Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery

[MarleyKeezy78]

 These are the things I need to hear. This is all new to me so please be tough! Thank you Blonde Granny.

[Deleted]

I remember one time after I recognised that I was drinking too much and should "get it under control" my XH and I went out to dinner. I decided that having 2 drinks with dinner was reasonable. So I got the first drink and realised I was going to have to slow down my usual drinking pace to make these 2 drinks last the hour it would take for dinner. So I guesstimated how many sips to each drink then divided that into 30 minutes so I knew how many minutes I needed to leave between each sip. It's funny now to realise that having a pop or something after the drinks were gone never occurred to me at the time. Anyway, I made those two drinks last and left the restaurant very proud of myself for my "control". I really didn't see being obsessed by those 2 drinks as unusual.

[Blonde Granny]

Marley, the best thing you can do for yourself is to look online for AA. There will be a local phone number, and likely lists of all times and places for meetings.

Talking to people online is fine, but it is absolutely NO substitute for face to face meetings.  You will hear things you like, things that make you angry and things you decide are just plain dumb and don't apply to you...because after all, just like I thought, I wasn't like to those people.

Furthermore, I didn't lose my DH, house, never had a DUI, didn't lose a job, yet.  The only thing I lost was me.  If you don't like one meeting, try another.  Just keep trying until you find one that fits.   You see, as I was told, you HAVE to go to meetings until you WANT to go to meetings.

It's your life and you can do what you want. My hope is that you make the right decision, you can save yourself years of unhappiness if you do.

[kent]

Apr 11, 2014 9:09:01 GMT -5 Blonde Granny said:

I've heard ideas like your for many years Marley and no matter what any of us tell you to the contrary, you're going to do whatever it is you want to do. And what you want to do is to continue to drink.

I know you didn't like what I said, but it's true. You're not the first nor will you be the last to try all means possible to drink and therefore prove to yourself you don't have a problem.

In the part of the world of AA that I come from, in other words, go back out, try whatever, and when you're ready to admit the truth to yourself and to others, c'mon back, we've got the light on for you and will embrace you with open arms. Just don't expect us to fall for your schemes.

I don't play games with a practicing alcoholic because I can't win and you won't win.

ps: this is called tough love!

Whew!  That is a really tough message but it's the right message.  My BIL and his dad were both alcoholics and thought they could periodically stop for a week or so to "prove" to those around them that there wasn't a problem - NOT - they just quietly picked up where they left off.

BIL was told numerous times his liver was in BIG trouble and that he would die - he just kept on drinking and it finally caught up with him - RIP

His father followed the same path - RIP

For those that have this disease, you only have two choices.  Leave the "switch" on and keep drinking or turn it off and walk away from alcohol forever.  Despite the failures I've noted above, I've also seems seen success stories.

[MarleyKeezy78]

Thanks you guys❤️ 

[MarleyKeezy78]

Checking in on day six here. Doing good, have had a few weak moments but your comments have kept me strong! It's going to be beautiful today so we are making a picnic, taking the top off the jeep and taking the kiddo to the park  I also had a coupon for Omaha Steaks so in stead of buying alcohol I stuffed the freezer full of steaks and other yummy stuff  Never tried it before so we shall see and if they are good I will start using the coupons I get. Thank you thus far for the encouragement and toughness   Will check in later!

[mmhmm]

Sounds like a great plan for the day, Marley!  I've had Omaha Steaks and found them delicious.  I hope your family enjoys the good stuff!

[chiver78]

yay Marley! I'm still figuring things out, but I went out last night with friends to see the cover band one is in...and had seltzer w/cranberry all night. I got questioned on it once, and (part of why i love this group) they left me alone about it the rest of the night. heading out with a different group of ladies tonight for bingo. going to feel like hell tomorrow from the smoke in the bingo hall and lack of sleep, but not from a hangover. :-)

sent from my electronic distraction

[MarleyKeezy78]

That's awesome Chiver! I have plans with a friend in May and was worried, but she isn't a big drinker so not going to be bad. We have dinner, a play and maybe dancing planned so nothing crazy
Thanks mmhmm, happy to hear good things about the steaks!

[mmhmm]

Just have fun with your friends, Chives!  It's lots better to have a great time and not have to pay for it the next day! 

[roygrip]

Apr 11, 2014 8:16:33 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Roy you went farther along than I did. Thank goodness people like you shared your stories so I could see where I was headed before I got there. For me, a friend's mother asked me to talk to him about his drinking. And when I went to do it there was just enough honesty left in me to admit that I was drinking drink for drink with him so if he had a problem (and I had no doubt he had a problem) there was a good chance I did too. After I was open to the idea that my drinking wasn't normal I started learning about how the disease is progressive and that those folks on park benches and puking into garbage bags didn't start out that way. At one time they were like me and it got worse.

Bloomer and by the flip of the coin, it is so good to see people like you in the rooms to show others that you can stop earlier than someone like me who truly took it to the last door on the left. I have a dear friend who at 19 watched his brother administer the heroin overdose to himself and die, just as he was about to do his. He now has over 29 yrs clean/sober and is one of the most active members in my inner circle, perfect vehicle for the young ones staggering in the door. We all truly are miracles!

[Blonde Granny]

Well, since I only drank beer, it was plain to me that I couldn't have a problem!

I did find out however, that once that door opens even a sliver, I don't believe anyone can ever pour a drink or pop a top without thinking about whether or not they actually have a problem.

[roygrip]

Apr 11, 2014 9:09:01 GMT -5 Blonde Granny said:

I've heard ideas like your for many years Marley and no matter what any of us tell you to the contrary, you're going to do whatever it is you want to do. And what you want to do is to continue to drink.

I know you didn't like what I said, but it's true. You're not the first nor will you be the last to try all means possible to drink and therefore prove to yourself you don't have a problem.

In the part of the world of AA that I come from, in other words, go back out, try whatever, and when you're ready to admit the truth to yourself and to others, c'mon back, we've got the light on for you and will embrace you with open arms. Just don't expect us to fall for your schemes.

I don't play games with a practicing alcoholic because I can't win and you won't win.

ps: this is called tough love!

I will second what Granny says.  Each of us on our own path must reach a bottom. Your quote Marley says you have already started the rationalization process towards drinking again.  "Well I'll go 10 days, a month, a yr... (fill in the blank)" That will prove I'm not an alcoholic.  This is part of the "I'm different than ya'll".  We're (I'm) not saying it to you to make you mad or act superior.... Its the path that most of us in recovery (or not) travel.  Its the layers we go thru to get to what we say is surrender.  The point we admit that the drinking/drugs, etc is BIGGER than us, that we truly don't have control.  SURRENDER.  The point that we the alcoholic say ENOUGH, this disease (get it?) is bigger than me.... NOW we make a CONCIOUS choice to do whatever it takes to never drink again it itty bitty steps so as not to overwhelm ourselves.

Marley, you do whatever you need to do.....  Most of us didn't get it at first..... Hell I knew I had a problem in my early 20's, I didn't "get it" till my early 40's, I used/drank for 32 yrs of my life.  Its what we do. And we do it till we don't want to do it anymore.  We reach a bottom, or we don't.  Those people who don't stop (and are alcoholics) ONLY have 3 options for the future, jail, institutions, or death.  I visited (but checked out of) all three before I got it.

You want us to tell you the truth.... We will.  How dop you know its the truth.... WE'VE BEEN THERE!  Good luck

[roygrip]

Apr 11, 2014 10:15:18 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

I remember one time after I recognised that I was drinking too much and should "get it under control" my XH and I went out to dinner. I decided that having 2 drinks with dinner was reasonable. So I got the first drink and realised I was going to have to slow down my usual drinking pace to make these 2 drinks last the hour it would take for dinner. So I guesstimated how many sips to each drink then divided that into 30 minutes so I knew how many minutes I needed to leave between each sip. It's funny now to realise that having a pop or something after the drinks were gone never occurred to me at the time. Anyway, I made those two drinks last and left the restaurant very proud of myself for my "control". I really didn't see being obsessed by those 2 drinks as unusual.

DAMN! your waaaaay better than me!

[roygrip]

Apr 12, 2014 7:34:05 GMT -5 MarleyKeezy78 said:

Checking in on day six here. Doing good, have had a few weak moments but your comments have kept me strong! It's going to be beautiful today so we are making a picnic, taking the top off the jeep and taking the kiddo to the park  I also had a coupon for Omaha Steaks so in stead of buying alcohol I stuffed the freezer full of steaks and other yummy stuff  Never tried it before so we shall see and if they are good I will start using the coupons I get. Thank you thus far for the encouragement and toughness   Will check in later!

LOL, Marley on a different note, try "Texas Steak Warehouse" find them online I did "Omaha" was not as impressed as I am by Texas Steak Hereford beef, better price, coupons, sales and AWESOME STEAKS!

[roygrip]

Marley, we will always tell you the truth... Good luck!

[mmhmm]

I always feel a little guilty for posting in this thread.  I don't drink alcohol and never really have.  Got sick as a dog on beer when I was 15 and was never tempted again.  For one thing, I don't like the taste of beer and I don't like the taste of hard alcohol.  I'm lucky that way.  I have, however, because of what I did for a living for so many years, seen the results of alcoholism and I've watched the progression in patients who just kept on keeping on, and kept on ending up in my ICU until they either didn't show up anymore, or the did show up and we couldn't save them anymore.  Some weren't all that old.  Most were younger than they looked.  All were sad, for me, because their potential had been wasted and their families decimated. That's what draws me here ... the memories of those we just couldn't help.  I still want, so much, to help.

[Deleted]

Apr 12, 2014 8:51:16 GMT -5 roygrip said:

Apr 11, 2014 10:15:18 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

I remember one time after I recognised that I was drinking too much and should "get it under control" my XH and I went out to dinner. I decided that having 2 drinks with dinner was reasonable. So I got the first drink and realised I was going to have to slow down my usual drinking pace to make these 2 drinks last the hour it would take for dinner. So I guesstimated how many sips to each drink then divided that into 30 minutes so I knew how many minutes I needed to leave between each sip. It's funny now to realise that having a pop or something after the drinks were gone never occurred to me at the time. Anyway, I made those two drinks last and left the restaurant very proud of myself for my "control". I really didn't see being obsessed by those 2 drinks as unusual.

DAMN! your waaaaay better than me!

Did I mention we picked up a bottle of rum on the way home and had "a nightcap" at home?

[MarleyKeezy78]

Roy, I will check out the Texas Steaks, thanks! 
Ya know, growing up with a alcoholic mother you would think I would know better about drinking but I guess it really does run in families. It runs on both sides of my family too dang it! My mom and cousin are the worst of the bunch on my moms' side and on my dads' side my grandma, aunt and uncle. My dad is a bit of a drinker now that he is older but not like the others in his family. The drinking spreads through out that side of the family pretty deep. My moms' side is not quite so bad, they can drink but usually keep it under control and not all the time except for my mom and one of my cousins. They get mean, nasty and uncontrollable. They are in and out of AA and it's sad and I do not want to ever go down that road. I consider myself lucky that even with all the crazy drinking I did when I was in my early 20's I made an effort to not be like my mom and cousin. That in no way makes me better though because I realize I still have a problem. I feel lucky I haven't lost my family or my ass through drinking and am so happy to have found this thread. 
Also my mom is coming up next weekend and she has gone off the deep end lately and wants me to go drinking with her and my grandma (on my dads' side) While I won't drink I am trying to decide what to do, go with them and be the designated driver all while they push me to drink or tell my mom hell no I'm not going. She has also decided to stay the whole week and that is DHs' springbreak  Well now you know my family is a cluster.
Anyhoo... Hope you're all enjoying a beautiful day

[Deleted]

Apr 12, 2014 7:58:35 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

yay Marley! I'm still figuring things out, but I went out last night with friends to see the cover band one is in...and had seltzer w/cranberry all night. I got questioned on it once, and (part of why i love this group) they left me alone about it the rest of the night. heading out with a different group of ladies tonight for bingo. going to feel like hell tomorrow from the smoke in the bingo hall and lack of sleep, but not from a hangover. :-)

sent from my electronic distraction

That reminds me of one time shortly after I sobered up we were invited to dinner with my XH's aunt and uncle. We had done dinner with them a few times when we were drinking and it always involved a bottle or two of wine. So I was kind of nervous about how I was going to handle it. Anyway, we went to dinner and there was no wine. I was so impressed with how supportive they were. After dinner I thanked them for that. They gave me the strangest look. After a minute his uncle said "You always brought the wine"

[roygrip]

Apr 12, 2014 9:27:44 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Apr 12, 2014 8:51:16 GMT -5 roygrip said:

DAMN! your waaaaay better than me!

Did I mention we picked up a bottle of rum on the way home and had "a nightcap" at home?

 there ya go........ lol!

I used to load enough beer in my cooler dependent upon how far I had to drive! (ok lots of DUI's) WAY BACK IN THE 80's

[Blonde Granny]

I liked winter...I would put 2 cans of Budweiser under the front seat when I left for work because they would stay cold all day.  On the way home I drank both of them. Used to roll the windows down and pitch the empties into a empty lot. They finally build a school on that lot, so then I kept the empties under the front seat. On the days the DH wanted or needed to drive my car, it was a mad dash to the garage to get all the empty cans out so he didn't find them.

[toomuchreality]

Congrats to all that have made it to this point (where ever that may be for you). You've made it this far, and you can make it further. Even if you mess up, you've done it once and you can do it again. I know it isn't easy. You just have to keep trying.

Keep up the good work. Keep fighting the fight. You can do it!




Have a Super Sunday!

[MarleyKeezy78]

Checking in on this beautiful Sunday! Day seven  A small victory I'd say  Yesterday was awesome, kiddo had a great time and the picnic was a lot of fun! DH says I have been in a better mood and he is happy too

[mmhmm]

Doin' the happy dance for you, Marley!  Great work, girl! 

[roygrip]

  Good morning!  Happy Monday all!  Went dirt bike riding with 17 sober guys. We had a blast! (something we all did drunk/high in the day)  We find different things to do with our lives.  Have a blessed day.

Marley, be good to yourself..... You know what is right.... What is wrong.... What is just not working!

[MarleyKeezy78]

Roy   Thank you. 
Day eight 

[Jake 48]

Marley,

Way to go!!

[roygrip]

 Marley!

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Good progress, Marley! One day at a time.

Glad to hear you had a good time with your sober pals dirt-biking, Roy.