tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Nov 29, 2014 7:35:24 GMT -5
Mom asked little Johnny if he had enjoyed his school's field trip. "Yeah, it was great! We saw sheep, horses, goats, and f**kers." Mom said, "Uh, fine, fine. I know what sheep, horses and goats are, but what is a f**ker?" Little Johnny said, "Oh, they're the animals that give us milk." Mom said, "But who said they were called, er, f**kers?" Little Johnny replied, "That was our teacher. Well actually she called them 'effers', but we all knew what she meant."  |
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Nov 29, 2014 7:39:23 GMT -5
Hi NNP, you caught me...  Have a good one!  |
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Nov 29, 2014 7:41:57 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
Senior Associate
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Favorite Drink: Sometimes I drink water... just to surprise my liver!
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Post by toomuchreality on Dec 3, 2014 5:54:03 GMT -5
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Dec 3, 2014 14:05:51 GMT -5
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Dec 3, 2014 14:13:55 GMT -5
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ZaireinHD
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Post by ZaireinHD on Dec 6, 2014 1:10:39 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2014 6:38:12 GMT -5
Question: When is it o.k. to ask, in public, to borrow someone's rubber, use it, then give it back for them to use if they need it? Answer: When you are speaking "The Queen's English" (British), because a "rubber" in British English is a pencil eraser! |
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
Community Leader
♡ ♡ BᏋՆᎥᏋᏉᏋ ♡ ♡
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Favorite Drink: Chilled White Zin
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Jokes
Dec 7, 2014 12:41:57 GMT -5
Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Dec 7, 2014 12:41:57 GMT -5
LOL - I figured out the punch-line without having to click.
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Dec 10, 2014 0:19:18 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Jokes
Dec 10, 2014 0:35:59 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2014 0:35:59 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Dec 11, 2014 6:20:34 GMT -5
Two bowling teams of blondes charter a double-decker bus; they're going to Atlantic City for the weekend. One team is in the bottom of the bus, and the other team is in the top of the bus. The team down below is whooping it up when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the top. She walks up the stairs, and here are all the blondes from the second team clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles, scared to death. She says,"What the heck's goin' on? We're down there havin' a grand old time." One of the blondes from the second team says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
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Artemis Windsong
Senior Associate
The love in me salutes the love in you. M. Williamson
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Dec 14, 2014 21:34:21 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2014 22:37:57 GMT -5
I  'd it... but I think it's sad that the message (even if done in humor) is actually coming true. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2014 2:44:16 GMT -5
Not sure WHERE to put this... It made me laugh, so I'm gonna put it here. (no joke, this is completely real) Today, The Wife and her daughters spent the day making Christmas cookies. When I got ready to leave for work, she handed me one of those plastic grocery bags with a "seal-able divided plate" with my dinner in it and (in her words) "a special cookie that my daughters made for you" Warning: May Not Be Safe For Work I married into a VERY strange family... |
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
Community Leader
♡ ♡ BᏋՆᎥᏋᏉᏋ ♡ ♡
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:51 GMT -5
Posts: 43,130
Location: Inside POM's Head
Favorite Drink: Chilled White Zin
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Jokes
Dec 15, 2014 13:20:52 GMT -5
Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Dec 15, 2014 13:20:52 GMT -5
Hmmm - now the question is how did it taste? 
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ArchietheDragon
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Jokes
Dec 15, 2014 13:39:37 GMT -5
Post by ArchietheDragon on Dec 15, 2014 13:39:37 GMT -5
Not sure WHERE to put this... It made me laugh, so I'm gonna put it here. (no joke, this is completely real) Today, The Wife and her daughters spent the day making Christmas cookies. When I got ready to leave for work, she handed me one of those plastic grocery bags with a "seal-able divided plate" with my dinner in it and (in her words) "a special cookie that my daughters made for you" Warning: May Not Be Safe For Work I married into a VERY strange family... There is something fishy about that. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2014 16:04:44 GMT -5
Hmmm - now the question is how did it taste? Let's just say, it didn't taste like what it resembled... (whether it tasted like a cookie or not is up for debate though). |
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Artemis Windsong
Senior Associate
The love in me salutes the love in you. M. Williamson
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 19:32:12 GMT -5
Posts: 12,402
Today's Mood: Twinkling
Location: Wishing Star
Favorite Drink: Fresh, clean cold bottled water.
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Dec 19, 2014 17:34:12 GMT -5
How to loose 1500 calories in 20 minutes: wait for it: Burn your pizza in the oven.  |
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toomuchreality
Senior Associate
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Favorite Drink: Sometimes I drink water... just to surprise my liver!
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Post by toomuchreality on Dec 23, 2014 4:47:08 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
Senior Associate
Joined: Sept 3, 2011 10:28:25 GMT -5
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Favorite Drink: Sometimes I drink water... just to surprise my liver!
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Post by toomuchreality on Dec 23, 2014 4:49:38 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
Senior Associate
Joined: Sept 3, 2011 10:28:25 GMT -5
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Favorite Drink: Sometimes I drink water... just to surprise my liver!
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Post by toomuchreality on Dec 23, 2014 10:18:49 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Dec 23, 2014 17:52:18 GMT -5
Tech support: Okay, now right click on the desktop.
Caller: Okay.
Tech support: Did you get a pop-up menu?
Caller: No.
Tech support: Okay, right click again. Now do you see the pop-up menu?
Caller: No.
Tech support: Sir, can you tell me what you've done up to this point?
Caller: Sure. You told me to write "click", so I wrote "click".
~actual tech support call
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Dec 23, 2014 17:54:02 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Dec 23, 2014 17:55:11 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Dec 23, 2014 17:56:21 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Dec 23, 2014 17:58:07 GMT -5
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uncle23
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Post by uncle23 on Dec 24, 2014 14:08:09 GMT -5
....
risky humor
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked,
"Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland ?"
One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"
So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland ?"
And that's the last thing I remember.
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billisonboard
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Member is Online
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Post by billisonboard on Dec 24, 2014 14:38:33 GMT -5
Agree but I am not willing to get into this again. |
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ZaireinHD
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Jokes
Dec 26, 2014 21:09:42 GMT -5
Post by ZaireinHD on Dec 26, 2014 21:09:42 GMT -5
oh this is so funny I feel bad for laughing!!!  |
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~ Friendships Are Warm ~ True Passions are Fire ~ 
