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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2017 12:31:36 GMT -5
My comment on collective bargaining was made based on what was said about her pension. The two correlate.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2017 12:35:35 GMT -5
I made $40k when I bought my first house for $165k. I stayed out of debt, saved and put 15% in my 401(k). And I am not in a lcol area. Everyone budget is different. She has 2 kids she is still supporting, one of them will always need her financial support. 40k is not chump change but it sure is not life on easy street. I am 32 and while not 40's or 50's... I have made the decision that I am past the just "survive" financially or "make ends meet". I paid my dues in my 20's and don't care to go back. Which is why SHE might make a different choice. It doesn't mean her choice is the best for everyone. 40k is not just survival in a low cola with no kids, great benefits Including pension.
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Rob Base 2.0
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Post by Rob Base 2.0 on Aug 11, 2017 12:36:27 GMT -5
Realism ladies. 40k in a locola with no kids you can easy support yourself quite nicely, especially when you have been banking an awesomesauce pension. I live in a LCOLA area and I can't imagine only making $40k. Even if you take away the $18k I into my 401k each year, I can't imagine making so little. u might could be able to if ur alternative was the job from hell. It's a cost benefit analysis thing. everyone's is different when it cimes to "intangibles" like "really bad job". Some people's are even different when it comes to the actual "value" of having money (but usually not too much different there)
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 11, 2017 12:58:14 GMT -5
I live in a LCOLA area and I can't imagine only making $40k. Even if you take away the $18k I into my 401k each year, I can't imagine making so little. u might could be able to if ur alternative was the job from hell. It's a cost benefit analysis thing. everyone's is different when it cimes to "intangibles" like "really bad job". Some people's are even different when it comes to the actual "value" of having money (but usually not too much different there) I grew up poor and have no intention of going back. If the option was working for $40k or finding a different career, I would be all about finding a different career...if that meant certifications or schooling, so be it. But to just take a 42.8% paycut is not going to happen (that is her paycut, not what mine would be).
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Aug 11, 2017 12:59:29 GMT -5
I made $40k when I bought my first house for $165k. I stayed out of debt, saved and put 15% in my 401(k). And I am not in a lcol area. Everyone budget is different. She has 2 kids she is still supporting, one of them will always need her financial support. 40k is not chump change but it sure is not life on easy street. I am 32 and while not 40's or 50's... I have made the decision that I am past the just "survive" financially or "make ends meet". I paid my dues in my 20's and don't care to go back. She is not supporting them on a single income, even if they divorced.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 11, 2017 13:03:39 GMT -5
I made 40 K and husband made 20 K as a grad student. Bought a house (15 year mortgage) we had paid 60% of it off 3 years later when we sold. MCOLA, not even a LCOLA. I could have supported myself and 1 child, while still contributing to retirement if he split, no child support, no problem. ~55K is median HOUSEHOLD income. 40 K is not awful. I am sure I could do it...I am a YM'r! So I guess I should say there is no way in hell I would want to do it. I am not a person who wants to live paycheck-to-paycheck then worry if my car breaks down that I can't fix it. Making $40k right out of college is much different than trying to live on it while supporting yourself and two children. I'm sorry, but that is just not how I want to live. And I have an inexpensive house and car...but I want to be able to fix a car when it breaks, not worry about running an air conditioner because I can't afford an increase in electric bill or not being able to buy the food I want at the store....I'm not a 20 something anymore
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Rob Base 2.0
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Post by Rob Base 2.0 on Aug 11, 2017 13:05:20 GMT -5
u might could be able to if ur alternative was the job from hell. It's a cost benefit analysis thing. everyone's is different when it cimes to "intangibles" like "really bad job". Some people's are even different when it comes to the actual "value" of having money (but usually not too much different there) I grew up poor and have no intention of going back. If the option was working for $40k or finding a different career, I would be all about finding a different career...if that meant certifications or schooling, so be it. But to just take a 42.8% paycut is not going to happen (that is her paycut, not what mine would be). that's great for YOU. but peeps are different. lots of people making lots of assumptions on this thread. how do you know she isn't considering eventually changing to something more high paying? how do you know taking this job might not eventually lead to a promotion or whatever? lots of stuff we dont know. (or was any if that stuff on here and i must it?). But instead we want to devolve to she's a mooch, he's cold hearted or whatevs.... .. even if i might disagree with someone, i can usually "understand" or "try" to understand why someone may have a different POV.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 11, 2017 13:05:30 GMT -5
Fortunately they have the income to support themselves and their sons. They no longer have the money for charity. Oh well.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 11, 2017 13:07:34 GMT -5
She has 2 kids she is still supporting, one of them will always need her financial support. 40k is not chump change but it sure is not life on easy street. I am 32 and while not 40's or 50's... I have made the decision that I am past the just "survive" financially or "make ends meet". I paid my dues in my 20's and don't care to go back. She is not supporting them on a single income, even if they divorced. I am divorced. My oldest is 18 and my ex has stopped paying for anything for her. Even the $3k he promised her for college and the $1k a year he promised her for car insurance...so momma has to step up and help out. One thing I learned when I was a kid is to never put yourself in a position where you have to rely on a man for support. I never got child support but the ex would pay half for school clothes and medical necessities. Now he pays nothing for the oldest and told me the youngest can just wear her sister's hand-me-downs...so I will most likely be buying the 16 year old's clothes without any help from him.
DON'T.RELY.ON.A.MAN!
Edited to take the "not" out...I am divorced
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 11, 2017 13:09:19 GMT -5
I grew up poor and have no intention of going back. If the option was working for $40k or finding a different career, I would be all about finding a different career...if that meant certifications or schooling, so be it. But to just take a 42.8% paycut is not going to happen (that is her paycut, not what mine would be). that's great for YOU. but peeps are different. lots of people making lots of assumptions on this thread. how do you know she isn't considering eventually changing to something more high paying? how do you know taking this job might not eventually lead to a promotion or whatever? lots of stuff we dont know. But instead we want to devolve to she's a mooch, he's cold hearted or whatevs..... (or was that on thread and i mist it? .. even if i might disagree with someone, i can usually "understand" or "try" to understand why someone may have a different POV. I said time and time throughout this thread that I was answering as to what would work for ME! I don't think it is ok and it wouldn't work in MY marriage...other people make different choices.
I never called her a mooch...
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Rob Base 2.0
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Post by Rob Base 2.0 on Aug 11, 2017 13:24:06 GMT -5
that's great for YOU. but peeps are different. lots of people making lots of assumptions on this thread. how do you know she isn't considering eventually changing to something more high paying? how do you know taking this job might not eventually lead to a promotion or whatever? lots of stuff we dont know. But instead we want to devolve to she's a mooch, he's cold hearted or whatevs..... (or was that on thread and i mist it? .. even if i might disagree with someone, i can usually "understand" or "try" to understand why someone may have a different POV. I said time and time throughout this thread that I was answering as to what would work for ME! I don't think it is ok and it wouldn't work in MY marriage...other people make different choices.
I never called her a mooch...
Glad to know that. But I still dont think we have enough info to decide anything (even just for "ourselves") with out making a LOT of assumptions. Or is taking a lower paying job off the table with you,regardless of the circumstances?
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Aug 11, 2017 13:25:54 GMT -5
I walked 3 miles to school...uphill...both ways....in three feet of snow.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2017 14:16:51 GMT -5
Fortunately they have the income to support themselves and their sons. They no longer have the money for charity. Oh well. They make a combined 130k in a low cola... charity will still get plenty. Honestly. Are you working an extra 20 hours a week so you can give it charity?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 11, 2017 17:23:03 GMT -5
I said time and time throughout this thread that I was answering as to what would work for ME! I don't think it is ok and it wouldn't work in MY marriage...other people make different choices.
I never called her a mooch...
Glad to know that. But I still dont think we have enough info to decide anything (even just for "ourselves") with out making a LOT of assumptions. Or is taking a lower paying job off the table with you,regardless of the circumstances? I will not support an able bodied man. If I am married and we are making an equal salary, I would flip if he thought that because I got a huge raise he could take a huge pay cut. I just would. And any man going into a marriage with me will know that. I'm all about full disclosure. Now, if we had sufficient assets so that we could both work part time or semi-retire I would be on board. Even from a divorce stand point you never want to be the breadwinner. I know I'm biased but I never assume a marriage will make it. If there is a huge income disparity you are screwed in the event of divorce...I would be doubly pissed if I then had to pay a huge chunk of alimony because he decided to take a huge pay cut We don't have to agree. My boyfriend knows my views and still loves me. He actually loves me more because e knows I will never expect him to support me. His ex-wife was more of the "ooh, you have a good job so I'm going to quit" variety...he doesn't want that ever again. Not that we are planning on marriage. The most important thing is finding someone you are compatible with. Anyone wanting to be with me will do so with their eyes wide open....and if they don't run then they are a keeper!lol
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Rob Base 2.0
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Post by Rob Base 2.0 on Aug 11, 2017 17:32:16 GMT -5
Glad to know that. But I still dont think we have enough info to decide anything (even just for "ourselves") with out making a LOT of assumptions. Or is taking a lower paying job off the table with you,regardless of the circumstances? I will not support an able bodied man. If I am married and we are making an equal salary, I would flip if he thought that because I got a huge raise he could take a huge pay cut. I just would. And any man going into a marriage with me will know that. I'm all about full disclosure. Now, if we had sufficient assets so that we could both work part time or semi-retire I would be on board. Even from a divorce stand point you never want to be the breadwinner. I know I'm biased but I never assume a marriage will make it. If there is a huge income disparity you are screwed in the event of divorce...I would be doubly pissed if I then had to pay a huge chunk of alimony because he decided to take a huge pay cut We don't have to agree. My boyfriend knows my views and still loves me. He actually loves me more because e knows I will never expect him to support me. His ex-wife was more of the "ooh, you have a good job so I'm going to quit" variety...he doesn't want that ever again. Not that we are planning on marriage. The most important thing is finding someone you are compatible with. Anyone wanting to be with me will do so with their eyes wide open....and if they don't run then they are a keeper!lol once again i have to say, i am a simple guy and like simple answers to simple questions (when applicable) based on ur response i take it there are no circumstances where it is acceptable for ur spouse to "voluntarily" take a lower paying job. no worries. although i wouldnt want to be married to u, I'ld still totally do u. So if ur interested in a side-piece let me know :-)
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 11, 2017 17:39:36 GMT -5
I will not support an able bodied man. If I am married and we are making an equal salary, I would flip if he thought that because I got a huge raise he could take a huge pay cut. I just would. And any man going into a marriage with me will know that. I'm all about full disclosure. Now, if we had sufficient assets so that we could both work part time or semi-retire I would be on board. Even from a divorce stand point you never want to be the breadwinner. I know I'm biased but I never assume a marriage will make it. If there is a huge income disparity you are screwed in the event of divorce...I would be doubly pissed if I then had to pay a huge chunk of alimony because he decided to take a huge pay cut We don't have to agree. My boyfriend knows my views and still loves me. He actually loves me more because e knows I will never expect him to support me. His ex-wife was more of the "ooh, you have a good job so I'm going to quit" variety...he doesn't want that ever again. Not that we are planning on marriage. The most important thing is finding someone you are compatible with. Anyone wanting to be with me will do so with their eyes wide open....and if they don't run then they are a keeper!lol once again i have to say, i am a simple guy and like simple answers to simple questions (when applicable) based on ur response i take it there are no circumstances where it is acceptable for ur spouse to "voluntarily" take a lower paying job. no worries. although i wouldnt want to be married to u, I'ld still totally do u. So if ur interested in a side-piece let me know :-) Lol! if we could both take a lower paying, less stressful job, then I would be all for it. I would not be ok with being the major breadwinner. And to be honest, I don't know if I will ever remarry again. Being married seems to put you in a position of having no choice when it comes to your spouse and money. I would rather be in a serious, committed relationship without the legal ties of marriage. No one expects a girlfriend to support them!
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 11, 2017 17:46:17 GMT -5
She is not supporting them on a single income, even if they divorced. I am divorced. My oldest is 18 and my ex has stopped paying for anything for her. Even the $3k he promised her for college and the $1k a year he promised her for car insurance...so momma has to step up and help out. One thing I learned when I was a kid is to never put yourself in a position where you have to rely on a man for support. I never got child support but the ex would pay half for school clothes and medical necessities. Now he pays nothing for the oldest and told me the youngest can just wear her sister's hand-me-downs...so I will most likely be buying the 16 year old's clothes without any help from him.
DON'T.RELY.ON.A.MAN!
Edited to take the "not" out...I am divorced Thanks, I thought I was losing it!!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Aug 11, 2017 17:49:23 GMT -5
I am divorced. My oldest is 18 and my ex has stopped paying for anything for her. Even the $3k he promised her for college and the $1k a year he promised her for car insurance...so momma has to step up and help out. One thing I learned when I was a kid is to never put yourself in a position where you have to rely on a man for support. I never got child support but the ex would pay half for school clothes and medical necessities. Now he pays nothing for the oldest and told me the youngest can just wear her sister's hand-me-downs...so I will most likely be buying the 16 year old's clothes without any help from him.
DON'T.RELY.ON.A.MAN!
Edited to take the "not" out...I am divorced Thanks, I thought I was losing it!! Sweetie, my correction doesn't change the fact that you are losing it....lol
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 11, 2017 17:52:43 GMT -5
I walked 3 miles to school...uphill...both ways....in three feet of snow. I always envied people who could use this as how tough things were. People who know where I grew up knew it rarely snowed. I just say I had to walk 10 miles uphill both ways
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 11, 2017 17:53:21 GMT -5
Thanks, I thought I was losing it!! Sweetie, my correction doesn't change the fact that you are losing it....lol
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Rob Base 2.0
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Post by Rob Base 2.0 on Aug 11, 2017 18:08:16 GMT -5
once again i have to say, i am a simple guy and like simple answers to simple questions (when applicable) based on ur response i take it there are no circumstances where it is acceptable for ur spouse to "voluntarily" take a lower paying job. no worries. although i wouldnt want to be married to u, I'ld still totally do u. So if ur interested in a side-piece let me know :-) Lol! if we could both take a lower paying, less stressful job, then I would be all for it. I would not be ok with being the major breadwinner. And to be honest, I don't know if I will ever remarry again. Being married seems to put you in a position of having no choice when it comes to your spouse and money. I would rather be in a serious, committed relationship without the legal ties of marriage. No one expects a girlfriend to support them! so ur saying I have a chance at the side-piece thing :-) Cool :-)
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Aug 11, 2017 18:30:15 GMT -5
I walked 3 miles to school...uphill...both ways....in three feet of snow. I always envied people who could use this as how tough things were. People who know where I grew up knew it rarely snowed. I just say I had to walk 10 miles uphill both ways Did you live in Luxembourg? The most vivid impression I have from Luxembourg is that no matter where I was going, everything was uphill. Even when I was sure I was backtracking from a previous uphill trip, I was going uphill. Weird place. Nice. Very interesting. But weird. Everywhere you need to go is uphill from wherever it is you are.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Aug 12, 2017 18:16:52 GMT -5
Hi Tractor
I'm glad you guys worked that out.
A few thoughts: - I agree with what some of the others have said: your wife's old job and her new job are light years apart. - You can still give the same percentage of your income as before, if that is a priority. Since you say that giving is important to both of you, perhaps your wife would prefer to give more of her time, since her new job should be less time-consuming. This said, remember that is IS a new job, and it will take her some time to get used to it. - Is your second home (the one next door) rented out? If not, that might be a good way to recup some of that "lost" income.
Good luck!
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Aug 12, 2017 18:23:58 GMT -5
Hi Tractor I'm glad you guys worked that out. A few thoughts: - I agree with what some of the others have said: your wife's old job and her new job are light years apart. - You can still give the same percentage of your income as before, if that is a priority. Since you say that giving is important to both of you, perhaps your wife would prefer to give more of her time, since her new job should be less time-consuming. This said, remember that is IS a new job, and it will take her some time to get used to it. - Is your second home (the one next door) rented out? If not, that might be a good way to recup some of that "lost" income. Good luck! Thanks for your thoughts. The one nice thing about life is there are always options, unfortunately they can be overwhelming at times.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 12, 2017 18:31:46 GMT -5
u might could be able to if ur alternative was the job from hell. It's a cost benefit analysis thing. everyone's is different when it cimes to "intangibles" like "really bad job". Some people's are even different when it comes to the actual "value" of having money (but usually not too much different there) I grew up poor and have no intention of going back. If the option was working for $40k or finding a different career, I would be all about finding a different career...if that meant certifications or schooling, so be it. But to just take a 42.8% paycut is not going to happen ( that is her paycut, not what mine would be). Damn! I thought I would finally find out how much you make!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Aug 12, 2017 19:30:54 GMT -5
I grew up poor and have no intention of going back. If the option was working for $40k or finding a different career, I would be all about finding a different career...if that meant certifications or schooling, so be it. But to just take a 42.8% paycut is not going to happen ( that is her paycut, not what mine would be). Damn! I thought I would finally find out how much you make! a lot.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2017 19:57:55 GMT -5
One thing tractor's thread (and similarly Knee Deep in Water Chloe's) is that I am in a state without unions and collective bargaining. If anything, education and experience is valued. That is because the state pays our base salary and almost all of our benefits like sick leave and insurance. School systems are encouraged to hire teachers with higher degrees and experience. But this post is really directed toward Miss Tequila. You have long hours. You have to travel. And so on. None of those compare to assault or the potential for assault. Tractor said his wife had one book thrown at her in 23 years. That is great. But he also said she was expected to break up fights, etc. As a classroom teacher, I am not. I am expected to call an administrator, try to de-escalate the situation, but I am not expected to put myself into the middle of a fight. In other words, don't compare apples to oranges. Your stress is that of being overworked. Hers is of actual physical danger. I couldn't afford to take a pay cut either, but I would probably have taken the new job and gotten a second job if I was a single parent.I value my life and safety. There isn't enough money to pay me if students throw books at me or if I am expected to break up fights. I am an English teacher, not a correctional officer. Oh, an accident could happen. I'm not discounting that. But no to risking my life every single day. That's what she is doing. And, no, I'm not being melodramatic. I don't blame her at all for taking the new job.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2017 20:05:36 GMT -5
I have a friend who was a librarian in the prison system. She had to wear a belt at all times that set off an alarm if it ever went 'horizontal' ie. if she was knocked down or being assaulted.
I think that would have been a deal breaker for me, but she had great success. Waiting lists for her book clubs were miles long and she had a lot of respect. Still, you always knew that you put the belt on in the morning because today could be the day. She works in a church library now.
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Rob Base 2.0
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Post by Rob Base 2.0 on Aug 12, 2017 20:17:12 GMT -5
Hi Tractor I'm glad you guys worked that out. A few thoughts: - I agree with what some of the others have said: your wife's old job and her new job are light years apart. - You can still give the same percentage of your income as before, if that is a priority. Since you say that giving is important to both of you, perhaps your wife would prefer to give more of her time, since her new job should be less time-consuming. This said, remember that is IS a new job, and it will take her some time to get used to it. - Is your second home (the one next door) rented out? If not, that might be a good way to recup some of that "lost" income. Good luck!
I think the second home is for his dad one day soon (or was it her dad?). Pretty sure the dad blew through or never saved much money and may have other problems too....I don't remember exactly (but something like that).....
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 12, 2017 20:17:23 GMT -5
Damn! I thought I would finally find out how much you make! a lot. Wait, you know ?
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