thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 25, 2011 13:49:59 GMT -5
When I come to this board, do I find out what people are saying about me behind my back in real life?
- I arrived 10 minutes after the party invite stated. Do my friends see me as a giant jerk-off who wants to exhibit my power and control?
- I arrange my social calendar around my kids' and their activities and commitments. Do my friends consider me rude and selfish and think I'm being run by my kids who will turn out self-centered?
- I spend retail for most stuff I buy. Do my friends think I'm stupid with money?
- I'm buying a new car. Do my friends think I'm flashy and trying to make them feel bad for their cars?
- I'm redoing my bathroom. Do my friends think I'm stupidly spending money that I don't have just to show off that I think I'm better than them, and I could easily live with a moldy, nasty, 1970's job with broken drawers, a rusty 1950's medicine cabinet and a "vintage" lighting fixture that is half broken?
- My husband went back to school. Does everyone think we are drowning in student loans because we didn't live in a cardboard box during school years?
- We had a big wedding. Did everyone hate it and feel obligated to be there and thought I was being a dizty princess?
- We go on vacation, and we talk about it and post a few pictures on facebook. Does everyone think we are just bragging?
- We invite people over. Do they hate coming because our house is too hot, too cold, too small, too big? Did we make a "big deal" because we mentioned that we took their food habits into account when planning the menu? Did we forget that you are allergic to wheat, but it would be impossible that we would forget such a thing - so clearly we are the devil?
- I called in once with a sick kid. Am I the worst co-worker in the world and should have 20 people to back me up the one day a year my kid barfs and, really, all women should be home anyway.
Honestly, are people on this board pills - or is everyone this ungracious behind their friend's and family's backs?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2011 13:51:59 GMT -5
I'm just as ungracious in person.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2011 13:53:30 GMT -5
The subject of "would you treat people like this in real life" comes up on every board eventually.
Personally, I can't imagine how boring it would be if everyone here just patted each other on the back and didn't say what they really felt. If I want that, I'll go out to lunch with my coworkers instead of hanging here. LOL
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midjd
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Post by midjd on May 25, 2011 13:53:36 GMT -5
I think "real life" gives much more context to these discussions so no, I don't think you're being vilified by your friends/coworkers The internet tends to be much more black-and-white. Plus the discussions on this board focus on certain aspects of life that become magnified, while others are marginalized. Take Cawaiu for example. We probably have a VERY different impression of his wife than her friends/family do, because we usually only hear about the money aspect - but they know her in a more well-rounded way.
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Post by illinicheme on May 25, 2011 13:54:16 GMT -5
I think the relative anonymity of the internet brings out the most judgmental pill-ish behavior in all of us. I also think that there is a collision of different life experiences and people who wouldn't necessarily be friends in "real" life because their world views are too different.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 25, 2011 13:54:27 GMT -5
We had a big wedding. Did everyone hate it and feel obligated to be there and thought I was being a dizty princessYes, and we think your marriage is doomed to fail since you spent so much money. ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png)
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 25, 2011 13:54:30 GMT -5
I won't quote individual questions, but for me the answer to some of those questions would be yes. When my friends or family (or hell even myself) do some of those things I think unkind things about them.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on May 25, 2011 13:54:33 GMT -5
I don't think YMers are a good representative of the general population. I don't even think many of the opinions expressed on this board are agreed upon by all YMers. So, I think for the most part people probably don't judge you in a way you might imagine when reading some of these boards. I don't even agree with half the statements above & I'm sure your friends are even less likely to agree since they know you well.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 25, 2011 13:58:59 GMT -5
I called in once with a sick kid. Am I the worst co-worker in the world and should have 20 people to back me up the one day a year my kid barfs and, really, all women should be home anyway
I think a lot of people here either have an overblown sense of their importance, spend WAAAAY too much time monitoring their co-workers and that's why they are behind on their work or they work for incompetent companies.
If it was really as much of an issue as the people on here make it out to be you'd think the bosses would have said something to the offender by now.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 25, 2011 13:59:01 GMT -5
When I come to this board, do I find out what people are saying about me behind my back in real life? - I arrived 10 minutes after the party invite stated. Do my friends see me as a giant jerk-off who wants to exhibit my power and control? - I arrange my social calendar around my kids' and their activities and commitments. Do my friends consider me rude and selfish and think I'm being run by my kids who will turn out self-centered? - I spend retail for most stuff I buy. Do my friends think I'm stupid with money? - I'm buying a new car. Do my friends think I'm flashy and trying to make them feel bad for their cars? - I'm redoing my bathroom. Do my friends think I'm stupidly spending money that I don't have just to show off that I think I'm better than them, and I could easily live with a moldy, nasty, 1970's job with broken drawers, a rusty 1950's medicine cabinet and a "vintage" lighting fixture that is half broken? - My husband went back to school. Does everyone think we are drowning in student loans because we didn't live in a cardboard box during school years? - We had a big wedding. Did everyone hate it and feel obligated to be there and thought I was being a dizty princess? - We go on vacation, and we talk about it and post a few pictures on facebook. Does everyone think we are just bragging? - We invite people over. Do they hate coming because our house is too hot, too cold, too small, too big? Did we make a "big deal" because we mentioned that we took their food habits into account when planning the menu? Did we forget that you are allergic to wheat, but it would be impossible that we would forget such a thing - so clearly we are the devil? - I called in once with a sick kid. Am I the worst co-worker in the world and should have 20 people to back me up the one day a year my kid barfs and, really, all women should be home anyway. Honestly, are people on this board pills - or is everyone this ungracious behind their friend's and family's backs? I've done just about everything you've listed. Clearly, I'm a big indulge and I'm proud of it.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on May 25, 2011 13:59:39 GMT -5
I think the relative anonymity of the internet brings out the most judgmental pill-ish behavior in all of us. I also think that there is a collision of different life experiences and people who wouldn't necessarily be friends in "real" life because their world views are too different. ![](http://us.social.s-msn.com/s/images/emoticons/thumbs_up.gif)
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 25, 2011 13:59:54 GMT -5
We had a big wedding. Did everyone hate it and feel obligated to be there and thought I was being a dizty princessYes, and we think your marriage is doomed to fail since you spent so much money. ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png) Because we all know that unless you got married by the JOP and had a pot luck reception, you are not committed to your spouse.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 25, 2011 14:01:04 GMT -5
Because we all know that unless you got married by the JOP and had a pot luck reception, you are not committed to your spouse.I bet she has an engagment ring too! ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png)
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 25, 2011 14:01:55 GMT -5
Because we all know that unless you got married by the JOP and had a pot luck reception, you are not committed to your spouse.I bet she has an engagment ring too! ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png) What a beyotch!!! ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png)
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Post by soon2bmomof3 on May 25, 2011 14:03:17 GMT -5
Here's another one - Do you have pets, you know they are a complete waste of money since they won't take care of you in retirement... ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png)
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Opti
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Post by Opti on May 25, 2011 14:03:34 GMT -5
Thyme, I think you should ask PBP. ![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/9.gif) If I really care about a person's motives. I ask. I've met enough people who are different then I expect I prefer not to assume. I'm buying a new car. Do my friends think I'm flashy and trying to make them feel bad for their cars? I would think you wanted to buy a new car. (If I have friends who buy cars purely to show off I am blissfully unaware and wouldn't really care anyway.)
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 25, 2011 14:05:11 GMT -5
Wasting you better be installing a rear facing car seat your children can fit in till they are 18 and it better not touch the back of any of the seats! ;D
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 25, 2011 14:06:07 GMT -5
Swamp - I think we would be friends IRL.
And, I would still judge you and say mean things behind your back...
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 25, 2011 14:07:51 GMT -5
Swamp - I think we would be friends IRL. And, I would still judge you and say mean things behind your back... Back atcha! But if they were mean and funny, I'd be OK with it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2011 14:07:57 GMT -5
Here's another one - Do you have pets, you know they are a complete waste of money since they won't take care of you in retirement... ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) That's what you think! I'm training Charlie for her road show as we speak!
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brdsl
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Post by brdsl on May 25, 2011 14:10:23 GMT -5
"do I find out what people are saying about me behind my back in real life?"
No, on this board, you hear what people are thinking...not what they are saying.
The internet merely provides a place for someone to type what they are thinking...without the damage of actually saying it to the person's face.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 25, 2011 14:11:23 GMT -5
Here's another one - Do you have pets, you know they are a complete waste of money since they won't take care of you in retirement... ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) That's what you think! I'm training Charlie for her road show as we speak! Oh, you're gonna be one of those ladies who runs next to their dogs in the road shows? Please wear better shoes than the average participant. Those ladies wear some really ugly shoes.
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Regis
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Post by Regis on May 25, 2011 14:11:36 GMT -5
In my opinion, it's okay to judge...as long as you do it fairly and without malice.
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RoadToRiches
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Post by RoadToRiches on May 25, 2011 14:12:27 GMT -5
The problem is, when you starting talking to your friends like you are talking on this board lol and start telling them that "You crazy! Why did you buy this! You should invest this money! You are not responsible! If you put this $50 into 12% investment, it will be 489938372 million dollars by the time you turn 203 years old!"
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 25, 2011 14:13:56 GMT -5
When we bought our Accord, my sister had bought one just days before. I saw it before we bought ours, but after we had made the decision. They, being good stewards of money, bought the least ornate model - absolutely no upgrades. In fact, I think they might have crank windows. But we got a deal on last-years model, but it had the bigger engine, leather seats and a couple other minor bells and/or whistles. We did spend more than her, but not much.
I immediately called my sister and told her that I was so sorry, that I wasn't trying to out-do her, shame her, show her up, and I didn't mean to take the wind out of her sails about her new car. She, of course, thought none of those things. She just thought we went out and got ourselves a nice car that fit our family and hadn't considered her choice at all.
Then my other sister bought a Mercedes - who's the bitch now? (Not really - she drives a toyota.)
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maraqxa
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Post by maraqxa on May 25, 2011 14:15:08 GMT -5
I thought that's why we came here, to talk crap about everyone and feel like we are so much better than anybody else! ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png)
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on May 25, 2011 14:16:02 GMT -5
Man, I'm really glad I was pretty much born without the judging my self worth based on my car gene. Not completely without it, because I refuse to drive a bimbo box, but pretty much without it.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 25, 2011 14:20:22 GMT -5
I use to have that gene - but then I bought a car that I thought was great and a bunch of people said their daddy was going to buy them something better, and I realized I would never, ever have the best car. And I suddenly stopped caring. My life has been one million times better since then.
Too bad I was 29, not 19 when that happened.
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reader79
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Post by reader79 on May 25, 2011 14:22:45 GMT -5
When I come to this board, do I find out what people are saying about me behind my back in real life? Honestly, are people on this board pills - or is everyone this ungracious behind their friend's and family's backs? I find that I am just as judgemental to their faces. It helps to keep the friend count way down. Less invites to stress over, less gifting, etc. What doesn't help is if I start a sentence with, 'Well, this guy on the internet said that....' It kind of devalues whatever comes after.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2011 14:23:02 GMT -5
Oh, you're gonna be one of those ladies who runs next to their dogs in the road shows? Please wear better shoes than the average participant. Those ladies wear some really ugly shoes. No, no. I'm thinking she is more of the circus performer type. And I'm not going with her. She can just send the money home. As for the shoes, you don't wear nice shoes when there is a good chance you're going to step in dog do.
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