AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP
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May 3, 2017 18:53:51 GMT -5
Post by AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP on May 3, 2017 18:53:51 GMT -5
Ummm... yeah, it actually kind of does mean you're guilty. He may get you acquitted though. It's possible you did "it"- whatever the act was, but that the act was not a crime. George Zimmerman comes to mind.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 27, 2024 15:18:41 GMT -5
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May 3, 2017 19:55:47 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on May 3, 2017 19:55:47 GMT -5
Ummm... yeah, it actually kind of does mean you're guilty. He may get you acquitted though. It's possible you did "it"- whatever the act was, but that the act was not a crime. George Zimmerman comes to mind. Okay.... and? I made no reference to criminally liable. If you did it, you are guilty of doing it. If I buy a lottery ticket, I'm guilty of buying a lottery ticket... doesn't mean I'll go to jail though. "Guilty" means "Culpable of or responsible for a specified act". (the actual OED definition uses the word "wrongdoing" instead of "act"... but guilt is not always associated with a wrongdoing... Example: {parent asks} "who bought my child that blue sweater" {gift giver responds} "Guilty" as they raise their hand {parent says} "thanks for that, she loves it"... see, no wrongdoing involved)
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Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
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Post by Tennesseer on May 3, 2017 22:49:26 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Is There Anybody OUT There?
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Jokes
May 4, 2017 6:46:43 GMT -5
Post by NoNamePerson on May 4, 2017 6:46:43 GMT -5
That's no joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on May 4, 2017 10:53:26 GMT -5
Recently, I was diagnosed with A>A>A>D>D>-Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests itself. I decide to water the garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mailbox earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the trash bin under the table, and notice that the bin is full. So I decide to put the bills on the table and take out the trash first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find a can of Coke that I can been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the coke aside so I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the fridge to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the can of Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye: they need to be watered. I place the Coke can down on the work surface, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been looking for all morning. I set the glasses back down on the work surface, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone has left it on the kitchen counter. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV I will be looking for the remote, but won't remember that it's on the kitchen counter, so I decide to put it back on the lounge chair where it belongs, but first I will water the flowers. I pour the water on the flowers but quite a bit gets spilled on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the counter, and get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then. I head back down the hall trying to remember what I was going to do. At the end of the day: The car is not washed, The bills are not paid, There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the work surface, the flowers don't have enough water, There is still only one check left in my checkbook, I can't find the TV remote, I cant find my glasses, I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first , I'll check my e-mail. PS, I just remembered , I left the water running...........................
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 4, 2017 16:07:07 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on May 6, 2017 3:01:05 GMT -5
A second grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. One day, she asked Jimmy what his problem was. He replied, “I’m too smart for the second grade, my sister is in the fourth grade, and I’m smarter than her too.”
The teacher took him to the principal’s office and explained the situation to the principal. The principal told her that he would give Jimmy a test. If he failed to answer one question, then he would have to go back to the second grade and be quiet. The teacher and Jimmy both agreed.
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Jimmy: “9.”
Principal: “6 x 6?”
Jimmy: “36.”
And so it went on like this, the principal asked him every question a fourth grader should know. Finally, after about an hour, he told the teacher “I see no reason why Jimmy can’t go to the fourth grade, he answered all of my questions right.”
The teacher asked if she could ask him some questions. The principal and Jimmy agree.
Teacher: “What does a cow have 4 of that I only have 2 of?”
Jimmy: “Legs”
Teacher: “What do you have in your pants that I don’t have?”
The principal gasps but before he can stop him from answerin gJimmy says, “Pockets.”
Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Jimmy: “Pants.”
Teacher: “What starts with F and ends with K and means a lot of excitement?”
Jimmy: “Firetruck.”
The principal breaths a big sigh of relief and says “Put Jimmy in the fourth grade. I got the last 4 questions wrong myself.”
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on May 8, 2017 11:35:02 GMT -5
And, from Billboard, the current top five all time favorites of "Baby Boomers"........#5, Bald Thing by the Troggs.......#4 Mrs Brown you've got a lovely walker by Hermans Hermits...#3 These boots give me arthtitis by Nancy Sinatra.......#2 I can't see clearly now by Johnny Nash.....And, #1 How can you mend a broken hip? by The Bee Gees.
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NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
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Post by NoNamePerson on May 8, 2017 13:43:15 GMT -5
And, from Billboard, the current top five all time favorites of "Baby Boomers"........#5, Bald Thing by the Troggs.......#4 Mrs Brown you've got a lovely walker by Hermans Hermits...#3 These boots give me arthtitis by Nancy Sinatra.......#2 I can't see clearly now by Johnny Nash.....And, #1 How can you mend a broken hip? by The Bee Gees. And a pox on your first born for making fun of us old folks using music. Blasphemy I say. And I'm not even a BB.
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Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
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Post by Tennesseer on May 8, 2017 15:22:04 GMT -5
A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"
The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......
"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on May 9, 2017 11:39:57 GMT -5
Somewhere, right now, an elderly woman is reading a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy is googling on "how to read a book."
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on May 9, 2017 12:53:38 GMT -5
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on May 11, 2017 10:56:29 GMT -5
A World War II Veteran earned his high school diploma 76 years after dropping out of school to join the Navy. When asked what happens next, he said, "College Girls!"
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on May 15, 2017 12:06:17 GMT -5
A coupe goes out to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On their way home the wife notices a tear in her husband's eye and asks if he's being sentimental becausde they are celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking of the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for t50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would have been a free man!'
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on May 16, 2017 15:19:47 GMT -5
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on May 17, 2017 5:26:17 GMT -5
Good One Tenn!!
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AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP
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Favorite Drink: Sweetwater 420
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Post by AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP on May 19, 2017 18:31:20 GMT -5
Have you heard about this fabulous New York Times Diet?
You don't actually see, smell, or eat the food, instead two unnamed sources selectively describe it to you on the phone.
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 27, 2017 0:42:52 GMT -5
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AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP
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Post by AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP on May 28, 2017 21:50:19 GMT -5
A wealthy lawyer is on his way home in the back of his limousine when he spots a man on the side of the road that appears to be grazing- eating grass. He yells for his driver to pull over so he can speak to the man.
"Sir, why are you eating grass?" asks the lawyer
"Because I am too poor to afford food, and too proud to beg for money. I have to eat grass to survive."
"Get in." the lawyer says motioning to his limousine.
"But sir, I have a wife and six children with me." the man said pointing to his family who was also out eating the grass.
"They can come too- please, all of you, just get in and come with me to my home"
"Sir" the grass eating man said, "I can't thank you enough for your kindness in inviting me and my whole family to your home."
"Think nothing of it" said the lawyer, "You're all going to love it at my home. The grass is almost a foot tall"
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on May 29, 2017 5:12:18 GMT -5
Money is'nt everything: but it sure helps to keep you in touch with your children!
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zibazinski
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May 29, 2017 7:43:54 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by zibazinski on May 29, 2017 7:43:54 GMT -5
Money is'nt everything: but it sure helps to keep you in touch with your children! I wish that were true
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on May 29, 2017 23:04:24 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2017 11:44:00 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on May 31, 2017 15:25:51 GMT -5
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on May 31, 2017 20:41:02 GMT -5
Money is'nt everything: but it sure helps to keep you in touch with your children! I wish that were true But it is. How else do you think the kiddos and I get those tickets to visit each other (when your closest family member lives 6000+ miles away)?
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zibazinski
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May 31, 2017 20:43:02 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on May 31, 2017 20:43:02 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 1, 2017 0:11:38 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 1, 2017 0:34:46 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 1, 2017 10:29:32 GMT -5
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zibazinski
Community Leader
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 2, 2017 9:42:07 GMT -5
Q. How do you know when trees are happy to see you?
A. They bark!
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