The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Mar 28, 2012 12:44:31 GMT -5
Before you ask me to pose a budget so we can cut expenses, that's part of the problem, we don't really need to cut expenses because we can do just fine on my salary.
So...while I am very grateful that this is not a crisis situation for us (we have 6 mo EF, have been saving equivalent of SO's take home for several months, etc.) it's just tiring because this is the FOURTH time we've gone through this.
Every time it seems like we are finally starting to get ahead, BAM, we have this to deal with again. I'm not supposed to get angry or upset because it is NEVER the SO's fault they can't keep a job. I'm just supposed to keep my mouth shut, understand that they are going through a tough time, and put on a cheer leading suite to keep their spirits up. I'm also not allowed to comment on the fact that the "job search" now becomes a full time job and that I still have to work full time, pay the bills, do the laundry, etc.
And what really frosts my cookie is the fact that in the last two instances I've seen this coming and the SO has refused to take any advice or take any action on job searches until we reach a "crisis" point.
Sorry, had to get that off my chest. Back to our regular programming.
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Post by naggie1972 on Mar 28, 2012 12:46:27 GMT -5
Oh poop, I am very sorry.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Mar 28, 2012 12:47:22 GMT -5
I'm glad that you're in a financial position to handle this.
I realize that you're just venting, but here's a question for you?
Is SO's behavior a deal breaker for you?
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The Captain
Junior Associate
Hugs are good...
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Post by The Captain on Mar 28, 2012 12:49:43 GMT -5
I don't know. we have a child so that really complicates things. Plus I've always believed marriage is for better or for worse, just wish there was more better...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2012 12:50:16 GMT -5
If this is the 4th time your SO is losing their job, it is one of the following 2 or combination of both: - your SO is the problem - or High Turn over field, maybe they should look into working in another field if you want stability.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 28, 2012 12:55:05 GMT -5
I was laid off from my first 2 jobs. In my third job, I had to lay people off. And quite frankly, my boss and I made the decision based on productivity and performance. Granted, he wasn't fired, so it works out that he can say they were reorganizing and his position was eliminated - which was true. But, if he had been a stellar performer, I think the way we chose to restructure the department may have been different.
Sometimes it is just the way the cookie crumbles. My first job, the whole company folded up - so no matter the performance level, we were all standing on the street with a our personal stuff and our nameplate in a box. But, sometimes you have to look at the situation and determine if there is a reason you are always on the list.
Good luck - I know meddling with a SO's career and professional behavior is a tough situation.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2012 12:55:12 GMT -5
are you my sister-in-law?
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Mar 28, 2012 12:58:50 GMT -5
The 4th time in how long? Personally I have lost my job 5 times in ~25-30 years.
DH has lost his job 5 times in about the same time. I would consider both of us well employed. My next job loss I will probably go work for DH or go work for myself in DH's company.
I was offered a very lucrative agency in his company just recently but would require relocating or a 2 hour commute. I am not interested in moving - at least until DD graduates HS in 3 years and 2 hour commute is about 1 hour longer than I can tolerate.
Then in talking to DH about the demands the company is placing on agents it really looks like it would make more sense for both of us to work in the same agency.
That is if I want to work for DH, I do like having my own career.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2012 13:00:19 GMT -5
Maybe SO needs a different line of work. Some people just aren't cut out for certain kinds of jobs. And, sometimes you just have to find what works.
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Post by zinruff on Mar 28, 2012 13:03:21 GMT -5
It sounds chronic. Always someone else's fault. I have a friend married to someone like that. She has been married 25 years. Her H must have had hundreds of jobs during that time. She works like a dog to support the household, and I have always wondered when the straw is going to break the camel's back.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Mar 28, 2012 13:03:41 GMT -5
Sorry to hear it but thankfully you're in a position where financially you can deal with it. It definitely can be the problem of the SO and if that's the case at a point I think you should say something and 4 times for me would be past that point. Good luck.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2012 13:08:49 GMT -5
I think you should sit down with the SO and really discuss this. Maybe with a career counselor. What are the issues causing SO to lose jobs?
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The Captain
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Hugs are good...
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Post by The Captain on Mar 28, 2012 13:15:28 GMT -5
SO's field is IT, so yes that field has been through some tough times. When I suggested a career change the first response was "Yea I thought about becoming a teacher" then SO got upset when I asked how SO was going to fund their education and why would the choice be a profession known for low pay? (I'm not supposed to figure out it's so SO can have the summers off).
We are both in our mid 40's. We've been married for 18 years. This is the third time in about 7 years SO has been let go (the first time was 12 years ago). When I point out that companies typically don't want to let go of the top performers the argument begins. Then SO will find some reason to attack me and it's getting real old, real fast.
I guess I'm wondering how many times should be too much, and how much slack I should cut because SO chose a field that has turned out to be unstable. Also note that the areas which are hot in IT (programming, SAP, LINUX,etc.) don't interest SO. We even paid one for a microsoft certification course which SO failed to follow through on.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 28, 2012 13:17:58 GMT -5
Oh, boy. Well, we are here for venting and you deserve to be able to vent.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 28, 2012 13:20:05 GMT -5
How old is the kiddo?
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Mar 28, 2012 13:20:34 GMT -5
I'm not in IT but in any field if you want to get ahead or at least keep up you have to upgrade your skill set. I've got a few friends I've known for 15 years who are in the IT field and they went two different routes. One is more of the school type and ended up getting his PHD (programmer) and a great job. The other was not the school type but he's used computers his entire life going back to DOS days and he's made it a point to take on new projects at work that allow him to learn linux, work with it and so on. He's become the go to guy on some of that stuff at the company he currently works at which helps with job security. Point being all of us have been out of high school for 12 years now and one way or another both of them have added to their skillset regularly and had a job regularly.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 28, 2012 13:20:34 GMT -5
There is no shame in being a teacher. Frankly, from your comments here, you might be just a little hard on SO. Life is too short to not follow your dreams. If SO really wants to teach, stopping them will not improve SO's life or your life. It isn't all about high dollar earnings. If you can make it on your salary alone, the amount of money a teacher brings in is enough to get ahead. Especially if you keep your budget appropriate to your earnings.
I'm sure your SO isn't feeling so hot about being unemployed, so bringing up performance issues while SO is unemployed may not be the best timing. Really, the best time to help your SO improve performance would be a few weeks into their new job.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2012 13:21:01 GMT -5
Some fields have a lot of layoffs and instability. It is just the way it is. And, some fields have ups and downs and that just comes with the territory. That doesn't necessarily mean someone is a bad employee or they are at fault. I know some who's spouses have frequent layoffs and lots of ups and downs. That is just the nature of their work. As for teaching, lower pay but maybe more stability. Sometimes you have to decide what is more important to you. Would you resent your spouse if they had summers off? And, i have found that having a spouse home more makes for a more pleasant home environment as there is plenty of work that needs done at home as well. And, it might give you a break to shift off some of the home responsibilities. Perhaps you can find something that works for both of you.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Mar 28, 2012 13:22:48 GMT -5
Thyme I agree with you about no shame in being a teacher but don't agree with you about being hard on SO. If they paid for a certification course and SO didn't go through with it I don't blame the poster for not supporting the SO in saying they want to go back to school. That said I wonder who suggested the certification course. I realize that being in the IT field means you can't do everything but if you aren't willing to improve upon what you are already doing and add to it regardless of what field you're in to me that says a lot about your lack of desire.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Mar 28, 2012 13:24:18 GMT -5
I never actually thought education was a low paid field. Especially when you consider they have summers off. I however am not cut out to be a teacher.
We have two friends who got Master's degrees and teach school now. One had a Business/Finance Degree and worked in Finance for a large well know company, the other had a computer science or CAD degree and I think both now teach elementary school and are happy with their career moves. These friends are in the Chicago area.
Education has had lower pay but pretty stellar benefits in WI-remains to be seen what will happen with the recall effort for Governor Walker etc.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 28, 2012 13:25:25 GMT -5
Having a lack of desire in IT doesn't mean that you will fail as a achool teacher.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 28, 2012 13:26:43 GMT -5
I'm not in IT but in any field if you want to get ahead or at least keep up you have to upgrade your skill set. I've got a few friends I've known for 15 years who are in the IT field and they went two different routes. One is more of the school type and ended up getting his PHD (programmer) and a great job. The other was not the school type but he's used computers his entire life going back to DOS days and he's made it a point to take on new projects at work that allow him to learn linux, work with it and so on. He's become the go to guy on some of that stuff at the company he currently works at which helps with job security. Point being all of us have been out of high school for 12 years now and one way or another both of them have added to their skillset regularly and had a job regularly. I'm in IT. And I haven't been keeping up with developments. So now I get to hump like hell to GET up to speed. I know it's my own fault but it's a bitter pill to swallow right now. And I'd be pissed as hell if we paid for certification courses for DH and he blew them off. And vice versa. MS certifications are NOT cheap.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Mar 28, 2012 13:26:58 GMT -5
Never said it did. If the SO is just going through the motions when they want to be doing something else then that's a discussion they should have had a while ago.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 28, 2012 13:26:59 GMT -5
Uh, being a teacher is not a walk in the park so if he is lazy, it's not for him. Plus, there is plenty of unemployment there as well.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2012 13:29:41 GMT -5
Yeah, i dont' why people think being a teacher is so easy. If everyone thinks that, then by all means, go back and get your teaching degrees. I have several friends who are teachers and there is no way in heck i would want to do their jobs.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Mar 28, 2012 13:32:23 GMT -5
Uh, being a teacher is not a walk in the park so if he is lazy, it's not for him. Plus, there is plenty of unemployment there as well. And, frankly, as a parent of 2 kids, I'd really rather not have my kids taught by someone attracted to the job merely because he would have summers off, thank you very much.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2012 13:32:50 GMT -5
I'm not in IT but in any field if you want to get ahead or at least keep up you have to upgrade your skill set. I've got a few friends I've known for 15 years who are in the IT field and they went two different routes. One is more of the school type and ended up getting his PHD (programmer) and a great job. The other was not the school type but he's used computers his entire life going back to DOS days and he's made it a point to take on new projects at work that allow him to learn linux, work with it and so on. He's become the go to guy on some of that stuff at the company he currently works at which helps with job security. Point being all of us have been out of high school for 12 years now and one way or another both of them have added to their skillset regularly and had a job regularly. I'm in IT. And I haven't been keeping up with developments. So now I get to hump like hell to GET up to speed. I know it's my own fault but it's a bitter pill to swallow right now. And I'd be pissed as hell if we paid for certification courses for DH and he blew them off. And vice versa. MS certifications are NOT cheap. Yes, you can be 'pissed as hell' but where is that going to get you? Each of you can run each other into the ground or you can accept that your spouse is a different person and has different ideas. And, some people are just not as ambitious. My sis is a very hard worker who is brilliant but yet never wanted to go into management even though she had chances. She likes being a Lab Rat and just doing her job and that's it. Not everyone is cut out for certain fields. And, if someone would rather dig ditches than do brain surgery, so what? You adapt and adjust and try to find the best way to have a happy life together, or not.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Mar 28, 2012 13:38:53 GMT -5
True, but presumable they DID discuss the certification before paying for it. Because the time to speak up is BEFORE you shell out money.
MY DH hated his job. Finally got him to admit that he needed to change fields. He's doing programming/IT now and much happier.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2012 13:40:58 GMT -5
You live and learn. Sometimes you try things and they don't work out. Maybe the SO didn't really want the certification but felt pressured into it to please the spouse. Who knows?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Mar 28, 2012 13:41:02 GMT -5
Well - maybe not. Maybe "a while ago" the SO thought they were in the right field. Maybe it hasn't been too long that this person has said "Gee, I'm starting to think teaching would be fun." Admitting you are unhappy or not good at your chosen profession isn't easy for some people, and if SO wasn't ready to start the conversation until just now, then now is when you have the conversation.
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