vonna
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Post by vonna on Mar 15, 2013 14:05:04 GMT -5
Life is a journey. We should always be exploring, and learning new things about ourselves. When you stop growing, you start to die. This is hooey. I haven't learned anything new about myself in ages and I'm doing fine thanks.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 15, 2013 14:05:22 GMT -5
You just need to find yourself and your inner child and you will grow spiritually. I will choke you out!!!!I found some pie and I'm growing physically. Does that count? Oh, and I learned that I have a new freckle, but I'm gonna get a doctor to check that out. Yay, foreplay!!!!
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Deleted
Joined: May 18, 2024 6:31:13 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2013 14:31:06 GMT -5
SK, I'm not even going to address what sounds like the craziness, but only the practical issues.
What does your SIL do? France has absolutely not recouped, economically. The economy is dire here (except for very few sectors).
Also, is your SIL European? Because getting a work permit here (which you need if you're not from the European Union) is HARD, and it takes a LONG time. That's assuming she can even get one. Otherwise her company has to send her over here and (basically) do all her paperwork themselves. Other thought, maybe she's coming over to be with somebody until she gets her paperwork done (if that ever happens, it's really NOT easy these days).
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 15, 2013 14:34:47 GMT -5
I can't hear my inner child cuz I don't speak 'Whinese". I speak Winese...does that count?
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 15, 2013 14:55:20 GMT -5
Startup costs are too high. You guys don't have anywhere near the scratch you need to even get his ass into space. Much less build a space football team. Nope, skate shop and scrapbooking supplies with live jazz on the weekends. Trust me, that's where the money is.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Mar 15, 2013 15:11:20 GMT -5
Life is a journey. We should always be exploring, and learning new things about ourselves. When you stop growing, you start to die. This is hooey. I haven't learned anything new about myself in ages and I'm doing fine thanks. In the past several years I have learned there are a lot of things I don't give a crap about
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 15, 2013 15:14:28 GMT -5
Live jazz? Really? You do realize I live in the Midwest right? Square dancing, skate and scrapbooking shop, that's a better idea.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 15, 2013 15:21:28 GMT -5
Yes really! It's essential to the whole endeavor. The target demographic for a skate shop is teens and early twenties. The target demographic for a scrapbooking store is women over 120. The one and only thing those two groups have in common is their passion for live jazz. Without that you've got nothing to bring the two groups together, so the old ladies won't come in and buy scrapbooking stuff because of the punk teenagers hanging out, and the punk teenagers won't hang out because of the blue haired old ladies. The place will be deserted, and you'll lose your ass.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 15, 2013 15:29:32 GMT -5
You've been thinking about this a lot haven't you?
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Mar 15, 2013 15:33:36 GMT -5
I considered opening one when we first moved to Santa Cruz, but there were too many scrapbooking stores around already.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Mar 15, 2013 17:20:52 GMT -5
Yes really! It's essential to the whole endeavor. The target demographic for a skate shop is teens and early twenties. The target demographic for a scrapbooking store is women over 120. The one and only thing those two groups have in common is their passion for live jazz. Without that you've got nothing to bring the two groups together, so the old ladies won't come in and buy scrapbooking stuff because of the punk teenagers hanging out, and the punk teenagers won't hang out because of the blue haired old ladies. The place will be deserted, and you'll lose your ass. I was thinking an shop that sells art, used books with a coffee bar with snacks that has live jazz on Friday nights.
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grits
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Post by grits on Mar 15, 2013 18:54:55 GMT -5
I want to open a coffee bar/bakery/pizza joint/chocolate factory/chick flick movie theater. Women can come here when their husbands want to watch games, and expect the wives to wait on them.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 23, 2013 12:02:04 GMT -5
It makes me wonder how many people choke down or hold in any recognition of whatever might make them happy; only to explode one day and throw everything away for a flash in the pan. I mean; I wonder if having simple discussions about wanting to travel more, or doing things to feel like they are moving forward earlier on, would suffice. Seems better to feel like needs are being met earlier on, than to bottle it up until the only thing that could possibly suffice is to leave everyone who cares about you behind and chase some ridiculous ideal without thinking through the logistics.
I feel like DW does this a lot. She is the type that will want something, and expect it to just magically happen. Any slight deviation, delay, or sometimes even question, and she gets all offended and then says "forget it". I'm very worried that she had this ideal in her head that by age 30, we'd want for nothing. She doesn't like to talk about things. It gets very tiring. I do worry that some day she is going to concoct some scheme like has been discussed here.
I'm sure on some level, the person leaving feels that he/she "couldn't have been more clear", and "has been communicating for years". Yeah... OK... but obviously the message, much less my response or support couldn't be that important since she didn't take the time to engage in an actual discussion.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 23, 2013 12:04:52 GMT -5
She's crazy or,stupidly immature. Stop trying to fix her
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 23, 2013 12:20:09 GMT -5
I'm not trying to "fix" anyone. She is free to keep crap bottled up as long as she wants. I always just figured that talking about something would force her to acknowledge it is real. If she wants to live in denial, I can't stop that.
I've actually changed how I react. A while back, I would be trying to make it better. Now I just calmly walked away. If she wants to waste her time and not address anything, that is her problem. I've made it clear that I'm here if she wants to talk. But I'm not going to beg for the privilege of being pushed away.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 23, 2013 12:29:29 GMT -5
...:::"Common, you don't actually want to hear what she's saying.":::...
Of COURSE I want to hear it. It would just require her to actually SAY it, and engage in a discussion.
...:::"You don't care about what is on her radar, which may well be living large.":::...
If it is, she knows I want it too. But she also knows, deep down, that living large on borrowed money is NOT the way to go. We are still paying off the tab for all those years of it.
I personally think its less that we are paddling in opposite directions, and more that she either is disappointed she actually HAS to paddle, and/or doesn't want to pick a direction.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 23, 2013 14:48:10 GMT -5
...:::"Either way, the communications need to happen.":::...
On this, we agree. Whether she would go, remains to be seen.
I also know that DW is going to just be upset at "something" from time to time. I'm working on training myself to be more accepting of this, and to not always try to fix something. Sometimes she needs her space, and I've been better about giving it to her. I'm a man, naturally I want to fix a problem. Women are wired differently. She may just enjoy being upset about something.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Mar 24, 2013 9:09:42 GMT -5
WWBG - I'm pretty sure I've stayed out of any discussion regarding you and your DW (I think....could be wrong). I just wanted to chime in right now that you and your DW (from what you post about) remind me so much of my brother and his new wife. Sometimes, the things you post make me wonder if you are him because the similarities are so eerie (even though I know you're not).
I have nick-named them Dharma and Greg (from the TV show) because that's exactly how they act - he's logical and fact based, she tends to be flighty and in the moment. He will analyze things to death, she jumps right in - damn the consequences - and expect everyone else to figure it out for her.
I don't have any insight for you, but wanted you to know that since you're further along in your relationship with your DW, I'm taking notes for advice to possibly give my brother when/if he ever asks for it regarding his DW. I also advise her (to a point) when she asks about things. She definitely thinks differently and I have a hard time relating to her because of it.
So I appreciate your posts - just wanted to let you know that.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 24, 2013 13:22:19 GMT -5
I suppose that depends entirely on what your brother says he wants to see happen. DW and I have communication styles that are opposite, but not necessarily opposition. Sometimes the "results are everything" attitude means I get complete control over the "how". Other times, though, it demonstrates a complete lack of appreciation for just how much work it takes to get a result.
Is Greg unhappy with Dharma? Does Dharma come through when it really counts? Are one or both of them battling their own issues and therefore unable to devote attention to their relationship. Since your brother hasn't asked you for help, anything is just a guess.
Different styles isn't necessarily the kiss of death. There are plenty of posters here who have different attitudes than their spouses. Many of us have to settle for "begrudging cooperation". Thats not necessarily the end of the world. I'd love it if DW whole heartedly adopted some of my beliefs, but so long as we can work together thats something.
To use the oft-quoted scene from "The Breakup": it would be nice if she WANTED to do the dishes, but so long as she DOES the dishes, that can be good enough.
I feel like DW causes a LOT of her own unhappiness. Her physical fitness, and her financial stability are 100% under her control. But its more fun to blow off the gym, and buy stuff now. Until SHE decides that she wants to be fit/stable enough to put in the effort necessary to make it happen, nothing will change.
Meanwhile, I've tried to work on myself. I've been exercising. I've reconnected with friends. I've changed the way I react to triggers. I'm down to the lowest amount of CC debt in as long as I can remember, and I'm actually going to have money in a Roth.
ETA: I'm trying to make sure I have other things to be proud and happy about. Its very easy to lose focus only looking at the negative. Being able to say "I accomplished "a", "b", and "c", can certainly help one find the strength to deal with "d".
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