Opti
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Post by Opti on Mar 13, 2015 19:44:29 GMT -5
Carl said:
It is Misc spending, no questions ask, no need to keep track of it.
++++++++
That about sums it up! Maybe we're just preaching to the choir.
Really! I find it more practical than my wife needing $20 for something (pot luck at her job for example) and go to an ATM and gets charge $2.25 then our bank charge her $3.00 So that is $5.25 for her to get $20. I figure and it has worked for the past couple of months that it is easier to just take money out and we each have it in case we need it. I am sorry but I am not broke and dodging calls from debt collectors, my bills are paid and we got savings. I don't see how taking $50/week to split with my wife and $10 of it going to the church is really that big of a deal. I think she is commenting on not tracking misc spending like you said to the uncle, to the widow. If you are tracking it in a catch all category its probably OK. When I was married I had a category called spending money. If it was spent from that, it was tracked in the budget.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Mar 13, 2015 19:51:51 GMT -5
Really! I find it more practical than my wife needing $20 for something (pot luck at her job for example) and go to an ATM and gets charge $2.25 then our bank charge her $3.00 So that is $5.25 for her to get $20. I figure and it has worked for the past couple of months that it is easier to just take money out and we each have it in case we need it. I am sorry but I am not broke and dodging calls from debt collectors, my bills are paid and we got savings. I don't see how taking $50/week to split with my wife and $10 of it going to the church is really that big of a deal. I think she is commenting on not tracking misc spending like you said to the uncle, to the widow. If you are tracking it in a catch all category its probably OK. When I was married I had a category called spending money. If it was spent from that, it was tracked in the budget.
In Quicken it is entered under allowance. Ex : yesterday I spent $75.26 on groceries and withdrew $50 In quicken it is split: $75.26 goes to groceries and $40 allowance, $10 tithe Like I said I keep track of my money using quicken, but I am not going to ask my wife: hey I gave you $20 last week what did you do with it? How come you are giving $40 of your money to your mom? And then run to the budget sheet to record it. I had a $100 in my wallet, I gave her $100... Done deal! The money in my wallet is not tracked on quicken: just that I took it out as an allowance over a period of 5 weeks or so. I won't go back and record $100 as gift. But if it was in a form of a check or money spent at Toys R Us for a cousin birthday: yes that would be recorded under gifts as an expense.
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WholeLottaNothin
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Post by WholeLottaNothin on Mar 13, 2015 20:01:45 GMT -5
We had our second baby almost 5 months ago. With both our boys I tried breastfeeding but was unable to provide enough to get them gaining weight so ended up formula feeding. Enfamil with the first son and similac with this one. You can find coupons and use them with grocery store or CVS deals so it costs on average $80 a month. Add in diapers and wipes and it's approximately $120 a month. My mom watches the baby for us while we're at work so that's similar to your situation. So that's how much it costs per month. I'm in NY if that makes a difference.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2015 20:20:51 GMT -5
I'm a little late to the party (driving these money sucking kids all over SE MN ). If your mom is providing daycare and you already pay for family insurance then unless you have a baby that needs a lot of medical care, then I don't see how it's going to cost you much anyhow (outside of the infertility treatment, but that's technically pre-baby). I never bought formula and cloth diapered about a third of the time and I think outside of daycare, #2 child was about the financial equivalent of getting a cat his first few years. The first had some higher initial expenses, like crib and stroller (and holy shit @patstab, that is one expensive stroller!), but a lot was gifts and I bought tons of like new clothes for pennies on the dollar. Saturdays when I was pregnant were spent hitting the garage sales with my Aunt and Mom and I would fill an entire grocery bag full of Baby Gap and Gymboree stuff and maybe spend $20. So, anyhow, I don't really see how at your income a baby will be that much of a hit without daycare. At least for a few years anyhow. The time suck though! They are a black hole for that. But, if you want me to slash your budget, I can do that! I'll bet I could find tons of money. The first thing I would nix is that trip to the Middle East!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2015 20:25:45 GMT -5
I am thinking mostly diapers and baby food / formula. My wife family has a lot of allergies so like her cousin our kid might be allergic to milk and need a special $55/can formula and not breastfeed. your wife being allergic to milk has nothing to do with whether she can breastfeed or not. and her having allergies that your kid might inherit is an even bigger incentive for breastfeeding. Babies that have to be on $55/can formula because they can't handle milk, can't handle COW'S MILK, which is what most formula is made from. I have never heard of a case of a baby being allergic to breast milk.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Mar 13, 2015 20:33:40 GMT -5
My DIL has been frugal but now she is going to have a baby. Suddenly she had to have this Chico Bravo stroller, son couldn't find one to be sent APO. We finally found one for $645, yep you got that right. It did include $150 to ship it to us, but then I was going to spend more to ship it to them. My husband about died. I told son that would be their one expensive gift for the baby. He said are you sure, I said yes we will do this. But after ordering I got an email saying they did not have it and couldn't ship it, whew. In the interim, he found it at Target with free shipping to APO addresses. Let me tell you we were both thrilled and it was $350, the same thing. IN all fairness it included the car seat and base too, but still . Here is a normally frugal woman that has gone a bit crazy.
Hi sis, I soooo recognize this! But grand babies are fun
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Mar 13, 2015 21:05:00 GMT -5
I would encourage you to start saving for infertility treatments, before worrying about thr actual baby. Unless you have fantastic insurance (and in MA infertility might be covered) working with a Reproductive Endocrinologist is expensive. When i was doing infertility treatments (just IUIs) a few years ago, I spent 10k, because insurance covered very little. And the RE wanted a bunch of tests, and each treatment involved pricey meds. And I stopped before i got to IVF (I couldn't afford another 20k on top of what I had already spent). So I would highly encourage you to consider saving for those treatments (if you aren't aleady). Then if Mrs. C gets pregnant early you'll have a nice cushion for some of the many kid expenses that will come your way later.
And I have many friends who planned on working when they had kids, but then after six months or a year left work because they wanted to stay at home. Is there a chance that the two of you could just live off of your salary for a bit and save your wife's? That would give you a great cushion of extra money.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Mar 13, 2015 21:12:16 GMT -5
We had our second baby almost 5 months ago. With both our boys I tried breastfeeding but was unable to provide enough to get them gaining weight so ended up formula feeding. Enfamil with the first son and similac with this one. You can find coupons and use them with grocery store or CVS deals so it costs on average $80 a month. Add in diapers and wipes and it's approximately $120 a month. My mom watches the baby for us while we're at work so that's similar to your situation. So that's how much it costs per month. I'm in NY if that makes a difference. If that is all than we can handle it... The biggest expense seems daycare that Thank god we don't have.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Mar 13, 2015 21:18:37 GMT -5
I would encourage you to start saving for infertility treatments, before worrying about thr actual baby. Unless you have fantastic insurance (and in MA infertility might be covered) working with a Reproductive Endocrinologist is expensive. When i was doing infertility treatments (just IUIs) a few years ago, I spent 10k, because insurance covered very little. And the RE wanted a bunch of tests, and each treatment involved pricey meds. And I stopped before i got to IVF (I couldn't afford another 20k on top of what I had already spent). So I would highly encourage you to consider saving for those treatments (if you aren't aleady). Then if Mrs. C gets pregnant early you'll have a nice cushion for some of the many kid expenses that will come your way later. And I have many friends who planned on working when they had kids, but then after six months or a year left work because they wanted to stay at home. Is there a chance that the two of you could just live off of your salary for a bit and save your wife's? That would give you a great cushion of extra money. We should know soon enough (2-3 weeks) what the Insurance will cover or not. So far just finishing paying off what is left of my surgery bill and follow up post op; I hope to never have another surgery till the day I die. Those suckers are expensive. We know for sure we will have to spend about 1k in the upcoming weeks and like you said depending what medication they cover anywhere from 2k-3K. Believe me this year we will have no problem hitting our OOP max for insurance, I am surprised we haven't yet. I've had 5 hospital bills in the past month and all from the same surgery : surgeon, anesthesiologist, nurse, hospital, etc. Seems like every person that was in that damn room is sending me a bill. First time in 6 years with the company and paying family coverage for the 2 of us. Between last year and this year, we definitely cost them more than we've paid in premiums the past 6 years combined.
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Mar 13, 2015 22:02:55 GMT -5
I don't know anything about it but my DIL had breast implants so I'm guessing you can't breastfeed after that. Is that correct?
No, you can still breast feed after implants, have a cousin who is doing just fine in that department, she got them after her second kid and now she has five. When we found out I was pregnant it was quite a shock! We planned on no kids and DH had to calm my hystaria when we found out. We were not savers and we could spend money! By the time I went on matrnity leave we had saved up the money to cover my time off, and by the time I went back to work we still had money left over (that never happens ) and from the novel I posted on your other thread, if we can make it with a surprise kiddo, just think of the changes you both will make for your (planned) little one You will be surpised at the changes you can make because you want to do it for this little bundle. I breast feed for a few months and had to supplement with formula and we ended up having to get a special formula because he was allergic to regular so I think it was like $50 a week on formula, $80 a month or so for diapers, $15 for wipes, and then all the other things you find to buy for kiddo! We had two baby showers, so that helped a ton! Ikea crib and baby room stuff, Greco stroller/carseat combo under $250. There is all sorts of crap you will be willing to sacrifice. Try to stay away from a store called Buy Buy Baby, we called it By By Money There is never a right time, it happens and you make it work. Go for it, it's worth it
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Mar 13, 2015 22:10:25 GMT -5
We found babies to be cheap.
Where we spent money that I didn't anticipate was a baptism party. We had to pay more for a hall than I had anticipated.
Photos can be another large expense. In my town, one session can run up to 1k. You've got maternity pictures, newborn, maybe 6th month, and then first year. Some parents like to get pictures at newborn, 3, 6, 9, and 12 month.
Preschool starts to add costs. We're paying $300/month for 6 hours a week.
One thing that might concern me is the reliance on family to sit.
We tried that this year. Between two grandparents, we've still had to take time off when they couldn't be available.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Mar 13, 2015 22:30:33 GMT -5
One of my co-workers has been looking into preschools for her kid. The base option include care from 8-3 but unless you have relatives who can help, one spouse with a flex schedule or one that is a SAHP most people aren't off by 3. Add the extra 3 hours of care and the cost comes in at about 20K a year for a private preschool and even without that extra 3 hours of care it's still like 16K a year. Now there are cheaper options but for 1/2 the cost you get a school with a higher student to teacher ratio where they have fewer resources and the kids aren't learning as much. The kicker is that someone else she knows has a kid who went the nice school route and is now ready for kindergarten but the parents are facing a dilemma because the preschool did such a great job that now going to a public school (very good public schools in a nice area) for kindergarten is a step back. Basically their kid is ahead of the public kindergarten so they now have to consider either putting the kid in a public school where they will possibly be bored or continue the expensive private school path. Your costs as a home owner are just a warm up to the costs that come with having kids.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Mar 13, 2015 22:32:35 GMT -5
I didn't read the whole thread but based on the number of Crate and Barrel bags you posted in another thread, sounds like you could just stop shopping so much. (You, as in your household).
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Mar 13, 2015 22:35:27 GMT -5
how much more a month is having a baby going to cost you? you have free daycare which is the number 1 expense. if your wife breastfeeds and pumps, your second biggest expense drops to minimal (especially since insurance now covers a pump). I'm just not seeing a big increase in costs. I am thinking mostly diapers and baby food / formula. My wife family has a lot of allergies so like her cousin our kid might be allergic to milk and need a special $55/can formula and not breastfeed. If you have lots of allergies, the BEST THING you can do for your child is breast feed. They may be allergic to COW milk, but highly unlikely they will be allergic to breast milk.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Mar 13, 2015 22:38:35 GMT -5
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Mar 13, 2015 22:59:34 GMT -5
your wife being allergic to milk has nothing to do with whether she can breastfeed or not. and her having allergies that your kid might inherit is an even bigger incentive for breastfeeding. Babies that have to be on $55/can formula because they can't handle milk, can't handle COW'S MILK, which is what most formula is made from. I have never heard of a case of a baby being allergic to breast milk. It isn't common, but some babies are sensitive enough that if mom has dairy, then the breastmilk will make them sick. Mrs C may have to make some changes to her diet if that is an issue. Also, you don't need the super expensive milk unless the baby can't handle dairy or soy. Most babies can handle one or the other, so planning for both is overkill, IMO.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2015 23:01:51 GMT -5
My son couldn't have milk or soy. I just avoided them and breastfed as long as I could.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Mar 14, 2015 8:08:51 GMT -5
Carl, you guys should be fine. For us, one of the biggest savings came from not shopping as much. When work is done and I pick DS up from daycare, I want to go home, see him, eat dinner, etc. - not run out to Target, the mall, grocery store, etc. It made me plan shopping trips more efficiently and determine if I really needed or wanted to make extra stops - basically, I almost never go browsing anywhere anymore. We also don't spend as much on entertainment, i.e. concerts, movies, etc. That may be different for you two since your MIL lives with you, but we didn't live near family for DS's first two years, and I didn't have anyone I wanted to leave him with that often.
I will say, though, that we still spend about the same on eating out and traveling. DS went pretty much everywhere I went his first two years, outside of work. DH and DS tagged along on a few conferences I attended, so we paid for DH's ticket and meals out of pocket, and often stayed an extra day or two for some sightseeing for me. We also had to travel to see family, and in general, we like seeing experiences through his eyes. We know he won't remember this stuff later, but we're okay with that - he's comfortable traveling, so we're happy to get that out of these early trips. We also go out to eat generally at least once per week, and DS goes with us. It's not high end, but usually fast casual or casual dining - we've done so more or less since he was a baby, and he does fine in restaurants.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 14, 2015 8:22:48 GMT -5
We all love you cawiau and always will, but you are doing what you always do. Its like the 3 stages of a cawiau thread:
1) I need serious advice, and nothing is too extreme. 2) You don't understand my situation. I'll sort of try that one thing. 3) I'm fine after all. (there is also: 3a: If it were up to ME we'd already have been doing that, but my wife [can't/won't] be on board).
So I'm just going to focus on this:
...:::"I just want to start living at if we already have the baby and banking that money difference now.":::...
Then do it.
Lets work backwards: what do you imagine life with the baby being? Create your OWN reality. If you imagine that life with the baby means (as has been repeatedly described) that you don't go out or buy random things because its easier to stay home, then start doing that!
But if Mrs. C has visions of, say, jogging through Harvard on a spring morning pushing Etienne in a $900 jogging pram, or getting Manon her first pair of baby Manolo heels... you have some planning to do.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Mar 14, 2015 8:22:53 GMT -5
One of my co-workers has been looking into preschools for her kid. The base option include care from 8-3 but unless you have relatives who can help, one spouse with a flex schedule or one that is a SAHP most people aren't off by 3. Add the extra 3 hours of care and the cost comes in at about 20K a year for a private preschool and even without that extra 3 hours of care it's still like 16K a year. Now there are cheaper options but for 1/2 the cost you get a school with a higher student to teacher ratio where they have fewer resources and the kids aren't learning as much. The kicker is that someone else she knows has a kid who went the nice school route and is now ready for kindergarten but the parents are facing a dilemma because the preschool did such a great job that now going to a public school (very good public schools in a nice area) for kindergarten is a step back. Basically their kid is ahead of the public kindergarten so they now have to consider either putting the kid in a public school where they will possibly be bored or continue the expensive private school path. Your costs as a home owner are just a warm up to the costs that come with having kids. I'm facing the same thing. DS1's preschool class has 2 teachers for 11 kids. He's going to a very good public kindergarten next year, but it breaks my heart a little. A lot of it will be repeated work, and the ratio will be 1.5 teachers for 25 kids maybe. I could send him back to the private school, as they have greatly reduced tuition for kindergarten next year, but then I'll have to put him in their latchkey program instead of him taking the bus to his regular sitter's house. The latchkey program is much costlier, and his sitter is awesome and already watching his younger brother.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 14, 2015 8:31:30 GMT -5
...:::"I don't see how taking $50/week to split with my wife and $10 of it going to the church is really that big of a deal.":::...
Its not, by itself. The key is finding ALL the instances of "just $50/week" and reviewing whether you really need all of them.
...:::"And I have many friends who planned on working when they had kids, but then after six months or a year left work because they wanted to stay at home.":::...
I've believed she is going to quit her job to be a SAHM since you first posted her "get a medical degree, then be super mom" fantasy back in 2004. And as has been suggested, what if it is not voluntary, but medical?
I had a co-worker who worked up to the end, took Friday off, and gave birth Saturday. I also have a co-worker who was on bed rest at month 4, and didn't come back until maybe 6 months after the birth.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Mar 14, 2015 8:32:21 GMT -5
Carl, your social life is pretty much non-existent once that baby arrives. That baby will be waking up every 3-4 hours, 24 hours a day, expecting to be fed & changed. Neither Mommy nor Daddy are going to have any energy for quite awhile.
The best thing in your situation, is to NOT expect life to be as it was before baby arrived. I remember DH & I wondering how we used to waste all the spare time we had, because it was GONE. And, any time you take baby out in public, as others have mentioned, it's a major production to make sure you've got diapers, wipes, something for baby to drink, toys, stroller, etc. It's often a whole lot easier to just stay home. (Except for the occasional delivered pizza, you should save a LOT since you're no longer going out much with friends.) And, since baby will be spitting up on you (or occasionally peeing on you when you get that diaper off), it kind of curbs the impulse to buy new clothes for yourselves.
No more vacations for you for quite awhile. You don't NEED to travel, you LIKE to travel. If the relatives want to see you, they can travel your direction. As my parents used to say, the road goes both ways.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Mar 14, 2015 8:34:13 GMT -5
Also, I'm a bit flabbergasted that you feel like you can afford all this high-end designer stuff on $122k total salary in Boston, of all places. My BIL and his wife live in Cincinnati, and make slightly less, probably $112k. Their large 4 bedroom 2.5 bath cost $185,000. They're not very frugal at all, but they don't go out buying all kinds of designer stuff all the time either. BIL does have a newer F250 (maybe 5 years old), but that's about it. Their house isn't filled to the brim with crate and barrel, pottery Barn, etc., though they may have one piece here and there.
ETA: checked with DH. Their house was a lot cheaper than I thought.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 14, 2015 8:40:18 GMT -5
A lot of my Indian friends have it made when they have kids! Both sets of parents come back to back for 6 months each. One friend still had time for 2 hour gym workouts. Depending on C-MIL, they might still have opportunity and energy to go do things.
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justme
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Post by justme on Mar 14, 2015 10:50:24 GMT -5
Lol! By by baby it is! My bro got a 300 pack n play, because it folds down in one touch which will be easy for his small wife to do while holding baby (he also wanted 2 at one point). Another 280 on a vibrating chair that mimics a mom swinging kid back and forth in her arms. 300 on an infant bucket car seat, non convertible. Another 300 on a stroller that folds down with one button and fits the carseat. And lots of other expensive version of the normal baby stuff. They just plunked at least 200 on a high chair.
So yea they's really expensive baby items that seem must have because they're so simple, or state of the art or lightweight.
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Mar 14, 2015 11:46:54 GMT -5
I am thinking mostly diapers and baby food / formula. My wife family has a lot of allergies so like her cousin our kid might be allergic to milk and need a special $55/can formula and not breastfeed. Umm ... if they are prone to allergies wouldn't that INCREASE the need to breast feed?
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Mar 14, 2015 11:51:25 GMT -5
I am thinking mostly diapers and baby food / formula. My wife family has a lot of allergies so like her cousin our kid might be allergic to milk and need a special $55/can formula and not breastfeed. Umm ... if they are prone to allergies wouldn't that INCREASE the need to breast feed? Only if you are willing to acknowledge the research that breast milk generally helps with allergies, etc. AND the nursing Mom is willing to avoid or limit intake on those foods while breast feeding. Even just 3 to 6 mos. helps if it is too much for Mom to do longer than that.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Mar 14, 2015 12:22:09 GMT -5
My mom nor I put stuff up either. The knickknacks an stuff sat around. They were taught to leave it alone. They got their butts whipped to, but they learned to live in a house with nice furnishings and not tear the things up like little savages.
They were civilized little savages!!
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Mar 14, 2015 12:35:20 GMT -5
My mom nor I put stuff up either. The knickknacks an stuff sat around. They were taught to leave it alone. They got their butts whipped to, but they learned to live in a house with nice furnishings and not tear the things up like little savages.
They were civilized little savages!!
LOL.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2015 13:08:09 GMT -5
We had our second baby almost 5 months ago. With both our boys I tried breastfeeding but was unable to provide enough to get them gaining weight so ended up formula feeding. Enfamil with the first son and similac with this one. You can find coupons and use them with grocery store or CVS deals so it costs on average $80 a month. Add in diapers and wipes and it's approximately $120 a month. My mom watches the baby for us while we're at work so that's similar to your situation. So that's how much it costs per month. I'm in NY if that makes a difference. If that is all than we can handle it... The biggest expense seems daycare that Thank god we don't have. Without daycare, the child tax credit and the extra deduction are enough to cover all the typical baby needs. If you don't have to buy formula, you could end up ahead for awhile! What's going to KILL YOU is the wants. The $900 stroller, the designer clothes, the video monitors, the baptism that rivals many wedding receptions...
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