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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2011 7:06:37 GMT -5
When I was in this situaton, I finally sat down and added up our monthly expenses vs. my take-home pay and decided what I could pay on my income. Thank God, that included the mortgage, utilities, groceries and incidentals for DS and me. I stopped paying on credit cards in my husband's name, got rid of the cleaning lady and the landscaper and a few other things. It's similar to the exercises everyone suggests here. (The credit cards, BTW, did get paid out of my husband's share of the equity in the house after we divorced.) When you make these decisions, make sure that the cuts include discretionary spending on your husband's side- not to be mean, but to make sure he shares the pain of budget cuts and sees what's in it for him if his business starts to make money. I hope you can find a way to stop the cash drain every month. It took me way too long to do that, but it took a lot of the stress away.
A thought on the horse: I'm a great fan of Lisa on "Ice Road Truckers". In a couple of episodes, they showed her visiting a horse she'd bought, but had to sell back to the owner because she couldn't afford to keep it. Fortunately the owner was willing to keep the horse till Lisa could buy him back again. It was a major financial priority of hers and she eventually did. Is there anyone you know who would be willing to do that?
And can the 14-year old babysit, mow lawns or do anything to earn spending money? You don't need to give her all the gory details of the finances, but you can tell her you're cutting back till DH's business starts up. If she approaches it with the right frame of mind, it might be good for her to earn her own money.
OK. I see lurkyloo recommended just about the same thing on the cash flow, plus DH finding any job that brings in money. I second both of those!
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trytofindbalance
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Post by trytofindbalance on Mar 31, 2011 7:44:07 GMT -5
Hi All, Thanks again for all of your posts and support.
Zib...she is not a foster child. We have residential custody of her. Her 85 year old grandmother is her guardian. We receive a very small amount of money each month to help take care of her expenses. It doesn't cover them, but that's ok, we aren't doing this for the money.
I think that maybe this post kind of got off the tracks a bit. DH is a wonderful guy and I love him. Unfortunately he is a procrastinator and I feel like he has gotten complacent with trying to get his business up and running. We had many discussions about the new business and we agreed on an acceptable timeframe and loss of income. We are way beyond that at this point and DH is not ready to launch this new business...we are still several months out. I have been very upset because I don't feel that he has the same sense of urgency that I have. We are not any where near foreclosure or bankruptcy because I, yes I made sure we had plenty of savings (many was mine before we got mar ried) to sustain us during this time. To compound the situation, we have had many costly, unexpected expenses over the last year. So very low income from DH, very high additional expenses, and way behind in getting the business started equals stress and anxiety for me.
DH knows this...it's no secret. He also made many financial commitments that he has been unable to keep. I have been very patient, but my patience is running thin. My SIL, who is DH's biggest fan, said to me that she doesn't know how he sleeps at night. She is angry with him to, not for the circumstances that are out of his control, but for his lack of motivation for the ones that are. And no he is not depressed...he has always been this way and he has missed out on some great opportunities in his life. Doesn't mean I don't love him and doesn't mean he isn't a great guy. I don't think it is too much to ask to have a talented, capable man contribute to his financial life. Nobody will convince me otherwise. This business appeared to be perfect for DH because it is in his area of expertise, we have lots of contacts that can help us get business, DH can make a nice living and he can have the flexibility he desires.
Lena I know you have made comments about how you wouldn't put up with my behavior...well I'm not sure what behavior that is. Supporting my husband so that he can start a business that fits into his lifestyle, but expecting him to meet his commitments and finally getting angry when he appeared to be complacent about doing that is not bad behavior in my book. I'm not a yelling screaming lunatic, but I do let him know how I feel and I do feel somewhat taken advantage of. I'm working my rear off to make sure we are paying our bills and hubby is slacking in the start up department.
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on Mar 31, 2011 7:52:28 GMT -5
The home inspection really clarifies things. No wonder you're freaking out, it's going to be April tomorrow and a home inspector makes the majority of his money during the real estate season which is April to August with a high point in June (at least around here, maybe your season is slightly different). My DH was a home energy auditor and had to go through a similar certification process/class training and getting the field inspection scheduled was hard. It sounds like your DH is planning in a linear fashion... get the certification field testing finalized, let the real estate contacts know he's ready to work, then go out and get the equipment & supplies. It sounds like you want him to take a more holistic approach and push harder on getting the certification field testing done even if it means doing the testing at a time or place that is really inconvenient for him and you want him to have everything else ready to go while he's waiting so he can hit the ground running as soon as he passes the test. Is that right?
It's not wrong for you to want that, but it's also not uncommon for a guy who has that type of skill set to not want to start on the next step until the first step is done, and it sounds like he may be perceiving you as nagging him and he's resisting. This is where a third party who has knowledge of what he's trying to do might be helpful talking to him about the business and his progress even if it starts out as a casual conversation. Is there a real estate agent friend that he would be comfortable inviting over for a strategy session?
And I can see that it would be hard for your DH to get another job right now. If he's bringing in some money, it sounds like he's taking on small jobs, but he certainly can't go out and contract to build a house right now because that would tie up his time and wouldn't allow him to do the inspections. The good news is that either this is going to work out this year or it won't and you're going to know within the next couple of months. Also, your DH has marketable skills, so if it doesn't work out this year, he can go out and do construction over the summer and try the business again next year.
As to the horse, have you thought about putting the lessons on hold and just doing pleasure riding and shopping around for a cheaper stable or seeing if they would give you a discount if they allowed your horse to be used for lessons for other children?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 31, 2011 7:58:58 GMT -5
Well, then it is obvious that he needs to get a REAL job and maybe 2 until he DECIDES to get his act together. Sorry, but living off anyone is wrong when the expectation is clear that you pull your own weight. If the child's Grandmother is getting the dough then she needs to fork it over, period. You are in no position to be a charity, you already are supporting one man-child who isn't pulling his own weight but will sit there and tell you "he knows-he knows." Well, he does know but it doesn't affect him because he has a car, food, shelter, etc. When he no longer has these things because he doesn't contribute, then he MIGHT do something. But I still don't see, given his credit history/track record why you didn't see this coming from a ways off. Sure he went along with that child, no skin off his nose and he probably felt that would tie you to him even further. Time for you to sit down and tell him that you expect that until his business is making money, he needs to get a couple of part-time jobs to bring in money. That will have the effect of either he gets his act together or you figure out that he is a mooch forever and then you decide what to do about that. I can't believe that anyone would have to tell a REAL man who sees his wife worrying to "man up" and help out financially. You have more issues than financial ones.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 31, 2011 7:59:59 GMT -5
By the way, moochers and leeches are the nicest people out there. They know how to "use" their charm but most people wise up eventually and then the mooch has to move on to more suckers.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 31, 2011 8:22:06 GMT -5
Zib, I don't think calling her husband a moocher or a leech is called for here, personally. I wouldn't have handled things the way they did and I don't know what the solution is here (because to be honest, the business sounds like a terrible fit for this guy, he's not enough of a self starter), but it sounds like they are a very loving couple and I don't think he's trying to screw her over.
I know you've been burned in the past and I respect that, but I wouldn't want to make the OP run the other direction because we're crucifying her husband when he's not even here to defend himself instead of giving constructive advice.
OP, on that note - this board is very biased toward working adults living up to their obligations and getting the hell out of financial situations that can quickly end in disaster, particularly if they have families. That's where the anti-your-DH sentiments are coming from. It's not that we think he's a bad guy, it's just that we are really shocked that he (and you) didn't think this through better beforehand. I apologize for my own assumptions based on partial information, and I really hope you stick around and continue to shed more light on the picture so that we can get the conversation back on track and help you guys find a workable solution.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 31, 2011 8:27:32 GMT -5
Is there any way DH can team up with someone else who also knows the business but is perhaps a little better at getting things off the ground? Of all the entrepreneurs I know, the ones that have succeeded are NOT necessarily the ones that are the most talented at what they do, they're the ones that are the most driven.
However, it can behoove both parties if a super-driven person teams up with a super-talented person. Maybe your DH has a network that he can draw on for someone that might be willing to go in on the business with him? Just thinking out loud here.
I know that he wants to start this business but I just don't see him having enough wherewithal to do it alone. The realities of a financial picture are something that no entrepreneur can ignore, especially in the startup phase.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 31, 2011 8:27:43 GMT -5
Am I the only one questioning how 4500+3500=7000? I keep getting 8000...
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 31, 2011 8:30:48 GMT -5
And I can see that it would be hard for your DH to get another job right now.
Hard but not impossible. He could get a night job. Yeah that would mean not seeing a lot of each other for now, but it frees up daytime hours and will also help to get them back in the black.
They need to think outside the box of a traditional 40 hour 8-5 type job.
I doubt they can find one that will net $3500 a month, but with budget cutbacks they could probably find him a part time job that covers basic expenses.
The horse would have to go, the contributions to retirement would have to be cut back and so would the $631 a month in "extras" and they might have to go paycheck to paycheck for awhile but it would be doable and get them treading water.
Nothing should be taken off the table when you are $3500 in the hole every month.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Mar 31, 2011 8:35:54 GMT -5
Am I the only one questioning how 4500+3500=7000? I keep getting 8000...
The plan had $1000 going into savings each month. See post #78
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daisylu
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Post by daisylu on Mar 31, 2011 8:36:43 GMT -5
Am I the only one questioning how 4500+3500=7000? I keep getting 8000... OP said their separate contributions paid household bills of $7000 plus $1000 going to savings.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 31, 2011 8:51:38 GMT -5
Got it, thanks. I thought I was missing something.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 31, 2011 8:52:22 GMT -5
Wow... I've missed a lot these past few days. I really want to get caught up. This is indeed a common problem, and there is one of each character typically found in this story.
First let me say, I feel like I've played BOTH roles in this story. I've been the sole breadwinner while DF got to sleep in and enjoy having time to do what she wanted. But when we deal with housework, I end up like your DH does, and I am made to feel like no matter how much work I do, it will never be right or good enough, or enough at all.
I could have written everything DQ said in post 7 myself. She is spot on with stop nagging, notice what he DOES do, get him involved, and give him praise. He IS moving forward, per your own admission. He got his classes done, and the field work admittedly had a lot of variables outside his control.
Just going on your original post alone, you said he does a lot of handywork. That is VERY valuable. You also praised his capabilities for doing the work. Make sure he knows that.
Ignore zibazinski and her man-hating nonsense. At the very least, she is showing you the exact OPPOSITE of how you should behave. If you follow her advice, you will continue to get the opposite of what you want.
Understand though, that you are NOT WRONG at all to feel frustrated by carrying the burden alone. It is not easy to do so, and every time you see him "smell the roses" as you put it, you get more and more frustrated because you are passing roses by in order to pay bills. I've been there too. I have a lot more posts to read, but I wanted to get on record that you have a right to your feelings too. Those two personality types can work very well together, but you just have to find a common ground... or at least a compromise you can be "equally miserable" with.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Mar 31, 2011 8:52:37 GMT -5
You keep saying that he is hard working, not a spender, loving, supportive, etc etc etc and YET you are still not happy bc he is not "moving up to YOUR speed". So, I would not tolerate being treated like I don't measure up, having my spouse being angry and annoyed with me (your words) just bc we have different speeds and personalities. And that has been my main point through all of my posts on this thread.
I get it that it's hard and frustrating for you. I really do. But it probably very hard for him too, having to live with someone whose demands he is not meeting, regardless whether those demands justified or not. Everyone has his/her breaking point and do you really want to get to his?
You said YOU had a stressful year. Well, didn't he??? Give him a break, that's all I am saying.
Look at the situation from his perspective. Here is a hard working guy, who had a business for years, all of a sudden finds himself in a situation where he is not able to support his family, meet his obligations, and on top of that has a wife who is not happy with him. Yes, things are hard for you, what about him??
Lena
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 31, 2011 8:55:26 GMT -5
You are right and I do apologize but it very shocking to me that anyone would not step up to the plate. I don't see why she should have to get rid of her horse, she is bringing in the money here and it brings her some joy and peace, of which she is getting very little. Getting rid of that horse will only make the resentment burn even more. There are jobs out there and he needs to get a couple of them. He needed to a LONG time ago. Flip burgers, stock shelves, deliver pizzas. Not being together might be a good thing until the relationship is back on track. I know the "kiss of death" for one marriage was when the wife, instead of getting off her behind and getting a job, told her husband " He needed to find a job that made more money." That was the last straw. As a matter of fact, he did, and then he found a new wife.
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on Mar 31, 2011 8:55:35 GMT -5
And I can see that it would be hard for your DH to get another job right now.
Hard but not impossible. He could get a night job. Yeah that would mean not seeing a lot of each other for now, but it frees up daytime hours and will also help to get them back in the black.
That's not the point. The point is that he's supposed to be getting his license and starting inspecting homes in a matter of weeks. It's either going to happen or it's not and spending time delivering pizzas instead of lining up clients and shopping for equipment and supplies is a waste of his time and pushing him to do that right now would be hugely insulting, a bad show of faith in him and everything that Lena was accusing her of. And when the business starts, he needs to be available days, evenings and weekends during the busy season.
She's not ready to call this a failure yet, nor should she. At this point, it's a delay and a big red flag, but it still has a chance to work. If the busy season arrives and he still doesn't have his license, then all bets are off and he needs to go out and get a real job or start pushing his construction business again which it sounds like he is well qualified for. She says they have enough savings to keep up for a little while longer. She's in it this far, I think she needs to let it play out.
Is there any way DH can team up with someone else who also knows the business but is perhaps a little better at getting things off the ground? Of all the entrepreneurs I know, the ones that have succeeded are NOT necessarily the ones that are the most talented at what they do, they're the ones that are the most driven.
Firebird is right. It sound like your husband will make an excellent home inspector, but that's not the same as being good at running a home inspection business. Most guys I know who are successful in those types of small service businesses have wives who take on the role of "office manager/business manager" and keep things on track behind the scenes, but you have a full-time professional job and you might not want to take on that role. Is there anyone else who does?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 31, 2011 8:59:14 GMT -5
Been so nice without you.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2011 9:02:04 GMT -5
Going back to your original question I'd have your DH draw up a list of things that need to be done and then have the two of you go over a timeline to get them done. Use it as a checklist. Take on a few things on the list that you can do (make flyers, etc). Explain that if these things aren't accomplished by x date it's time to go flip burgers. My DH is a big procrastinator too. He works super hard on the task in front of him but doesn't plan out things very well. I have to baby him along and explain that if x doesn't happen at this time then y is going to get screwed. DH hates it when I nag at him - but he loves it when I remind and help him. He actually explained to me once what specific words and tone he thought were "nagging" so I could avoid them. It's silly but now I can get my point across without irritating him and me. Maybe your DH can help you communicate with him better?
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Mar 31, 2011 9:03:09 GMT -5
Instead of starting right out with his own business have either of you considered the possibility of him getting started with an existing home inspection business? It seems that with his contacts, he might know someone who could use an extra inspector during the busy season.....
And just what IS he doing with his time?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 31, 2011 9:05:02 GMT -5
She says they have enough savings to keep up for a little while longer. She's in it this far, I think she needs to let it play out.
But for how long? My DH is a horrid self motivator. I've tried the letting it play out and he can go days/weeks and sometimes even MONTHS before he will do anything and there have been a lot of times where I've had to finally do it myself otherwise it would NEVER get done.
There is always "tomorrow" for people like my DH.
I've found it works better to give him a deadline. Instead of the "end of the season" I think it would work better for the OP to actually sit down and have a date on the calendar marking the end of the season and saying "If we cannot get this business off the ground by this date you need to find a way to bring in more income" and explain why.
"End of the season" may be too abstract for a procrastinator because even though they KNOW they need to do it, the "end of the season" looks an awful long ways away from today.
An actual date puts pressure because you can see the date approaching. It works wonders with my DH to get him to move it.
She's been trying to sit back and let him move at his own pace and get things done, it isn't working.
It doesn't mean that her DH is a bad person, it is that he needs more to motivate him than he currently has.
I love my DH and for 90% of things he can go at his own pace and face the consequenecs of dwaddling, but if it were to come to a business and our finances I know my DH well enough to know that just sitting back and letting him handle it isn't going to end well.
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on Mar 31, 2011 9:24:38 GMT -5
But for how long? My DH is a horrid self motivator. I've tried the letting it play out and he can go days/weeks and sometimes even MONTHS before he will do anything and there have been a lot of times where I've had to finally do it myself otherwise it would NEVER get done.
If it was me, I'd tell him 60 days, but have a deadline of 90 days in my head, figuring that things might start playing out right at the end of the deadline.
I'd tell him that if he doesn't have his license by the end of May, then he's going to miss the busy season and he's going to have to postpone starting the business until next spring and at that point, he would need to either go out and find a good paying project for his construction business or sign on to work with another company. Construction is seasonal too, and summer is a busy time and he can't afford to miss out on the busy season for both businesses.
And if he gets his license in time to start working, then I would give it until the end of august to work at it full time and see if the business can bring in enough money to do it full-time and if not, then he needs to either do something else or get a supplemental winter job. Lots of guys with seasonal businesses do something else in the off season like plow snow or drive truck or take on short term projects in another state or things like that, but telling a guy like her husband to go deliver pizzas or flip burgers would kill their marriage.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Mar 31, 2011 9:44:09 GMT -5
Double WOW for me too! I was here just yesterday afternoon too. Seriously there is a reason that money problems are the number 1 reason relationships break up. Stress like this eats people alive. Like WWBG I have also been in both sides of this in my relationship with DH. At some point we have both been. When we started out I made 3 times what he made and he was pretty happy to let me be the bread winner and let him have a low stress job that left lots of free time. But it didn't bug me as I had know that about him the whole time. I also was the sole support of our family while he went back to college full time and only worked part time. Think more gas money and books type expenses for college than actual bills. A few years later he is doing most of the income earning and I am part time most of the time and being more the home front type leader. it is not that one is better it is just the way life changes as we grow. And I think some people are trying to say that if you are with someone who is easy going and relaxed about money and maybe never actually wanted to work tons of hours so they could be rich they probably won't change. That is something you need to accept unfortunately. As far as the finances you really only have a $2500 a month shortfall. It isn't good to not save but it isn't the same thing as not paying the mortgage. You need to calmly and with simple numbers explain how close to the edge you really are. Of that $2500 how much can he realistically come up with every month? If you were to sell the horse and cut the fun budget you do have another $1200 a month there. That leaves you with a shortfall of $1300 a month that he HAS to cover and you need to express that to him without anger or guilt, it just is. As far as the horse if it is a choice between building up your savings again and having a horse wouldn't you actually feel better having your savings cushion? If things get better you can always lease a horse or pay for hours riding or something. But being locked into that expense now is really not good for your financial house. Just my 2 cents.
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trytofindbalance
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Post by trytofindbalance on Mar 31, 2011 9:54:19 GMT -5
Hi All, You guys have some really great advice. QOFCC - you were spot on in post # 124. Yes, there is a "season" for this work and that is why we had initially had set a target date of January to have the business up and running. He finished school mid-September and took his test and passed a few weeks later. He had to do 16 mentored inspections. He had a very difficult time connecting with a mentor, some of it was out of his control, but some of it was clearly his procrastination and not wanting to feel like he was bothering someone. It is definitely a personality trait of his that he never wants to feel like he is annoying/bothering someone. On the flip side to that he is ALWAYS available to lend a hand to anyone that needs help. I explained that he needed to get over that issue, because it was very important to get the inspections done and he had to be persistent.
I have a friend who's husband owns a successful home inspection business. DH was finally able to get him approved as a mentor. DH had to be very persistent to make this happen and he went out of his comfort zone and it finally happened. I had to keep after him to make it happen. I think their match-up is really going to be great for both of them. DH is competent and thorough when it comes to his work and customers really like him, my friend's hubby is established and has been helping us with good solid business advice. They will be able to recommend each other as well, so I am hoping that this helps DH get established.
I think that part of the issue was the DH had gotten very fed up with the process and lost his momentum. Instead of moving forward, he just stuck his head in the sand. I know my DH very well and even though I really didn't want to have to keep pushing (and I resented it too), I knew if I didn't he might never get his stride back. I also felt that he had lost his motivation because he knew that I was ultimately going to do everything in my power to take care of all the bills. I felt that I was forced into the position of enabler, because I had to pay the bills. It caused many disagreements, but I am thinking that we may have gotten over THIS hump, because DH is going on 2 mentored inspections today. I think that DH needs to keep moving forward and we talked about having the inspections done by April 15th. I have promised myself that I would keep my mouth shut and let him do what he says he's going to do. I will not try to micromanage his schedule. It is 100% possible for him to hit this mark, he just needs to commit to going on the inspections, instead of getting sidetracked.
Yes, to the posters who thought it was a good idea to have someone sort of run the business. I will be helping DH as much as possible with the company financial. Our plan is to eventually have my SIL answer the phones and make the weekly schedule. I think this will alleviate a lot of potential pitfalls. We were told that it was very important to have someone answering the phones. If customers get a machine, they will just call the next inspector on the list and he could potentially lose a lot of business. I think it's better for DH if someone else is assisting in setting up appointments, it gives him a little more structure and less ability to sort of get lost in space.
Like I said, I'm a planner and projector. DH is not and it has caused business issues in the past for him. I am very aware of how much planning and projecting are needed for a business to succeed. I am hoping to combine our strengths to make this business a success.
To the poster who mentioned keeping my horse...thank you. She is very important to me and I have a strong emotional connection to her. She is my "therapy". She has helped me deal with some very emotional issues and she is also a great way to get lots of exercise. Of course, if it came down to paying the mortgage or keeping the horse, the horse would have to go to a good home (not easy in this economic environment).
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rileyoday
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Post by rileyoday on Mar 31, 2011 10:00:33 GMT -5
Depending on your area and home sales will there even be a busy season for home inspectors ?
Here they cost 400. How many a week do you project he can get?
I would think he may have trouble clearing 3500 month. Minus expenses and self employment taxes and insurance ??
You should cut expenses fast. Dont wait.
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azphx1972
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Post by azphx1972 on Mar 31, 2011 10:00:57 GMT -5
OP, I'm curious as to why your husband is procrastinating. Is it because he doesn't feel the same sense of urgency that you do regarding the money situation? I'm getting mixed messages because you keep saying that you have "enough" savings to sustain you through this downturn, yet you're feeling completely stressed at the same time (which you shouldn't be if you do in fact have enough savings). Are things really that bleak, or are you just freaked out because it's your nature to worry about things?
Or is your husband's procrastination caused by fears about failing at a new business?
Or is it something else? Wouldn't you agree that it's important to identify the cause, and address it so that he can move on with the business?
Also, what is your husband doing right now with his time? What is keeping him from taking on a part time job like pizza delivery to bring in a little bit of extra income? I'm not getting a complete picture, because you keep defending your husband, but at the same time you point your finger at him as the root of your problems. It's just very confusing to those of us that are trying to provide some help.
Edit: I just read your reply in #144, and it sounds like he's getting the ball rolling. Good luck.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 31, 2011 10:03:22 GMT -5
THIS hump, because DH is going on 2 mentored inspections todayGood, heap on the praise when he does it. Yeah he should just KNOW to do it and it is EXPECTED, why "throw him a parade" but part of "changing" someone is rewarding the behavior you want and igorning the behavior you don't want. You want him to keep up the pace, so the best way to do that is to reward the behavior. Tell him what a good job he is doing and that is "2 down only 14 more to go!" or something like that. Keep him motivated, keep him energized. Hopefully when he sees that doing inspections makes for a happy wife and happy household it'll click and he'll keep going. It's going to be hard to step back, but it'll be worth it. I use the imagine my therapist gave me of a retractable leash. The more I retract the more DH resists. It sounds silly but I'd mentally picture DH on a retractable dog leash and every time I nagged I would imagine me retracting hte leash. I would stop and make myself picture letting go of the leash and that would force me to really decide if this was something deserving of pushing or something I could let go. The business is obviously something you can't let go of. Try starting with something really small that bugs you but in the end doesn't matter. I started with DH not picking up his clothes from the floor. I just don't do them. I ignore them and do the clothes that are in the hamper where they belong. His "cess pool" as I call it still irritates me, but I've decided it's on his head if he doesn't have clean underwear. Being able to control myself over the underwear was a small victory, the world did not come to an end when I stopped doing his laundry. So I felt confident about attacking the next issue. He's started doing his "cess pool" himself. I wanted the clothes in the hamper, but whatever, his solution gets me out of doing laundry so I'll take it!
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trytofindbalance
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Joined: Mar 29, 2011 14:39:17 GMT -5
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Post by trytofindbalance on Mar 31, 2011 10:12:13 GMT -5
Yes 973beachbum, the technical shortfall is only $2500 a month and actually a bit less, if we cut back in the "extra's" category. Extras do include things like car repairs, home repairs, gifts, vet appointments (dog), auto registration, haircuts, misc expenses for our daughter and entertainment (lots of different things lumped in, but it did work) I have been cutting back in this area over the last several months. I was just trying to give an idea of my original working budget.
DH did plow snow this winter and he has been taking on little jobs (had a property clean up job yesterday). He has not had much substantial work since before he started school (with the exception of a decent remodeling job in November).
He is finally getting focused on the business and yes Qofcc is correct, he needs to be available 7 days a week for inspections and try to schedule some small jobs around that. It has been challenging to say the least, especially when he didn't have any inspections or work going on. It just seems like he hasn't been able to hunker down and focus. Again, he has a tendency to wait until the last minute, instead of planning his week out carefully, which results in missed opportunities for work and inspections.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on Mar 31, 2011 10:20:40 GMT -5
You are right and I do apologize but it very shocking to me that anyone would not step up to the plate. I don't see why she should have to get rid of her horse, she is bringing in the money here and it brings her some joy and peace, of which she is getting very little. Getting rid of that horse will only make the resentment burn even more. There are jobs out there and he needs to get a couple of them. He needed to a LONG time ago. Flip burgers, stock shelves, deliver pizzas. Not being together might be a good thing until the relationship is back on track.
For the most part, I'm with you. But I don't think pizza delivering is the answer here. They need a real plan, something that can sustain their shortfall long term.
The other common variable with successful entrepreneurs I've seen is that they put their heart and soul and sweat into this business. They work fifteen to twenty hour days, every day, for as long as it takes. Putting that kind of effort into something is the only way it's going to work. So if they still want to plunge ahead with the business (which would not be my advice, but IF they do) then he needs to focus every last bit of his energy on that. A side job would distract and tire him, wasting precious energy that he needs to succeed at what he's really trying to do.
The only problem is that I don't really see him being capable of that kind of sustained drive and self-ambition. And it's a big one.
ETA: Or, everything qofcc said. (Sorry, responding to posts as I go here.)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 31, 2011 10:29:19 GMT -5
The time line seems to be the best idea. He has X amount of days to finish his inspection process and then he has X amount of days to either get a job working for someone doing inspections or getting at least 1-2 per week. If not, then job hunting is in the cards. People are buying and home inspectors get a lot of money for very little work. That seems to fit him to a tee. Both of you.
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trytofindbalance
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Post by trytofindbalance on Mar 31, 2011 10:31:39 GMT -5
Rileyoday...the going rate in our area (during this economy) is $450 per inspection, more when the economy is better. My friend's husband does between 8 and 16 inspections a week, depending on time of year. He maxes out at 16 and sometimes has to have someone else help with the overage. Another mentor my husband spoke with was doing about 10 a week, all winter long. I am sure there will be slow times and I know that it will take time to get a steady stream of customers. We have many contacts in real estate, so it helps. Don't forget that DH can supplement this stream of income with contracting jobs, snow plowing and ebay/Craig's list sales (he does it now also). We always knew that he would have to take on other jobs while getting the business started.
azphx1972 - I have been "defending" my DH, because there are several posters who have accused him of being a terrible guy and it's just not the case. The issue is that DH has a business that started to fail, we decided he would go back to school to get his home inspection license, we decided that he was going to have to suck it up and work while all of this was going on, in order to keep the house going and put some money aside to start the business. We knew that his income would not be the same and we knew that we would have to make some sacrifices for the time being. We also agreed on a timeframe for these events to happen. I projected our financial situation and we sat down and come up with some realistic goals. Somewhere along the way DH lost his momentum. He wasn't bringing in much income and he wasn't working on the business. It became very frustrating to me. There was money in savings, but there wasn't enough to last forever. DH had missed his deadlines and still nothing was moving forward. I became more and more stressed under the circumstance. Time was flying by, money was flying out of the savings account and we were nowhere fast. DH was not holding up his end of the bargain and I resented it because I was working really hard to keep all the balls in the air. We also got hit was some huge, unexpected bills during this time, so that created more stress. I have been trying to communicate my feelings to DH and I have been trying to motivate him to act NOW before the train runs off the track !!! We aren't there yet, but we will be if he doesn't get his act together soon.
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