NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 28, 2017 8:50:15 GMT -5
I saw one just as I stepped out of my car at Home Depot. Scared the bejesus out of me till I realized what it was. I parked down at the Garden Center entrance so I'm thinking creepy crawlers were on the loose!! Speaking of creepy crawlers (though I respect snakes and their place and purpose in nature), look before you sit. I will not open I will not open!! But now I will be checking out the toilet before sitting - thanks
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wyouser
Senior Associate
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Jokes
Sept 28, 2017 10:07:38 GMT -5
Post by wyouser on Sept 28, 2017 10:07:38 GMT -5
An elderly retired couple went to a doctor. The man said; "We want to know if we are making love properly, will you look at us?" "Go ahead" said the doctor. They made love. The doctor then said, "You are making love perfectly. That will be $10." The couple then came back six weeks in a row and did the same thing. On the seventh visit the doctor asked, "What are you coming here like this for? I told you you are making love properly." "She can't come to my house." Said the man, "And I can't go to hers. A motel costs $29, you charge $10 , and medicare reimburses us $8 for each visit." That is a really old joke. I mean, look at those dollar amounts. Are you sure? Doesn't that 3/4 trillion take away from medicare to help pay for Obamacare start to kick in very soon? It's supposed to result in much lower payments for services
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Sept 30, 2017 5:03:06 GMT -5
I found these on another forum. I don't think they were jokes, but they're kind of funny. way back in my era of 'youthful indiscretions' I was a volunteer firefighter. I was responding in my girlfriend's car to a fire when I got pulled over a motorcycle cop, jack boots, mirror sunglasses and everything. I almost peed on myself with glee as he struts up to my car and asks, I sh*t you not, "where's the fire, son?". It just doesn't get any better than that. a good friend is a retired police officer, and always tells this one on himself: something of a smart alec, he stopped a car on the interstate going way over the speed limit. Walks up to the car, and asks, "May I see your pilot's license?" (smirking at the time). Was totally flabbergasted when the driver handed him his pilot's license. He worked for American Airlines. "Thank you sir, please slow down from now on, have a nice day" and slunk back to the police car......
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Oct 1, 2017 5:04:54 GMT -5
Why are retired people , who are misers with their money, so special? .....They make wonderful ancestors $$$$$$$$$
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Oct 3, 2017 0:06:53 GMT -5
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Oct 3, 2017 5:17:34 GMT -5
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Oct 3, 2017 5:21:28 GMT -5
An elderly woman went to the doctor complaining about not being able to hear out of one ear. Her doctor took out his penlight, looked into her ear, took out his tweezers and pulled something out of her ear. After examining the object for a moment, he exclaimed; "Well, it seems you have inserted a suppository into your ear." The old lady thought for a second, then responded; "Gee....I guess that explains why I can't find my hearing aid."
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Oct 3, 2017 7:55:12 GMT -5
And now we actually know what Little Johnny looks like
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Oct 4, 2017 0:18:00 GMT -5
He's everywhere!!
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NoNamePerson
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Jokes
Oct 4, 2017 8:17:23 GMT -5
Post by NoNamePerson on Oct 4, 2017 8:17:23 GMT -5
I love Little Johnny
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Oct 4, 2017 16:23:27 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Oct 5, 2017 20:19:28 GMT -5
No wonder that watch I ordered from China never got here.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2017 20:28:59 GMT -5
No wonder that watch I ordered from China never got here. Someone gonna has some 'splainin' ta do....
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Oct 5, 2017 21:00:07 GMT -5
No wonder that watch I ordered from China never got here. Someone gonna has some 'splainin' ta do.... Way OT but years ago I had a job in building where my office window looked out over the docks. I had a hard time keeping my mind on my job because I spent so much time looking out window watching ships come in and well, some of those dock workers were fine looking - at least from 4 floors up!!! Good thing I was the only person in office or boss man would probably have fired me for day dreaming. I've always had a fascination with ships and trains. First job I had when I moved to Gulf Coast was for the GM&O RR .
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Oct 9, 2017 14:19:53 GMT -5
I'm the same with airplanes! I watch Mayday whenever I catch it on the tee vee.
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Oct 9, 2017 23:24:26 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Oct 10, 2017 15:57:50 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Oct 10, 2017 16:06:12 GMT -5
Get it while it's hot! ^^^
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Oct 12, 2017 18:58:48 GMT -5
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Oct 14, 2017 5:19:45 GMT -5
OK gang, how many retirees does it take to change a lightbulb?.......only one......but.......it might take all day....
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Oct 15, 2017 4:20:24 GMT -5
What is a cat?............Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They are totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They are moody. They leave hair everywhere. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg..........CONCLUSION; They are tiny women in fur coats..... WHAT then is a dog? Dogs lie around all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but they don't always hear you in the same room. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play , they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They are great at begging. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. .............CONCLUSION; They are tiny men in fur coats.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Oct 15, 2017 17:40:32 GMT -5
Yesterday I fell off a fifty-foot ladder. Good thing I was on the bottom rung.😁😁
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Oct 15, 2017 17:47:27 GMT -5
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
To whom.
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Oct 16, 2017 17:27:20 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Oct 16, 2017 18:45:14 GMT -5
No Ikea here but I've been in stores like that
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Oct 17, 2017 0:59:35 GMT -5
I've never been to Ikea because I've heard it is this way, if not worse. I would do one of two things... 1- Become transfixed, looking at all the shiny bobbles. Requiring a full on search and rescue squad to find and extract me 3 weeks later. 2- Or have a major panic & heart attack 20 ft after entering the main door, as they advised customers can ONLY leave via the check out/exit doors. Under NO circumstances will anyone be allowed to leave via the entrance doors. -cringe- Just the thought of that is enough to keep me from entering.
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toomuchreality
Senior Associate
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Post by toomuchreality on Oct 20, 2017 0:18:49 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Oct 21, 2017 12:26:07 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Oct 21, 2017 12:27:37 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Oct 21, 2017 12:30:06 GMT -5
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