ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Favorite Drink: Chilled White Zin
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on May 17, 2014 19:31:55 GMT -5
Is this the same as lying about the size of fish you caught?  .
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on May 18, 2014 0:39:15 GMT -5
It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold up to 3 kg. The length of the penis is 3x the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink twice as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when standing.
The woman has read this entire text.
The man is still measuring his thumb. Wrong. (I measured my thumb AFTER I read the whole thing  ... and, for the record, that one isn't always true ) I swear! I lost it in an accident! (ay-yi-yi!)  |
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toomuchreality
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Jokes
May 18, 2014 0:41:10 GMT -5
Post by toomuchreality on May 18, 2014 0:41:10 GMT -5
Is this the same as lying about the size of fish you caught? . He told me that was 18 inches!  |
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toomuchreality
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Favorite Drink: Sometimes I drink water... just to surprise my liver!
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Post by toomuchreality on May 18, 2014 21:50:25 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 19, 2014 3:50:27 GMT -5
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time... but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 19, 2014 3:52:18 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 19, 2014 3:55:33 GMT -5
A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on May 19, 2014 5:50:39 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2014 7:27:05 GMT -5
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
Community Leader
♡ ♡ BᏋՆᎥᏋᏉᏋ ♡ ♡
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:51 GMT -5
Posts: 43,130
Location: Inside POM's Head
Favorite Drink: Chilled White Zin
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on May 19, 2014 12:47:10 GMT -5
Today's laugh brought to you from Australia |
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on May 21, 2014 15:28:11 GMT -5
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on May 21, 2014 17:48:13 GMT -5
....
Billy Bob's Vacation
This year I'm gonna do it different. The last few years, I took your advice
about where to go.
Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene
got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got
pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get
pregnant again."
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's
different?"
"I'm taking Earlene with me."
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Location: Paradise
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Post by Peace Of Mind on May 21, 2014 21:36:06 GMT -5
I know this has been heard before but it still cracks me up.
Subject: Darn Women Drivers
Distracted Driving Incident.
This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a Woman In a brand new
Cadillac Doing 65 mph With her Face up next to her Rear view mirror Putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away For a couple seconds...To continue shaving And when I looked back, she was Halfway over in my lane, Still working on that makeup.
As a man, I don't scare easily but she scared me so much I had to put on my seat belt and I dropped
my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying
to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone
away from my ear which fell into my coffee which was between my legs, splashed and burned
Big Jim and the Twins. Ruined the darn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an
important call.
Darn women drivers!
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on May 22, 2014 4:31:43 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on May 23, 2014 8:09:14 GMT -5
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
Community Leader
♡ ♡ BᏋՆᎥᏋᏉᏋ ♡ ♡
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:51 GMT -5
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Location: Inside POM's Head
Favorite Drink: Chilled White Zin
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on May 23, 2014 21:57:20 GMT -5
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on May 25, 2014 11:30:05 GMT -5
....
Forwarded to me by a retired jet-pilot trainer...
==========================
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the US air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway!
You turned right on Delta! Stop right there.
I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out!
You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!
You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour
and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you,
and how tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent
after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771.
Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.
Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking,
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on May 25, 2014 13:07:43 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Favorite Drink: Sometimes I drink water... just to surprise my liver!
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Post by toomuchreality on May 25, 2014 13:28:03 GMT -5
Whew!
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toomuchreality
Senior Associate
Joined: Sept 3, 2011 10:28:25 GMT -5
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Favorite Drink: Sometimes I drink water... just to surprise my liver!
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Post by toomuchreality on May 25, 2014 13:28:32 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 25, 2014 13:43:41 GMT -5
They better start 'working' on mine soon because I'm not getting any younger ya know  |
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 25, 2014 13:45:20 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 25, 2014 13:47:20 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 25, 2014 13:48:14 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on May 25, 2014 13:50:59 GMT -5
Oooh... This is just plain ol mean! heh.... |
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
Community Leader
♡ ♡ BᏋՆᎥᏋᏉᏋ ♡ ♡
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:51 GMT -5
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Location: Inside POM's Head
Favorite Drink: Chilled White Zin
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on May 25, 2014 13:56:41 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Jokes
May 25, 2014 16:45:21 GMT -5
Post by NoNamePerson on May 25, 2014 16:45:21 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on May 25, 2014 19:23:02 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2014 20:34:34 GMT -5
or "I.C.E. Mobile Command"  |
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 26, 2014 0:26:44 GMT -5
LOLI kind of want to try it too...   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
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~ Friendships Are Warm ~ True Passions are Fire ~ 
