tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jun 21, 2017 0:06:18 GMT -5
It's o.k.; no one reads my jokes anyway Hey, I do. The joke/meme threads keep me sane and in a good mood. Me too - if I didn't have a laugh once in a while I'd be in a jacket with 8-foot sleeves. I always read the funnies in the newspaper first before I get to the news... it prepares me for the bad stuff I guess
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 21, 2017 16:13:20 GMT -5
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Jun 22, 2017 9:20:23 GMT -5
I've sure gotten old! I've had 2 bypasses, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter that a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts, and am subject to bouts with dementia. I have poor circulation, can't feel my hands or feet anymore and can't remember if I'm 82 or 92. I have lost all my friends. BUT, thank God, I still have my driver's license!!!!,
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 23, 2017 5:41:10 GMT -5
I've sure gotten old! I've had 2 bypasses, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter that a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts, and am subject to bouts with dementia. I have poor circulation, can't feel my hands or feet anymore and can't remember if I'm 82 or 92. I have lost all my friends. BUT, thank God, I still have my driver's license!!!!, LOL So many (too many) people out there, in this situation. I happen to know a few. Sadly, their family members either say "I know." then do nothing about it, or they laugh and walk away. I don't want to be on the road with them! I'm actually surprised they make it back home. <jumps off soap box...>
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Artemis Windsong
Senior Associate
The love in me salutes the love in you. M. Williamson
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Today's Mood: Twinkling
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Favorite Drink: Fresh, clean cold bottled water.
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Jun 23, 2017 7:38:34 GMT -5
Why can't Cinderella play tennis? She would ran away from the ball!
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jun 24, 2017 3:27:32 GMT -5
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Jun 24, 2017 12:34:26 GMT -5
I've sure gotten old! I've had 2 bypasses, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter that a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts, and am subject to bouts with dementia. I have poor circulation, can't feel my hands or feet anymore and can't remember if I'm 82 or 92. I have lost all my friends. BUT, thank God, I still have my driver's license!!!!, LOL So many (too many) people out there, in this situation. I happen to know a few. Sadly, their family members either say "I know." then do nothing about it, or they laugh and walk away. I don't want to be on the road with them! I'm actually surprised they make it back home. <jumps off soap box...> I suppose that is one advantage to life way way out in the sticks. We who live here know both vehicles and drivers by sight. Who to watch out for....who never to park behind....and sometimes who not to park next to. You know who may suddenly turn into the grocery store parking lot without a blinker and from the wrong lane. Unfortunately, during summer tourist season, those poor folks may have to learn the hard way. Your point however is well taken.
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Jun 24, 2017 12:39:20 GMT -5
Have you ever wondered why blind people don't get into skydiving much?..........Studies show it scares the hell out of the dog.....
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 24, 2017 15:46:09 GMT -5
Have you ever wondered why blind people don't get into skydiving much?..........Studies show it scares the hell out of the dog.....
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jul 1, 2017 1:48:51 GMT -5
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Jul 2, 2017 6:14:39 GMT -5
Overheard this from "Maxine" at her table in the retirement center....."I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got permission from my doctor to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over."
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Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
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Post by Tennesseer on Jul 2, 2017 12:06:01 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jul 2, 2017 12:49:41 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Is There Anybody OUT There?
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jul 2, 2017 13:03:53 GMT -5
My only child lived the life of the third child. No mother of the year awards for me!
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jul 13, 2017 0:56:14 GMT -5
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colors?
He had reptile dysfunction...
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jul 13, 2017 1:03:23 GMT -5
Stoopid Inventions
The water-proof towel
Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Water-proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
See-through toilet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do-it-yourself road map
Helicopter ejector seat
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jul 13, 2017 23:59:01 GMT -5
The wife and I were at her high school reunion and she kept staring at a drunken man sitting alone at the bar.
I asked her if she knew him.
"Yes." she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he turned to liquor right after we split up and hasn't been sober since."
"Oh wow!" I said. "Who'd have thought a person could go on celebrating for so long?"
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2017 0:46:12 GMT -5
The wife and I were at her high school reunion and she kept staring at a drunken man sitting alone at the bar.
I asked her if she knew him.
"Yes." she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he turned to liquor right after we split up and hasn't been sober since."
"Oh wow!" I said. "Who'd have thought a person could go on celebrating for so long?"
... "and that's the last thing I remember from before the 10 month Coma, doc." the guy finishes as the doctor is removing the bandages from his head.
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Jul 19, 2017 9:56:00 GMT -5
Reporters interviewed a 104 year old woman. One asked; "what do you think the best part of being 104 is?" "No peer pressure." she replied.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jul 20, 2017 17:44:54 GMT -5
"My wife and I were watching 'WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE' in bed last night. I turned to her and said "Do you want to have sex?" "No". She answered. "Is that your final answer?" I asked. "Yes." She snapped. So then I said "In which case, I'd like to phone a friend." ...And that's when the fight started.
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jul 20, 2017 22:21:13 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jul 21, 2017 1:31:25 GMT -5
If you fart loudly in public,
just yell "Jet Power!"
and start walking faster. LOL
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OldCoyote
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Post by OldCoyote on Jul 21, 2017 6:32:34 GMT -5
My only child lived the life of the third child. No mother of the year awards for me! They still lived!! I had a discussion with a DR. about when you live in a sanitized world you are more susceptible to getting sick because you have no immunity to common bacteria.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jul 23, 2017 23:36:39 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jul 24, 2017 23:58:46 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jul 25, 2017 0:03:10 GMT -5
If you fart loudly in public,
just yell "Jet Power!"
and start walking faster. LOL Or use a lighter!
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jul 25, 2017 4:07:19 GMT -5
If you fart loudly in public,
just yell "Jet Power!"
and start walking faster. LOL Or use a lighter! LOL Too dangerous for me. My dad was a firefighter. -heh. You got some good acceleration though.
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jul 25, 2017 21:09:45 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2017 0:57:42 GMT -5
Received via e-mail (no link possible)
After 10 years, A mother starts to think their kid looks kind of strange. So she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents...
Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.
Husband: What’s up?
Wife: According to the DNA test results, this is not our kid !
Husband: Well, don’t you remember?? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had pooped. You said, "Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here."
So I went inside, left the dirty one there and got a clean one.
Moral:
Never give a man a job that doesn't belong to him.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Aug 1, 2017 12:27:55 GMT -5
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