Help me find my money now...

[TheHaitian]

PLEASE... With cherry on top

From another post:

Mar 13, 2015 15:27:34 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

It seems like everyone I know with kids wonders what the hell they did with all their money before the kids came along.

I have heard that many times, on this board and in real life. Couples that were usually broke before kids managing the extra expense of daycare, diapers, clothes without their income going up.

It is like the money "magically" appeared from somewhere. So help me find my magical money before the little bugger(s) get here this way I can save it for the next year because we NEED IT.

We have officially spent 6k from January to now and depleted our savings (not completely...). It is like everything that could go wrong went wrong. It got so bad that even my wife volunteered to push back trying for a baby till next say so we could replenish our savings and pay down some debts.

I think MURPHY has left the building or haven't heard for him in over a week so knock on wood.

We know we have another bill for 3k coming within the next few weeks and medical expenses (not covered by insurance) for another 1k-2k. I am thinking of financing those at 0% with citicards at this point.

We have decided to move forward with trying for a baby. We've been married going on 7, 5 years my wife has been wanting a baby, 3 years we have been trying... We are gonna go for it.

As my mom told me last weekend when I told her I was too broke : if you wait for the perfect time to have a kid, you will never have one. We have our health, we have good jobs, a roof over our heads, let's go!

So if anyone could help me find that magical money for next year that would be appreciated. I could stash it for now..:

* one saving: eventually (within the next 3-4 months) I will be moving back to MA as discussed with my boss. That will save me $600-$700/month (apartment $600, cable $50, electric $25, misc) that will go straight to savings.

Any other ideas where that found money could be located?

[kittensaver]

a second job (for both of you)

a third job (for both of you)

cut out all budgeted items that are not absolutely essential (clothes, makeup, purses (!!), eating out, sports/movie/theater tickets, drinks with the boys, poker, eating out, impulse purchases for a baby that doesn't exist yet (!!), anything for the dog EXCEPT food and emergency medical treatment, travel, house upgrades)

cut your cable

cut your utilities

sell your blood plasma

have a yard sale

cancel the housekeeper

mow your own lawn

cancel any recurring expenses (subscriptions, Netflixs, etc)

- - and then take the money you save and actually put it away.  Don't allow it to mysteriously "disappear" into your coffers. Keep an active running tab on it if you must (a spreadsheet or some other tracking tool).

Wash, rinse, repeat.

[Angel!]

Just stop spending so much. People with kids find the money because they have to. So you stop eating out (which isn't as much fun with a baby anyway, IMO), stop going to movies, on vacations, stop buying stuff just because you want it, start buying cheaper foods, stop making so many home improvements, etc.  I cut cable after my son was born because I couldn't afford it anymore.  Right now one of my TVs is broken & I haven't yet replaced it because I don't want to spend the money...How much of your 6K murphy spending was wants vs needs?

My advice would be YNAB to figure out where your money is going & cutting down on spending.

[bookkeeper]

Usually the extra money is spent eating out, drinking out, buying trinkets for the house, and weekend getaways.  DH and I did a lot of those things before we had children.

I agree with your mom, there is never a perfect time to have a baby.  I did, however, save up the equivalent of my wages lost to maternity leave before I went off the pill.  That way I could relax about money and just enjoy the baby.

We were blessed with mostly healthy children, so our biggest expense was formula and diapers followed by daycare.  Until they learned to drive, then our sons got real expensive again.  Our sons drove at age 15 and started advanced placement courses at 16 followed by university at 18.

DH asked just the other day, why we still had so much money left in the checking account.  I told him it was because our sons are finally self supporting for the most part.

[Deleted]

Cut cable x2 and track every cent. You can create a simple budgeting tool in excel with categories. When you move, move somewhere as cheap as you can without it being in too bad a neighborhood. You really can get by with less to save for your future where you can have more. I get the you don't want to wait too long for a kid, you can make it work with what I have seen you post.

[emma1420]

I don't have kids, but I would recommend a no spend month.  You buy groceries, and pay all your bills.  That is it.  No eating out. No clothes.  No events.  Etc.   If you aren't want to do that then detailed tracking down to the penny. That might give you a good idea how much money is really being spent on everything else.  I've done that a few times, and it's always been eye opening how much money I really spend on things like clothes and vacations.   Which is helpful when I'm inwardly moaning i have no money.

And I think you've mentioned that your MIL would take care of the baby, so you wouldn't have daycare which is typically most people's biggest expense.   And babies don't need much in way of clothes, etc.   Anything you buy beyond medicine (health insurance, etc.) diapers and formula (if you use disposable diapers and feed the kid formula) is because you want to, not because it's necessary.    If you got into the habit of unnecessary buying of stuff now, then you'd probably have the money and be able to save enough before the kid arrived.

[Angel!]

You could post your budget. We would be happy to make suggestions on what can be cut

[TheHaitian]

Mar 13, 2015 16:19:53 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

a second job (for both of you)

a third job (for both of you)

Cannot to both as with my current position my day off is spent traveling back home.

Also I signed a whole "moonlighting" thing... Basically my other job would need to be in a while different industry like real state agent.

*my wife maybe

cut out all budgeted items that are not absolutely essential (clothes, makeup, purses (!!), eating out, sports/movie/theater tickets, drinks with the boys, poker, eating out, impulse purchases for a baby that doesn't exist yet (!!), anything for the dog EXCEPT food and emergency medical treatment, travel, house upgrades)

Ok we can do that!

cut your cable

Need Internet for work (both of us)
if we cut the above, cable would be the only entertainment (as in going out, etc)
Currently average $140/month

cut your utilities

How?

sell your blood plasma

No

have a yard sale

Nothing to sale

cancel the housekeeper

I don't have one.

mow your own lawn

Already do

cancel any recurring expenses (subscriptions, Netflicks, etc)

don't have any

- - and then take the money you save and actually put it away.  Don't allow it to mysteriously "disappear" into your coffers. Keep an active running tab on it if you must (a spreadsheet or some other tracking tool).

We use Quicken and an excel
Spreadsheet.

[emma1420]

I don't have cable, but I have internet through a cable provider.  With rabbit ears, and a subscription to netflix and hulu, I save between $40-$50 a month.   I found most of the shows I like to watch on hulu, and those that aren't available are available on netflix a few months after they have aired.

[TheHaitian]

Mar 13, 2015 16:22:10 GMT -5 Angel! said:

How much of your 6K murphy spending was wants vs needs?

If it was wants I would not call it MURPHY.

My advice would be YNAB to figure out where your money is going & cutting down on spending.

I use quicken, I will start doing that...

[TheHaitian]

Mar 13, 2015 16:30:50 GMT -5 Angel! said:

You could post your budget. We would be happy to make suggestions on what can be cut

I don't have a budget

[cronewitch]

There are thousands of ways to spend money large and small so cut both. Large ways you have spent that I can see are going to weddings or sending gifts, breaking leases, having two homes, new expensive car, student loans, expensive coffee table. Little ways are harder to see but there are tiny ways to save pennies and dimes like generic soda instead of name brand or water instead of soda. Thinking of every bite you eat and sip you drink before you buy it when you find one veggie is 2.99lb and another is .79lb sometimes you choose the cheaper one. Raw chicken, whole not skinless boneless breast of chicken, making soup not buying canned or deli soup.

My little brother was poor, eating food bank food, raising children. His wife could make soup from whole chickens and real veggies. We canned 200lbs of tomatoes once because we found a sale. Now they are retired and the kinds are 45-43 and his wife makes soup from boneless skinless chicken breast and uses store bought canned tomatoes probably spends three times as much on soup. We once found a sale or someone gave them corn on the cob, we spent the time to cut it off the cob and freeze it, there were several gunnysacks of corn. I grew a garden for them in their back yard one summer because he had a bad back and she was commuting to a college only home weekends so we got zucchini, corn, tomatoes free. Those years he turned the gas off to his house to avoid the monthly connection fee and heated with only a woodstove insert. He also worked under the table while collecting unemployment and went to college on the GI bill to get income told people he was majoring in his wife's education. He drove a truck he got for $200 and once had to have the radiator repaired, instead of buying antifreeze he drained it every night and filled it with water in the morning. His car was what he called a rolls canhardly, he said it would roll down one hill and canhardly make it up the next. His wife wanted the kitchen remodeled so they priced cabinets and they were too expensive so he put a table saw on the deck and built all new cabinets for her. He didn't have daycare because his wife stayed home the first 10 years or so and didn't start college until they were older so they were 11-13 when she was away all week. Also people give more practical gifts when you are poor, my parents gave them cases of TP and paper towels for Christmas and I gave them things like a jar of peanut butter or bag of sugar when we used it all up canning peaches or a jug of antifreeze when I saw he had to drain his truck every night.

[kittensaver]

Well hey - you asked for suggestions so I gave them to you. If they don't work, they don't work. If you can't do any of them, then you clearly don't have any place to find money, now do you ?

When I said "cut your cable," I meant the entertainment portions/packages. It is possible to buy a very basic package that is only a router for the internet. If entertainment is a Sacred Cow, of course you will never save money. Do an internet search of "free things to do" in your neighborhood or those famous "40 free date ideas"-type of articles. Rent movies from the library. Borrow books. Take a walk with the dog. It's amazing how much you can get done if you merely turn off your television.

You can cut your utilities by lowering your thermostat(s) and putting on a sweater. Reverse in the summer by going semi-naked and drinking lots of ice tea (not kidding). Save water by washing only full loads in the clothes and dish washers. Turn on the lights only at night, and only in the space you are currently occupying. That kind of stuff. Live again for a while like a starving student.

You're a smart man. You know how to do this stuff. The only question is: are you truly motivated to do it?

[milee]

You can definitely make a difference by making the ongoing cuts mentioned in the prior posts - anything from changing the thermostat to cancelling cable.  But honestly, one of the major reasons you're hurting is that you keep committing yourself to high set expenditures because you're more focused on what you
"want" and "deserve" rather than what you need. Cut the little stuff all you want, but until you stop doing things like buying the house you just bought, buying toys like the Mini Countryman/Clubman (very repair prone and expensive for its size) instead of a less expensive more practical car, and needing to furnish immediately and only from places like Crate and Barrel you'll keep wondering where the money went.

Not sure you're ready to do that, though, since the description you use about starting a family is very similar to how you described the house, the car, certain upgrades/furnishings... you really want it, you've wanted it for a long time and you're just gonna go for it.

OK, so go for it. 

BTW, there may not be a "perfect" time to have a baby, but there are plenty of people who put it off until they can afford it.  Without seeing a budget, there's no way for us to know if you can afford it or not, but at least spare us and yourself the silly excuse that it's not possible so why bother. 

[yogiii]

You won't have the energy to do anything entertaining.  So all of your entertainment money will go to the baby.  It's that simple.

[Angel!]

Mar 13, 2015 16:40:07 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

cut your cable

Need Internet for work (both of us)
if we cut the above, cable would be the only entertainment (as in going out, etc)
Currently average $140/month

Hulu & Netflix are a hell of a lot cheaper than cable.

And I find it hard to believe with your wife's choice to buy quality clothing, furniture, etc that you have nothing to sell. Maybe nothing you want to sell.

IIRC, one of your murphy incidents was a laptop dying...I would hardly call that a need & I'm guessing you didn't buy a cheapo replacement, although I could be wrong. You were never really clear on what the whole 6K was.

If you want to find money, then you have to make sacrifices. You can't expect to have more money if you don't change your lifestyle & spending choices.

[Deleted]

Once you have a kid, you have less time, less energy, and anything involving leaving the house requires way more steps, because of this spending mindless money becomes harder.  Going out to eat is pretty easy now, just get in your car and go.  Once the kid is here, it is making sure everything is packed, making sure you have taken care of anything that could make the kid fussy (fed, diaper, not overly tired, bundled up enough, but not too much), get the kid in the car, then out of the car (jeeze how does an 8 lbs baby weigh so much!), and then instead of having a relaxing meal, you will try to occupy the baby so it doesn't cry.  Then there are all the places that you go that aren't baby friendly.   Concerts, Movies, Bars. Out, out, out. 

[kittensaver]

Mar 13, 2015 17:06:43 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Mar 13, 2015 16:40:07 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

If you want to find money, then you have to make sacrifices. You can't expect to have more money if you don't change your lifestyle & spending choices.

 Amen x 1,000.

[bookkeeper]

The easiest way we found money to have children was to drive a 10 year old car and have only liability coverage on it.

Other working moms at my job would whine about how I was able to work part time and be home with my kids every afternoon. Every last one of them was driving a new car and planning their next shopping weekend. I pointed to the 10 year old Buick in the parking lot and explained that they could do it too, if they really wanted to.

None of them really wanted to. Hope those 80's minivans were worth it.

[Angel!]

Mar 13, 2015 16:47:02 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Mar 13, 2015 16:30:50 GMT -5 Angel! said:

You could post your budget. We would be happy to make suggestions on what can be cut

I don't have a budget

That is part of your problem.

The difference between you & a couple that just had a kid...the couple that just had a kid realized their expenses just went up by $1-2K/month & they had an 'oh shit' moment & realized they HAD to change.  You don't have to, so a lot of the stuff we are suggesting are going to come across as too big of a sacrifice & you won't want to do it.

[Deleted]

how much more a month is having a baby going to cost you?  you have free daycare which is the number 1 expense.  if your wife breastfeeds and pumps, your second biggest expense drops to minimal (especially since insurance now covers a pump).  I'm just not seeing a big increase in costs.

[yogiii]

Mar 13, 2015 17:19:59 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

how much more a month is having a baby going to cost you?  you have free daycare which is the number 1 expense.  if your wife breastfeeds and pumps, your second biggest expense drops to minimal (especially since insurance now covers a pump).  I'm just not seeing a big increase in costs.

If the baby doesn't have a designer wardrobe and every gadget, yes, you're correct

[Deleted]

cut out all budgeted items that are not absolutely essential (clothes, makeup, purses (!!), eating out, sports/movie/theater tickets, drinks with the boys, poker, eating out, impulse purchases for a baby that doesn't exist yet (!!), anything for the dog EXCEPT food and emergency medical treatment, travel, house upgrades)


Ok we can do that!

That's it right there.

[Blonde Granny]

I've used Quicken Carl, YNAB is far better for what you need to do. I have posted a detailed list of those items that we budget for, if you'd like to see it again, I'll find the post and give you the link. Of course, we don't have a mortgage or any car payments.

[yogiii]

Here is a story.  Last weekend we took both kids out to dinner, probably for the first time in almost a year (one of us will take DS out alone occasionally).  DD will be 2 next month and DS will be 5 in May.  I prefer to eat at home.  They weren't bad, they were both well behaved but DD is an impatient eater.  So as soon as she saw the pizza coming towards our table she started yelling "pizza" at the top of her lungs.  I asked her to whisper like when we're at the library, etc, it was not sinking in.  So until I could cut up some pizza (which was piping hot), she was happily yelling pizza.  She had a cup of milk with a straw.  Fine, but the cup is flimsy, not like at home.  So if she squeezes it even a bit, all the milk would explode out of the cup.  I basically spent the whole time we were at the restaurant telling her not to squeeze the cup, to be gentle or having one hand on it so she wouldn't squeeze it.  Again, she wasn't doing anything "bad", the whole thing is just so exhausting.  I didn't even really eat, other than a couple scraps from her plate, it just wasn't worth it.  My almost 5 year old is fine, no problems but he was just like her when he was that age.  So yeah, I'm not taking the two of them out together again for another year.  To you this may not seem like a big deal, but I've had almost 5 years of sleep deprivation, it all adds up! 

[TheHaitian]

Mar 13, 2015 17:19:59 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

how much more a month is having a baby going to cost you?  you have free daycare which is the number 1 expense.  if your wife breastfeeds and pumps, your second biggest expense drops to minimal (especially since insurance now covers a pump).  I'm just not seeing a big increase in costs.

I am thinking mostly diapers and baby food / formula.

My wife family has a lot of allergies so like her cousin our kid might be allergic to milk and need a special $55/can formula and not breastfeed.

[TheHaitian]

Mar 13, 2015 17:23:15 GMT -5 yogiii said:

Mar 13, 2015 17:19:59 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

how much more a month is having a baby going to cost you?  you have free daycare which is the number 1 expense.  if your wife breastfeeds and pumps, your second biggest expense drops to minimal (especially since insurance now covers a pump).  I'm just not seeing a big increase in costs.

If the baby doesn't have a designer wardrobe and every gadget, yes, you're correct

I don't think they make designer wardrobe for babies

[kittensaver]

Mar 13, 2015 17:41:27 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Mar 13, 2015 17:23:15 GMT -5 yogiii said:

If the baby doesn't have a designer wardrobe and every gadget, yes, you're correct

I don't think they make designer wardrobe for babies

Oh you poor deluded man . . .

[yogiii]

Mar 13, 2015 17:41:27 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Mar 13, 2015 17:23:15 GMT -5 yogiii said:

If the baby doesn't have a designer wardrobe and every gadget, yes, you're correct

I don't think they make designer wardrobe for babies

They make everything for babies

[phil5185]

if you wait for the perfect time to have a kid, you will never have one.

Absolutely true!!  And only 60 years ago (before the Pill)  nearly all babies since the beginning of Time were 'surprises' anyway, no special savings account.


You and DW now spend your money on the things that interest you the most, that you want the most, and that are the most fun for you - and after the baby, that will still be true - except that the 'thing' changes.