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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2017 23:35:54 GMT -5
Sneaks in to post this... Info Women Should Know Pregnancy Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 babies is enough.
Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.?
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college. Estrogen Issues 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You 're using your cell phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving". 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space." 9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday. Top Ten Things Only Women Understand 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN ** Received via e-mail - no link available **
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Jun 4, 2017 5:14:14 GMT -5
The only reason i would take up jogging is so i could hear "heavy breathing" again. (Irma bombeck)
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jun 4, 2017 7:46:18 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 4, 2017 23:44:28 GMT -5
↑ ↑ ↑ Not actually me. LOL... I went to get a prostate exam yesterday... the doctor told me to get in the fetal position and relax. "You, know", the doc said after about 30 seconds into the procedure, "it's shouldn't be embarrassing, and it's not uncommon for some men to get an erection during this procedure." "I don't have an erection', I responded. Doc responded, "Yeah, but I do."
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 4, 2017 23:50:39 GMT -5
Reports are in that a toilet has been stolen from the local police station Police say they have nothing to go on.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 6, 2017 1:05:51 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 6, 2017 23:43:19 GMT -5
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Jun 8, 2017 8:55:12 GMT -5
Children spend the first two years of their lives being taught how to talk and walk. They then spend the next 16 years being told to "sit down" and "shut up."
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 8, 2017 9:49:20 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jun 8, 2017 15:50:22 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2017 3:18:43 GMT -5
Received in an e-mail (no link possible)
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Jun 9, 2017 17:22:56 GMT -5
One day, while strolling down the boardwalk, John bumped into an old friend of his, Rob, from high school. "You look great John, how do you stay looking so young? Why you must be 60 already but you don't look a day over 40." Rob exclaimed. "I feel like I'm 40 too!" replied John. "That's incredible" exclaimed Rob, "does it run in the family?" "How old was your dad when he passed?" "Did I say he was dead?" asked John. "He's 81 and more active than ever. He just joined the neighborhood basketball team." responded John. "Whoa!" "Well how old was your grandfather when he died?" asked Rob "Did I say he died?" said John. "He just had his 105th birthday, he plays golf, swims each day, and is actually getting married this week." Rob, was amazed and asked; "Getting married? If he is 105, why on earth does he want to get married?" John looked and Rob and replied; "Did I say he wanted to get married?"
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 9, 2017 20:13:31 GMT -5
May years ago I got pulled over by trooper. Trooper: Mame I clocked you doing 97 mph (this was on interstate). Me: But officer, my car won't go that fast. He smiled and asked if I had cruise control and I said yes. He said use it till you get out of the state. I did. No ticket.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 10, 2017 2:04:53 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 10, 2017 6:49:52 GMT -5
OK
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 10, 2017 6:52:23 GMT -5
Sneaks in to post this... Info Women Should Know Pregnancy Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 babies is enough.
Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.?
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college. Estrogen Issues 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You 're using your cell phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving". 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space." 9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday. Top Ten Things Only Women Understand 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN ** Received via e-mail - no link available ** You're not supposed to add chocolate chips to an omelet. Who Knew ? Learn something new all the time.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 10, 2017 23:16:38 GMT -5
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Jun 11, 2017 5:49:55 GMT -5
According to a government study, a retired husband is often a wife's full time job.
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jun 11, 2017 16:30:09 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 12, 2017 16:57:33 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jun 14, 2017 22:53:31 GMT -5
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 15, 2017 6:51:41 GMT -5
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 15, 2017 6:52:37 GMT -5
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Jun 15, 2017 9:49:28 GMT -5
If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of payments.
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jun 17, 2017 13:25:13 GMT -5
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner for a while. They're usually around 90 degrees.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jun 17, 2017 13:35:23 GMT -5
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner for a while. They're usually around 90 degrees. you posted this one here and not on the "corny jokes" thread because ...
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tigerpause
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Jokes
Jun 20, 2017 0:46:16 GMT -5
Post by tigerpause on Jun 20, 2017 0:46:16 GMT -5
It's o.k.; no one reads my jokes anyway
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jun 20, 2017 0:47:13 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 20, 2017 10:22:44 GMT -5
It's o.k.; no one reads my jokes anyway Hey, I do. The joke/meme threads keep me sane and in a good mood.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 20, 2017 12:49:50 GMT -5
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