Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery

[roygrip]

"We are Spiritual Beings having a Human Experience"



My sponsor (David D) said this one day and I had a "moment of clarity". After giving this statement some thought, I've had many more "moments of clarity". I know that when I honor my Being, by surrendering my life to my Higher Power (whom I choose to call GOD), the possibilities are endless. I know longer live for my own agenda because I've given my life over to the care of God as I understand Him. When God is directing my life, I see little "miracles" happen all the time and life becomes a beautiful thing. When I was drinking/drugging, and my will, my desires, my best thinking were in control, everything got out of control and turned to hopelessness, chaos, self pity, and utter sadness. I'm learning that life is about the Journey (the getting there), not about the destination). I'm learning to live in the Present. and experiencing Real Relationships, and Real Joy. I've also come to believe and recognize that I suffer from the disease of alcoholism/addiction, and the main characteristic of this disease is selfishness. I see this word continuously in my quest for sobriety. That being said, I read this the other day and would like to share it with you



Meditation for the Day



"I will learn to overcome myself, because every blow to selfishness is used to shape the real, eternal, spirit I AM. As I overcome myself, I gain that power which God releases in my Soul. And I too will be victorious. It is not the difficulties of life that I have to conquer, so much as my own selfishness."

[Jake 48]

Morning RG ;D

[roygrip]

GOOD MORNING JAKE ;D

[roygrip]

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience ;D

[kimber45]

LOL, I like that one Roy

[roygrip]

Jan 23, 2012 9:50:32 GMT -5 kimber45 said:

LOL, I like that one Roy

;D

[Jake 48]

Jan 23, 2012 8:26:37 GMT -5 roygrip said:

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience ;D

[roygrip]

January 26, 2012 Self-centeredness Page 26 "The spiritual part of our disease is our total self-centeredness."
Basic Text, p. 20 What is self-centeredness? It is our belief that the world revolves around us. Our wishes, our demands are the only ones worth consideration. Our self-centered minds believe they are capable of getting everything they want if only they would be left to their own devices. Self-centeredness assumes total self-sufficiency.
We say that self-centeredness is the spiritual part of our disease because the self-centered mind cannot conceive of anything greater or more important than itself. But there is a spiritual solution to our spiritual malady: the Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous. The steps lead us away from self-centeredness and toward God-centeredness.
We strip away our delusion of self-sufficiency by admitting our own powerlessness and seeking the aid of a Power greater than ourselves. We acknowledge the bankruptcy of our self-righteousness by admitting we've been wrong, making amends, and seeking knowledge of what's right from the God our understanding. And we deflate our overwhelming sense of self-importance by seeking to serve others, not only ourselves.
The self-centeredness afflicting our spirit can be treated with a spiritual solution: the Twelve Steps.
Just for Today: My guidance and my strength comes from a Higher Power, not from my own self. I will practice the Twelve Steps to become more God-centered and less self-centered.

[warbringer]

Good morning Roy! Love the post!

[Jake 48]

Good morning all DSD was over for supper, just her and I. Actually had an intelligent conversation about, budgets, school,staying sober, her joining the military(DW will throw a rod over that). She stayed over, cleaned the kitchen and ran the vacuum around the house before she left. She is a good kid when her head is not up her arse

[kimber45]

She is a good kid when her head is not up her arse


They sure can surprise you sometimes, can't they ?
I got a call from DS yesterday he had a phone interview on Monday and they contacted him yesterday for references and a possible in-person interview. I hope it works out for him, it would be an entry level position, but in an awesome company with great benefits.

[roygrip]

If you're not being treated with love and respect, check your price tag. Perhaps you have marked yourself down. It's YOU who tells people what you're worth by what you accept. Get off the clearance rack and get behind the glass where they keep the valuables! LEARN to value yourself more! If you do not, no one else will..!

[chiver78]

great quote, roy.

[roygrip]

Awesome everyone!

I'll share my good news! 4015 days clean/sober today, that's 11 yrs for me today. Jan. 26th, 2001 is when I made a concious decision to stop using mind altering substances and finally stuck to it. Thanks all.

[roygrip]

Hi Chiver! How are you?

[kimber45]

That's amazing Roy

[chiver78]

I'm well this morning, roy. it's finally Friday! ;D

how about you?

ETA: I need to fully scroll before replying.

congrats on your anniversary!

[roygrip]

I'm good, I'm off today, so my sponsor and my sponsee's are taking me to breakfast, then I'm taking them to the "Grand National Roadster show" , where I'm showing my hotrod. Nice day!

[roygrip]

January 27



Learning how to live again



“We learn new ways to live. We are no longer limited to our old ideas.”



Basic Text, p. 56



––––=––––



We may or may not have been taught right from wrong and other basics of life as children. No matter, by the time we found recovery, most of us had only the vaguest idea of how to live. Our isolation from the rest of society had caused us to ignore basic human responsibilities and develop bizarre survival skills to cope with the world we lived in.



Some of us didn’t know how to tell the truth; others were so frank we wounded everyone we talked to. Some of us couldn’t cope with the simplest of personal problems, while others attempted solving the problems of the whole world. Some of us never got angry, even when receiving unfair treatment; others busily lodged complaints against everyone and everything.



Whatever our problems, no matter how extreme, we all have a chance in Narcotics Anonymous to learn how to live anew. Perhaps we need to learn kindness and how to care about others. Perhaps we need to accept personal responsibilities. Or maybe we need to overcome fear and take some risks. We can be certain of one thing: Each day, simply by living life, we’ll learn something new.



––––=––––



Just for today: I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I’ll know tomorrow. Today, I’ll learn something new.

[Jake 48]

RG,

[roygrip]

If you believe that addicts are lazy low life people~you are wrong! I did not choose to become an addict. I suffer from a disease that has no known cure. My disease hurts me and expresses itself in ways that are anti-socialable. Unlike other diseases, mine can't be controlled with medication. In order to keep my disease arrested, I have to work at it every day of my life.** I desire and stay conne...cted with God. I surrender to it (my disease) and accept that I am powerless over it. I believe that God is restoring me to sanity. I turn my will and my life over to the care of God. I take a daily inventory of my life. (Basically, I mind my own business and leave others to God) I admit to God and to others the exact nature of my wrongs. I remain ready for God to remove my character defects. I humbly ask God to remove my short comings. I work on making a list of people I have harmed and became willing to make an ammends to them all. I make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. I continued to take a personal inventory and when I am wrong, I promptly admit it. I seek through prayer and meditation to improve my relationship with God and I ask Him to give me the strength to carry out His will. Last but not least, I try to carry a message of hope to other addicts and to practice these principles in all my affairs.**Using drugs doesn't make me an addict. Drugs are only a symtom of my disease. While others cope with their pain by over eatting; by maxing out their credit cards; by gambling; by being a social butterfly; by being a control freak or whatever~the disease of addiction always takes me to the bitter ends: jails, institutions and death.

Please remember this: "God is not a respecter of persons." He loves us all equally and we're all special in His eyes. No one wants to be sick period. For this addict, I have a heart full of endless gratitude. I live one day at a time. I respect others and I pray for others more than I pray for myself. By the grace of God, I'm clean today and if this message helps just one person get one second clean--my suffering of the past was worth it¢¾

[Jake 48]

Hello all, this is a bit of a rant
DSD wants to move back home, things are not working out at the new sober house
DSD history
19 or so kicked out of dorms for underage drinking, never told us
dropped out of college, claimed she needed a semester off
went to work for biological father,(car rental) set her up w/ a car and payments, lost car w/in 2 months for non payment, she then stole business checks from him, bounced them , bank sends PD to the house with summons,(PD also came by my work looking for her) in court the bank is willing to do a repayment plan. Then steals car from father and does serious damage to car,($3-4K) tore the undercarriage out, nobody hurt, back to court
judge agrees to treatment at our expense, DW and I pay for 90 days@ Redcliff in Utah, (40K) biological father still has not paid us his half and is since out of the picture,DSD has no contact
Kid behaves for a month, takes off to live with addict girlfriend, meets addict boyfriend, lives w/ him.Stops all contact w/ DW( this is killing her) Grandparents buy her a used car, totals it in 3 weeks, PD calling me at work because the kid stiffs the tow company, tow company goes to small claims ($1600)
leaves addict boyfriend, starts waitressing, gets a roommate, meets a nice guy. He tells her alcohol has no place in his life, this guy has his shit together.
We get phone call at 2am, from good boyfriend, "she showed up at my place shitfaced, you can come and get her or I am calling the PD" Off to the ER, blood alcohol @.29, ER doc helps us get her into local rehab
sober for about 10 months, going to meetings, therapy etc.. starts working at "bigbox home center", $10/hr 30-40 hrs a week, meets new addict boyfriend at meeting, they start dating, goes against everything about co-dependent relationships
Resigns from job, claims it interferes w/ meetings, BS. Her and boyfriend start partying again, she takes off for a month, checks herself back in
sober now for about 5 months
I missed a few things but that is her history, but the long and short of it, when things get tough she runs from her problems and DW ends up doing damage control
I have had this talk w/ DW and when I am the bad guy it causes friction w/ us
DSD can live here under the following conditions, room is spotless, help out around the house, be considerate w/ the electricity, heat, hot water and food
she has to go to meetings etc..
she has to get a job ( I want to take half of what she makes to save for her to get own car and insurance) there is no way she is allowed use of our cars
she pays her own cell phone bill
I would like her back in school for an associate degree program, she is eligible for assistance from the state
I am frustrated w/ DSD but I do the love the kid so I will keep trying.

Comments, criticism, advice?? Thankyou

[roygrip]

Criticism is this..... I bet your thinking it Jake! Your enabling her again.......... She's done this before........
The rules must be abided by, consequences set out and stuck to. An agreement of what can and can't be done by you and the wife. OR!!! You WILL BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF AGAIN!
Stay clean/sober, get a job, save money, move on with your life! OR GET OUT!!!!

What happen at sober living that it's not working out??? Rules?

[Jake 48]

Daphne and RG,
Thanks for the replys
DSD left the sober house because the original plan was to be house manager, w/ free rent and a small salary. the non -profit has not paid her since she has been there and they keep piling on more jobs for her, basically overwhelmed.
We spoke w/ DSD last night, tomorrow am, we are having our "come to Jesus meeting w/ her and spell everything out
DW has agreed to let me call it like I see it, she admitted that DSD causes tension in our relationship because of DW wiping her ass all the time.
We are going to set a reasonable timeline for goals to be met, job, savings, car, school etc.. I'm thinking 6 months should put her in her own car and insurance with her working
I am willing to teach the kid how to do a budget, she is really clueless w/ money. I am proposing she turns her check over to me, I give her an allowance for her weekly expenses ($40??) and bank the rest till she has enough for a car, then revisit the budget. she has made decent money in the past, so being optimistic she can do it again. then start turning more control of her money over to her as time passes
Consequences, I am all for you screw up, your out on the street. DW will not kick her out on the street, this is a sticking point that DW and I need to find some common ground on
Feel free to beat me up, will post more tomorrow

[roygrip]

Jake, sounds like you've got it undercontrol. Sticking points will be the consequences if she screws up. The DW and you have to find common ground and stick to it. The daughter will use this to her advantage. GOOD LUCK!

[kimber45]

Sounds like a good plan, Jake. I wish you luck and hope everything turns out well.

[Jake 48]

just an update;
DSD keeps her room spotless, laundry done, bathroom clean and help with the household chores, we took pictures for reference
DSD agreed to turning her money over to me and having an allowance
priorities are sober, job, savings, vehicle and school,
we agreed on a 6 month time line, with weekly meeting to track progress
DSD brought up military service, she has an appointment w/ recruiter tomorrow am. I thought DW would lose it but she is on board with exploring this as an option
DSD and DW are out together right now, I asked for them to come back w/ consequences of DSD not following the game plan.

DSD budget:

cigarettes $21.00 (right now she is smoking 3 packs a week)

NA meetings free will offering $5.00

Wed nite pizza $5.00

coffee $6.00

gas $15.00 ( whoever drives to meeting, she contribute to their gas)

wiggle room $8.00

Total $ 60.00

[roygrip]

Sounds good Jake. As long as you and DW stick to your guns. Keep us in the know.

[kimber45]

Sounds like a plan, Jake. Hope everything works out

[roygrip]

Hey Daphne, tell me about it! I've worked in TV/film for 30 yrs and it never ceases to amaze me, the disorganization of making a show. It never gets easier, better, quicker or more calmer, lol. Rough week at the office ;D