  She wants to evaluate my shoulder and talk about the depression.  And I'm under orders to call Liz and get in there.  I'm thinking about going back on the pill in order to regulate my periods.  I think PMS was a big factor in the weekend's meltdown.  And I'm currently having periods every 22 days or so.    It'd be nice to get back to once a month, you know?  I don't want to go back on it but I think it might be best for now.  And I told her I'm doubling up on the vit. D for now, so I'm at 4,000 whatevers a day.  She said to keep that up until the sun comes back. 

*-*-*-*-*
DH just got the appraisal for the house from Wells Fargo (we're in the midst of a refi) and it's for $90K.  Which is what DH paid for it in the late 1990s.  Replacement value is like $153K so we've got a 53% depreciation rate right now.  And it needs work.   The plan is to use the cash from the refi to pay off the vacation land.  If we do that, DH thinks we'd have a bit over and should go to a B&B.  Which I admit I could use.  But we've both wondered about not paying off the vacation land and using the money to deal with the kitchen.  Which needs help in the form of new cupboards, new flooring, a new stove and a breakfast bar/passthough into the living room so we can see what the kids are getting into while we're dealing with meals. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Oh, the loan amount we're looking for is $64K, give or take a couple of hundred.  So while my math skills suck right now, I think that's enough that we don't need to do PMI. 

[anciana]

Beth, keep on hanging in there and putting one foot in front of the other. Yes, try vitamin D and whatever else your doc said, definitely see Liz as that has helped you so much previously and it might be just what you need, a little reminder to keep finding ways to enjoy your life.

Glad to hear the refi is going OK (I think?). Will that help with money worries you've had so far? I saw your other thread about what to do with the bulk of the money and I think you got a lot of good advice to mull over.
We are unable to refi as we're a little underwater, but don't qualify for any of the programs out there. Infuriating, but nothing much we can do about it now. And we might need to move in a couple of years to a better school district so it's starting to worry me.

And yes, whatever you don't see, it didn't happen   As long the kids are not getting hurt or hurting somebody/something, there is no need to 'see' everything. You will correct Cabe next time.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yeah, I was doing good on ignoring him licking the ketchup and then Keira came up and tattled!!

I'm not sure what's going on with the refi, exactly.  But I think DH and I need to have a discussion on it and take a look at what happens if we don't pay off the land. 

[taz157]

Feb 13, 2013 16:20:51 GMT -5 anciana said:

And yes, whatever you don't see, it didn't happen   As long the kids are not getting hurt or hurting somebody/something, there is no need to 'see' everything. You will correct Cabe next time.

I'm sure not sure if others have said this before, but your blog gave me the push I needed last year to get my act together and speak to my doctor about my issues. With what she's prescribed (Zoloft), I'm definitely feel better. Between last year and this year, there's definitely a 180 degree difference in my attitude, moods, etc. and for the better. Thank you!

[Jaguar]

Beth it will get better.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Can I go back to bed?  I stayed up too late working a puzzle on my Kindle and then Cabe was up at 515 or so. 

And DH gets a for last night. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Feb 13, 2013 20:52:01 GMT -5 taz157 said:

Feb 13, 2013 16:20:51 GMT -5 anciana said:

And yes, whatever you don't see, it didn't happen   As long the kids are not getting hurt or hurting somebody/something, there is no need to 'see' everything. You will correct Cabe next time.

I'm sure not sure if others have said this before, but your blog gave me the push I needed last year to get my act together and speak to my doctor about my issues. With what she's prescribed (Zoloft), I'm definitely feel better. Between last year and this year, there's definitely a 180 degree difference in my attitude, moods, etc. and for the better. Thank you!

I'm glad it's helped you.  I have a tendency to not post when things are going better/well. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

And I hope this guy writes more about parenting.  I'm dying. 

www.slate.com/articles/life/gentleman_scholar/2013/02/flintstones_vitamins_hoyt_curtin_s_theme_song_and_xanax_parenting_gentleman.html

[Wisconsin Beth]

$116,473.28 in my deferred comp!  Woohoo! 


DH just emailed me his numbers - 202,070.01

And there's about 15K in 401K stuff.  333,543.29 or so for retirement funds.  I think we're contributing about $20K a year into retirement.  And I'll have a pension of about $30K a year.  Part of me thinks we're doing great and part of me is scared.  Oh well.  We can only do what we can do. 

[anciana]

Those number look great to me, Beth! Ultimately, you're right that you can only do what you can do, but it seems that you're doing really good.
And Happy Friday! I hope you have a great day today and an even better weekend ahead!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Thanks!  You have a Happy Friday too. 

We're going out for dinner tonight.  Day care is offering a free parent's night out and will watch the kids from 6pm-9:30pm.  So we're going to the Key Wesconsin - a kind of hokey Key West parody.  But their shrimp app. is awesome.  I've raved about it before but it's 6oz of little shrimp, lightly (extremely) breaded in corn starch and flash fried (so like 30 seconds in the oil) and served with a sweet Thai sauce.  The dinner version is 9oz.  The place is gluten free and can accommodate DH's dairy free needs too.  Bad part, they're a good 30 minutes from home and parking sucks.  Can you tell I'm looking forward to the shrimp?  lol. 

I'm feeling better today.  Still need to call Liz. 

DH doesn't think he'll need to work this weekend.  Maybe it's time to do the Pirate thing at the Museum...  And I'm restarting my membership to the Museum.  The kids love going there and I refuse to squash that more than I already have.  And it's too expensive to pay to get in for the 1.5 hrs. we're there.  And I work most Mondays, the free day. 

I wish we made like 3x what we do.  I'd have full membership in the Zoo, the Museum and the Domes.  As it is, I'll take the more basic packages for now.  But if we ever win one of the bazillion dollar Powerball lotteries, they will each get a nice donation.  The Zoo's would be for whatever they need to do.  Same with the Domes, with a request to restore some of the formal outdoor gardens.  The Museum's would be to start doing work on the 2nd and 3rd floor dioramas.  I don't think they've done anything to most of them in 40+ years (as long as I can remember going there.)  And they could stand to be freshened up.  Or made more interactive.  Or something.  Anyway, I'm rambling as opposed to working.  So back to work. 

[missk82]

Hi Beth, I just wanted to say you are one of the most interesting posters and I really admire how you've really just dove in and taken care of and loved your kids, especially since they arrived a bit unexpected! I think you are a great mom!

Also, I work in a financial planning office, and I just wanted to say that in my (non-expert) opinion, it looks to me like you and your DH are on the right track for retirement. Do you have any idea of what your social security estimates are? Will you be receiving social security at all? If I remember correctly you are a government worker so your Social Security might be very small if you receive a government pension instead.

Still, when I thought of your numbers (just estimating) I thought your husband might get $21,600 from SS, and you get $30,000 from your pension, for a yearly income $51,600. If you keep doing $20,000 a year towards retirement for just another 10 years and not counting growth, you might have around $550,000. If you retire at 65 a 4% withdrawal rate should be sustainable which would be around $22,000 giving you a household income of $73,000. I know I'm not figuring inflation or cost of living increases and stuff, this was just a very quick estimate. Although that amount is less than what you currently make I think, the kids expenses will be lower, taxes will be a lot lower, etc. So not sure how that number looks to you, but maybe it will help some!

[Wisconsin Beth]

Thanks MissK.  We tend to not count SS in our guesstimates for retirement.  My pension is separate from SS and I will receive SS, in some shape or form (I have no clue what's going to happen to SS in 25 years.)  DH and I have both worked fulltime since we were in our early 20s, so we've each got close 20 years or so  of fulltime contributions to SS.  I admit, I don't look at the SS statements when they come/came.  I think the last time I did, I looked at what I'd get if something happened to DH or me. 

I work for local gov't, not feds.  And the City's pension fund is separate from the State and County's pension funds.  Something about Home Rule?  And my pension fund is like 98% fully funded so I feel confident it will be there when I retire. 

I'm worried about the kids' college and medical costs for DH and me, in retirement.  We'll be 55 or so when Keira starts college, for planning purposes. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

And you know, somedays I swear I just look for new things to worry about, like I don't have enough "real" stuff to worry about. 

[anciana]

Beth, enjoy your date night and dinner. I'd say that 3 our of 5 is good enought   With free childcare, delicious dinner and gluten free options, it shouldn't be that bad that it's a bit far away and the sucky parking.

I hope you enjoy the museum this weekend too. Our kids want to go so fast through those special exhibits, sometimes I wonder why take them, but then they surprize me   We have zoo and museum annual passes and those were/are a life saver at times. And now that the kids are getting bigger, we still use them, just maybe enjoy it more, you know, get to actually see things instead of just corral/chase kids around, lol

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yeah, I learned a long time ago, with my nephews, that you have to do stuff at the kids' paces.  Leisurely strolls though the Museum discussing the artifacts ain't gonna happen.  Although the last trip with DD, we did stumble upon a docent in the South and Central Americas area who pointed out a real mummified body in an exhibit and DD was willing to stick around and listen for a couple of minutes.  I'm just glad they like the museum.  And the zoo.  And the Domes (indoor horticultural leftover from the 50s.)    Esp. in winter when I'm desperate for green grass, flowers and a chance to pretend it's spring/summer.  I think the Show Dome still has the trains.  And with an entrance fee of $6.50 for me and both kids, it's worth it. 

[seriousthistime]

Feb 15, 2013 10:30:07 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Thanks!  You have a Happy Friday too. 

We're going out for dinner tonight.  Day care is offering a free parent's night out and will watch the kids from 6pm-9:30pm.  So we're going to the Key Wesconsin - a kind of hokey Key West parody.  But their shrimp app. is awesome.  I've raved about it before but it's 6oz of little shrimp, lightly (extremely) breaded in corn starch and flash fried (so like 30 seconds in the oil) and served with a sweet Thai sauce.  The dinner version is 9oz.  The place is gluten free and can accommodate DH's dairy free needs too.  Bad part, they're a good 30 minutes from home and parking sucks.  Can you tell I'm looking forward to the shrimp?  lol. 

I'm feeling better today.  Still need to call Liz. 

DH doesn't think he'll need to work this weekend.  Maybe it's time to do the Pirate thing at the Museum...  And I'm restarting my membership to the Museum.  The kids love going there and I refuse to squash that more than I already have.  And it's too expensive to pay to get in for the 1.5 hrs. we're there.  And I work most Mondays, the free day. 

I wish we made like 3x what we do.  I'd have full membership in the Zoo, the Museum and the Domes.  As it is, I'll take the more basic packages for now.  But if we ever win one of the bazillion dollar Powerball lotteries, they will each get a nice donation.  The Zoo's would be for whatever they need to do.  Same with the Domes, with a request to restore some of the formal outdoor gardens.  The Museum's would be to start doing work on the 2nd and 3rd floor dioramas.  I don't think they've done anything to most of them in 40+ years (as long as I can remember going there.)  And they could stand to be freshened up.  Or made more interactive.  Or something.  Anyway, I'm rambling as opposed to working.  So back to work. 

Screw the Powerball and all the lotteries, Beth.  The answer came to me in a dream on Wednesday night. 

I had a dream that I was trying to solve a particular money-related issue.  I went to talk to you.  You said you were stuck on another particular money-related issue.  We talked about our money-related issues, came up with solutions to our problems, and started a business advising people about their money-related problems.  We eventually started a partnership, advising everyone what to do about their money problems, and they paid us amazing sums of money and were eternally grateful to us.  Our money solutions were positively brilliant!!!  We began to rake in some serious (no pun intended) bucks.  Then we started to think about franchising, and that idea looked promising too.  We were about to hit it really big when I woke up.  The funny thing is that I always called you Wisconsin Beth and you always called me Serious.  You never asked me my name and I never asked you yours (assuming it's not Wisconsin or Beth). 

I can't remember what it was we did to make that money.  When I woke up I wished that I'd written down exactly what we did to make all that money.  Story of my life...

The rest of you should know that I don't know Beth.  Never met her, don't live within half a day's drive of Wisconsin, been there twice in my entire life, never talked to Beth outside these boards, never even PM'd her, nor has she PM'd me.  So, not sure why we picked each other to go into business together, but I think you and I are about to hit it big, Wisconsin Beth.

In the meantime, though, it was payday today and I got past my moment of payday euphoria doldrums which evaporates quickly into payday doldrums.  Another $100 disappeared from my paycheck due to signing up for another tax-deferred account (HSA).  To celebrate, I went to TJ Maxx, bought an over-the-door shelf for my bathroom vanity for less than $10 despite my spending 2 hours in the store and not trying on a thing, and came home to eat leftover pizza.

ETA:  I think I called you "Wisconsin Beth" instead of "Beth is gonna lose 10 lbs" because you had already lost the 10 pounds.

[mamasita99]

Serious, fabulous dream, and I too know that success is coming through your door! And Beth's too!

I also deal with anxiety/depression issues, and I work really hard at staying in the present moment and not dwell on feeling bad. If something crappy is happening in the moment, I remind myself that this will pass, and I tell myself something that I want to happen to fix it.

If I'm in the middle of a yelling match with my 13 year old I tell myself, "I'm not going to yell anymore. I am going to deliver the consequences calmly and be the person I want my 13 year old to model. I'm breathing in calmly, and my morning is heading in a better direction".

I "self talk" a better outcome, instead of telling myself "this sucks, what a shitty start to a workday, I'm a crappy mom".

Either way I self talk, I'm right.  

It's a habit I'm working hard at perfecting, and of course PMS throws that all out the window, some days I just find a closet and hide for 5 minutes from the world!

[Wisconsin Beth]

LOL Serious, how fun.  I hope we do hit it big.  And oddly enough, my name really is Beth.  And sadly, I haven't lost the 10 lbs.  Well, I think I've lost the same 2 lbs about 5 times in the last 6 weeks.... 

We took the kids to the Domes yesterday.  Lots of people there but still fun.  And only $13 to get in, whereas the Museum would have been closer to $100 (we're buying family membership next time I go and the Pirates thing is an extra fee) so the Domes won out due to cheapness.  Wandered around/chased Cabe for 1.5 hours and then did a Target run.  Got more swim diapers for Cabe, pjs for Cabe and skirts for Keira.  She's really too tall for her 5Ts so she picked out 5-6 skirts in girls.  I think we got size samll.  And I told her we'd have to get rid of some of her smaller skirts.  She wants to keep a particular one but I'm not sure which one offhand.  She said something about flowers...

Cleaned up some around the house.  Took the top layer of grunge off the bathtub as Cabe pooped in it on Sat.  Sigh. 

And I'm sick again.  Sore throat, slight cough and I'm hacking up gobs of dark green junk.  Yuck.  And I woke up all sweaty in the middle of the night so I suspect I spiked a fever briefly.  I have NEVER been this sick this frequently in my life.  My Mom called me her healthy kid.  My siblings came down with everything and I didn't, I just got the occasional cold.  So this is frustrating.  And I just broke a finger nail.  I'm not pounding the keyboard THAT hard...

[anciana]

Hey, Beth and Serious, if you, guys, really start a business, can I be one of your clients? I could totally use some "some positively brilliant money solutions" right about now. I think Beth has her financial house in pretty good shape, so I might steal some of those solutions as they are

Glad you had a good weekend, Beth, but sorry to hear you're getting sick again. Yup, the early years with my kids, I was getting sick on a regular basis, as they would pick up all the bugs and then share tham, and it didn't help that I was always tired, so my immunity was down. That also gets better as they get older, I promise!

Did you say that you'll be seeing Liz this week? I hope you have that appointment set up. I am sure she will be able to point it out to you just how far you've come

[Wisconsin Beth]

l like to set and forget a bunch of financial stuff.it may not be enough but at least it's something.

I'm home sick again.   And I still need to call liz back.

[anciana]

Sorry to hear you're sick again, Beth. I hope you got some rest staying home. This winter can't be over soon enough.

Yes, call  Liz and figure out when you're going to see her. Hugs

[Wisconsin Beth]

Oh, I talked to my BIL's wife over the weekend.  She says he's up to 2 bottles of hard booze a week.  And she's in an up phase of HER depression and gave me the impression she's willing to tackle some of her issues with him.  She and I also agreed I'm in a down phase of MY depression.  Hence the desire to sleep 23 out of 24 hours a day....

Page 6 of the thread I started on YM Off Topic on Abusive Parents is giving me some ideas on handling Cabe that don't involve yelling/completely losing it.  Which is good because I need them. 

[drivingaround]

What is the difference between Up and Down phases of depression?  Does down mean you're in the midst of an episode or down as in tail end of one? 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Feb 21, 2013 11:57:54 GMT -5 drivingaround said:

What is the difference between Up and Down phases of depression?  Does down mean you're in the midst of an episode or down as in tail end of one? 

I use "Up" as in a good place, where you can see what needs to be done and take steps to actually accomplish it.  And they don't seem to be so hard once you start.

I use "Down" as in a bad place.  Right now I can see what needs to be done by me, my DH to make our family better/more normal/what have you.  But last weekend, all I could do was curl up and cry because doing anything beyond laundry, food and Tiny Tot swim classes seemed to be a huge, enormous task and I couldn't figure out what needed to be done much less how to do it or actually start it. 

Does that help? 

*-*--
I had a few months in a good place and then I just crashed, probably due to hormones due to my period as that's been a known troublesome time for me since I started the meds. 

I think I'm coming back up so hopefully I can make some changes at home and we'll stick with them.