Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2011 10:26:11 GMT -5
![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/50_50.gif) Okay - wait, and think about this...think...think...what is wrong with this declarative statement? We just went thru looking for an apartment so both credit reports had to be pull at least 3 times (some places let you bring your own credit report, some don't). Currently we have 3 copies of our credit report seating on our desk at home (they give you a copy if you ask for it and we usually do since they sometimes use different credit agencies). My wife and I only have 1 credit card each under our names that are currently active (we closed about 16 credit/store cards between the two of us when we combined finances in 2008). So unless she opened a new card after May 4 (the last time they pulled our credit) I can say with certainty she has no credit cards that I don't know about.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2011 10:28:52 GMT -5
To add... since we have been thinking about buying a house we've been pulling both credit reports every 4 months (www.annualcreditreport.com) just to make sure we have" - no negative information reported - all the info reported is indeed correct - etc.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 25, 2011 10:35:55 GMT -5
ROFL
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 25, 2011 10:46:01 GMT -5
I love to shop and wish I had the resources to do so more frequently without stressing over paying the bills from it. Makes me happy to get somebody something I know they will like/use and even better if they won't buy it for themselves because it's too spendy. That being said, where DD and I have issues is her sense of "entitlement" of nice things, too much like her father and it rubs me raw so I have just cut the purse strings a LOT. She is trying to get more out her father than tightening her belt. Good luck to her.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 25, 2011 10:49:34 GMT -5
I think the OP comes from a family that wasn't well off and doesn't even seem to have been comfortable or secure. I believe his father always has his hand out even. That colors your world about financial well being, that you think you will never have enough. When someone is secure about money, they also have a different view of it. DF and I have two very different viewpoints when it comes to money but he comes from and has always had money. I did okay in life until my divorce and then it got much harder. Teacher salary is a great supplemental income but support 3 people on it is not so great. Not if you want your kids to eat good food, go to a good school, and have decent clothes/activities. Then add in college. ![:(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/sad.png)
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 25, 2011 12:42:01 GMT -5
...:::"She doesn't wear shoes either right now, just socks nad now that it is summer she doesn't even wear those. I get tired of picking them up everywhere we go because she takes them off.":::...
Just like Daddy?
...:::"Are you making an effort to come to her side of things? It seems as if she hears a lot of "No, no, no" from you.":::...
Can they really afford for cawiau to meet her in the middle? Sometimes "the middle" isn't practical when one person's idea is so extreme. If DF tells me we should clean 4 hours a day, then the only way we'll meet in the middle is if I start with "once per year".
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 25, 2011 12:47:22 GMT -5
...:::"Then, too, unless cawiau is the most easygoing person on the face of the earth all of this stuff is bugging him a whole hell of a lot more than his posts imply and he's harboring a great deal of resentment toward his wife by not talking to her more about this stuff.":::...
We've been over this before that anonymous boards can also provide an outlet and help GUIDE him on how to address the problem. He may want to address the problem one way, but bouncing it off people here may very well give him a better way that she will respond to much more favorably.
I realize that for some women, even THINKING about sharing a detail represents a breach of trust and probably an emotional affair. But we do not know who he is, and as such the details lose a lot of meaning. I care about cawiau's well being, and having had similar frustrations myself, like the ability to talk about them.
I shudder to think how he'd unleash his frustration without the benefit of release and advice.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 25, 2011 12:51:36 GMT -5
Just like Daddy?
No, daddy takes them off very specfically in the bedroom and throws them into a giant pile on the floor. At least I can find his socks. ;D
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 25, 2011 13:00:29 GMT -5
No kidding. I come to this board and others to bounce off my thoughts/frustrations and I get great advice on how to handle what i am concerned about.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 25, 2011 13:09:12 GMT -5
We've been over this before that anonymous boards can also provide an outlet and help GUIDE him on how to address the problem. He may want to address the problem one way, but bouncing it off people here may very well give him a better way that she will respond to much more favorably.
How well does that work for you? Honestly?
I realize that for some women, even THINKING about sharing a detail represents a breach of trust and probably an emotional affair. But we do not know who he is, and as such the details lose a lot of meaning. I care about cawiau's well being, and having had similar frustrations myself, like the ability to talk about them.
It depends on the detail. There are certain things about my life I wouldn't want DF to share with anyone else, and there are things I don't care if other people know. Those things are different for each person, and I try to be sensitive to the things DF wouldn't want random people knowing about.
For a lot of us, this isn't a random message board.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 25, 2011 13:19:03 GMT -5
It sure works for me because it helps me present things rationally whereas I tend to be emotional. Talking it out/getting advice helps me pick and choose what will work and it has always been a good outcome for me.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on May 25, 2011 15:51:47 GMT -5
If I recall a previous thread of yours, she doesn't have to BE pregnant, just THINK she is pregnant. I remember you had a pregnancy scare, and she created two registries. Damn... that adds a whole new level to the word "scare".Ok, I haven't read through all these posts. But, this is messed up. If that was true, you're in serious trouble when she really is pregnant. Even frugal me that hates to shop had trouble keeping control when due with my first. Whoa. This is my third pregnancy in a calendar year (if you've been following my unlucky saga) and I'm finally in my second trimester and I haven't even THOUGHT about starting a registry. That is FUBARED.
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Firebird
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Post by Firebird on May 25, 2011 16:08:46 GMT -5
Hugs for you, honey, if you want them ![:'(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/cry.png)
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patchwork150
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Post by patchwork150 on May 26, 2011 9:39:09 GMT -5
hmmmmm. I don't think your wife is a shopaholic, unless I am too. She responds well to limits, but can go over board. Sounds like me.
It's hard not to get drawn into the shopping/cute/omg baby!/need stuff cycle when you are considering having a child. She would need ot focus on the unglamourous details and talk to other moms/read about it prior to actually considering it. Most importantly- make her watch a documentary where they SHOW the last months of pregnancy and first months of new baby life. That'll put a damper on 'cute baby stuff' shopping!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 26, 2011 12:29:05 GMT -5
I enjoy shopping even if I don't buy. What is hard is passing up things I'd like for myself or others. I find NOT shopping alleviates that distress.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on May 26, 2011 15:04:56 GMT -5
...:::"How well does that work for you? Honestly?":::...
Specifically for me, there have been times I got insight into what DF might be thinking about a certain issue, and the best way to "speak her language" to ensure that I reach a solution. By knowing the angle she may be looking from, I am much more likely to be able to sell her on something, because I can make sure she understands that her needs are met. I can avoid phrasing something in a way that will just create distance rather than closeness. Although I can't go back in time and try specific situations a different way.
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qofcc
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Post by qofcc on May 26, 2011 15:51:19 GMT -5
::Hopefully your wife figures out sooner or later that things won't make her happy::
But for some people, stuff DOES make them happy for a time. As much as an experience does for other people. There have been studies that prove this. If someone spends $50 on a concert ticket and it makes them happy and someone else spends $50 on a new pair of shoes and it makes them happy, then as long as they could afford the $50, what difference does it make how they spend their discretionary money as long as they're happy? My DH spends a good portion of his spending money on restaurant food, I prefer to spend mine on clothes, my son used to spend most of his on video games. Does that make one of us better than the other?
As to the baby registry... if she was stockpiling baby items in the closet, that would be one thing. Playing with an online registry is more along the lines of daydreaming. I've spent lots of my daydreaming time over the years drawing floor plans and looking at materials for my dream house that's still a long way off. Is this much different than a guy playing fantasy football or world of warcraft?
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reader79
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Post by reader79 on May 26, 2011 16:07:05 GMT -5
Of course I did! You're right, three fun shopping excursions ;D It's fun when other people dress me up. If I had the money I'd hire a personal shopper in a second. Macy's does this for free. www.macys.com/store/service/mba.jspETA: website
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 26, 2011 16:17:55 GMT -5
Dang, when I get my finances straightened out, this is a gift I'm giving myself!!!
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daylight
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Post by daylight on May 30, 2011 16:54:27 GMT -5
I have not read the entire thread (I will save it for the 6th hour of overtime to relax), but comment anyway since the question is very straightforward. Yes, she is shopaholic or certainly sounds like one from previous posts. If she really, truly said that...about wanting to get pregnant because she can't wait to buy the cute outfits than you are in real trouble. A mature adult woman would not have said that. This is a serious sign, even if you don't see it for what it is. If I were you, I would try to find out what I see in the woman, who actually said this, esp. if it was my wife. This is a very serious question and it deserves a serious answer.
You also wrote yourself how you feel as if you were her daddy, telling her to stop buying things. In a healthy releationship, you get to be hubby and she gets to be wife. At the moment, your needs apparently suit each other, but with time, this will probably change. I'd also think about why you enjoy your superiority in the relationship and what feelings does this cover up. If she is not willing, I would go to counselling alone. In a couple of years you may have Baby Cawiau, with your wife sitting at home supposedly taking care of the baby, and you paying for a nanny, because she will not be grown-up enough to manage the baby-related tasks (shopping excluded). I'm writing this based on all your previous posts that I have read, not just this thread or the above referenced specific comment.
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