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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2016 15:34:36 GMT -5
A optimist thinks the glass is half full, a pessimist says it's half empty. An engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2016 15:36:28 GMT -5
And so that it will never be said I'm anti-Republican only: Now you're going to be chastised for not posting this in the political jokes in politics. Consider it done.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Mar 11, 2016 15:38:20 GMT -5
And so that it will never be said I'm anti-Republican only: Now you're going to be chastised for not posting this in the political jokes in politics. Consider it done. Who says we're not allowed to post political jokes on the Jokes forum?
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2016 15:42:25 GMT -5
It was a joke on moderators moving posts. Oh never mind. (I'm weird)
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 11, 2016 16:27:13 GMT -5
It was a joke on moderators moving posts. Oh never mind. (I'm weird) Then I'm weird too since I got it.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2016 1:32:30 GMT -5
Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.
"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!
"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.
"That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?"
The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!
In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."
"Dead?" replied the Jewish Samurai. "Dead is easy ~ but circumcised?"
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2016 13:18:04 GMT -5
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 15, 2016 0:40:19 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 15, 2016 0:41:41 GMT -5
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Virgil Showlion
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Mar 15, 2016 3:13:46 GMT -5
Post by Virgil Showlion on Mar 15, 2016 3:13:46 GMT -5
Is there a trick to it? I can... sort of... make out a tiger face in the foliage on the right.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2016 10:27:54 GMT -5
Just above the tigers tail is another one inverted and on a 45 degree angle. Legs pointing up and left, sort of ?
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Mar 15, 2016 12:54:38 GMT -5
Just above the tigers tail is another one inverted and on a 45 degree angle. Legs pointing up and left, sort of ? I looked up the solution. Neat.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2016 15:33:47 GMT -5
I saw it almost immediately... but I do "find it" puzzles a LOT. Hint to anyone that is having trouble: Look at the tiger's stripes!
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 17, 2016 0:19:12 GMT -5
WTG Richard Once you see it, you cannot 'unsee' it, so to say. Took me a few minutes but I found the hidden tiger. But do you think I could find the mouse on the donut?? noooooooooo....
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Mar 17, 2016 7:51:58 GMT -5
There is an island that ownership is disputed between Canada and Denmark. Periodically someone goes to the island and removes the opponents flag. Denmark leaving a bottle of snaps with their flag. Canada leaving a bottle of Canadian Whiskey with their flag.
This is what happens when nice countries fight.
<There is no claim to exact fact of this by me. It's a joke folks.>
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2016 12:33:36 GMT -5
May the wind at your back not be the result of the corn beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Pats. day!
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 17, 2016 20:45:07 GMT -5
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 17, 2016 20:53:54 GMT -5
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Mar 18, 2016 3:41:49 GMT -5
I thought they were supposed to be lucky.
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mroped
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Post by mroped on Mar 18, 2016 8:35:10 GMT -5
This young punk gets on the buss and seats across from an old man that looks at him intensely. The young man has spiked hair dyed in green, red, blue, lots and lots of piercing all over his body, patchy clothes of a combination of cloth and leather and big military boots. The young man seeing the old dude starring at him asks directly: - what you looking at old man? When you were young haven't you done anything weird, uncommon? The old man replies: - Oh yes, I have! When I was about your age, I was in the Navy and once in Singapore, I got very drunk and ended up shtooping a parrot. I was wondering if you are my son!
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 18, 2016 8:37:50 GMT -5
I thought they were supposed to be lucky. A myth spread by Leprechauns
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 18, 2016 18:57:02 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2016 10:18:38 GMT -5
The Hookers Union
A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."
The man asked, "And, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde.
"I'd like her," he said.
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 87 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next!"
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 19, 2016 17:47:30 GMT -5
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 21, 2016 0:57:04 GMT -5
I thought they were supposed to be lucky. Maybe that's what wiped out the O'Brother leprechaun clan. A leprechaun clan is called a leprechlan. What a dumb joke.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Mar 21, 2016 14:52:57 GMT -5
Reminds me of a photo of a real chocolate product called "Chokies" from a not-quite-sure-how-English-works manufacturer.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Mar 21, 2016 14:56:42 GMT -5
Don't say we didn't tell you.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Mar 21, 2016 20:01:51 GMT -5
I can hardly wait until the baby boomers hit the nursing home. They can write on the bathroom walls and the staff won't be able to read it. Cursive!
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 21, 2016 20:08:42 GMT -5
I can hardly wait until the baby boomers hit the nursing home. They can write on the bathroom walls and the staff won't be able to read it. Cursive! You been following me around? Just saw this and came here to post it.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Mar 23, 2016 18:19:30 GMT -5
Do you know who the most vulgar character in movies of all time is? R2D2 He was beeped all the time.
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