midjd
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Post by midjd on Aug 27, 2015 10:40:52 GMT -5
Is this in dispute? There are plenty of people out there in non-monogamous relationships. No one is stopping them.
I think the problem (at least what's being discussed in this thread) comes in when one person believes he or she is in a monogamous relationship, and the other person in the relationship knows that is not true.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 27, 2015 10:43:17 GMT -5
Is this in dispute? There are plenty of people out there in non-monogamous relationships. No one is stopping them. I think the problem (at least what's being discussed in this thread) comes in when one person believes he or she is in a monogamous relationship, and the other person in the relationship knows that is not true.
I fully recognize that monogamy is not for everyone. As long as that's clear between the parties of the relationship, it's not a problem. The problem comes when one person hides the extracurricular activities.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 27, 2015 10:56:43 GMT -5
My brother was doing training for a local fire department this week. He noticed the lieutenant was missing and asked. They said he was on leave. He asked for what? For his work email coming up on Ashley Madison. Not sure what will ultimately happen to him. I think it depends on department policy for using a government email for personal use. Apparently this varies. They might not be able to do anything about the email use but there's all sort of things they can tack on - Failure to keep oath of office; conduct of officers; Code of conduct; etc.
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Post by The Captain on Aug 27, 2015 10:59:59 GMT -5
I guess I'm still in shock over the magnitude, and one sided nature (in terms of gender).
Doesn't speak well for many of the male gender.
(Note - haven't gone through the rest of this thread - will do so during lunch)
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Post by chiver78 on Aug 27, 2015 11:01:53 GMT -5
Skipping to the end to comment, then going back to read the thread.. Ten percent of the population of my town had an account with Ashley Madison. I know I'm not on there, and I don't see how DH would ever actually have time for an affair....it aint us! where did you find that statistic? or how did you figure that out? wow!
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Aug 27, 2015 11:08:10 GMT -5
I guess I'm still in shock over the magnitude, and one sided nature (in terms of gender). Doesn't speak well for many of the male gender. (Note - haven't gone through the rest of this thread - will do so during lunch) There was a question?
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Post by cktc on Aug 27, 2015 11:10:17 GMT -5
Skipping to the end to comment, then going back to read the thread.. Ten percent of the population of my town had an account with Ashley Madison. I know I'm not on there, and I don't see how DH would ever actually have time for an affair....it aint us! where did you find that statistic? or how did you figure that out? wow! I read that there were only 3 zip codes in the U.S. that didn't have accounts. They were towns with less than 300 people and no internet access.
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Post by djAdvocate on Aug 27, 2015 11:14:18 GMT -5
one step further: what i do with my person or property is none of your business, so long as i am not harming the person or property of non consenting others. note to Richard: "your" in this case means society at large. And cheating on your wife, to whom you swore an oath to love and to cherish until death do you part, doesn't constitute "harming the person or property of non consenting others" in your view? cheating is between a HUSBAND and his WIFE. and yes, i know MANY wives and husbands that CONSENT to it. HARM is not actually the issue, when there is CONSENT, Virgil. i could take this argument a LOT further, but i am not going to do so, here. suffice to say, i can back this argument up (because i was talking about the relationship between the couple, and society at large).
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Post by djAdvocate on Aug 27, 2015 11:15:55 GMT -5
So, it turns out the women on Ashley Madison were actually - MEN. In fact, employees that worked for Ashley Madison creating fake 'women' for the cheating spouses to chat with: First, the official numbers. The info that the hackers published contained about 31 million accounts apparently belonging to men, and about 5 million apparently belonging to women.
But when Newlitz dug deeper, she found a bunch of test accounts that ended with ashleymadison.com, suggesting that they were created internally (90% of them were for women), and a 350 female accounts for people with the same and very unusual last name. Only 1,492 of the women in the database had ever checked their messages on the site. That's compared with more than 20 million men.
Only 2,409 of the women had ever used the site's chat function, versus more than 11 million men.
Only 9,700 women had ever responded to a message from another person on the site, versus almost 6 million men.www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/ashley-madison-was-a-bunch-of-dudes-talking-to-each-other-data-analysis-suggests/ar-BBm8bI3?ocid=iehpSo - cheating men pay good money to sneak on line to talk furtively with the sexy blond number who likes topless sunbathing and who is actually Ted the 250 lb coach potato with a goatee and muttonchops. Bah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I think this may be the definition of karma. this is totally unsurprising to me. does it surprise anyone else?
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Post by chiver78 on Aug 27, 2015 11:20:25 GMT -5
where did you find that statistic? or how did you figure that out? wow! I read that there were only 3 zip codes in the U.S. that didn't have accounts. They were towns with less than 300 people and no internet access. I saw that, too! I was just curious where she got the 10% number. I know a lot of people from that town lol..... starting to wonder if I should go check out that list!
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Post by djAdvocate on Aug 27, 2015 11:23:49 GMT -5
I guess I'm still in shock over the magnitude, and one sided nature (in terms of gender). Doesn't speak well for many of the male gender. (Note - haven't gone through the rest of this thread - will do so during lunch) really? you're surprised? listen. if you look at harassment issues- something like 99% (i think the number is actually close to that) of women report being harassed at some point in their lives. women don't need cheater sites. they just need to make it known they are available, and...ahem....they get help with that problem. most women AVOID the invitation for that reason. none of this surprises me in the slightest. note: i am sorry that so many men speak so badly for the rest of us, but that is how it is.
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Aug 27, 2015 11:25:25 GMT -5
So, it turns out the women on Ashley Madison were actually - MEN. In fact, employees that worked for Ashley Madison creating fake 'women' for the cheating spouses to chat with: First, the official numbers. The info that the hackers published contained about 31 million accounts apparently belonging to men, and about 5 million apparently belonging to women.
But when Newlitz dug deeper, she found a bunch of test accounts that ended with ashleymadison.com, suggesting that they were created internally (90% of them were for women), and a 350 female accounts for people with the same and very unusual last name. Only 1,492 of the women in the database had ever checked their messages on the site. That's compared with more than 20 million men.
Only 2,409 of the women had ever used the site's chat function, versus more than 11 million men.
Only 9,700 women had ever responded to a message from another person on the site, versus almost 6 million men.www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/ashley-madison-was-a-bunch-of-dudes-talking-to-each-other-data-analysis-suggests/ar-BBm8bI3?ocid=iehpSo - cheating men pay good money to sneak on line to talk furtively with the sexy blond number who likes topless sunbathing and who is actually Ted the 250 lb coach potato with a goatee and muttonchops. Bah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I think this may be the definition of karma. So if men were physically cheating then they were doing it with men. That should make cheated on wives feel better. It not like they could have offered what those men were looking for.
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Post by djAdvocate on Aug 27, 2015 11:28:44 GMT -5
So, it turns out the women on Ashley Madison were actually - MEN. In fact, employees that worked for Ashley Madison creating fake 'women' for the cheating spouses to chat with: First, the official numbers. The info that the hackers published contained about 31 million accounts apparently belonging to men, and about 5 million apparently belonging to women.
But when Newlitz dug deeper, she found a bunch of test accounts that ended with ashleymadison.com, suggesting that they were created internally (90% of them were for women), and a 350 female accounts for people with the same and very unusual last name. Only 1,492 of the women in the database had ever checked their messages on the site. That's compared with more than 20 million men.
Only 2,409 of the women had ever used the site's chat function, versus more than 11 million men.
Only 9,700 women had ever responded to a message from another person on the site, versus almost 6 million men.www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/ashley-madison-was-a-bunch-of-dudes-talking-to-each-other-data-analysis-suggests/ar-BBm8bI3?ocid=iehpSo - cheating men pay good money to sneak on line to talk furtively with the sexy blond number who likes topless sunbathing and who is actually Ted the 250 lb coach potato with a goatee and muttonchops. Bah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I think this may be the definition of karma. So if men were physically cheating then they were doing it with men. That should make cheated on wives feel better. It not like they could have offered what those men were looking for. or, if you want to be even more clever about it, most of these men never actually cheated- they just engaged in a "cheating fantasy".
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Aug 27, 2015 11:35:36 GMT -5
So if men were physically cheating then they were doing it with men. That should make cheated on wives feel better. It not like they could have offered what those men were looking for. or, if you want to be even more clever about it, most of these men never actually cheated- they just engaged in a "cheating fantasy". Right. I didn't want to get into the definition of cheating, because some people would think that is cheating. Heck, some people think that looking at porn or going to a strip club is cheating.
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Post by djAdvocate on Aug 27, 2015 11:37:06 GMT -5
or, if you want to be even more clever about it, most of these men never actually cheated- they just engaged in a "cheating fantasy". Right. I didn't want to get into the definition of cheating, because some people would think that is cheating. Heck, some people think that looking at porn or going to a strip club is cheating. i think we are on exactly the same page here, Arch.
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Post by The Captain on Aug 27, 2015 11:39:59 GMT -5
I guess I'm still in shock over the magnitude, and one sided nature (in terms of gender). Doesn't speak well for many of the male gender. (Note - haven't gone through the rest of this thread - will do so during lunch) really? you're surprised?listen. if you look at harassment issues- something like 99% (i think the number is actually close to that) of women report being harassed at some point in their lives. women don't need cheater sites. they just need to make it known they are available, and...ahem....they get help with that problem. most women AVOID the invitation for that reason. none of this surprises me in the slightest. note: i am sorry that so many men speak so badly for the rest of us, but that is how it is. I guess? Just wondering how much more this ties into gender/relationship dynamics than I could even consider. I know more couples who got divorced as a result of her infidelity as opposed to his. Makes me wonder if a woman is more willing to forgive and forget such a mistake as opposed to a man. So maybe we I don't hear about the men's mistakes among our peers because they (she) has decided to forgive and try to make it work? We've had enough friends get divorced over this that is has been a topic of more than a few conversations. DH has been very well schooled on this. The first time he cheats on me will be the last. Guaranteed. Not that it's in his nature to do so, but there is no doubt as to what the expectations are in that area of our relationship.
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Post by djAdvocate on Aug 27, 2015 11:42:36 GMT -5
really? you're surprised?listen. if you look at harassment issues- something like 99% (i think the number is actually close to that) of women report being harassed at some point in their lives. women don't need cheater sites. they just need to make it known they are available, and...ahem....they get help with that problem. most women AVOID the invitation for that reason. none of this surprises me in the slightest. note: i am sorry that so many men speak so badly for the rest of us, but that is how it is. I guess? Just wondering how much more this ties into gender/relationship dynamics than I could even consider. I know more couples who got divorced as a result of her infidelity as opposed to his. Makes me wonder if a woman is more willing to forgive and forget such a mistake as opposed to a man. So maybe we I don't hear about the men's mistakes among our peers because they (she) has decided to forgive and try to make it work? We've had enough friends get divorced over this that is has been a topic of more than a few conversations. DH has been very well schooled on this. The first time he cheats on me will be the last. Guaranteed. Not that it's in his nature to do so, but there is no doubt as to what the expectations are in that area of our relationship. i probably shouldn't bring the bible into this, but there is a clear distinction in that book about the difference between women and men cheating. do you know it?
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Post by The Captain on Aug 27, 2015 11:49:37 GMT -5
I guess? Just wondering how much more this ties into gender/relationship dynamics than I could even consider. I know more couples who got divorced as a result of her infidelity as opposed to his. Makes me wonder if a woman is more willing to forgive and forget such a mistake as opposed to a man. So maybe we I don't hear about the men's mistakes among our peers because they (she) has decided to forgive and try to make it work? We've had enough friends get divorced over this that is has been a topic of more than a few conversations. DH has been very well schooled on this. The first time he cheats on me will be the last. Guaranteed. Not that it's in his nature to do so, but there is no doubt as to what the expectations are in that area of our relationship. i probably shouldn't bring the bible into this, but there is a clear distinction in that book about the difference between women and men cheating. do you know it? Like many good Christians I tend to ignore the parts I don't agree with. I know adultery is on the top ten list of no-no's, but can't recall distinctions between men and women.
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Post by djAdvocate on Aug 27, 2015 11:57:31 GMT -5
i probably shouldn't bring the bible into this, but there is a clear distinction in that book about the difference between women and men cheating. do you know it? Like many good Christians I tend to ignore the parts I don't agree with. I know adultery is on the top ten list of no-no's, but can't recall distinctions between men and women. yeah, i think i had better stop here, before this thread gets closed.
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Post by Tennesseer on Aug 27, 2015 12:10:30 GMT -5
I guess I'm still in shock over the magnitude, and one sided nature (in terms of gender). Doesn't speak well for many of the male gender. (Note - haven't gone through the rest of this thread - will do so during lunch) Tom cats in human form.
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Post by The Captain on Aug 27, 2015 12:13:04 GMT -5
djAdvocateYannow - I'm not the defining authority on this but I can't see any issues with stating what some philosophies say... just saying . Course you can always pop over to the cheating thread I started. Since I'm the OP (note - not as a mod!) on that thread if it get's locked I'm ok with that.
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Post by The Captain on Aug 27, 2015 12:14:42 GMT -5
I guess I'm still in shock over the magnitude, and one sided nature (in terms of gender). Doesn't speak well for many of the male gender. (Note - haven't gone through the rest of this thread - will do so during lunch) Tom cats in human form. I guess I've been blessed to have more men of character in my life, than characters. Seriously, I know quite a few where I wouldn't blame them a whole lot if they cheated but (at least as far as I know) they've stayed faithful.
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Post by happyhoix on Aug 27, 2015 14:05:13 GMT -5
So, it turns out the women on Ashley Madison were actually - MEN. In fact, employees that worked for Ashley Madison creating fake 'women' for the cheating spouses to chat with: First, the official numbers. The info that the hackers published contained about 31 million accounts apparently belonging to men, and about 5 million apparently belonging to women.
But when Newlitz dug deeper, she found a bunch of test accounts that ended with ashleymadison.com, suggesting that they were created internally (90% of them were for women), and a 350 female accounts for people with the same and very unusual last name. Only 1,492 of the women in the database had ever checked their messages on the site. That's compared with more than 20 million men.
Only 2,409 of the women had ever used the site's chat function, versus more than 11 million men.
Only 9,700 women had ever responded to a message from another person on the site, versus almost 6 million men.www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/ashley-madison-was-a-bunch-of-dudes-talking-to-each-other-data-analysis-suggests/ar-BBm8bI3?ocid=iehpSo - cheating men pay good money to sneak on line to talk furtively with the sexy blond number who likes topless sunbathing and who is actually Ted the 250 lb coach potato with a goatee and muttonchops. Bah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I think this may be the definition of karma. this is totally unsurprising to me. does it surprise anyone else? It surprised me. I expected this to be a dating type website where people met on line with the intentions of hooking up IRL. I didn't realize it was a site where you just talked dirty to some 'woman'. If you were corresponding with Ted instead of Tiara, what would happen at the point where you actually wanted to meet Tiara at a hotel room? Or were there fees involved - was this website just a cover for an escort service? Tiara would love to meet you but you have to send her $600 to cover her airplane ticket? I guess I'm clueless as to how these things work. Cheating websites and string theory - two of the things I know nothing about.
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Post by djAdvocate on Aug 27, 2015 14:29:55 GMT -5
this is totally unsurprising to me. does it surprise anyone else? It surprised me. I expected this to be a dating type website where people met on line with the intentions of hooking up IRL. I didn't realize it was a site where you just talked dirty to some 'woman'. If you were corresponding with Ted instead of Tiara, what would happen at the point where you actually wanted to meet Tiara at a hotel room? Or were there fees involved - was this website just a cover for an escort service? Tiara would love to meet you but you have to send her $600 to cover her airplane ticket? I guess I'm clueless as to how these things work. Cheating websites and string theory - two of the things I know nothing about. not to be a "mean girl" here, but i am LMAO at what is happening with this company, and it's "clients". if they survive it, i would be SHOCKED.
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Post by djAdvocate on Aug 27, 2015 14:33:43 GMT -5
I guess I've been blessed to have more men of character in my life, than characters. Seriously, I know quite a few where I wouldn't blame them a whole lot if they cheated but (at least as far as I know) they've stayed faithful. well, to paint a fairer face on this whole thing, let's think about it, shall we? there are probably 250M adult males in the US. 60M are married. AM has 37M "subscribers", and about 8M "active users". i doubt even the lower figure are doing anything other than playing games, so maybe we are talking about 1/10? that is still a really high number, but it is not all husbands, or even close to that, imo. most men are decent enough.
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Post by kittensaver on Aug 27, 2015 14:59:37 GMT -5
I guess I've been blessed to have more men of character in my life, than characters. Seriously, I know quite a few where I wouldn't blame them a whole lot if they cheated but (at least as far as I know) they've stayed faithful. well, to paint a fairer face on this whole thing, let's think about it, shall we? there are probably 250M adult males in the US. 60M are married. AM has 37M "subscribers", and about 8M "active users". i doubt even the lower figure are doing anything other than playing games, so maybe we are talking about 1/10? that is still a really high number, but it is not all husbands, or even close to that, imo. most men are decent enough.I agree. There are PLENTLY of decent, faithful, everyday guys out there who love their spouses and families and choose not to stray from their commitments. 8 million "active users" from all over the world vs. 60 million married American men bears this out - at least for me.
Gossip and scandals are not made by stories and acts of decent, ordinary, everyday people. Scandals are made out of celebrities or incredibly stupid people doing foolish things. I agree there are plenty of decent men out there.
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Post by djAdvocate on Aug 27, 2015 15:05:38 GMT -5
well, to paint a fairer face on this whole thing, let's think about it, shall we? there are probably 250M adult males in the US. 60M are married. AM has 37M "subscribers", and about 8M "active users". i doubt even the lower figure are doing anything other than playing games, so maybe we are talking about 1/10? that is still a really high number, but it is not all husbands, or even close to that, imo. most men are decent enough.I agree. There are PLENTLY of decent, faithful, everyday guys out there who love their spouses and families and choose not to stray from their commitments. 8 million "active users" from all over the world vs. 60 million married American men bears this out - at least for me.
Gossip and scandals are not made by stories and acts of decent, ordinary, everyday people. Scandals are made out of celebrities or incredibly stupid people doing foolish things. I agree there are plenty of decent men out there.
good catch, kitten. i totally missed that. how embarrassing.
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Post by AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP on Aug 27, 2015 15:10:57 GMT -5
Not reading 6 pages. I just want to comment on the thing in general: I do not get a self-righteous warm fuzzy from this. I wouldn't even get a warm fuzzy if what these people were doing was exposing cheating so the cheated upon would have the information to make a more informed decision about staying together- which it isn't. Their purpose was blackmail and extortion. I don't find it funny, and I take no comfort in prying into people's lives in this way.
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Post by djAdvocate on Aug 27, 2015 15:15:16 GMT -5
Not reading 6 pages. I just want to comment on the thing in general: I do not get a self-righteous warm fuzzy from this. I wouldn't even get a warm fuzzy if what these people were doing was exposing cheating so the cheated upon would have the information to make a more informed decision about staying together- which it isn't. Their purpose was blackmail and extortion. I don't find it funny, and I take no comfort in prying into people's lives in this way. to be clear, the blackmail and extortion are not what i find funny- just the exposure.
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Post by AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP on Aug 27, 2015 15:23:24 GMT -5
And not to dig up my other thread on the topic of marriage and raising kids, but the fact of the matter is that if you aren't having sex with your spouse, someone else probably is. Once upon a time, I'd have said this is probably especially true for women (if you aren't sleeping with your husband, someone else is), but I think it may be equal.
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