NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 10, 2017 17:08:08 GMT -5
I'd give my right arm to hear her side of this
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2017 17:08:40 GMT -5
Me too! Bring Mrs T!
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Aug 10, 2017 17:10:35 GMT -5
You have a good long term marriage and love your wife. You will still be able to afford your bills if she takes this job. And if she becomes happier and less stressed your home life may improve in ways you don't expect.
You are a blessed man. Enjoy it.
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Rob Base 2.0
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Post by Rob Base 2.0 on Aug 10, 2017 17:11:07 GMT -5
Who's to say it was a "unilateral" decision?
Tractor says he's tried to explain it to her (meaning they have had a conversation to me)
I ASSUME she actually listened the conversation.
At the end of the conversation she still feels the same way (judging by the OP)
in my mind that is NOT a unilateral decision. Unilateral means you don't even consider the other person's opinion / argument in my opinion.
IMO she listened, she did the cost benefit analysis in her head (being miserable at work vice being out a net $10 K)
He also did the cost benefit analysis (her being miserable at work and being out $10K or $30K in tractor's case)
Money is pretty much a constant measurable that each party is likely to value equally
the thing they apparently each way differently is the miserable at work thing
She apparently weighs it pretty heavy and apparently he doesn't
I think we need WAY more info here before we jump to conclusions
Like what has Tractor done to alleviate sitch? Has he ever worked a job he hated? etc.?
What more is there from her side that she could do better too?
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Aug 10, 2017 17:15:23 GMT -5
I also disagree that tractor's wife isn't qualified to do anything but teach. I would hire a teacher in a minute to do admin work. They are used to dealing with all kinds of people - administrators, parents, and obviously children (and some adults can certainly act like children). They do a large amount of paperwork and generally have good writing skills. I would hire a teacher as an admin person with no hesitation as long as they fully explained their reason for switching jobs. I am NOT saying this is what she SHOULD do but I wouldn't count out her being able to get a decent office job with standard hours. If she is going to take a 30K pay cut anyway and is burned out, then why not look at other options. The 30k pay cut is because she's going from a 5 day a week 52 week a year job, to a 188 (or so) day contract. Admin is not going to be the same because even if it pays 'the same' it's going to be 5 days 52 weeks... so not really pay the same... She will work the same amount of hours each year, only condensed into 9 months instead of spread over 12. The salaries are an apple-apple comparison.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 10, 2017 17:15:49 GMT -5
I'd give my right arm to hear her side of this Will you settle for my version of what she would say?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2017 17:16:42 GMT -5
The 30k pay cut is because she's going from a 5 day a week 52 week a year job, to a 188 (or so) day contract. Admin is not going to be the same because even if it pays 'the same' it's going to be 5 days 52 weeks... so not really pay the same... She will work the same amount of hours each year, only condensed into 9 months instead of spread over 12. The salaries are an apple-apple comparison. How could she possibly? If she is currently working 16 hours a day 6 days a week? Can you give us the actual parameters of each contract?
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 10, 2017 17:17:19 GMT -5
I'd give my right arm to hear her side of this Will you settle for my version of what she would say? Yep, but that negates me giving up my right arm
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 10, 2017 17:25:19 GMT -5
Will you settle for my version of what she would say? Yep, but that negates me giving up my right arm My guess is that has complained about her job for years but didn't really do much about it so he never took it seriously. She probably liked money they were making and didn't want to loose any of it by taking a lower paying job. And then he gets a raise and at the same time this other job pops up and boom - she thinks all stars have aligned and probably truly doesn't even understand why that's an issue.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Aug 10, 2017 17:26:54 GMT -5
OK, once again thank you for all the debate. We have in fact talked about it, that doesn't mean I understand her logic. I asked for help making me understand why she wouldn't consider money into her final decision, all your comments have helped me see her side since she was unable to explain it to me in person.
Life doesn't always go as planned, as I mentioned before, I'm a greedy generous person, that's who I am and I admit it. We will survive, and so will our marriage. For the record, she resigned from her current position today and accepted the new job offer. Now we'll see what the next chapter brings.
One of my concerns is how she does things, nothing is half assed, that's why I know she will put just as many hours into her new job as she did in her old one, it's the way she is wired, and there's nothing I can change about that. I love her deeply, we just don't speak the same language all the time and I don't hear what she's really saying.
You guys have been great, even with the thinly veiled attacks on my character, they still make me smile. Please continue to debate as you see fit and ask any questions, but for now life goes on....
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2017 17:28:13 GMT -5
What part of looking for a job, interviewing for two years and not getting an offer before now did you all miss?
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 10, 2017 17:29:20 GMT -5
Yep, but that negates me giving up my right arm My guess is that has complained about her job for years but didn't really do much about it so he never took it seriously. She probably liked money they were making and didn't want to loose any of it by taking a lower paying job. And then he gets a raise and at the same time this other job pops up and boom - she thinks all stars have aligned and probably truly doesn't even understand why that's an issue. Well, there you go. That fully explains it all. I'm a big believer in stars getting all their ducks in a row
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Rob Base 2.0
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Post by Rob Base 2.0 on Aug 10, 2017 19:09:57 GMT -5
Tractor thanks for the update
you still never answered some of the other questions posted to you, but I am sure peeps will continue to speculate away on here
and for the record there were some thinly veiled attacks on ur wife's character as well (although I am not sure being called a "mooch" is veiled at all )
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Rob Base 2.0
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Post by Rob Base 2.0 on Aug 10, 2017 19:14:18 GMT -5
Tractor- also was there any talk of "compromise"? If so what was it?
Because it seems you both had an all or nothing position that you stuck to (but I could be reading that wrong)....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2017 19:16:05 GMT -5
Yeah I thought the attacks on her character were rather overt.
Tractor, can you say, do you consider that you came to an agreement, or that she made a unilateral decision?
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Aug 10, 2017 19:22:21 GMT -5
Yep, but that negates me giving up my right arm My guess is that has complained about her job for years but didn't really do much about it so he never took it seriously. She probably liked money they were making and didn't want to loose any of it by taking a lower paying job. And then he gets a raise and at the same time this other job pops up and boom - she thinks all stars have aligned and probably truly doesn't even understand why that's an issue. Your time line doesn't work. She has been looking for 2 years and has had ONE JOB OFFER. He just got the promotion.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Aug 10, 2017 19:22:33 GMT -5
Yeah I thought the attacks on her character were rather overt. Tractor, can you say, do you consider that you came to an agreement, or that she made a unilateral decision? It's not black/white. She made it clear that she felt this was her only option at this time. While I am not completely behind her decision as I feel she is worth much more than they are offering, I told her I would support any decision she made.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Aug 10, 2017 19:23:32 GMT -5
Tractor- also was there any talk of "compromise"? If so what was it?
Because it seems you both had an all or nothing position that you stuck to (but I could be reading that wrong).... No compromise, I relented and will work with her to adjust our budget going forward.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2017 19:24:20 GMT -5
I'll be interested to see how things go. Keep us updated if you feel like it!
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Aug 10, 2017 19:27:01 GMT -5
tractor, I must commend you for being so classy on this thread. It's been a heated discussion, but not once did you lose your cool or become agitated. It's not easy having your family life dissected in public. But you have shown such great class here. Good luck to your family!!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2017 19:27:51 GMT -5
Does she need kids books for her new classroom? I always have a few extra copies left from book clubs I could send her. PM me if she wants some! Not sure how much academic support she does.. but most classrooms need at least some books
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Aug 10, 2017 19:40:41 GMT -5
Thanks to everyone, in sorry I didn't get all the questions answered, some I tried, only to have Proboards eat them 😑. I will give you an update in a couple of months. Thanks for your kind remarks, as some of you mentioned, I handle stress easily and it takes a lot to to unnerve me. It's served me well over the years, not sure if that means I'm classy, but it would take much more than comments on an internet board to really piss me off.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 10, 2017 20:52:25 GMT -5
My guess is that has complained about her job for years but didn't really do much about it so he never took it seriously. She probably liked money they were making and didn't want to loose any of it by taking a lower paying job. And then he gets a raise and at the same time this other job pops up and boom - she thinks all stars have aligned and probably truly doesn't even understand why that's an issue. Your time line doesn't work. She has been looking for 2 years and has had ONE JOB OFFER. He just got the promotion. May be, may be not. There is looking and then there is looking.
I've been looking for jobs since the day I stopped working. I received exactly one job offer bc that was the only one I wanted - it was my perfect unicorn job. But I looked for years
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Aug 10, 2017 21:08:25 GMT -5
Your time line doesn't work. She has been looking for 2 years and has had ONE JOB OFFER. He just got the promotion. May be, may be not. There is looking and then there is looking.
I've been looking for jobs since the day I stopped working. I received exactly one job offer bc that was the only one I wanted - it was my perfect unicorn job. But I looked for years Doesn't sound like it....from Tractor on the second page.... Now on to my wife, as others have mentioned she is a special education teacher with 23 years in experience in an EI classroom, something that normally has a high burn out rate. She has been looking to change fir a couple of years, multiple applications and interviews, most of the time she misses out due to her years of service, and the way the union contracts are structured. With this new job, she will still be in an EI classroom, just getting paid like a new hire, instead of someone with 23 years experience. Saying she has a high stress job is an understatement, and that I understand, but she has no idea if the new position will be any better, just less pay in a different environment. If she ends up working just as much, for almost 1/2 the pay it's a lose-lose situation. There's no way to know until she gets into it.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2017 21:55:54 GMT -5
What part of looking for a job, interviewing for two years and not getting an offer before now did you all miss? That is not a surprise. She was making $70K/yr and they collect some debt here and there. She was likely searching for a $60k/yr job and stating so in the interviews. Now he gets a $20K/yr raise, instantly, she indicates in an interview that 40K/yr salary would be considered. Bingo - Offer. Basically she was pricing herself out of the jobs in the interview because "she" couldn't handle the thought of a 140K/yr budget dropping to $110K/yr. Now with him makeing $90K/yr and her 40K/yr they are at an acceptable budget to "her" of $130k/yr (worth the better life/work balance). I hire people, I write proposals for work, etc. If she was getting interviews but no offers, then it was a price problem. Once she dropped the price to market value, the offer was extended. Her competition was cheaper with equal resume.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2017 21:59:08 GMT -5
Teachers are paid by collective bargaining agreement.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Aug 10, 2017 22:03:40 GMT -5
May be, may be not. There is looking and then there is looking.
I've been looking for jobs since the day I stopped working. I received exactly one job offer bc that was the only one I wanted - it was my perfect unicorn job. But I looked for years Doesn't sound like it....from Tractor on the second page.... Now on to my wife, as others have mentioned she is a special education teacher with 23 years in experience in an EI classroom, something that normally has a high burn out rate. She has been looking to change fir a couple of years, multiple applications and interviews, most of the time she misses out due to her years of service, and the way the union contracts are structured. With this new job, she will still be in an EI classroom, just getting paid like a new hire, instead of someone with 23 years experience. Saying she has a high stress job is an understatement, and that I understand, but she has no idea if the new position will be any better, just less pay in a different environment. If she ends up working just as much, for almost 1/2 the pay it's a lose-lose situation. There's no way to know until she gets into it.OK, this is getting silly. I half jokingly replied to a post saying what I am guessing her side would be. I have no clue what went on. But OP's phrase "she made up her mind" made me think that decision was unilateral. I wouldn't have like that. I would consider that disrespectful. I really didn't put that many deep thoughts into the whole thing, beyond that.
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justme
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Post by justme on Aug 10, 2017 22:58:03 GMT -5
I was on board with tractor until he mentioned saving 20% a year. First of all, if you're bitching about debt the first thing you do is stop giving strangers money. Second, before his raise they were giving 28k away. So with his raise and her pay cut, they're pretty much even. Though, if she doesn't have less stress and less hours then they'll have to agree to reassess because in that situation tractor sacrificed a lot to end up in the same place.
My one question (haven't read all the way through yet) is was she in education when you met? Because when you go into that industry it ties you down a lot. You have little control over salary, your movement is confined due to pension, it's no exactly easy to move to a different industry, etc. It puts a lot of restrictions on what job she can find until she's at the point where jumping ship doesn't effect the pension.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Aug 11, 2017 5:53:00 GMT -5
We met in college and we're married before she even had a job, I knew what I was getting and was very excited about that (still am).
I might start a separate thread about giving since so many people take issue with that. For the record, my wife and I both decided to donate a portion of our income to others before we ever got married, that's one of the things that has always been a constant in our lives. What may seem shocking to some, has brought great joy to us. It's the easiest thing to reduce short term while we make other adjustments.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 11, 2017 6:38:20 GMT -5
12 pages in I figure both of you have retired by now!!! OK it's early here so I offer up an apology for not being serious
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