Jokes

[NoNamePerson]

Jun 22, 2014 15:42:38 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

You talkin' bout me  

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[Deleted]

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious Health risks.

As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM. "Guaranteed. Yeah right!" he thought to himself.

But, desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3-day/10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there's a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old young lady dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me!"

Without a second thought he takes off after her.

A few miles later, Huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. 

After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business!"

The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens.

On the fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10lb. as promsed.



He calls the company and orders their 5-day/ 20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me."

He's out the door or after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her, but when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze.

For the next four days, the same routine happens.

Much to his delight, on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another 20 lbs., as promised.



He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 Pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years".

The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine."

[toomuchreality]

Jun 22, 2014 18:29:15 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Jun 22, 2014 15:42:38 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

You talkin' bout me  

LOL   more of an announcement to you all, that you were born that way too. I just happen to enjoy it, so I stayed!  Normal people scare me.  Why be Normal?!?








 

[toomuchreality]

Jun 22, 2014 19:34:33 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

My mother was SO good at this!

[Deleted]

[NoNamePerson]

[tigerpause]

[NoNamePerson]

Chicken Pot Pie!!

[toomuchreality]

[NoNamePerson]

[Deleted]

Jun 26, 2014 0:04:02 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

That's most DEFINITELY me too!

[Artemis Windsong]

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

[NoNamePerson]

 Took a minute for that to register!!

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[NoNamePerson]

I didn't sleep very good last night. So this morning I put Monster energy drinks in my coffee... I was half way to work when I realized I forgot my car.




A blonde and red head are walking in the woods when then red head has a heart attack and falls to the ground. Shocked, the blonde takes out her phone and calls the police and she shouts, "I think my friend is dead what do I do?".

The policeman on the phone says, "Calm down and listen to me. First make sure that he really is dead." There is a silence. Then a loud gunshot.

The blonde gets back on the phone and says, "Okay, now what?"

[toomuchreality]

No more drama!

www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=680733281962698&set=vb.100000780978948&type=2&theater


Oh, I hope this works...  It is SO funny!  -Well, at least I think so! 
(It says video will appear here, so I'm thinking it should. But then, I've thought that before- )

[toomuchreality]

Wait! Seriously?!  WT*&%^! 


    link   (to what I tried to post above)     -I hope!

[ken a.k.a OMK]

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[tigerpause]

[tigerpause]

[NoNamePerson]

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[toomuchreality]

Jul 1, 2014 1:44:13 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

 


And then reality would hit ...  If I got out, it probably did too!

[NoNamePerson]

[tigerpause]

[tigerpause]

[NoNamePerson]

[Deleted]

If Apple had created "Google Glass" first... would it/they be called I-Glasses?