5 year old traveling with a friend

[hoops902]

Jun 27, 2011 10:26:15 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Yes, anytime a parent wants to spend time with their child rather than send them away it's clearly horrible. Having children in itself is a selfish act, you have them because you think they will benefit you.

My husband is being a selfish baby. I have two vacations planned this year taking the kids without him and he thinks I should leave them home with him, so he can "spend time with them" and will "miss them too much". WTF. He works 10 hours a day and is too exhausted when he gets home to help out around the house. Yeah, I'm sure the kids would rather get up at 4:30am, be at daycare during the day and spend a couple hours with him trying to get barn chores done in the evening than hang out at a resort.

I think there's more than a small difference between 2 parents both wanting to spend time with their kids and arguing over it, and pretending that it's a horrible selfish thing for a parent to want to spend time with their 5 year old child rather than ship them off with another family for several days.

You can call your husband selfish all you want, but if these kids are biologically yours then you're both selfish for having them in the first place anyways. The question isn't whether he's selfish, all biological parents are inherently selfish...the question is whether he's being reasonable. As you describe the situation, it sounds as if the answer is no.

[hoops902]

"We had a disagreement on what our kid should do, I'm usually more lax when it comes to what they can do. It's really not a big deal to me. "

Which again, is probably the right kind of compromise to make. Not a big deal to you. Big deal to him. Seems like a reasonable way to come to decisions.

[swamp]

Jun 27, 2011 10:43:12 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

"We had a disagreement on what our kid should do, I'm usually more lax when it comes to what they can do. It's really not a big deal to me. "

Which again, is probably the right kind of compromise to make. Not a big deal to you. Big deal to him. Seems like a reasonable way to come to decisions.

I am disappointed that my son can't go, but in the grand scheme of things, I just don't find this issue worth fighting about.

[zibazinski]

Selfish? Several days? Wow. It's a couple of nights not boarding school. There's also another kid who could have used some "daddy" time and given Swamp a break.

[hoops902]

Jun 27, 2011 10:45:20 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Selfish? Several days? Wow. It's a couple of nights not boarding school. There's also another kid who could have used some "daddy" time and given Swamp a break.

So then out of curiousity, at what age is the "correct" age that you should have no issues with sending your child off for several days away from home on vacation with non-relatives?

[swamp]

Jun 27, 2011 10:48:32 GMT -5 @wrongsideof30 said:

Here's an idea. If Swamp wants a break, mayber her husband can pitch a tent in the backyard and him and the kids can have a sleep out while Swamp does whatever she wants (night out with a friend, read a book, etc).

Swamp's DH camp? LOL! That's not gonna happen.

He does lots of stuff with the kids, and has no problem with me going out with my friends without him.

[zibazinski]

Judge the child. A clingy 3 year old? No way. a 5 year old that knows the kid, the mom, the whole shebang, go for it. I believe Swamp knows her own child and had no issue with it, so who is to say she's a worse judge of her own child? Her husband? Who couldn't even say "why?"If he had a VALID reason, Swamp probably wouldn't have even brought it to us, the fact that he did not have one, just "didn't want the kid to go" is not a valid reason for anything ever. That reminds me of someone who says "no" just because they can, it's about control.

[zibazinski]

Of course, this could very well be the last weekend ever so that makes sense. Swamp is content with her decision so it is what it is. As is her DH.

[hoops902]

Jun 27, 2011 10:54:31 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Judge the child. A clingy 3 year old? No way. a 5 year old that knows the kid, the mom, the whole shebang, go for it. I believe Swamp knows her own child and had no issue with it, so who is to say she's a worse judge of her own child? Her husband? Who couldn't even say "why?"If he had a VALID reason, Swamp probably wouldn't have even brought it to us, the fact that he did not have one, just "didn't want the kid to go" is not a valid reason for anything ever. That reminds me of someone who says "no" just because they can, it's about control.

Swamp already gave the reason. Her DH said he likes having the children near and that he likes to spend his free time with his kids.

You seem to have an issue with parents WANTING to spend time with their kids. Given that you're a mother, that seems really sad that you can't relate to parents enjoying being around their children.

[Deleted]

OR, he just wants to spend time with his kid. My husband works all week and goes to school. During the weekend, he spends as much time with the kids as he can. We do a lot of fun things on the weekend.


I can see weekend conflicts if you wanted to do something else with the kids, but Swamps friend was going during the week.

[pig]

WTF. He works 10 hours a day and is too exhausted when he gets home to help out around the house. Yeah, I'm sure the kids would rather get up at 4:30am, be at daycare during the day and spend a couple hours with him trying to get barn chores done in the evening than hang out at a resort

You sound quite unhappy with your husband. Why would you stay with someone who sounds so selfish and horrid?

[Deleted]

You sound quite unhappy with your husband. Why would you stay with someone who sounds so selfish and horrid?

I am unhappy with him...right now...I wasn't always, and hopefully things will smooth over again. We've only been married two years and have had a lot of stressful things happen this last year. Every marriage struggles from time to time, but you just keep plugging away. Or at least that's my plan for now. I might crack at some point.

[zibazinski]

I spent a lot of my time with my kids but that doesn't mean I wasn't happy to get a break and if they can have fun in the process, win-win. My kids will tell you I was a good mom and taught them the world did not revolve around them. Neither did I expect them to have their whole world have to revolve around me. I hate parents that guilt their kids or burden them like that. They usually are the lousiest parents, too.

[pig]

We've only been married two years

Yikes! I hope it gets better for you two. Keep working at it. I wish you the best.

[Deleted]

Jun 27, 2011 13:00:28 GMT -5 @pig said:

We've only been married two years

Yikes! I hope it gets better for you two. Keep working at it. I wish you the best.

Thanks, me too. Like I said, rough year. If I could get past the fallout anger/resentment issues (which, obviously I'm not doing the greatest with), we'd recover a lot sooner.