Judicious June Controlled/No Spend Thread

[azmom]

SES: THANK YOU
Saphire: THANKS

HELP: Okay so I went today and turned in the form they needed for FAFSA and guess what I have to submit a Satisfactory Academic Progress Appeal Form! UGH...For whatever reason I decided to go back to college when my DS was four months old and my dd was 2 1/2. I was probably in a 'There has to be more than me than being a mom stage" But why would I take Macro and Micro Economics at the same time online~probably because I decided to get a business degree and rule the world. Whatever, it didn't work out because I received a D in Macro and a W in Micro. I'm still trying to rack my brain and figure out what was going on at that time in the meantime I need to A.)describe in detail the extenuating circumstances that hindered my academic progress and provide documentation and B.) Explain how the issue has been resolved including steps taken to ensure successful academic progress! Any advice is greatly appreciated. Also, do you know if I took one class paid for by me and passed and then re-applied for financial aid if I would need to fill out this form or because I already started the process I need to go this route?

[reeneejune]

azmom - I think that even if you were to take one class and pass, they would still ask you to provide that statement. My understanding is that they're looking at your "recent" academic history and wanting you to account for a few low grades on your record. Be very honest, but be careful not to come across like a drama queen. Spend more time discussing your focus on college this time around than you do on the previous situation (like 1/3 on why you got the bad grades and 2/3 on why you'll be an excellent student this time around).

[mizbear]

azmom- Don't get too upset about the form- I had to do something like that because I got no guidance when I went to college at 17 and took a 5 day loaded schedule (not knowing you don't take like 40 creds a semester) and flunked or withdrew from all of them because I collapsed by midterms. No one went over my schedule with me back then. So I had to do one when I went back 10 years later. If I ever step foot back in a regular college- I am so much more prepared when it comes to planning my schedule.
Doing a lot round the apartment today.
Smoke detector broke- maintenance guys had to come fix it- but they had to bring the fire department in to verify that there was not a fire anywhere because it is repeatedly going off.
Ripping the roof off DGMs today. Cutting old rafters and putting new ones up.

[startsmart]

Working today and it's super hot outside. I worked until noon, spent a few hours with Mom and now back to work. We completely revamped her resume for a job she's applying to today. Always fun for me. And a friend from WIR had an interview on Friday and the interviewer said the resume I revamped was the best he'd seen! Yay!

[mizbear]

Go startsmart!

Roof ripped off, new rafters up. Contractor would like to strangle guy who built house. Was not a contractor and is making their life hard.

[spruby]

mizbear - think long and hard about whether YOU want your DGM house and your DB and DM living there with you. There is a lot of stress in home renos and living with families. You say you would lay down the law with DB/DM - but would you kick him/her out if they didn't follow through? You have/had a lot going on. Focus on time with DGM and time for you. What about school? Your plan for a job? All this stress can't be good for your health

mk - I'm sure your DF is dealing with depression - when I was closing my business and looking for a full time job - i felt like a real failure - hard to be motivated and "show well". But that said you have a lot going on and need DF to help. Tough situation. Fingers crossed it works out.

shan - wouldn't that be great if everyone was expected to travel for 3 years after high school and could easily pick up jobs around the world (a special young person travel visa)? I don't know if people realize what a gift being debt free for school is. I totally understand how DC would want to make a decision based on credits, etc - that is how I became an economist. I thought she had just finished her first year and so that was not an issue yet

azmom - good luck with the FAFSA. Thank goodness mine worked out as well as it did. I was able to file as independent after I turned 18 and my dad stopped deducting me on his taxes. My folks weren't going to fund my school just because the form said "parental contribution".

I'm bummed I won't get to meet people in SD -- but I hope everyone is excited and has a great time!

[mizbear]

spruby- Honestly, I don't want either of them living with me, but DMs care will eventually fall to me because DB can't be bothered- heck, he can't be bothered with his own kids, that's why I always have them. I would have no issues kicking DB out; DM I think would stay in line simply because she has no where to go. She has burned too many bridges with her siblings. The next step would be a nursing home if she got too sick to stay on her own because assisted living communities are self-pay. I want to get what I have been working on done, do the next set of classes (which is a 5 semester degree program) and get working as soon as possible. I want to buy my own home, but not so it can be Hotel de' Bear. I want my own home so I can have a home office, decent space, a nice garden and room to entertain. Plus it would be really nice to maybe eventually get a man back into my life. If I can find one that's not morally defective. DGM didn't know who I was when I went to the hospital this weekend. When I told her who I was, she laughed and said "no, my Bear is a little skinny thing with long, long hair." And she told me what color my glasses should be. I was either a senior or a 7th grader. Oy vey.
I am trying to keep my stress level down as much as possible. Limiting my hours at DMs unless I have to be there working and I laid some rules down about that too (actually, re-laid down the rules, but apparently I can't do that enough lately). Making sure I do some yoga poses everyday to try and keep me grounded.
I couldn't have traveled. I hate traveling. But run back to my first crush- could have done that! Would have saved both of us some trouble.

[Deleted]

Jun 20, 2011 19:28:10 GMT -5 spruby said:

mizbear - think long and hard about whether YOU want your DGM house and your DB and DM living there with you. There is a lot of stress in home renos and living with families. You say you would lay down the law with DB/DM - but would you kick him/her out if they didn't follow through? You have/had a lot going on. Focus on time with DGM and time for you. What about school? Your plan for a job? All this stress can't be good for your health

mk - I'm sure your DF is dealing with depression - when I was closing my business and looking for a full time job - i felt like a real failure - hard to be motivated and "show well". But that said you have a lot going on and need DF to help. Tough situation. Fingers crossed it works out.

shan - wouldn't that be great if everyone was expected to travel for 3 years after high school and could easily pick up jobs around the world (a special young person travel visa)? I don't know if people realize what a gift being debt free for school is. I totally understand how DC would want to make a decision based on credits, etc - that is how I became an economist. I thought she had just finished her first year and so that was not an issue yet

azmom - good luck with the FAFSA. Thank goodness mine worked out as well as it did. I was able to file as independent after I turned 18 and my dad stopped deducting me on his taxes. My folks weren't going to fund my school just because the form said "parental contribution".

I'm bummed I won't get to meet people in SD -- but I hope everyone is excited and has a great time!

My mom was not going to but even with no support my schools would not count me as independent.

[spruby]

gin - the rules have changed A LOT since my college days ('87 to '91 for the ba and '94 to '97 for the masters). I guess people abused the system and that is why they have become stricter. But really - some parents won't pay and I don't understand why the kid gets punished.

Another reason I'm glad I went when I did. I tell my DH - if I had the same grades/scored/parents/money/etc today that I had when I went to school - I'm not sure I would be able to get in to either school I went and certainly would not have been able to pay.

Of course that was in the "old days" when the best GPA was a 4.0 - since AP classes didn't count more.

[3catslady]

15/25 NS/CS, 5 SD, with 3 of the 5 spend days as eating out. I have cut down on eating out which is hard for me because BK is right next to where I work and I could go for a burger, fries and drink for under $3 any time after work. I get so hungry but I have been taking a snack bag of pretzels every day I work. When I come home I have Red Baron's Pizza for One in my freezer so I heat one of them up. I also get left overs from DS once a week, and I have sandwiches and soup sometimes. I get frozen meals to balance my week along with fruit and veggies. And I always have a few spoonfuls of ice cream with peaches.

[dakota4600]

I'm back from vacation and dreading paying our CC bill. With vacation and our anniversary presents it is double what it normally is. Thankfully DH got his summer check while we were gone, so I won't have to transfer cash around to pay it.

Hugs to MK & MizBear. I skimmed, but didn't really read.

[redwagon]

azmom - how exciting!! congrats on going back to school! hope you get the paperwork ironed out soon!

spruby - nothing wrong with NYC! :-) Your vacations sound great! I'm trying to finagle a way to get us on a cruise the week of our anniversary in October. It's been two years since our last cruise and we are in withdrawal. Plus, blue has been travelling for work so much and so stressed with that, he really could use a dedicated vacation break (flying to Florida for a wedding in July doesn't count). So we'll see how much freelancing work I get. That's extra money so I wouldn't feel bad using $2k on a 7-day cruise and airfare. Not bad, really.

mk - sending lots of hugs and job juju for DF. I hope things turn around soon.

mizbear - sorry to hear about DGM. Wishing you best of luck whatever the next step ends up being. Glad you've got such a great BFF who has your back.

A former schoolmate of mine, who I knew of in passing but wasn't friends with, died kayaking in Maine while on his honeymoon on Sunday. It just makes me so sad! His poor wife! A month married together, that's it, after years of dating. Their facebook photos are their wedding, so happy and carefree, just weeks ago. And now she's alone. Makes me want to cry. Doesn't help that blue is away this week and next and now I'm super paranoid something will happen to his plane.

[shanendoah]

Yesterday was a NSD and a MOAN - I got the side yard mowed as the weather didn't let me do that this weekend.

So DC will most likely be going back to her school of choice next year. Through a convoluted set of relationships (yeah graft, corruption and nepotism - hey, its still all about who you know) she has gotten a $15k scholarship for the year, which can then be renewed for the next two years. The problem is that her school usually takes any outside scholarship you get and reduces the aid they give, making students still need to come up with the family contribution. However, its possible that when faced with "you allow this scholarship to cover family contribution or you don't get any money from me", they will give in. DC has been working with the financial aid office about this in regards to other scholarships, so we'll see.
Likelihood of her getting a paying job this summer is pretty low at this point. However, tonight she starts working on an unpaid internship for one of my friends, which will give her something productive to do and real world experience.

Having DC with us is making me realize how much I really want to be a mom. *sigh*. I need to get through this next year of DH being in school. Well, maybe I don't have to wait that long. I need to send Honey a note and get some information about the exchnage program she hosts kids through. Maybe have a kid for the spring semester or something. I do so love teenagers. We've got too much going on this summer to have one for the full school year.
Then I need to work at keeping savings up so that we have the money to work with the organization that does income adjusted adoption fees- we'd need about $10k vs $30k. I still prefer older kids, but I like babies, and when its my baby, it probably will be different (and babyhood only lasts a couple years).

azmom: Congrats on school. Write pretty much what you wrote us about not knowing what you were thinking. Now you're wiser, your kids are older, you have a strong support system in place, and you know what you want to do.

3cats: Glad to see you check in.

redwagon: How sad. But Blue will be fine.

[mizbear]

red- Think positive- My grandparents were married over 50 years and my great-grandparents over 76.

DGM is being transferred to the nursing home by ambulance today. The doctor said she is too weak to be transferred by family but I am a little leary because the doctor who has been taking care of her is off today and the doctor who is in is one of the ones we have had trouble with before.

One of the roofers slipped today and fell. He didn't get hurt, but mom said he landed on the washer and dryer- probably why he didn't get hurt. They have to come in and fix the ceiling now and one of the crockpots and the light globe in the laundry room got broke. The contractor was upset that there is this extra damage to fix (at their cost) and if he had gone X feet this way or that he could have been hurt pretty bad. DM told the lady with the contracting company - "He should be glad my daughter wasn't here doing her laundry yet. He would be putting drywall up NOW. She doesn't like having her schedule interrupted." This guy probably now thinks I am like 7 feet tall and 7 feet wide with green hair and a wart on my nose- especially if my DB talked to him.

shan- That sounds like a great idea!

I have a meeting with my therapist next week. I think I am going to run all of this housing and caregiver stuff by her too. She knows what a bunch of nuts my family is because she dealt with me as a teen.

[Deleted]

Shan, I know when I went in to deal with the financial aid office, they told me to "have your parents come in, they are the ones paying". It might be helpful for you to go with her. Do not say you paying, just go as an adult, the financial aid office seems to work better with "adults".

[MittenKitten]

Red: How terrible. While she had some great times with him nothing can be sad to really cover the poor womans loss.

Feeling better today. Maybe I have vented enough where I can deal with all for a while. While things may not be perfect I know I can figure things out, even if it means making lists for DF.

Off to pick up DS#2

[startsmart]

shenan, I had to laugh because my first thought when I read this "I do so love teenagers." was 'is she ill?'

Hoping for a NSD today, I have a 4 hour meeting and then need the afternoon to catch up on emails. And my dear buddy coco called me an hour early for our meeting so I'm up, I'm awake but still yawning. Also gonna be 101 today and a smart energy day so I have to reduce my usage between 2-7pm tonight. Usually that means I take off for the library, but the farmers market is open, I have a starbucks gift card and I'm going to see a gal about a dog!!

[MittenKitten]

start LOL...... I am SO hoping I like my kids when they become teens. My DSS is now 14 and I like him better then I have for quite a while.... Although he has been through a fair amount of trama with his mom divorcing his stepdad.

Man we have had one of the oddest summers so far. Really hoping the weather becomes nice soon....

[shanendoah]

start: lots of people think I'm crazy for liking teenagers, but I really, really do. DBro and I are 10+ years older than all of our cousins, and I didn't really begin to enjoy them until they were teens. I volunteer coached for high school speech and debate, etc, so I've worked with kids who I wasn't related to.
I know they have their difficulties, but its an age where I find kids really engaging, a time when they are open to all sorts of new ideas and experiences, and often just need someone to listen to them and treat them not as kids.
I'm not saying I think parenting a teenager will be easy, just that for me, if I have to choose between a crying baby and a screaming teenager, I'll take the teenager every time.

[mizbear]

shan- At least you can scream back at the teenager and get a response! The baby can't tell you what's on it's mind!
I always said if I could adopt, the child had to be potty trained and talking- didn't matter if it was sign language, hand signals, what. I need to be able to communicate. I do well with certain forms of infant speak- diaper/wet, diaper/muddy, gassy baby, sleepy baby, hungry baby, wants to be held baby, wants to be held by someone else baby, likes to chew on you baby, likes to pull hair, earrings and glasses baby. Outside of that- I'm lost.

DGM not being moved- BP bottomed out right as they were getting her ready for lunch in prep for move. Oy vey.

I am seriousy considering moving to a yert in the middle of nowhere or purchasing my own private island.

[muttleynfelix]

Shanen - I'm not you are so crazy about choosing a teenager over a baby. I'm so glad DS is getting more independant. An infant the refuses to sleep sort of scarred me for life. At least with a teen if they refuse to sleep, that is on them. An infant, ugh... bad memories.

Well, it is off to Branson for the afternoon ... for work. Fun fun. I hate doing work in Branson. Typical engineering practices sort of get thrown out the window and I'm meeting with a contractor. Fabulous. They really like to throw typical engineering practices out the window and it burns me every time.

Mizbear - My next door neighbor's house has been forclosed upon. It auctions off on July 18th. We're pretty much the middle of no where. Not really an island, but still middle of nowhere.

[azmom]

Trying to decide if I need to go to the grocery store today. I have a $6 off $30 purchase that expires today and it is the last day of half gallon milk at $.88. I'm trying to weigh that against the sales ad starting tomorrow. It just requires more planning that I have umph for right now.

Kids: I am really loving the age my kids are right now. Almost 4, 7, 9 and 19. I am a much better mom than I was when they were infants and toddlers. Don't get me wrong there were plenty of precious baby moments and the beauty of holding a sleeping infant is priceless but man are they work. I felt like I was more in survival mode and it was ALL trial and error, plus DH and I were trying to figure "us" out. I think to each their own. I know some incredible woman who shine in that infant/toddler stage and truly enjoy it and I say Bless Them I have finally come to terms with the fact that I do not love my children any less because I am happy that stage is over! In this stage right now I have the privilege of seeing them coming into their own. I also enjoy having my nieces over who are 15 and 16. I love them of course and have really enjoyed seeing them turn into young ladies. We talk and cook and hang out. I suppose it is different being the aunt than being the mother of teenagers.

Anyhow, time to scrub the toilets!

[dakota4600]

AZmom- I'd be stocking up (and freezing) the milk at that price, but here it is over $4 for a gallon of skim milk. We should have bought a couple gallons on our way out of Colorado, because it was about $3 a gallon there and we had the cooler space. I like babies, but only if I can give them back and go home for a full nights sleep. I'm definitely enjoying being mom more as he gets older and more independent.

Today was the first day that mini-D wanted daddy instead of me. Usually it is all mommy all the time, which can be draining. This AM I was going to drop him off at school, since I have to work late, but he wanted daddy to take him. And he wanted daddy to wear the same shirt he had on. (they have a couple sets of matching t-shirts.) DH didn't have to be anywhere until 9 so he took him. While I was glad to see him want his daddy, it did sting a little that he didn't want me.

[mizbear]

I'm good with toddlers simply because I am the only adult in the family dumb enough to get down in the floor and watch tv, sing their little songs, let them climb all over me (usually resulting in my injury), give horsey rides, play dolls, soldiers, doggies, go outside, etc. Everyone else has gotten smart enough to just tell them to go play. However, we don't have to scrub crayola off of anything when Bear plays with them!

I will NS the rest of he month because I have $2 in the bank. Stress is not good for the checkbook. I did a major overspend this month. Bad bear.

There is a very nice looking, single guy on the construction crew- but I need to find out if he's the one who fell through the roof- I am holding a grudge- my digital crockpot I was letting DM use got broke.

[azmom]

Dakota: I have never frozen milk before I might give it a go. I know you use a little before you freeze for expansion. Once you defrost it to use it....how long is it good for? You see I live by expiration dates and the thought of sour milk makes me queasy!

Mizbear: I didn't mean to implicate that I did not get down on my knees with my kids at the infant and toddler age because I did. I was and am very much a hands on mommy with the acknowledgment that you first do for you kids, then show them how side by side and then give them wings. That is probably another reason why that age was so exhausting. It required ALL of me. Now that they are older doesn't mean I am not involved in their life it just means they are capable of not needing ALL of me. I don't think it is dumb of you to play an active role in their upbringing. Kids learn by action not just by words. I will admit that childish things do not come naturally to me, probably because I was robbed of my childhood, so it required extra energy to suck it up and play dolls and house for example. None of which I did as a child nor do I find the least bit enjoyable but what I do enjoy and love is the imagination and joy it brings my daughter. Any who, like I said to each their own. Just like some comedy's and other action adventure; Moms will differ in their style and age enjoyment. The key is not to compare yourself to others or judge other woman because we are unique and we all live our own lives not each others.

[dakota4600]

AZmom- I've only frozen it a couple times, but my mom did it all the time growing up. She'd buy a gallon, pour half of it into another container and freeze, then mix in powdered milk and water to make a gallon. That way she got 2 gallons out of every gallon she bought. If the price of milk goes much higher I may start doing it too. ;D (And I swore I wouldn't become my mother when I was a teen ager ) When I froze it I did it in quarts and it took a couple days to completely thaw in the fridge. But at the rate mini-D goes through milk I'd say it was 2 days max before it was gone. I was really worried about sour milk so I did it in amounts I knew we'd use pretty quickly. With whole milk you have shake it up again really good. I got less worried about freezing milk after BFing and pumping for mini-D, because I froze so much of my milk for him. I'll let some others chime in but I'd say as long as you freeze it before the expiration date you should have about 5 days after you defrost it.

[muttleynfelix]

OK that was fun .... My boss said take my car to Branson since it is the company car and he didn't need it this afternoon. I get in the car and get 5 miles down the road and the AC starts blowing HOT air. UGH!! I'm already a bit late for meeting and it was only 85, so I plug forward. I get there and have a good meeting with the contractor and meet with him for about 20 minutes and then I spent another 20 to 30 minutes taking some measurements and by now I am sweating like crazy. The AC works when I get back in the car, but then the low fuel light comes on. Gas was 40 cents more in Branson than it was in SPringfield!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I put in $20 in the boss's car and laughed at him because it seems like everytime I use his car I have to put gas in it (he reimburses me of course). Traffic stunk in Branson. I don't think I have EVER been there in the summer time and I hope I never go back in the summer time. YUCK! It was relatively thick all the way from Springfield and I'm not that familiar with the town so I was consulting my phone trying to make sure I found where I was going. Anyway, it was a very worthwhile trip... just one I'm not going to forget for a long time.

[ses]

AZmom--When I freeze milk I figure how many days left before the expiration date and use a marker to write how many days are left on the jug before i freeze it so i will always know how many days I have to use it up.

Recently I have been doing my version of bulk cooking, so I don't really have to do much cooking over the summer when it gets really hot. I now have a huge pot of pasta sauce divided into 2-3 serving size containers, 7 servings of yummy baked french toast, 8 servings of chili, 6 servings of meat loaf, 6 servings of stuffed red peppers, 9-10 servings roast beef, 5 servings of chicken and rice in my freezer. I just made a big recipe of mac and cheese. Oops, I made too much cheese sauce. I guess I will have to have welsh rarebit for supper, my favorite end-of-the-month-stretch-every-penny dish from my childhood! Tomorrow I am going to make some bourbon chicken (already in the fridge marinating) and a recipe of enchilada sauce. I have discovered i like to have the sauce in small individual containers to make just one enchilada at a time. Not quite as good as making a big batch but better than not having them at all.

Mizbear--you worry me. Be sure to take care of yourself. Do you have a Legal Aid office available to talk to an attorney about your house options?

Dakota-- did you have a good vacation? Were you bothered by the rain?

Only 4 days until the Black Hills meet up!!!!!!!!!

[mizbear]

azmom- I didn't mean you- or any of the Moms here. Many of the Moms in my family got ver hands off when they relized that I will still get down on the floor and play with the kids now that it's no longer a requirement- what they don't realize is that the kids are much better company than a bunch of backstabbing bickering adults.


ses- Legal aid here is useless. But it's not going to be an issue anyway.

Warning: Rant ahead:
I came to a conclusion over dinner with DM. She and DB can have each other. I'm done. She "loaned"- mommy-speak for gave- him gas money again. He makes over $2400/month tax free. He doesn't pay rent. I get $880/month in my disability check, pay all of my bills and manage to do stuff for his kids. DM has maxed out her credit card, empties the bank of BOTH her SS and retirement every month, has NO savings. I'm done with them. I can not and will not put myself through this. And they both want to "not-deal" with their own version of the past and play the blame game. I'm done.
Did I mention my grandmother is dying? They don't know why- but they told the family that they need to start "preparing themselves". Great, another hot as Hades summer funeral for no good reason that will erupt into more arguing...

I told mom tonight when I found out she gave DB her last $20 and he had $20 in change he could have taken to coinstar and cashed in (he needed gas so he could go to work, but his main thing was he wanted to go see his no-good girlfriend) I let go. I told her I will get my stuff out, help clean everything up, but I am done.

And I also told her that she needs to start cleaning up her financials, because she doesn't have too many bridges left to burn with me either. She started in with her usual "I'm sorry" and I just told her I was tired. I have been listening to it my whole life. She needs to get it together- she's a big girl.

Sorry for the rant.

[redwagon]

mizbear - I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. Sorry your family is so stressful for you and I hope things get better.