azphx1972
Familiar Member
Joined: Mar 2, 2011 22:08:36 GMT -5
Posts: 809
|
Post by azphx1972 on May 24, 2011 14:34:34 GMT -5
Firebird, I can relate. I keep a shopping list on my phone, and my fridge is pretty much empty but I hate the thought of having to drive to the store, fill up my cart, hauling everything home, putting stuff away, and throwing away or recycling packaging materials. So much work...why can't we have food replicators like on Star Trek?! ![:'(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/cry.png)
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on May 24, 2011 14:38:35 GMT -5
Firebird - I have found a couple of brands that are consistent in sizing, and my weight doesn't bounce around - so whenever my pants wear out, I just hop online and order another pair of black pants in size whatever from website A or B. Much, much better than going to the mall. That's a good idea - I'm covered on pants for now, though, unless I lose a whole bunch of weight. I think I have a backup pair in a lower weight for that eventuality. So much work...why can't we have food replicators like on Star Trek?! ![:'(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/cry.png) Yessssssss...
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on May 24, 2011 14:47:12 GMT -5
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,508
|
Post by thyme4change on May 24, 2011 14:49:20 GMT -5
Firebird - I buy some shirts at Zappos - they have free shipping both ways, which I love!
|
|
Mrs. Dinero
Well-Known Member
100% about truth & justice. Always trying to give mercy a chance.
Joined: Dec 28, 2010 17:09:17 GMT -5
Posts: 1,508
|
Post by Mrs. Dinero on May 24, 2011 14:55:40 GMT -5
"How do you determine if someone is a shopaholic?" My definition is one that will shop until there is no money left. I have a friend that is a shopaholic. She and her DH work full time. All money is controlled by her DH. She gets an allowance. It works for them. She knows she is allowed $x amount of dollars to buy whatever she wants. She does get frustrated that she has to ask him for more money if she runs out but also understands she has a problem and needs help reigning it in. I hope you both can find a solution.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on May 24, 2011 14:57:52 GMT -5
"How do you determine if someone is a shopaholic?" My definition is one that will shop until there is no money left.
Or even past that point. Like other addictions, keeping the high alive is a lot more important than staying out of debt.
At least Mrs. Cawiau, so far, only spends what she has.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,508
|
Post by thyme4change on May 24, 2011 15:02:54 GMT -5
If shopping creates a high, or the lack of shopping causes anxiety - then there is a problem. If she wants to control herself, but can't - a problem. If she feels bad after the shopping trip, but felt good during the shopping trip - a problem.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,547
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 24, 2011 15:07:58 GMT -5
Does she control her spending or does Cal control her spending? Just because they aren't running themselves into debt doesn't mean they don't have a spending problem. It's like saying an alcoholic only drinks all the beer in the house but doesn't go out to the bar, therefore he isn't an alcoholic.
I don't know if she really is or not, I don't know her, but if she would spend every dime she/they has without Cal having them on such a tight leash then she has a problem.
|
|
azphx1972
Familiar Member
Joined: Mar 2, 2011 22:08:36 GMT -5
Posts: 809
|
Post by azphx1972 on May 24, 2011 15:21:59 GMT -5
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 4, 2024 1:44:11 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 24, 2011 15:27:37 GMT -5
I think Mrs. Cawiau is a shopaholic in the "Cathy cartoon holding a lot of shopping bags on the side of a coffee mug" sense, but I don't think she has any sort of true compulsion.
I think she and cawiau have different spend vs. save tendencies, but I don't think she would spend beyond their means (as she sees them). Just past the point that cawiau is comfortable with.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,508
|
Post by thyme4change on May 24, 2011 17:15:21 GMT -5
I tend to agree with your craftysarah.
I watched a "True Life" where they profiled people who had a shopping addiction. I remember the one girl distinctly. She wanted to go buy some shoes, and her boyfriend wouldn't give her money, and as the time ticked on and it got closer and closer to the time the store was going to close, she really started whigging out. No temper tantrum or anything, but you could see the anxiety physically manifesting itself, and then when he relented (dumb-ass) and gave her the money and she ran over and bought the boots, you saw her get this little high, and then she sat down on the curb, looking relieved and relaxed, and then you could see the remorse wash over her. She had an actual physical reaction to not shopping, and shopping. It was weird. It was the only time I actually thought you could really be addicted to shopping - and not just using some lame terminology to explain why you couldn't control yourself. They didn't show any other sequence where you could see the physical and mental stress on someone. Everyone else in the show was just a brat who wanted more stuff.
|
|
wvugurl26
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:25:30 GMT -5
Posts: 21,769
|
Post by wvugurl26 on May 24, 2011 17:56:57 GMT -5
Well at least she's not spending money they don't have. How much she resents cawiau for saying no we don't have money for that I don't know. I think they have money for fun stuff and savings. He's said many times his wife would be perfectly happy to spend every dime of her check. If bills are paid, money goes to savings and she wants to spend her allowance on shopping then so be it. I would say I think she should be involved in the budgeting process but obviously there's going to be compromise. There are on opposite ends of the spectrum here.
The only shower I've spent more than $75 for was for my brother's baby shower. I was then and still am in a better position financially as is my other brother so we'll buy stuff from time to time when we are around. I love buying cute little outfits for her. Searching the clearance racks/sales at Kohls/Pennys I can usually find a cute outfit for around $10-15. I'll spend a little more on a cute dress for like Easter.
|
|
Gardening Grandma
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:39:46 GMT -5
Posts: 17,962
|
Post by Gardening Grandma on May 24, 2011 18:01:28 GMT -5
Well I'm with firebird. I dislike shopping. Food shopping, clothes shopping, any kind of shopping... Ugh!
When we decide we need something (not food or clothes for me) I assign DH to research and often we'll buy it online. He likes to research. I don't like to let him do the grocery shopping because he tends to spend too much... But he doesn't dislike it the way I do.
About the only shopping I really enjoy is thrift stores or garden centers.....
|
|
wvugurl26
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:25:30 GMT -5
Posts: 21,769
|
Post by wvugurl26 on May 24, 2011 18:07:31 GMT -5
I dislike a whole lotta shopping here. I used to love it, even grocery shopping. The traffic, sheer number of people and their rude behavior for the most part have ruined it for me. There are some grocery stores I can go to that are ok but at others if you aren't ramming half the store with your cart you aren't doing it right. Whole Foods, Trader Joes, and Wegmans aren't so bad though.
And then people told me I shouldn't go to the ritzy mall by me after dark since I'm a girl. I like to get in, get what I need, and get out. Doesn't work so well for clothes or shoes for me. I spent months hunting a pair of brown boots with 3-4 inch heels this winter.
Oh firebird I love that dress! ;D
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on May 24, 2011 18:15:31 GMT -5
Oh firebird I love that dress! ;D
;D I liked it too. If you're interested, PM me your email address and I'll send you a picture of me in the dress I ended up choosing. It's very similar.
|
|
dcmetrocrab
Familiar Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:50:51 GMT -5
Posts: 527
|
Post by dcmetrocrab on May 24, 2011 18:49:29 GMT -5
Does your wife spend money you don't have? Does she refuse to stick to the budget? If so, then yes, there is a problem. If she is simply a dreamer who talks about spending a lot of money, but sticks to the budget, I don't see an issue. I agree. Here's wiki's take on compulsive buying disorder. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compulsive_buying_disorderThink of an alcoholic, how their choices and behaviors affect their lives and others and how they cannot "function" without their drug of choice. Now substitute alcohol with shopping. Is that your wife? From your example, I'd say she's a shopaholic in the casual sense people throw around words like chocoholics, someone who really enjoys shopping. I haven't read anything to make me think she has a serious problem.
|
|
❤ mollymouser ❤
Senior Associate
Sarcasm is my Superpower
Crazy Cat Lady
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 16:09:58 GMT -5
Posts: 12,858
Today's Mood: Gen X ... so I'm sarcastic and annoyed
Location: Central California
Favorite Drink: Diet Mountain Dew
|
Post by ❤ mollymouser ❤ on May 24, 2011 19:02:01 GMT -5
If you think your wife has a serious "shopaholic" problem, then why not begin counseling with her and address this issue?
|
|
formerexpat
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 12:09:05 GMT -5
Posts: 4,079
|
Post by formerexpat on May 24, 2011 19:35:36 GMT -5
The path to an insecure financial future with your partner is a financially irresponsible spouse.
You might love this girl and she might rock your socks but this is not going to end well. You'll either be poor or divorced - possibly both if you have children with her.
|
|
azphx1972
Familiar Member
Joined: Mar 2, 2011 22:08:36 GMT -5
Posts: 809
|
Post by azphx1972 on May 24, 2011 20:05:57 GMT -5
Let's not be too hasty and declare that the marriage is going to fail without knowing all the circumstances. I agree with some of the other posters that there's not enough information to make that kind of determination. There definitely seems to be some kind of disconnect between Mr. and Mrs. Cawiau, but he's probably a little overly obsessed with money (like most of us on YM) so maybe the disconnect seems a lot more exaggerated than it actually is. I'm still thinking that something like FPU has the potential to do their marriage a lot of good in bringing their minds together about money; at the very least it couldn't hurt. Heck, I bet people on this board would even chip in to pay for the cost of the course. I'd be willing to donate $5 or $10 to the cause. Who else is in? ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png)
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 4, 2024 1:44:11 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 24, 2011 20:16:09 GMT -5
I think cawiau is single handedly trying to keep this board alive.
Did I spell that right? I'd hate to get flamed on the grammar thread.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 4, 2024 1:44:11 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 24, 2011 23:40:11 GMT -5
Wow... 4 pages!
First, I did not say she was a shopaholic, but was wondering if she was one or could be considered one. But by reading the replies/links I would say no
a) She does not get sad/depressed if she can't shop b) she does not hide her purchases c) she does not have secret credit cards that I don't know about d) she does not get depressed after a purchase e) she does not get us into credit card debt just to satisfy her spending.
I guess my wife just likes to shop and she likes nice things (her words). In her family that is how they show their love/affection, by buying each other things. And my wife was raised that way and she really get annoyed with me for my birthday, our anniversary or christmas because I never want anything. She finds it frustrating.
But she does not charge it on the credit card or do anything to satisfy it. My concerns are she a) always want/need something b) always shopping.
I am not worried or losing sleep over it because it is within our budget and we can afford it, but how many pair of pants, shirts, shoes or bags does a woman need? We got 2 closet full of her clothes and that is after she donated close to 50% of her clothes to my mom church after we moved last year and just donated 2 garbage bags full of purses.
In Short a) she is not taking us to the poor house, she spend within our budget/allowance
b) She just love shopping/buying new stuff wether it is for her, me, our dog, her mom, my mom, family or friends. That is her way of showing love/affection
c) I was just wondering that if there is a point someone gets and say I have enough, don't need more. I am there and it seems my wife always have needs/wants. So I was wondering if that was a sign of a shopaholic (always wanting/needing to buy something)?
d) And it's not like she is going on crazy shopping sprees either, more like picking up a pair of shoes this weekend, a new shirt next weekend and another week a new purse.
And as another person posted, my wife loves to look nice: it boost her self esteem and she feels confident. She takes an hour to get ready and try like god's knows how many different outfit before making up her mind; while I am the complete opposite. Like I have posted before, my wardrobe got one hell of an upgrade after I married my wife ;D ;D I get compliments all the time about how I look/smell nice and I always go: I'll let my wife know.
Me, I have no issue wearing red sweat pants and orange sweater to go to the gym or go out (did that this past saturday) and it drives my wife nuts. This is the way her mom raised her: appearance matters alot to the two of them.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,436
|
Post by swamp on May 25, 2011 7:56:03 GMT -5
::Me, I have no issue wearing red sweat pants and orange sweater to go to the gym or go out::
I am by no means a fashionista. However, with that being said, I would either kick your ass, or tease you unmercilessly, depending on my mood, if you were my husband and wore that in public.
And yes, this woman believes you can have too many clothes/purses shoes. I don't get the whole "switch the purse" out thing. It's a PITA. Everything I need is in it (cell phone, wallet, jackknife, iPod, coupons, business cards, toys for kids, pens, notepad). Why would I spend time putting it in another purse?
|
|
sapphire12
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:02:12 GMT -5
Posts: 1,211
|
Post by sapphire12 on May 25, 2011 7:59:03 GMT -5
I really and truly hate shopping in all forms. The most fun I've ever had shopping was - well, actually there were two occasions (both related). Shopping for my wedding dress was fun - I bought the third dress I tried on, and I had a really good time. And registering online was fun. Because I could have the thrill of picking out nifty stuff without actually paying for anything, and I didn't even need to go to a store. Actually trying on regular clothes for fun - ugh, kill me. I'd rather have a root canal (at least you get fun drugs when you have a root canal!). Although at this point my lack of wardrobe is probably hurting my career. DF and I consistently vow to each other that THIS MONTH we will go on a shopping spree and update our immensely out of date wardrobes but we can never quite bring ourselves to do it. Firebird, I'm hurt. I thought you had fun while shopping at Union Station in DC. You bought a fabulous dress. ![:'(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/cry.png)
|
|
HoneyBBQ
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 10:36:09 GMT -5
Posts: 5,395
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"3b444e"}
|
Post by HoneyBBQ on May 25, 2011 8:38:34 GMT -5
Some people just like to shop. Just as you may enjoy riding an motorcycle or whatever. So what? It isn't a problem unless it is a problem. And, if you can afford it and she enjoys it, don't rain on her parade. See my post. It can replace what most people consider tokens of love and affection and can isolate them from the rest of the world. Just because she's not spending C into the poorhouse doesn't mean it's not going to become a problem.
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 21,632
|
Post by giramomma on May 25, 2011 9:54:04 GMT -5
I guess my wife just likes to shop and she likes nice things (her words). In her family that is how they show their love/affection, by buying each other things. And my wife was raised that way and she really get annoyed with me for my birthday, our anniversary or christmas because I never want anything. She finds it frustrating. ..... I am not worried or losing sleep over it because it is within our budget and we can afford it, but how many pair of pants, shirts, shoes or bags does a woman need? We got 2 closet full of her clothes and that is after she donated close to 50% of her clothes to my mom church after we moved last year and just donated 2 garbage bags full of purses. In Short a) she is not taking us to the poor house, she spend within our budget/allowance b) She just love shopping/buying new stuff wether it is for her, me, our dog, her mom, my mom, family or friends. That is her way of showing love/affection c) I was just wondering that if there is a point someone gets and say I have enough, don't need more. I am there and it seems my wife always have needs/wants. So I was wondering if that was a sign of a shopaholic (always wanting/needing to buy something)? And as another person posted, my wife loves to look nice: it boost her self esteem and she feels confident. She takes an hour to get ready and try like god's knows how many different outfit before making up her mind; while I am the complete opposite. Like I have posted before, my wardrobe got one hell of an upgrade after I married my wife ;D ;D I get compliments all the time about how I look/smell nice and I always go: I'll let my wife know. Me, I have no issue wearing red sweat pants and orange sweater to go to the gym or go out (did that this past saturday) and it drives my wife nuts. This is the way her mom raised her: appearance matters alot to the two of them. Caw- Have you and your wife worked through the book "The 5 Languages of Love?" It might help your wife to learn what you love languages are, so that she can speak to you, using your language. Yes, at some point, for some people they do find enough. Other people never find enough in their life...
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 4, 2024 1:44:11 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 25, 2011 10:03:31 GMT -5
MIL is much like Mrs. Caiwau - she enjoys shopping and likes nice things. The ILs have the money (well, sorta, but I'm not opening up that can of worms on here), and they're not sacrificing anything because of it, so I guess it's not a problem. I only like shopping for certain things and I hate making a whole day of it. Online shopping is the greatest thing ever IMO.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,448
|
Post by Firebird on May 25, 2011 10:03:41 GMT -5
Firebird, I'm hurt. I thought you had fun while shopping at Union Station in DC. You bought a fabulous dress. Of course I did! You're right, three fun shopping excursions ;D It's fun when other people dress me up. If I had the money I'd hire a personal shopper in a second.
|
|
thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,508
|
Post by thyme4change on May 25, 2011 10:13:26 GMT -5
LOL - I have thought that many times. ![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/50_50.gif) Okay - wait, and think about this...think...think...what is wrong with this declarative statement?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 4, 2024 1:44:11 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 25, 2011 10:17:02 GMT -5
![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/50_50.gif) Okay - wait, and think about this...think...think...what is wrong with this declarative statement? LOL
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 4, 2024 1:44:11 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 25, 2011 10:19:20 GMT -5
If I recall a previous thread of yours, she doesn't have to BE pregnant, just THINK she is pregnant. I remember you had a pregnancy scare, and she created two registries. Damn... that adds a whole new level to the word "scare".
Ok, I haven't read through all these posts. But, this is messed up. If that was true, you're in serious trouble when she really is pregnant. Even frugal me that hates to shop had trouble keeping control when due with my first.
|
|