kept woman

[tea4me]

How would you define a "kept woman"?
Are there women in this day and age that aspire to be a kept woman?
Do you think most men prefer a kept woman or an independent woman?

[daennera]

Yes, there are women (girls 23-29 age range) that really really want to be stay at home moms and do all the domestic stuff and have a man pay all the bills and support them. I don't get it, but to each their own I guess. Heck, one girl I know bought a lottery ticket so if she won she could "stay home and make babies"

And yes, there are men who would prefer if they could "keep" a woman. I believe I know more men who would prefer that their women were independent and equal contributors to their household, but I do know a few who think it would be great to have their partner at home.

[Deleted]

I don't think of women raising babies as necessarily kept?... I guess i tend to see kept women as those with no responsiblities who don't have to work, and their husbands give them everything they need, and they spend their days playing tennis and having their nails done...

(Yeah! Our first SAH v. Working thread!)

[tea4me]

I don't think a stay at home mother is a kept woman - - if the man supporting them is the father of her children.
(I did NOT start this thread thinking about SAHMs.)

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Basketball wives and The Housewives of Beverly Hills are popular for a reason. . .

[daennera]

Hmmm. I never really considered any adult purposefully staying at home that didn't have kids or some health issue that prevented them from working. That just seems really weird to me.

[jennml]

"Kept" woman (my definition) - a woman who does not work in or outside the home. Her lifestyle is maintained by a man (either a husband or lover(s)). Sex may or may not be involved in the relationship, hence the distinction from a prostitute.

I think there are definitely women out there who's goal in life is to be a "kept" woman.

I don't think I'd say most men would prefer having a "kept" woman but there are definitely some who would. It all depends on culture, religion, PPW Index (Power, Prestige, and Wealth), and individual quirks.

Basically, there's a penguin out there for everyone of us weirdos LOL

[kinetickid]

Jan 7, 2011 10:29:07 GMT -5 @tea4me said:

How would you define a "kept woman"?
Are there women in this day and age that aspire to be a kept woman?
Do you think most men prefer a kept woman or an independent woman?

I've known a few former mistresses, i.e., young ladies who received cash or other goodies from their married boyfriends, but never any "kept women." One was a very close friend of mine.

Often, these girls are really, really in love with these guys. The men, married (and a lot of them want to stay married to their wives for a whole host of reasons), probably feel some guilt that they can't be "real" boyfriends to their mistresses, and so they shower them with gifts and such to compensate.

[Gardening Grandma]

I do know a woman whose been a "kept" woman most of her life. She stayed in an abusive marriage for many, many years because of her husband's money. No children, no outside job. Her full time job was maintenance: gym workouts, diets, and cosmetic surgeries (I've lost count of how many).
She's now in her 60's (still looks great considering her age), has attempted suicide twice after being dumped by her husband. She's now staying with a long time friend recovering from another mental breakdown.

[Urban Chicago]

I know a few women who went to college for the express purpose of finding a husband, never intending to use their education to get a job. We would say they were getting their "MRS" degree.

I'd say they desired to be kept, but went about it in a very expensive manner.

[kinetickid]

Jan 7, 2011 11:38:52 GMT -5 Urban Chicago said:

I'd say they desired to be kept, but went about it in a very expensive manner.

It's only expensive if they were paying for it themselves. If their parents were paying for it, it costs them nothing.

[HoneyBBQ]

Do kept women do work around the house and cook and clean? If so, I want one. Where can I find one?

[The J]

I agree that I wouldn't classify a SAHM as a kept woman.

Personally, I don't want a kept woman, but I've known a few guys that do.

[so1970]

my wife doesnt work,but i have a weird work schedule and work out of state. i like the idea of if i come home and take a trip she can just go,no work schedule hassels. and if i work a long stretch[ i have stayed away up to 8 months] she can come with me. so it works for us.

[dancinmama]

No, I don't think I've ever known a kept woman. I've known a few women whose husbands made enough money so that they could have been "kept", but chose not to be.

[thyme4change]

I know people who want to be kept, and I know some who are. Very few really admit it - but you see the signs. They start as SAHMs. Then they put their kids in "preschool" (at 2 years old) and then they hire a housekeeper, and they eat as much restarant food as Moms who have an office job. Pretty soon, the kids are in school full time, and the moms have appointments, so 3 out of 5 days there is an older kid from down the street babysitting between the time the bus comes home and the time Mom or Dad gets home with Chinese take-out.

These people aren't necessarily bad women or bad mothers - they just don't have the same harsh requirements of some SAHMs.

[greeneyedchicka]

Is wanting to be a kept woman the same as being a gold digger?

My ex's new wife can be classified this way. She has told him several times that it is his job to take care of her and her two kids from other men. She is 32.

We were joking about the Mega Millions last week and he told me that if he wins that he is putting it in my name, so that she can't get to it. I laughed, but he was completely serious.

[Deleted]

Jan 7, 2011 11:44:16 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Do kept women do work around the house and cook and clean? If so, I want one. Where can I find one?

To me, that's not a kept woman. Someone who cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids is carrying her share of the load.

I've never known someone who aspired to be a genuine kept woman (supply sex on demand in exchange for having all your bills paid). I have, however, known plenty who really had no intention of (or plan for) supporting themselves and were hoping to find a man to bring in the money. Very risky, IMO, even when you're willing and able to do a darn good job as a wife and mother.

[jennml]

Jan 7, 2011 11:32:38 GMT -5 @kinetickid said:

I've known a few former mistresses, i.e., young ladies who received cash or other goodies from their married boyfriends, but never any "kept women." One was a very close friend of mine.

Often, these girls are really, really in love with these guys. The men, married (and a lot of them want to stay married to their wives for a whole host of reasons), probably feel some guilt that they can't be "real" boyfriends to their mistresses, and so they shower them with gifts and such to compensate.

I've had some friends in similar situations except the guys only showered them with BS. I didn't understand why they took it and kept running back to them only to be "the other woman."

Then I had my own moment of psychosis over a guy who logically I wouldn't ever want to build a future with even if he had been single...but who inexplicably had me at his beck and call. Now I am much more sympathic to those friends who are stuck in similar situations. I just promise to be there for them and pray they snap out of it sooner rather than later.

[kinetickid]

Jan 7, 2011 11:55:57 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Jan 7, 2011 11:44:16 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Do kept women do work around the house and cook and clean? If so, I want one. Where can I find one?

To me, that's not a kept woman. Someone who cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids is carrying her share of the load.

I've never known someone who aspired to be a genuine kept woman (supply sex on demand in exchange for having all your bills paid). I have, however, known plenty who really had no intention of (or plan for) supporting themselves and were hoping to find a man to bring in the money. Very risky, IMO, even when you're willing and able to do a darn good job as a wife and mother.

I agree with you. I'm a SAHM and I'm definitely not "kept." If anything, I am trapped.

[tea4me]

Jan 7, 2011 11:55:34 GMT -5 @greeneyedchicka said:

Is wanting to be a kept woman the same as being a gold digger?

I think it is. Why did your ex marry her? Why should he take care of someone else's kids? Doesn't that make him bitter?

[greeneyedchicka]

Jan 7, 2011 12:06:42 GMT -5 @tea4me said:

Jan 7, 2011 11:55:34 GMT -5 @greeneyedchicka said:

Is wanting to be a kept woman the same as being a gold digger?

I think it is. Why did your ex marry her? Why should he take care of someone else's kids? Doesn't that make him bitter?

He shouldn't have to take care of someone else's kids, but she feels that he does. They each have a father that provides child support, so there is technically no need. It is just her mindset. He is a little bitter and battles with himself constantly about what he should and shouldn't be doing.

[jennml]

Jan 7, 2011 11:45:26 GMT -5 The J said:

Personally, I don't want a kept woman, but I've known a few guys that do.

Contact info., credit reports, and head shots would be appreciated...you know, in case some of us want to try out the whole "kept" woman thing

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"It's only expensive if they were paying for it themselves. If their parents were paying for it, it costs them nothing.":::...

Not to mention that some parents see this as an investment. A few years at college, vs supporting the daughter forever...

I'd define a kept spouse as one in which there is an express keeper/keepee dynamic -- the keeper pays all maintenance fees and most likely entertainment expenses in exchange for the keepee staying put and attending to domestic chores and providing sex.

I agree that most people probably do not set out with this as a final goal, although I'm sure some do. Lets face it, working and being responsible for the survival of yourself stinks. I'm sure there are some out there who would be happy to do some chores or pony up sex in exchange for not having to commute to/from and do a job.

DF and I will continue both working, but we've seen the SAH model work very well (no kids) in two couples. The idea of coming home to a clean house with dinner on the table, and not having a whole to-do list filling up my scarce free time is VERY appealing. However DF is well educated and skilled and capable of bringing home a good contribution -- too good to sacrifice given the goals we have.

[swamp]

Jan 7, 2011 12:51:32 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

...:::"It's only expensive if they were paying for it themselves. If their parents were paying for it, it costs them nothing.":::...

Not to mention that some parents see this as an investment. A few years at college, vs supporting the daughter forever...

I'd define a kept spouse as one in which there is an express keeper/keepee dynamic -- the keeper pays all maintenance fees and most likely entertainment expenses in exchange for the keepee staying put and attending to domestic chores and providing sex.

I agree that most people probably do not set out with this as a final goal, although I'm sure some do. Lets face it, working and being responsible for the survival of yourself stinks. I'm sure there are some out there who would be happy to do some chores or pony up sex in exchange for not having to commute to/from and do a job.

DF and I will continue both working, but we've seen the SAH model work very well (no kids) in two couples. The idea of coming home to a clean house with dinner on the table, and not having a whole to-do list filling up my scarce free time is VERY appealing. However DF is well educated and skilled and capable of bringing home a good contribution -- too good to sacrifice given the goals we have.

Working for a living sucks, but depending completely on someone else for your livelihood sucks even worse, IMHO. I'll take the commute and hassles of working, thanks.

[TrixAre4Kids]

Jan 7, 2011 10:59:04 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Basketball wives and The Housewives of Beverly Hills are popular for a reason. . .

[kinetickid]

Jan 7, 2011 13:13:06 GMT -5 TrixAre4Kids said:

Jan 7, 2011 10:59:04 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Basketball wives and The Housewives of Beverly Hills are popular for a reason. . .

Not to hijack or anything, but how do you do those emoticons that vomit, etc.? I see a little list of smiley faces and other boring ones, but no vomiters or thumbs up...

[Deleted]

I graduated from a good college and was very successful in the workforce for almost 8 years before I was laid off while pregnant with our first child. The original plan had been for me to return to work, but I could not find a position, then we moved, I became pregnant again and am still at home. While sometimes I feel trapped (as kinetickid wrote) most days I feel that I have the most demanding, exhausting, rewarding position I have ever held.

DH is scared that I will not want to return to the work-force after our youngest starts kindergarten - he does not want a kept woman. However, I have fears that with the economy as it is, and having no job outside the home for (at that point) 7-8 years will severely inhibit my ability to find a position. And there are no questions that I would not be able to just jump back into a position with the same responsibilities and pay - I would have to prove myself and climb the ladder again.

So while I'm currently a "kept woman" in some people's view, it is not by choice and I don't take my husband's support for granted. I know that he is under tremendous stress being the only income generator (even though we live comfortably and well within our means) and I do all that I can to help alleviate that for him.

[Deleted]

Jan 7, 2011 13:34:19 GMT -5 @kinetickid said:

Jan 7, 2011 13:13:06 GMT -5 TrixAre4Kids said:

Not to hijack or anything, but how do you do those emoticons that vomit, etc.? I see a little list of smiley faces and other boring ones, but no vomiters or thumbs up...

When you use the quote or reply buttons within the thread (not the quick reply box at the bottom) there is a smilie box to the left of the text box. Choose "view all smilies" and you'll get a pop-up with all the smilies.

[kinetickid]

Jan 7, 2011 13:47:51 GMT -5 @rosebaby said:

Jan 7, 2011 13:34:19 GMT -5 @kinetickid said:

Not to hijack or anything, but how do you do those emoticons that vomit, etc.? I see a little list of smiley faces and other boring ones, but no vomiters or thumbs up...

When you use the quote or reply buttons within the thread (not the quick reply box at the bottom) there is a smilie box to the left of the text box. Choose "view all smilies" and you'll get a pop-up with all the smilies.

Beaucoup de thanks!