5 year old traveling with a friend

[swamp]

What's your opinion on this.

My 5 year old DS was offered to go on vacation with a friend. Here's the basics

1. The parent is one of my best friends. I trust her 100%. Her DS is 6 and he wants to bring a friend. She wants him to have a friend go, it's more fun for her son that way.

2. They would be going to a beach/amusement park area about 3 hours away from home. They're driving.

3. They will leave Monday morning, play on the beach in the afternoon, go the amusement park in the evening, stay in a motel on the beach that night.

4. Tuesday they will be a repeat of Monday

5. Wednesday they will go blueberry picking and then come home.

I don't have a problem with it. DH says absolutely not. He doesn't want our son gone that long. He trusts the mom, it's not a money issue, he just doesn't want him to leave.

What would you do?

[Deleted]

I'd let him go.

[midjd]

My dad was also leery about letting me go on overnight trips. My mom would let me go regardless and then get yelled at the whole time I was gone.

Can your DH articulate a more specific reason? If he trusts the mom 100% and you guys can afford it, and your son doesn't tend to get homesick, there's really no logical reason to oppose. Would anything make a difference - like having your son call home every night?

[Deleted]

If it were my son, I'd happily let him go. He'd have a blast and I'd get a kid break for a few days. win-win.

[Deleted]

Has your DS done overnights before? Three days probably is a long time for someone his age - are you confident that you wouldn't be gettinga "come get me" phone call?

(Assuming that he does well away from home, I don't know that I understand DH's objections - but that was my first thought)

[midjd]

It is a good question, though - when the parents disagree on something, who gets the final vote? I'd think if there were no compromise available, the "default" would be not letting them do whatever it is. This isn't a situation that's really presented itself to me, so I'm interested to see the responses.

And Swamp, just don't let your son know that you're disagreeing about it - united front is key See if you can sell it to him as a break from the kids. Could you get a sitter for the other one and go on a date?

[zibazinski]

Is it just the mom going as well? No other adult?

[Pants]

My parents used to do this for our friends - we took friends to the beach, to amusement parks, hell, we even took one of my brother's friends to France with us for a week. We always had fun because there was someone else our age, our friends got the opportunity to do something they may not have otherwise, and their parents got a break. It really was win/win/win for everyone. I say talk your husband into it.

[zibazinski]

Has he spent the night with the kid before and away from you guys?

[yogiii]

I think you should try to talk DH into it. It will be really fun for your son. Is your son expressing interest in the trip? Not sure if the mom mentioned it to you first seperately and your son doesn't even know about it yet.

[luckyme]

As a mom to three, I would not approve of it either.

I think 5 is way too young to be away from home for several days. I would not be comfortable with it.

But I was never comfortable leaving an infant w/ daycare either. I know many parents are fine with that; personal choices. If you and your DH have done so w/ your kids from an early age, I would think a 5 yr old spending a few days a way w/ a very trusted friend shouldn't seem like a big deal.

If you can't come to an agreement, I would think your DH should "win" on this one. Only because he finds it upsetting for your son to go, whereas you won't find it upsetting either way.

[alabamagal]

You trust the parent. If you think your son is mature enough to handle it I would let them go. The age seems a little on the young side to me, but it just depends on the kid. At about this age our kids would go to their grandparents house during the summer, which is 12 hours away and we never had any problems. As you trust the parent, it really shouldn't be any different than family.

[Colleenz]

Has DS stayed with grandparents or other family for 3 days? If so I would let him. If not I might worry that DS might get homesick. Hopefully DH will come around because it sounds like fun. I have a 5 yo son, and if I trusted the other Mom like family I would let him go.

[swamp]

He has done an overnight at this friend's before, and has done a few night with gramma. He has absolutely no separation anxiety.

Zib, she's a single mom, so she's the only parent.

DH has no logical reason to oppose it, and has admitted it. He just says he's not comfortable with DS going that far away for that long. DH is admittedly a homebody.

DS doesn't know about it, but knowing the friend, he will soon. The friend comes up with lots of "plans" and then informs DS, and then his mother, and then me. The friend and DS are so excited about whatever plan they have, it's hard to tell them no.

I'll work on DH.

[pig]

No way would I do it. At five my kid isn't spending a night away from home. What if he gets miserable and crys the whole time to come home? What if they don't watch him very well, what if this and what if that. Nope would not do it.

[swamp]

Jun 24, 2011 8:38:29 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

If your Dh is opposed to this, then i don't think your child should go.

Why is DH's opinion more important than mine?

[yogiii]

Jun 24, 2011 8:40:27 GMT -5 swamp said:

Jun 24, 2011 8:38:29 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

If your Dh is opposed to this, then i don't think your child should go.

Why is DH's opinion more important than mine?

uuummm duh? Cause he's the man

[swamp]

Jun 24, 2011 8:38:34 GMT -5 @pig said:

No way would I do it. At five my kid isn't spending a night away from home. What if he gets miserable and crys the whole time to come home? What if they don't watch him very well, what if this and what if that. Nope would not do it.

He's already spent the night at this friend's house and at his grandmother's house, all very succesfully.

She watches the kids very well. I'm not concerned about it. If there is a medical emergency, she's a nurse, DS would be better with her there than me.

[Deleted]

Jun 24, 2011 8:38:34 GMT -5 @pig said:

No way would I do it. At five my kid isn't spending a night away from home. What if he gets miserable and crys the whole time to come home? What if they don't watch him very well, what if this and what if that. Nope would not do it.

Interesting read.


www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/07/how-to-land-your-kid-in-therapy/8555/

[Miss Tequila]

Swamp, that's a tough one. I'm not sure that I would be comfortable letting my child go away to a beach/amusement park at that age without me. DH and I have an agreement that we both have to be comfortable with a situation before we allow it....sort of error on the side of caution.

Maybe if you and dh can get to the bottom of his hesitation/fears and put his worries to rest..

Good luck!

[zibazinski]

This sounds like DH's problem and it shouldn't become your sons. At 5 my kids were on non-stop flights to see family and everyone loved it, especially when my DD said to the minister that she got to "sleep around" when she went up north!!! He had mentioned he hadn't seen her at church for a few weeks. It'll be nice for the boys who will have a blast and give the mom a break, too, as she can watch but not have to constantly entertain/interact. It's only 3 hours away so if there was a crisis, you're close enough.

[swamp]

::Maybe if you and dh can get to the bottom of his hesitation/fears and put his worries to rest..::

I think we did. He doesn't like to be away from the kids for more than a few hours, and he's afraid that if something bad happens, it's too far away.

[zibazinski]

How does he work if he doesn't like to be away from the kids for more than a few hours? He is 3 hours away, not 3 states.

[swamp]

Jun 24, 2011 8:56:35 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

How does he work if he doesn't like to be away from the kids for more than a few hours? He is 3 hours away, not 3 states.

He means leisure time. He works, no issues there.

[Colleenz]

If there is a medical emergency, she's a nurse

One other thought - we gave notarized medical authorizations to broth grandparents in the off chance something should happen to DS when we were not there to authorize care. If you did this for your friend would it make DH feel better?

[swamp]

Jun 24, 2011 8:57:25 GMT -5 Colleenz said:

If there is a medical emergency, she's a nurse

One other thought - we gave notarized medical authorizations to broth grandparents in the off chance something should happen to DS when we were not there to authorize care. If you did this for your friend would it make DH feel better?

He's neurotic about the kids. NOthing will make him feel better.

[yogiii]

Jun 24, 2011 8:57:25 GMT -5 Colleenz said:

If there is a medical emergency, she's a nurse

One other thought - we gave notarized medical authorizations to broth grandparents in the off chance something should happen to DS when we were not there to authorize care. If you did this for your friend would it make DH feel better?

I feel like a really bad mom ... Should I be doing that? I just had this silly thought that if something happened to DS g-parents could take him to the ER and that was that.

[Miss Tequila]

Jun 24, 2011 8:52:53 GMT -5 swamp said:

::Maybe if you and dh can get to the bottom of his hesitation/fears and put his worries to rest..::

I think we did. He doesn't like to be away from the kids for more than a few hours, and he's afraid that if something bad happens, it's too far away.

That's a tough one...I tend to be a helicopter parent so I can certainly see his side of it...but I also know that the fears are usually unfounded so it is a struggle to not smother my kids yet not drive myself nuts with worry, either.

[yogiii]

Jun 24, 2011 8:46:39 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jun 24, 2011 8:38:34 GMT -5 @pig said:

No way would I do it. At five my kid isn't spending a night away from home. What if he gets miserable and crys the whole time to come home? What if they don't watch him very well, what if this and what if that. Nope would not do it.

Interesting read.


www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/07/how-to-land-your-kid-in-therapy/8555/

Just skimmed through. Good article, made sense to me.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Why doesn't he go? Your son and DH could stay in one room, his friend and mom in another. That would be the best of both worlds.

Or your DH and son meet them at the park/beach for the day and then leave, no staying the night?

I'd probably side with my DH this time around because I know the grief I would be getting the entire time DD was gone. As she got older I'd stand my ground more because I am not going to make her live in a bubble because he is neurotic.