Jokes

[Virgil Showlion]

It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in the Six Nations asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at nature, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.'


(Remember this whenever you get advice from a government official.)

[NoNamePerson]

 Now that was funny Virgil Showlion and probably has a bit of truth to it.....

[Peace Of Mind]

Sleeping With Bob

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob,because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man,that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn.

Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."

With age comes wisdom.



Dang!  I thought my friends just really loved me when I stayed over at their place. 

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

LMAO - at both Virgil's and POM's jokes.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[tigerpause]

Apr 8, 2014 15:41:33 GMT -5 uncle23 said:

........
In the car on the way to school , I told my grand kids that Einstein said that everyone is a genius....
my 6th grader replied..." he must not have heard of me "

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[Peace Of Mind]

[toomuchreality]

Q: What did the Easter Egg say to the boiling water?
A: It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!


A parishioner was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed the parishioner by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" The parishioner replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."



Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Alma.
Alma who?
Alma Easter candy is gone. Can I have some more?





Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Sherwood.
Sherwood who?
Sherwood like to have an Easter basket like yours.


Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Wendy.
Wendy who?
Wendy Easter Bunny coming?



                                 




        

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[NoNamePerson]

[NoNamePerson]

DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!"

Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"


The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety.

The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......




"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"

[toomuchreality]

Jan 9, 2011 20:14:06 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

US - Please go to the adult board and share them with us!

  Wait!  What adult board??!?  I've been so deprived...

[CarolinaKat]

Apr 13, 2014 5:13:26 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

Jan 9, 2011 20:14:06 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

US - Please go to the adult board and share them with us!

  Wait!  What adult board??!?  I've been so deprived...

It was shut down like 4 months after it was created. It's been *poof* for a long time now

[Jaguar]

Apr 14, 2014 8:58:55 GMT -5 CarolinaKat said:

Apr 13, 2014 5:13:26 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

  Wait!  What adult board??!?  I've been so deprived...

It was shut down like 4 months after it was created. It's been *poof* for a long time now

April 16th, 2014

[kent]

Apr 14, 2014 23:32:05 GMT -5 Jaguar said:

Apr 14, 2014 8:58:55 GMT -5 CarolinaKat said:

It was shut down like 4 months after it was created. It's been *poof* for a long time now

April 16th, 2014

April 16th 2014?  We've still got two more days!   

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

The Adult Content board was discontinued a loooong time ago. It's history that won't be repeated, I'm sorry to say.

[Jaguar]

Apr 14, 2014 23:48:24 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

The Adult Content board was discontinued a loooong time ago. It's history that won't be repeated, I'm sorry to say.

SL ProBoards is bringing in a pay for Adult Content, like the ads are done. It's coming in on April 16th, 2014.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[Jaguar]

I need to send that to my clinic.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[Jaguar]

beautiful.

[Deleted]

Apr 15, 2014 14:22:24 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

Only took me about 15 seconds... I'm not an idiot!

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Your MIL "Joke of the Day"....

[toomuchreality]

Thank you all for the information. I appreciate you getting back with me.

Apr 14, 2014 23:51:26 GMT -5 Jaguar said:

Apr 14, 2014 23:48:24 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

The Adult Content board was discontinued a loooong time ago. It's history that won't be repeated, I'm sorry to say.

SL ProBoards is bringing in a pay for Adult Content, like the ads are done. It's coming in on April 16th, 2014.

How do I find it (and get more info)?  Any idea?

[Jaguar]

Apr 16, 2014 1:42:23 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

Thank you all for the information. I appreciate you getting back with me.

Apr 14, 2014 23:51:26 GMT -5 Jaguar said:

SL ProBoards is bringing in a pay for Adult Content, like the ads are done. It's coming in on April 16th, 2014.

How do I find it (and get more info)?  Any idea?

ProBoards is bringing it in today, no clue yet what Moon is doing.