5 year old traveling with a friend

[Gardening Grandma]

It's been my experience that no matter how well watched or how competent the person watching them they can get lost.

It's been known to happen to parents too..........

[Miss Tequila]

Jun 24, 2011 12:05:58 GMT -5 @pig said:

What if he wanders off? What if he gets scared? What if he gets hurt? What if, what if, what if....

Yes, these were said I hardly think a child wandering off is the same as leaving a child in a cabin alone. It's been my experience that no matter how well watched or how competent the person watching them they can get lost. It happened to my child at a day care center so it's not like it's that far fetched. It's not my child so I am not overly concerned if she lets her child go or not. I'm just sharing my opinion which is no more or less valid than yours.

Doc, I also think each child is different so if a person doesn't have a wanderer they won't understand...my oldest was a wanderer so I shared your fear...thank God daycare never lost her!

[swamp]

Jun 24, 2011 12:11:35 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Jun 24, 2011 12:05:58 GMT -5 @pig said:

What if he wanders off? What if he gets scared? What if he gets hurt? What if, what if, what if....

Yes, these were said I hardly think a child wandering off is the same as leaving a child in a cabin alone. It's been my experience that no matter how well watched or how competent the person watching them they can get lost. It happened to my child at a day care center so it's not like it's that far fetched. It's not my child so I am not overly concerned if she lets her child go or not. I'm just sharing my opinion which is no more or less valid than yours.

Doc, I also think each child is different so if a person doesn't have a wanderer they won't understand...my oldest was a wanderer so I shared your fear...thank God daycare never lost her!

\

I lost my own wandering kid at Disney. It happens.

[skubikky]

Jun 24, 2011 11:58:07 GMT -5 @pig said:

Some of these fear posts make it sound like you're just planning on leaving him alone in a cabin for a few days.

I do not see one post that that sound remotely like this. This is just ridiculous.

exactly

[skubikky]

Jun 24, 2011 12:01:17 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jun 24, 2011 11:58:07 GMT -5 @pig said:

Some of these fear posts make it sound like you're just planning on leaving him alone in a cabin for a few days.

I do not see one post that that sound remotely like this. This is just ridiculous.

What if he wanders off? What if he gets scared? What if he gets hurt? What if, what if, what if....

He's with a competent adult that could handle these things just as well as Swamp could.

And let's give Swamp's DH the benefit of the doubt and assume that he also is a competent adult, able to make decisions for his children.

[Gardening Grandma]

nd let's give Swamp's DH the benefit of the doubt and assume that he also is a competent adult, able to make decisions for his children.

Meaning Swamp isn't?

The husband is simply projecting his fears onto the kid.... So the kid will miss out on three days of fun with his friend and the friend's responsible parent.

[pig]

The husband is simply projecting his fears onto the kid.... So the kid will miss out on three days of fun with his friend and the friend's responsible parent.

I do not agree. If the kid misses going on an outing he's not going to be damaged in any way. I think you also should give Swamps DH the benefit of the doubt as well that he is competent. You act like him missing out on some play trip is tantamount to denying him college or something.

[zibazinski]

No, but it sure sets the stage for "control" issues. I wonder how the tables would be turned if Swamp was being a ninny and her DH was saying "let the kid go and have fun?"

[pig]

No, but it sure sets the stage for "control" issues. I wonder how the tables would be turned if Swamp was being a ninny and her DH was saying "let the kid go and have fun?"

I think Swamp is smart enough that if she really thought this would be an issue she would not give in. Given the fact that she said she was going to give in I can only assume she does not believe this is an issue. This opinion if just based on what's been said by her.

[Deleted]

Jun 24, 2011 12:05:58 GMT -5 @pig said:

It's been my experience that no matter how well watched or how competent the person watching them they can get lost.

So, I'm assuming you never take your kids anywhere because they might wander off?

[skubikky]

Jun 24, 2011 12:18:28 GMT -5 Gardening Grandma said:

nd let's give Swamp's DH the benefit of the doubt and assume that he also is a competent adult, able to make decisions for his children.

Meaning Swamp isn't?

The husband is simply projecting his fears onto the kid.... So the kid will miss out on three days of fun with his friend and the friend's responsible parent.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....I wasn't implying that Swamp isn't competent and able to make parental decisions. I was pointing out that her husband's position is as valid as anyone else's. But, in the end, more so because these are his children.

I think you're attempting to escalate his preferences into an accusation of neurotic behavior, which is doesn't seem to be(to me that is).

Swamp asked for opinions, not all of us have the same one(thank God). Especially when it comes to raising children, every family has different ways of doing things and varying boundaries.
Deciding to disallow a 5 year old to go out of town for three days is not what I would call unreasonable behavior.

I feel very confident that Swamp's son will not be permanently scarred if he doesn't get to go. He'll most likely have many opportunities as he grows up to go off and do lots of exciting things without Mom and Dad.

[Gardening Grandma]

He'll most likely have many opportunities as he grows up to go off and do lots of exciting things without Mom and Dad.

Maybe.... If Dad can bring himself to allow it. Then again, maybe not.
I have relatives who always said, '"They're too young"...... Even into the teens.....

[skubikky]

Jun 24, 2011 12:30:17 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jun 24, 2011 12:05:58 GMT -5 @pig said:

It's been my experience that no matter how well watched or how competent the person watching them they can get lost.

So, I'm assuming you never take your kids anywhere because they might wander off?

This comment leads me to believe that you enjoy arguing for it's own sake. Twist and manipulate statements to fuel a nasty response that in no way helps to answer Swamp's original question.

[zibazinski]

Now you "get it."

[skubikky]

Jun 24, 2011 12:34:13 GMT -5 Gardening Grandma said:

He'll most likely have many opportunities as he grows up to go off and do lots of exciting things without Mom and Dad.

Maybe.... If Dad can bring himself to allow it. Then again, maybe not.
I have relatives who always said, '"They're too young"...... Even into the teens.....

That's wonderful that your "relatives" say such and such....quite the statistical group when you're making such a grand and sweeping observation....quite a stretch.

Please walk me through how you arrived at that conclusion based on what Swamp has said? The subject of this discussion is a 5 year old.

[zibazinski]

Well, Swamp, I hope your DH thinks on it and comes to the conclusion that his fears shouldn't interfere with his son's enjoyment of a new experience.

[Deleted]

Jun 24, 2011 12:34:49 GMT -5 skubikky said:

Jun 24, 2011 12:30:17 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

So, I'm assuming you never take your kids anywhere because they might wander off?

This comment leads me to believe that you enjoy arguing for it's own sake. Twist and manipulate statements to fuel a nasty response that in no way helps to answer Swamp's original question.

Nope, not really. Just bored. What exactly did I twist though? It's an honest question. If nobody can prevent a kid from wandering off, then obviously all you can do is deal with it when and if it happens.

[Gardening Grandma]

Please walk me through how you arrived at that conclusion based on what Swamp has said? The subject of this discussion is a 5 year old.

I was responding to YOUR post.

I feel very confident that Swamp's son will not be permanently scarred if he doesn't get to go. He'll most likely have many opportunities as he grows up to go off and do lots of exciting things without Mom and Dad.


Please walk me through how you arrived at that conclusion based on what Swamp has said?

[skubikky]

Your Honor....the defense rests.

[bring in the new year]

Swamp, what bothers me about DH's stance is the generalized feeling of anxiety. Can you ask him to lay out a scenario where he would feel comfortable and start from there? Would he feel comfortable if DS were 6 or 7? If it was 1 night instead of 2? If it were a camping trip rather than an amusement park?

As for the wandering, you might find that DS is far less likely to wander with someone else's mom than with you. You also might want to point out that with two friends they are more likely to get lost together than separately. I presume they like the same things and they like to do those things together.

As the aunt, I'm usually on the other side of this discussion. I like to take the nieces places and I let them bring a friend. One of younger nieces' friends has very overprotective parents and we can't really take her anywhere without severe anxiety (Day long museum trips frex) and this is after the mother knowing me for more than 10 years. Problem is child is now 12 and highly anxious about new situations. It's hard to watch her get left out of the activities that niece and other friends really enjoy.

I did have one suggestion. Could DH take DS & friend out for the day or for an overnight campout? Maybe if HE was the parent the first time and he could see how the boys did he'd be more comfortable?

[kgb18]

Swamp, I didn't read the whole thread, but do you think you can get DH on board with this? I, personally, think your son should be able to go, but it would be better if your DH would be on the same page, particularly since he doesn't seem to have a logical reason to oppose it.

My DD isn't old enough to go anywhere with friends yet, but when I was 4, my grandmother and I flew to Chicago to visit my aunt and uncle. And when I was 6 she put me on a plane by myself, and I went there to visit them. I think I was going for about 5 days. I wasn't afraid or homesick at all. Some kids to better at travel than others.

[hoops902]

Disclaimer: I don't actually have kids.

I can see both sides in a general sense:

On DH's side (and the more conservative parent's side in general) I can see that taking the more conservative approach when there is a disagreement would be the better choice. It's not a matter of taking his side or her side, it's the fact that taking the more conservative approach seems to cause less damage than not. Having him stay at home is not going to be any problem to the person who thinks it's ok to let him go, letting him go is going to be a problem to the person who wants him to stay.

That said, for Swamp's side...the fact that he has no actual reason other than "i just don't want him to" swings the issue for me. It sounds as if it's nothing more than just him worrying. He will always have this worry at least the first time. "The first time" has to happen at some point, pushing it further down the road doesn't do anything. If it were some disagreement about the child's maturity, emotional stability away from home, etc, I'd be inclined to stick with the idea of keeping him home. Given that the reason is "I dunno, i just don't like it", I'd be inclined to let them go.

In general though, when each side has at least a relatively valid argument, I think compromising in favor of the more conservative parent is the way to go.

[hoops902]

It's kind of interesting how people react when a mother to a small child (recognizing that it's usually a child below 5 in those cases) has the selfish POV that "my child doesn't go anywhere without me, not even with the father on trips, I just don't feel comfortable" that somehow people take that side because "they're the mom, it's natural".

When it's a father who doesn't want his child to go somewhere for several days with someone who's NOT the parent though it suddenly turns into "well he'll never let him go anywhere and is going to emotionally scar him by his actions".

Does it really come down to "when Mom says she's comfortable, then everyone should be comfortable"? It just seems to be that when moms are being irrational about leaving their kids it's "natural" and when dad has the same irrational thoughts it's "scarring and a problem".

[zibazinski]

Let me tell you, the first time I let DS ride his bike to school, even though it was a few blocks away and there was sidewalks and crossing guards, my heart was in my mouth. I wanted to let him "grow" and I also wanted to follow him from behind with the car and make sure he was okay. Parenting isn't for the weak.

[bring in the new year]

BTW, re: wandering children.

I always assume kids will wander. So before I take anyone's child (niece, goddaughter etc) out, we go over the rules.

1. If you get lost, find a mom and ask her to take you to a grown up who can help you.
2. Be able to tell them my name. My name is Bridget and I am wearing.................
3. Don't be afraid, I will find you.

Now that they're older, I try and pick some central place when we get to the amusement park or museum and tell them to wait there for me if we get separated. I also take a picture of them with the digital camera before we ever get in the car so that I can prove we all came together.

There are other rules as well but we go over everything before we go out. And I have yet to lose one of them.

[swamp]

Jun 24, 2011 12:45:11 GMT -5 bring in the new year said:

Swamp, what bothers me about DH's stance is the generalized feeling of anxiety. Can you ask him to lay out a scenario where he would feel comfortable and start from there? Would he feel comfortable if DS were 6 or 7? If it was 1 night instead of 2? If it were a camping trip rather than an amusement park?

As for the wandering, you might find that DS is far less likely to wander with someone else's mom than with you. You also might want to point out that with two friends they are more likely to get lost together than separately. I presume they like the same things and they like to do those things together.

As the aunt, I'm usually on the other side of this discussion. I like to take the nieces places and I let them bring a friend. One of younger nieces' friends has very overprotective parents and we can't really take her anywhere without severe anxiety (Day long museum trips frex) and this is after the mother knowing me for more than 10 years. Problem is child is now 12 and highly anxious about new situations. It's hard to watch her get left out of the activities that niece and other friends really enjoy.

I did have one suggestion. Could DH take DS & friend out for the day or for an overnight campout? Maybe if HE was the parent the first time and he could see how the boys did he'd be more comfortable?

The tendency to wander is the main reason he gave, along ith the general anxiety.

DS has spent the night and lots of days at this friends house. DS has even fallen in the river at her house, with no ill effects, he paddled his way back to the shore and climbed out.

DH won't camp. He's a princess that way. We have had the friend over many times, and the mom has used us for emergency sitting when she gets called into work. A few of the times, I've been at work too and DH has taken the friend for a few hours.

It all boils down to DH doesn't like to spend his leisure time away from teh kids.

[Deleted]

Jun 24, 2011 12:55:07 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Let me tell you, the first time I let DS ride his bike to school, even though it was a few blocks away and there was sidewalks and crossing guards, my heart was in my mouth. I wanted to let him "grow" and I also wanted to follow him from behind with the car and make sure he was okay. Parenting isn't for the weak.

I remember putting my oldest on the school bus for the first time. He had to make a transfer at the high school and he'd just turned 5. I wanted so bad to send a cell phone with him. LOL

[Gardening Grandma]

Let me tell you, the first time I let DS ride his bike to school, even though it was a few blocks away and there was sidewalks and crossing guards, my heart was in my mouth. I wanted to let him "grow" and I also wanted to follow him from behind with the car and make sure he was okay. Parenting isn't for the weak.

No it isn't. And fearful parents raise fearful kids. Karma for you for allowing your DS to spread his wings in spite of your fears.

[piff]

I must admit my son was 7 before i allowed him to go away and that was with my daughter.

I Think that 5 is way to young but thats just me with my children.

I hope that compromising works.

[bring in the new year]

Swamp, that's good to know.

Tell him to enjoy it now. When they turn thirteen spending your leisure time with them seems to be more hellish than heavenly.