Jokes

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

This made me L  L

[NoNamePerson]

Feb 12, 2014 21:58:21 GMT -5 @richardintn said:

Aug 17, 2012 15:51:25 GMT -5 tigerpause said:

How to Shower Like a Man


Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Drain the main vein.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

I realize this is old (hey, I'm playing "catch up"... I started reading this thread from page ONE on Feb 3rd of this year!), but I just want to mention that I don't think men "make the woo-woo sound"... I think they do the eyebrow wiggle at her when she looks up at him with the "Really?!?!?" expression.

Other than that... it's pretty "spot on"!

Wow you are one brave soul to start at the beginning of this thread  

[Deleted]

Feb 13, 2014 7:22:57 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Feb 12, 2014 21:58:21 GMT -5 @richardintn said:

I realize this is old (hey, I'm playing "catch up"... I started reading this thread from page ONE on Feb 3rd of this year!), but I just want to mention that I don't think men "make the woo-woo sound"... I think they do the eyebrow wiggle at her when she looks up at him with the "Really?!?!?" expression.

Other than that... it's pretty "spot on"!

Wow you are one brave soul to start at the beginning of this thread  

LOL... It's not "bravery"... ever hear the song "Too Much Time On my Hands"?... well... that's my situation, in a nutshell. Just too much time on my hands. Gotta have SOMETHING to do. LOL

Ohhh and I finished the thread There are some pretty good jokes throughout the thread!

[NoNamePerson]

We aim to please  

[Deleted]

That reminds me of a sign I once saw in a men's restroom at a decently fancy, but intentionally tacky (it was one of those "Theme" places), restaurants:

Above each Urinal: "Here at {Restaurant}, we aim to please, All we ask is that you aim too, please!"

[Deleted]

[NoNamePerson]

We had a sign on the fence around our pool that said:

I won't swim in your toilet if you don't pee in our pool... 

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[toomuchreality]

Does shivering counts as exercise?!?

You don't get a body like mine by just sitting around...
You have to eat lots of junk food too!


Nice to meet you RichardInTN.  Welcome! 







        ♥ ~ ~ ♥

[Deleted]

Thanks for the welcome, toomuchreality.

[toomuchreality]

Feb 14, 2014 6:38:58 GMT -5 @richardintn said:

Thanks for the welcome, toomuchreality.

Sure!

BTW- I've never heard that joke before... The one you said was old, or a repeat, or something. So I'm glad you posted it!

Enjoy your day!  I hope the weather is good where you are.

[NoNamePerson]

Well, someone had to post a Valentines Day Joke!!

[Peace Of Mind]

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:


Dear Grand-daughter,


The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; because of such an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed to green.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!' 'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was a Hawaiian good luck sign.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.


My grandson burst out laughing.


Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,


Love, Grandma

[toomuchreality]

I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.



FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.


Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.


Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.


Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!


I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.



Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.


Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.


I like cats too.
Let's exchange recipes.


Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.


I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.




Removed your broken pic links. - SL ~ Mod.

[Deleted]

[grits]

Peace Of Mind, I've read that grandma joke before but I always love it. lol

[grits]

Feb 12, 2014 15:28:20 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

For those of you freezing your butts off.

It could be worse.

If we'd not had such a cold winter, this would be funny. 

[tigerpause]

I don't think men "make the woo-woo sound"... I think they do the eyebrow wiggle at her when she looks up at him with the "Really?!?!?" expression.

Don't men know it's rude to point?  
I think the woo-woo sound is usually followed by the nyuk nyuk sound...  


Hello and , RichardInTN!

[tigerpause]

[Deleted]

Q: What do you call a Bus full of Politicians driving off a cliff?

A: A good start!

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[grits]

tigerpause, I could so see me putting down a bowl, and posting that sign.

[NoNamePerson]

[NoNamePerson]

For all the talk from the pEEps about the frEEzer!!!

[tigerpause]

Feb 17, 2014 1:41:41 GMT -5 grits said:

tigerpause, I could so see me putting down a bowl, and posting that sign.

Well, April Fool's Day is only a few weeks away (not that you have to wait or anything)!
I'd be thinking there's a huge hairy spider under there. I'd probably put a brick on the bowl!

[tigerpause]

I wouldn't want to be the one who turns the soil.

[toomuchreality]

Feb 19, 2014 1:18:07 GMT -5 tigerpause said:

Feb 17, 2014 1:41:41 GMT -5 grits said:

tigerpause, I could so see me putting down a bowl, and posting that sign.

Well, April Fool's Day is only a few weeks away (not that you have to wait or anything)!
I'd be thinking there's a huge hairy spider under there. I'd probably put a brick on the bowl!

   That's what I thought of too... Without the April Fools part.  ugh!

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

[NoNamePerson]

[tigerpause]