uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Feb 23, 2016 18:15:17 GMT -5
...
The female brain works on a different tangent than male.
Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking to my wife about life. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.
I told her, "Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state, I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive. I'd much rather die!"
My wife got up from the sofa with a real look of admiration towards me & proceeded to disconnect the Cable TV & DVD, then the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the bar and threw away all my whisky, rum, gin & vodka and the beer from the fridge...
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Feb 24, 2016 17:46:30 GMT -5
A man is a contestant on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" He's answered every question correctly thus far, all save for the final million dollar question.
He decides to go for the money.
The host asks: "Which of the following birds does not build a nest for itself? Is it:
A. Cebu Flower pecker B. Mauritius Kestral C. African Cuckoo D. Australian flycatcher"
The contestant looks stumped. He has absolutely no idea.
"I remind you that you still have your 'phone a friend' lifeline available," the host tells him.
Immediately the man perks up and says, "My sister-in-law has a Ph.D. in ornithology. She'll absolutely know the answer to this question. I'd like to phone my sister in law."
The host gets the sister-in-law on the phone. The man gives her the question and the four possible answers.
"C. African Cuckoo," the sister-in-law replies without hesitation, and the phone call is cut off.
"Well, I'll have to go with C. African Cuckoo, then," the man states. "Final answer."
After a long pause for suspense, the host announces, "You are... absolutely correct!" The stage lights up. Balloons and confetti drop. The crowds roar.
Later that evening, the man is back in his hotel room after a huge celebration. He says to his wife, "I couldn't have done it without your sister. And I haven't even called her to thank her yet. I'm going to do that right now."
So he phones up his sister-in-law to share the good news. After the excitement has died down, he says to her, "It was a tough question, but I knew an ornithologist would know the answer." "I guess so," his sister-in-law replies. "But if you think about it, the answer is really obvious. Everyone knows that cuckoos live in clocks."
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Feb 25, 2016 17:39:24 GMT -5
Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Feb 25, 2016 17:39:24 GMT -5
(((groan)))
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Feb 25, 2016 23:30:00 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2016 23:30:00 GMT -5
What's wrong in the following picture?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 28, 2016 4:16:52 GMT -5
Just over two days... I can't believe no one saw the MOUSE on the rear left (from our "point of view") doughnut!
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NoNamePerson
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Feb 28, 2016 10:14:33 GMT -5
Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 28, 2016 10:14:33 GMT -5
Just over two days... I can't believe no one saw the MOUSE on the rear left (from our "point of view") doughnut! And we should all be ashamed!! I kept looking and never saw the mouse!
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Feb 28, 2016 10:22:06 GMT -5
I need new glasses. I thought it was one of these birds:
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Virgil Showlion
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Feb 28, 2016 11:46:05 GMT -5
Post by Virgil Showlion on Feb 28, 2016 11:46:05 GMT -5
Just over two days... I can't believe no one saw the MOUSE on the rear left (from our "point of view") doughnut! When you don't know it's there, it's surprisingly hard to see it. It blends right in. Also, the whole "selective inattention to detail" thing.
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Feb 28, 2016 18:51:35 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Feb 28, 2016 18:51:35 GMT -5
Just over two days... I can't believe no one saw the MOUSE on the rear left (from our "point of view") doughnut! When you don't know it's there, it's surprisingly hard to see it. It blends right in. Also, the whole "selective inattention to detail" thing. LOL... was your "attention" was focused elsewhere?
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 28, 2016 19:16:48 GMT -5
When you don't know it's there, it's surprisingly hard to see it. It blends right in. Also, the whole "selective inattention to detail" thing. LOL... was your "attention" was focused elsewhere? Mine wasn't but I hate to admit that I kept looking at her thumb on the right (monitor right) I kept thinking it looked like a mans therefore I missed the mouse. But I admit that I can see why the guys might have missed it the second time they looked - I was only distracted the first time
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Feb 29, 2016 1:43:54 GMT -5
When you don't know it's there, it's surprisingly hard to see it. It blends right in. Also, the whole "selective inattention to detail" thing. LOL... was your "attention" was focused elsewhere? Yes and no. I wasn't looking very hard for something out of place because I figured the woman's prominent breasts were what was "wrong" with the photo. I'm guessing that's the point of the joke.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Feb 29, 2016 7:40:25 GMT -5
LOL... was your "attention" was focused elsewhere? Yes and no. I wasn't looking very hard for something out of place because I figured the woman's prominent breasts were what was "wrong" with the photo. I'm guessing that's the point of the joke. When I was younger my uncle would say, "Do you want to hear a joke?" I learned to respond, "Only if it isn't racist, sexist, or homophobic." He stopped telling me "jokes".
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Virgil Showlion
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Feb 29, 2016 8:24:46 GMT -5
Post by Virgil Showlion on Feb 29, 2016 8:24:46 GMT -5
Yes and no. I wasn't looking very hard for something out of place because I figured the woman's prominent breasts were what was "wrong" with the photo. I'm guessing that's the point of the joke. When I was younger my uncle would say, "Do you want to hear a joke?" I learned to respond, "Only if it isn't racist, sexist, or homophobic." He stopped telling me "jokes". It's something of a vice, but I typically don't mind bigoted jokes, even those targeting groups I belong to. I even find them funny on occasion. I daresay most jokes floating around make fun of some group of people, some belief, or some behaviour. A lot of jokes in this thread poke fun at the elderly, politicians, lawyers, people out of their element, the ignorant, "blondes", men, women, the pious, the impious, etc., etc., we just don't classify this as bigotry. I see the distinction as largely artificial, and the factors that make a joke funny--absurdity, prescience, and wit--are more or less independent from who the joke targets. I do mind when people tell jokes when they know they're going to upset people. That raises an interesting question: If I laugh at a joke (because I find it funny) when nobody is present to take offense, but don't laugh at the joke on account of somebody's presence (and minding that they'll be offended), am I playing the hypocrite? It seems to me the answer is "no". We have very limited control over what we find funny, and my not laughing at the joke in the latter case is a suppression of my natural reaction to the joke in a situation where I know it might hurt somebody's feelings. In other words, it's a matter of priorities and social awareness. I don't know what degree an individual can train him/herself to find a nominally funny, well-delivered joke unfunny. I even find some of ArchietheDragon's comments funny, and they can be really dark. What would you say?
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billisonboard
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Feb 29, 2016 8:48:19 GMT -5
Post by billisonboard on Feb 29, 2016 8:48:19 GMT -5
When I was younger my uncle would say, "Do you want to hear a joke?" I learned to respond, "Only if it isn't racist, sexist, or homophobic." He stopped telling me "jokes". It's something of a vice, but I typically don't mind bigoted jokes, even those targeting groups I belong to. I even find them funny on occasion. I daresay most jokes floating around make fun of some group of people, some belief, or some behaviour. A lot of jokes in this thread poke fun at the elderly, politicians, lawyers, people out of their element, the ignorant, "blondes", men, women, the pious, the impious, etc., etc., we just don't classify this as bigotry. I see the distinction as largely artificial, and the factors that make a joke funny--absurdity, prescience, and wit--are more or less independent from who the joke targets. I do mind when people tell jokes when they know they're going to upset people. That raises an interesting question: If I laugh at a joke (because I find it funny) when nobody is present to take offense, but don't laugh at the joke on account of somebody's presence (and minding that they'll be offended), am I playing the hypocrite? It seems to me the answer is "no". We have very limited control over what we find funny, and my not laughing at the joke in the latter case is a suppression of my natural reaction to the joke in a situation where I know it might hurt somebody's feelings. In other words, it's a matter of priorities and social awareness. I don't know what degree an individual can train him/herself to find a nominally funny, well-delivered joke unfunny. I even find some of ArchietheDragon's comments funny, and they can be really dark. What would you say? First, my comment was meant to say "I understood the nature of the post based on what I know of the poster's sense of humor." Second, my objection to my uncle telling the "jokes" that he did was because they weren't "jokes" but statements of his "truth". It was family I saw rarely but still family. Not reenforcing his belief system by listening was as far as I took confronting him.
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Virgil Showlion
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Feb 29, 2016 11:59:24 GMT -5
Post by Virgil Showlion on Feb 29, 2016 11:59:24 GMT -5
First, my comment was meant to say "I understood the nature of the post based on what I know of the poster's sense of humor." Second, my objection to my uncle telling the "jokes" that he did was because they weren't "jokes" but statements of his "truth". It was family I saw rarely but still family. Not reenforcing his belief system by listening was as far as I took confronting him. Laughing at a joke vs. not signals its appropriateness, but I can't bring myself to believe it's ever reversed or reinforced somebody's opinion about another group of people. If anything, telling an off-colour joke and observing a listener's response is a litmus test for determining whether they're "with you" or "against you", not unlike making a bold values statement that demands a response either in the affirmative or the negative. You're basically telling your uncle, "I'm against you" ...on this particular matter. It's not going to change his opinions, but it will let him know you're intolerant of them. A pertinent question is: Does your uncle lack social grace by persisting in telling jokes even when he knows his audience (you) is generally offended? Be very careful how you answer, though. There's scarcely anyone on YMAM--including you--that doesn't indulge in making jokes they know will offend somebody, and you'll be convicting or exonerating us along with your uncle.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 29, 2016 13:20:24 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 29, 2016 13:21:21 GMT -5
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billisonboard
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Feb 29, 2016 14:18:13 GMT -5
Post by billisonboard on Feb 29, 2016 14:18:13 GMT -5
First, my comment was meant to say "I understood the nature of the post based on what I know of the poster's sense of humor." Second, my objection to my uncle telling the "jokes" that he did was because they weren't "jokes" but statements of his "truth". It was family I saw rarely but still family. Not reenforcing his belief system by listening was as far as I took confronting him. Laughing at a joke vs. not signals its appropriateness, but I can't bring myself to believe it's ever reversed or reinforced somebody's opinion about another group of people. If anything, telling an off-colour joke and observing a listener's response is a litmus test for determining whether they're "with you" or "against you", not unlike making a bold values statement that demands a response either in the affirmative or the negative. You're basically telling your uncle, "I'm against you" ...on this particular matter. It's not going to change his opinions, but it will let him know you're intolerant of them. A pertinent question is: Does your uncle lack social grace by persisting in telling jokes even when he knows his audience (you) is generally offended? Be very careful how you answer, though. There's scarcely anyone on YMAM--including you--that doesn't indulge in making jokes they know will offend somebody, and you'll be convicting or exonerating us along with your uncle. My answer to pertinent question above: Yes, he did. I think if you were to review this thread, you would see times that I have convicted people.
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 1, 2016 0:02:03 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 1, 2016 0:03:53 GMT -5
My jokes usually bomb anyway
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Virgil Showlion
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Mar 1, 2016 0:14:14 GMT -5
Post by Virgil Showlion on Mar 1, 2016 0:14:14 GMT -5
My answer to pertinent question above: Yes, he did. I think if you were to review this thread, you would see times that I have convicted people. I recall you've called people to account for jokes that include implications of violence. I'm not sure this falls into the same category, though. I make a distinction between (what I'll call) "objective violence", "visceral violence", and "cartoon violence". "Objective violence" is what one reads about in history books, newspapers, etc. Factually complete, but generally lacking in visceral detail. Intended on connecting with the reader (viewer) at an intellectual level rather than an emotional one. "Visceral violence" transcends objective violence to provoke strong emotions like rage, blood lust, disgust, etc. It's far more descriptive and immersive. The intent is to stimulate the primal lust for violence. Examples would include many 3D shoot-em-up games, bloody Hollywood movies, screenplays with men locked in brutal hand-to-hand combat, etc. "Cartoon violence" is violence implicitly understood not to be real (or equivalently, violence implicitly understood to have no effect). Ironically, I wouldn't classify all violence that happens in cartoons as "cartoon violence". It has more to do with lack of realism and relatively brief exposure to any visceral elements. Examples would include Wile E. Coyote blowing himself up with a stick of dynamite, Barney crashing the Duff blimp into a power line on "The Simpsons", a motorcycle flying into a helicopter and blowing it up, storm troopers getting blasted down by the dozens in "Star Wars", etc. As I see it, jokes with "And now he's in the hospital." as a punchline nearly always qualify as cartoon violence. The violence would be horrific if it actually happened, but the reader implicitly understands that it's not real. The punchline might as well be the wife getting so mad that she explodes, leaving her and her spouse as little blackened figures with blinking white eyes, or something equally absurd. The medium is the message, it omits any description of the violent backlash, and hence the violence never actually takes place in the psychology of the reader. It just stands in for a more general message like "Wife gets really upset." in an absurd way, and the absurdity is what makes the joke funny. As a result, I don't mind when people find such jokes (or cartoon violence in general) funny, and I don't consider it a vice. The debate on whether cartoon violence inures us to visceral violence has raged for decades, but that's another issue entirely.
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billisonboard
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Mar 1, 2016 0:42:39 GMT -5
Post by billisonboard on Mar 1, 2016 0:42:39 GMT -5
... As I see it, jokes with "And now he's in the hospital." as a punchline nearly always qualify as cartoon violence. ... Do jokes with "And now she's in the hospital." as a punchline nearly always qualify as cartoon violence as well?
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OldCoyote
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Post by OldCoyote on Mar 1, 2016 6:24:57 GMT -5
Ahhh, yes, being politically correct, means you missed the best jokes, Jokes being jokes, means they are not to be taken seriously,
But if you try, you can find something wrong with anything!
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 1, 2016 8:13:09 GMT -5
1. You can avoid the joke thread.
2. When someone is telling a joke you can put your hands over your ears and pretend not to hear.
3. You can do the nanananananananannaana thingy like a child does when they don't want to hear something.
4. Stop person in mid sentences and ask if this is a joke so you have the option of listening or not - but boy you are sure gonna spend a lot of time interrupting people non stop so you don't inadvertently hear a joke not to your liking.
Easy fucking peezy if you ask me. Making things way to stinking complicated. I don't see a problem about jokes you don't like - See 1 - 4
ETA: Are political jokes exempt??
ETA: Stay away from the memes thread - your heads will explode!!!
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 1, 2016 9:20:49 GMT -5
Little Johnny asks his mother her age.
She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."
Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.
Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."
The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"
To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.
On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.
Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"
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Virgil Showlion
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Mar 1, 2016 9:40:41 GMT -5
Post by Virgil Showlion on Mar 1, 2016 9:40:41 GMT -5
... As I see it, jokes with "And now he's in the hospital." as a punchline nearly always qualify as cartoon violence. ... Do jokes with "And now she's in the hospital." as a punchline nearly always qualify as cartoon violence as well? Yes, but downgrade "nearly always" to "usually". People are generally more likely to interpret man-on-woman violence in jokes as objective rather than cartoon. I suspect this is because woman-on-man violence is considered more absurd, less harmful, and less likely to occur in our society.
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billisonboard
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Mar 1, 2016 10:07:25 GMT -5
Post by billisonboard on Mar 1, 2016 10:07:25 GMT -5
Do jokes with "And now she's in the hospital." as a punchline nearly always qualify as cartoon violence as well? Yes, but downgrade "nearly always" to "usually". People are generally more likely to interpret man-on-woman violence in jokes as objective rather than cartoon. I suspect this is because woman-on-man violence is considered more absurd, less harmful, and less likely to occur in our society. Statistics do support less deadly, Harm is a tricky thing to measure. When looking at other than police reports, occurance is closer to 1:1 than you would think. And yes, it is "considered more absurd". Ridicule of male victims of violence is the equivalent of "what did you do to deserve it" of female victims. Men: The Overlooked Victims of Domestic Violence
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 1, 2016 19:19:29 GMT -5
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Mar 1, 2016 23:34:48 GMT -5
Yes, but downgrade "nearly always" to "usually". People are generally more likely to interpret man-on-woman violence in jokes as objective rather than cartoon. I suspect this is because woman-on-man violence is considered more absurd, less harmful, and less likely to occur in our society. Statistics do support less deadly, Harm is a tricky thing to measure. When looking at other than police reports, occurance is closer to 1:1 than you would think. And yes, it is "considered more absurd". Ridicule of male victims of violence is the equivalent of "what did you do to deserve it" of female victims. Men: The Overlooked Victims of Domestic ViolenceIndeed. It was on this very board that I learned violence against men is commonplace. It was also on this board that I learned 40% of rape victims are men, which floored me. I'm not saying the perception of absurdity is something I endorse, but we agree it exists.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 2, 2016 22:44:28 GMT -5
Shower Soap Survey...
A pollster asked 100 women what shower soap they were using, and the most popular reply was: "How the f**k did you get in here?"
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