Judicious June Controlled/No Spend Thread

[mizbear]

Shan- ses nudged my mind about something with R&B and FAFSA- Off record- when she fills out her FAFSA- you should determine a reasonable room and board amount to put in the box even if you aren't charging her that- can make a difference in the amount she gets- I forgot about that (something I was told by the FA office back when my R&B was going to the grocery store with my DGM, doing dishes 4 nights a week (because I couldn't be trusted to cook- it was that bad), dusting, and shoveling snow (when my grandfather would let me)- oh yeah and bringing home good grades. I guess they still ask about room and board on the forms.... I've never actually filled one out by myself- DM or FA office have always filled them out.

[startsmart]

Good call today with the smaller team. We got a lot resolved in 90 minutes.

Hoping to finally resolve things like our client telling a customer that one of us will call her... today... in the Middle East... about a problem we've already resolved via email. Sigh.

Today will be a controlled spend, I'm heading to the chiropractor, then grabbing coffee and going to see my friend Eli.

[shanendoah]

Yesterday was an NS. Today is a CS so far (massage appt).

Here's how the FAFSA works: No where does it ask for cost of room and board. It asks for last year's taxes and how much money you have in your accounts, today. In that sense, we could have DC pay us rent and put it in an account in our name that could then be used to help pay her school costs and wouldn't count against her money.
And unless she gets married, has a kid, or joins the military, she will be considered a dependent until she turns 25. (And yes, for those that know the math, that is 1 year longer than her parents can legally claim her on their taxes. Its been that way for years.) FAFSA will require her mother and step-father's IRS statements. In addition, she will be held to the dependent limits in student loans (which are ~10k less than independent students can take).
Some schools (mostly private), including her current school, have stricter dependency standards for their school based aid. For example, given her age, even if she were to get married, her school would still consider her dependent on her parents.

[moneysquirrel]

Update: 6 NS and 6 CS day = 12 NS/CS days
Shan -- Sorry I have nothing to add for DC's situation.

[shanendoah]

I do want to thank you all for your advice and thoughts on DC. Right now, all I can do is let her know how and where we're willing to help, and what the limits on that help will be. DOM and I are on the same page.
I do not care what her major is. There are a lot of good jobs out there that simply want you to have a degree. They don't care in what. She wants to take part in Teach America when she's done, and she wants to seek a specific grant (I can't remember the name) that gives you something like $100k to travel for a year, learn something, and write a paper about it. She wants to go learn to hand blow glass in Italy. However, at 19 I don't expect her to honestly know what she wants to do for the rest of her life. I certainly didn't. DH is almost 37, back in school, and still not certain what he wants his "career" to be.
So while there are limits we need to place on the financial help we can give, neither DH nor I wants to place limits on the emotional support, or to kill her dreams, even if we think her dreams (eventual goal: own an independent "funky" coffee shop) aren't exactly practical. She's 19. Those dreams and goals are pretty much guaranteed to change. She needs to feel she has the freedom to do so.

[ses]

I have done very little constructive today. Washed a load of towels and made my mid month visit to Walmart this morning. All afternoon I have been lounging on the deck, sunny and 70* with only a couple of wispy clouds, reading a novel. I feel like such a slug. I really should go to Safeway, they have strawberries BOGO and red peppers 10 for $10 (I remember when .59 was the regular price and 3/$1.00 on sale) and I really do need milk. Maybe if I get some motivation later. Or I could stay on the deck and continue having an anti-smartstart day, there is always tomorrow.

[spruby]

shan and anyone else - I hope my comments on shan's DC weren't misunderstood - but I suspect they were. I think it is great that you & your DH are willing to help and I completely get not wanting to kill DC's dreams. The reality though is if she borrows a bunch of money to get a degree - SHE will kill her own dreams. It's hard to go backpacking around the world/Europe/SE Asia/glass blowing in Venice/etc if you have a bunch of debt and no job lined up. Unless you have someone to fund that for you - which if you did you likely wouldn't have a bunch of debt.

If DC wants to open a independent coffee shop - she should take some business classes so she understands basic accounting and can write a business plan. And marketing. And maybe a programming class to do a web page, etc etc etc. If someone had spent a few hours with me when I was a teenager saying if you want to get from here to there this is what you'll need - I could have saved a lot of grief and been where I wanted to be (or somewhere different anyway).

Some days I think no one should be allowed to go to college until they are 30 - and certainly not take on debt to do so. The late teens/20s should be about adventure and exploration (which can happen anywhere on any budget).

I'll shut up now.

[mizbear]

Working at DM/DGM all weekend with the nieces in tow- this should be interesting...

[muttleynfelix]

I knew I had been very lazy about money the last couple weeks... I didn't realize it had been 3 weeks since I had updated my purchases from the CC. Shoot. Now it is going to be a big PITA. Sigh. We've been overspending and need to get it under control, but I've just been putting off seeing how much we have bene spending which makes it even easier to overspend. GRRR.

[muttleynfelix]

OK that was not nearly as bad as I thought. Although May was a horrendous month. Yikes. I'm sorry I looked at that. This month may be a little over budget, but not terrible. OUr trip will put us a little over the top, but not by much. 5 days gone from, One night in a B&B, plus 900 miles of driving+ and I am estimating it only costing us about $300. I can live with that.

[azmom]

3 NSD Yippee. I passed up an offer for DH to take us out to eat last night (fast food under $20) and then resisted the snack bar at his softball game, and then avoided a post game trip through Wendy's for a frosty by saying we have cup cakes and ice cream at home!! So proud!

I am officially admitted back into the community college, I filled out a FAFSA form (they sent me a Household and Untaxed Income Worksheet form to fill out. I will return it Monday since they are closed on Friday's), and I enrolled in a couple of classes just in case. Right now I am just going through the motions and checking out all of my options. I want to see if I qualify for financial aide but I am not too certain that I want to use it. If by some chance I have the funds available to pay cash. I might also qualify for grants too. The whole process has been exciting at least. I will say that the few times I have been at the enrollment office (to meet with an adviser and turn in paper work) I have seen Mom's with their kids-who are entering college- and the moms do all the talking. Like "he or she needs to speak to an adviser" or "he or she needs to take the placement test" I guess I am a little jaded since I had already lived on my own for year (I left at 17) before my first year of college so I was self sufficient but still I make my kids talk and ask respectfully for things now. Like ordering at a restaurant, asking the librarian for help, talking to friend parents, etc. I want to be their guide and encourager not their mouth piece IMHO.

[ses]

Bravo, AZmom!!!

[spruby]

A little past the half way mark for the month I am on track with CS/NS.

NEO is my downfall - I'm considering re-defining it for me. Right now if I buy any food during the day it doesn't count as a NEO. But I have a very food centric, social work place - plus days packed with meetings and grabbing a coffee or snack can make the difference in whether I eat or not (bad but true). That is budgeted for separately and I've reduced it quite a bit and stay on budget. But it means I never get NEOs. I think starting in July I will count NEOs based on if my DH and I eat out and ignore work. We'll see if that motivates me more.

Work has been horrible and some chronic health issues have flared up. For some reason this week it all hit me and I've just decided that is it. I'll do my best and I'll keep job hunting....but I won't stress about any of it to the point that it makes me physically ill. It will take me a couple of weeks to get back to normal - but no more. I have the true luxury of knowing my job is 100% secure even if I produced only half the work I currently do (unless I do something insane of course). A new, better job will come along but I refuse to jump from the frying pan into the fire.

So I did two things for me today. I booked another vacation for this year and I started a blog (link at the bottom if you are interested!). So now we have personal vacations in July, August, September/October and December - all in budget. The sad part is - I'll still roll over 6 weeks of annual leave because most of these vacations will be covered by the comp time I'm earning for traveling for work.

As expected/feared - NYC is replacing the Hawaii trip that was supposed to happen at the end of the month. Good news Hawaii is still on - just being rescheduled.

[startsmart]

Today was a cash controlled spend. I got fruit and veggies at the Farmers Market and then home to work. I managed to make a really good smoothie and then cut up all the fruit and bagged it in small quantities for the week ahead. Strawberries, plums, blackberries, banana and blueberries

I also did some grilled veggies but have had very little protein today. Bad idea.

I worked in the backyard for a few hours, mowed, trimmed the edges, started spreading top soil and cut back the roses. I still need to finish with 8 more bags of top soil, hopefully tomorrow so I can go back and get more if needed.

Inside I hung up some pictures, cleaned in the kitchen and then did some caulking work on the baseboards and window. The people who worked on this house did some wonky things, luckily caulking covers a multitude of sins. Still need to do some computer work tonight and finish up laundry.

[MittenKitten]

Hey all. Majorally stressed about what may happen next month. Man I want to fire every Politian in MN. Don't care what party they represent. They are putting through everything to make sure they and their staff are paid but can't do their f-ing jobs and fix our budget and may put 36000 Minnesotans out of work, plus those people may not get unemployment since those offices may be closed.

So I am trying to figure out a boot camp what we have to do to survive strategy and am very glad for our EF. DF has been applying for a TON of jobs but no takers. Monday I will send him to the Workforce Center and see what they can do for him, although that may be futile with the state purhaps shutting down in 12 days.....

Seriously we will get my rent for the rental BUT I will not be able to pay that mortgage, we will have to turn the hottub off to conserve energy along with unplugging everything (I try but no one else does so at times I give up) then cancel our $15 home phone, $25 basic cable (that is just so we can see our local chanels but we may add nexflixs for $8.00 so the kids can watch some shows). Limit driving since each trip costs anywhere from $4.00 to $8.00. Not shop at all. Wait to get health insurance for DD, DS#1 and DF. And it goes without saying no alcohol will be purchased.

I may need to start looking for jobs, honestly with everything else I do for our family and DS#2 (which is why I gave up working outside the home in the first place) I may very well go insane. Oh and I may need to put my real estate license on Ice since I can't afford the fees that go with it. That will save us $92 to begin with and since I have no sales or prospects pending I will simply take it off ice when the market improves.

God I can REALLY use that window about now.......

[pointy]

update: 14/23 NS and 18/28 No QVC

[mizbear]

mk- HUGS!!!
They are making a lot of cuts here right now too. I am, despite any posts you may see, staying very inside my own world here in Bearland, where it is relatively safe and stress-free, particularly if I tell people to leave me to my own devices. I have had about enough of the outside world's shenanigans.

I am reworking my budget and my definitions of NS, CS, NEO, etc for my purposes. I have had a conversation with the nieces about the budget again and basically told them that I can't save a sinking ship. It's not sinking, but people not respsecting the budget will sink the ship eventually.

[spruby]

MK - I have my fingers crossed. Sometimes I wonder if politicians realize they are playing with real people's lives? If the state shuts down for a day/week/while - will you have gotten funds for July and be impacted in August or will nothing come for July? Good luck either way. I hope they come to their senses.

There was an interesting story on the NY Times website yesterday about how the unemployed in AZ are losing out on the extended benefits paid for completely by the federal government because lawmakers won't change a word. Literally changing a "two" to "three". I understand everyone is concerned about the federal deficit - but there are times when a deficit spending is necessary and this is one of them. Cutting off people's last bit of income isn't going to make a job appear. It's just going to make them more desperate. Not good.

[sapphire12]

Afternoon ladies --

Black Hills -- One week from today momsapphire and I will be flying to SD. Yeah.
MK -- hugs. I have a friend who is a teacher. 12 teachers at her school have received pink slips. Additional cuts are expected, which means people can't plan their lives b/c they don't know if they will have a job next year. ARGH. Cuts are tough, but I think it should be more efficient.
SES -- sometimes you need a day to just lounge.
mizbear -- hugs!
spruby -- take care of yourself! Yeah that Hawaii is still on the horizon, even if at a later time. Enjoy your vacations!
azmom-- yeah for school.

[mizbear]

DGM update: She is getting worse instead of better. Aunt says if she can hold on until the roof is put on the house (which requires her signature- DM and aunt do not want to do that in her stay even though they have legal power), that there is enough money in the estate to pay the mortgage for about a year. At that point the house would be foreclosed on if not sold. If I could get it at a low enough price from the bank (i.e. buy out the mortgage amount) I could buy it, pay it off and then do the next tier of work to it. Pay that off, do the next tier. Granted, it will mean that DM and DB are living under the same roof with me, but I will be setting the rules at tat point. I also believe DB will move when I lay down rules and the words "Pay rent" and "Clean up your mess" become part of the house rules. DM thinks that moving in with me is a given- she really needs to get a grip.

Needless to say- the hives are back.

I should be done school by the beginning of Sept. All of this other stuff is taking away from my study time. I am not happy about this. And I let DM know about i- loudly. The rest of the family having a life is not my problem- I have one too.

I am starting to save for a trip to go see my BFF and her mom in the NE. They literally saved my life. My father was abusive and my BFF as not afraid to go say something and keep saying something until someone listened. Her mom backed us 100%. I only had a few friends that did that. Most kids took their parents' position or turned their heads. I haven't seen her in so long. Plus she and her hubby want me to meet his brother- single and good looking with a good job!

[MittenKitten]

mizbear: So sorry to hear of DGM. Hopefully she will pull through this also. OHHH good friends are the best. I am afraid I don't make friends easily, I am just not willing to play games and am not afraid to tell it like it is..... But the friends I DO have would do anything for me and that includes my family.

As for our funds I really don't know DS#2 has a consumer driven waiver so we get a set amount of money which is based on is daily life skills compared to what they should be. The worse they are the more you qualify for. I then allcoate the funds to what I think he needs and a committee approves it all. Last year we used it to pay me some, have the fence built, purchase the Ipad for him to use to commicate and learn with, and mats for the basement (basically mats like they use in gym class) This year we are using the funds to stain the fence, put in laminate flooring since he has done nasty unhealthy things to the flooring, an alarm system, my health insurance and some hours for me and we also hired someone to help with DS#2. If they make cuts I am not sure how it goes since we have spent a fair amount of the funds so I don't know if they will take away from paid staffing/parent hours or if they will cut what is left by a percentage or what.... Also then I may not have health insurance again since it gets paid for from there. Plus we have to pay for the alarm system so I don't know if they will continue to pay or just stop. No one seems to know.

I KNOW we will get through it and I KNOW we will be okay, it may not be pretty and it may not be fun I just hate the not knowing so you can't plan very well. I like being in control and in this situation I have none so it is driving me nuts. I am also fed up with DF and afraid that is showing. I am just not all the certain he is looking all that hard for a job. If his drive to get things done at home is the same he is using for the job search it doesn't say a lot. He has a lot of positives but I think he may be dealing with some depression over the being out of work for a year and feeling worthless.

On a positive note I am looking forward to South Dakota. I also plan on enjoying the kids this summer and if I need to in August I can start looking for work. We have a fully funded emergancy fund with 6 months worth of funds there, I have investments that I plan on using for retirement but I have them if we need them.

[moneysquirrel]

Update: 7 NS and 7 CS day = 14 NS/CS days
Hope all had a great day. I am still trying to stay out of the heat as much as possible. It has been running in the high 90-100's with little rain to steam things up. Normal summertime heat for my area.
Sapphire -- next week in SD. Started getting a few things together to pack today. Trying to get everything in a small carryon and a large "personal item = 2nd carry on".

[Deleted]

I've decided to up the Roth contributions from $220 to $420 in July. We just got disability insurance for my DH so I wanted to make sure we have enough money before upping the contributions. By doing so we will be putting away $4600 this year which is about 14% of our income, right on target.

[mizbear]

mk- I know how it feels to get depressed about not working. I still fight guilt/depression over not working even though mine is due to my illness. Honestly, I wouldn't be able to work right now if I had to- there isn't that much medication available in the world. I'm surprised my shrink hasn't had me tranquilized yet. With a whale gun! HUGS to ya honey.

I have told my mother that the EO days have to stop for the most part- for the benefit or her budget and my diet and sanity. She is wreaking havoc on my planning when she treats fo eat out food. So we made an agreement- we can eat out twice a month at the Chinese Buffet or Subway (as long as I have the option of getting chinese (it's the same price). I generally don't eat out unless I have coupons- and when I do it's usually 1 McDonald's Grilled chipolte chix wrap. I gave up Arby's because they stopped making a value jamocha shake 2 weeks ago - I refuse to pay full price to ruin my diet. Guess I'll have to go to Tastee Freez if I want a shake- they still have an actual small shake. That tastes good.
I have changed my NS spend days to represent days where I spend nothing that is not budgeted firmly in black and white. If it is not a bill or has not had an allocated amount of money put aside for it- it's a Spend. CS will be when I have set the money aside for an extra and stay inside that amount- if I go over- it becomes a S. I've found that the holes in my budget are not in the budget itself. I will plan to EO one day- but will end up having to take 2 additional guests with me. Or put gas in my car twice as many times in a month because I'm transporting kids. Instead of picking up the 2 things on the list at the store- I buy 4. And it's not because there is a great sale and I have a coupon.
I am thinking about calling this month a wash and startig over again next month now that I have found this hole.

[moneysquirrel]

mizbear -- don't call it a wash. Just start making the small changes. That way you have a two week practice stint so that you can find any "problems" with the new system prior to the beginning of the next month.

[startsmart]

Watching Harry potter 7 with mom, she's so funny. I asked what she remembered from movie 6 and she starts with "dumbelfore died...." she also remembers Dobby as "the one with the sock"

[reeneejune]

Shan - I hate to be the depressing one, but I've got to say this. Yes, it's awful to have your dreams killed at 19. But the fact is, until she's an independent student, her dreams are in someone else's hands. Continuing to take on debt to go to the expensive school may mean that a year or two down the road when there's no credit left to use, DC will be stuck with a huge monthly bill and without the qualifications to make enough money to make payments. Tell her to go for her dreams, but tell her that part of having a dream is having a back up plan. I.E. if you're shooting for the stars, have a moon landing plan on standby. P.S., don't you love how the FAFSA rewards young people for making huge life decisions early? My friends used to joke "Want to go back to college? Just have a baby. They'll pay for school, housing, food, childcare, and you won't even have to work!"

[muttleynfelix]

mizbear - You just ruined me week, Arby's stopped making value Jamocha shakes??? NO!!! (j/k, I haven't been to Arby's in a while, but we usually stop at one on our road trips) Sorry about your DGM. I hope everything gets figured out.

MK - Hugs. Hopefully the state will get their act together.

I had a nice long post typed out last night and it didn't go through. Saturday night we a tornado warning at 11:30pm! Yuck!! Fortunately the radar indicated possible tornado (meaning there was not one the ground) was tracking about 10 miles north. Our power went out, but since we had our smart phones, DH was able to track the storm even after the power went out. Smartphones may be a luxury, but I'm really glad we have it after that. We may end up having to cut the TV some, but it will be worth it IMO. I have a deadline this week and then I'm off FRiday, Monday and Tuesday to vacation at my parent's house (and one night at a B&B). I'm so excited!! I'm suppose to have my review at work sometime this week. I'm not sure what we are going to talk about other than me staying off the internet and how there is no raise this year (ok there might be, but I'm not counting on it). Have a good week all.

[shanendoah]

Update: 7 NS + 9 CS = 16 of 26

DH starts his 5 week summer program today.
Spruby & Renee: I was not trying to call out either of you in that last post. Please don't think I don't appreciate your advice. One of the reasons DC decided to stay in the Classics program (vs to switching to another one she had interest in) is that she has already met a number of the requirements, freeing her up to take more electives- like a couple of business classes.
renee: I know! DH was complaining about that last week- that they make it difficult for kids to get aid at the age we expect them to be going to college, but make it really easy for people who should be mid-career to go back.
spruby: Wouldn't it be nice if the expectation was to backpack around Europe, get some crappy jobs and learn about budgeting,etc in your late teens and early 20s, and once you had some time to figure out what you were actually interested in, then go to school?

mizbear: The bank doesn't have to agree to anything other than to give you a mortgage. If your GMA wants to sell you the house for the mortgage amount, she can. As long as her mortgage gets paid off, the bank has no say. Another thing you might want to check in to is simply transferring the deed and current mortgage to your name. You might need to check with an estate lawyer about how to do this (and the bank may still have a say about whether or not you "get" the loan), but its a really, really common practice. It was something we looked in to when we first moved the MIL out of her condo, and keep on the back burner in case she gets to the point of needing a nursing home- we'll need to get the condo out of her name (so its not considered an asset). So really, if the family is on board with you buying GMA's home/taking over the mortgage, it should be a pretty "simple" process.

MK: *hugs* You reall are one of my heros. I have no idea how you do it. DH's last UE check comes this week, but we've known that was going to be the case for months and have been able to plan for it. Thank goodness for your discipline in having the EF. Definitely enjoy the Black Hills and the summer with the kids.

[mizbear]

It has been my understanding in the past, that the way things work here in MD, that unless the property is transferred within 2 years, that I would have to (horrible as this sounds) wait for DGM to die and purchase the home form the estate (DM, aunt and 2 uncles). The home needs extensive work before it could be sold right now, and I use the same bank that DGM is using for the second mortgage. I was told that buying out the second mortgage would be a possibility as long as the estate did not raise the cost of the house. They can't sell it in its current condition, so I would have a really good shot. I'm not holding my breath though. I know that I don't want anyone living in my apartment with me. It's too small and I don't think my nerves can take it.
DGM has been moved to a room across from the nurse's station so they can monitor her. THey also had to bring in a patient sitter. Things are going in the wrong direction.
I am totally at a loss at this point. I have everyone pulling me in different directions and trying to do what I should do for me, what is expected of me and I should do for them- and they are 3 different things.
Sorry for being such a downer lately. All of this stress is also affecting how well my meds work- they aren't working too well...