Deleted
Joined: Jul 4, 2024 2:05:53 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 24, 2011 7:34:03 GMT -5
How do you determine if someone is a shopaholic? Because I think my wife is one.
My wife always volunteers to do the shopping or go shopping with someone and I thought maybe she loves being helpful. But on sunday when we went to visit my mom and nephew in NJ we stopped at Babies R Us to pick up a few things and I told her before we got in that the budget was $75 (we end up spending $64).
Anyway, while I just wanted to pick up just a few things that were left off their registry (the baby was born a month ago but they still need a few things and we are all helping out), my wife was seriously in Heaven. She was not even shopping for herself but if she could she would have bought the everything in the store.
I mean seriously, she wanted to buy anything and everything and I was like a parent and had to say NO, NO, and HELL TO THE NO (I did buy 2 outfits that she picked up).
At some point I was like why are you so excited, you are not even shopping for you. She said: I love shopping, always have, I just don't have the income at my disposal to shop the way I want to.
And when we were leaving babies r us she was like: I can't wait to get pregnant. Not because of the whole pregnant process... I just can't wait to start shopping for our baby.
I mean I knew she liked shopping and if she could she would spend every penny she could, but I thought it was on her. But my wife was raised that the way you show your love/affection is by giving gifts, buying people things, etc.
I am thinking now we are ok since our budget is so strict and I leave no excessive disposable income in our checking... but I am thinking I will need to be vigilant as our income grows because my wife might spend every extra penny we make. Is she a shopaholic?
|
|
daisylu
Junior Associate
Enter your message here...
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 6:04:42 GMT -5
Posts: 7,098
|
Post by daisylu on May 24, 2011 7:35:58 GMT -5
YES.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,547
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 24, 2011 7:44:58 GMT -5
Yes.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 4, 2024 2:05:53 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 24, 2011 7:45:46 GMT -5
Or she just may be a 4 year old girl in the candy aisle at the grocery store. I'd say she just never bothered to grow up.
You...on the other hand are NOT her Daddy.
Unfortunately, my crystal ball says you are not going to be growing old with this woman child. You will eventually tire of your present role and she will resist tooth and nail to your contined nagging. How on earth you two ever thought your differences would be solved by marriage is beyond me.
Blonde Granny: aged 66 and married (to the same guy) for 47 years.....
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,436
|
Post by swamp on May 24, 2011 7:49:25 GMT -5
Um, haven't posters been telling you this for a long time?
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on May 24, 2011 8:06:59 GMT -5
Yes. And you are right to worry about being vigilant as your income increases... ETA that the below quote made me a little ![](http://us.social.s-msn.com/s/images/emoticons/52_52.gif) - I hope that if you do have kids, she sees that they are more than dolls to accessorize. And when we were leaving babies r us she was like: I can't wait to get pregnant. Not because of the whole pregnant process... I just can't wait to start shopping for our baby.
|
|
CPWnyc
New Member
Joined: Mar 30, 2011 15:35:52 GMT -5
Posts: 41
|
Post by CPWnyc on May 24, 2011 8:07:55 GMT -5
I'm sorry that you can't relate to "shopaholism?". I LOVE to shop...especially shoes,handbags and homegoods. My BFF and I can spend hrs I mean ...all day at the outlets or the mall to shop. Sometimes, I just go there to look..what's new and trendy. Living in NYC means we have a lot of stores that carry the latest but inepensive stuffs . Shopping does not have to be expensive.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,547
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 24, 2011 8:09:27 GMT -5
Is she like this in other stores or just baby stores.You apparently missed the crock pot thread back on the old MSN and the wedding thread and every other thread cawiau has posted. It's not just Baby's R Us. Though I will say that store is particularly bad for impulse shopping even for those with self control. Something about a cute little shiny pair of baby shoes makes me melt and forget the price tag. We've actually had to agree to not go to Baby's R Us unless there is a fantastic deal we can't get at our local Toys R Us because we never leave with just what we came for. ![](http://boards.msn.com/Themes/default/emoticons/red_smile.gif)
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,436
|
Post by swamp on May 24, 2011 8:10:36 GMT -5
Yes. And you are right to worry about being vigilant as your income increases... ETA that the below quote made me a little ![](http://us.social.s-msn.com/s/images/emoticons/52_52.gif) - I hope that if you do have kids, she sees that they are more than dolls to accessorize. And when we were leaving babies r us she was like: I can't wait to get pregnant. Not because of the whole pregnant process... I just can't wait to start shopping for our baby. That comment was pretty freaky. And I wonder if she's actually been around real live kids. YOu can dress them up all cute, and then they'll either puke, poop, or pee, or all three, on the cute outfit.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,547
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 24, 2011 8:13:27 GMT -5
YOu can dress them up all cute, and then they'll either puke, poop, or pee, or all three, on the cute outfit. Then it all leaks onto YOUR outfit! ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) You have to really look at those outfits. I had people give me outfits for the shower taht ended up going in the donation pile when I realized I didn't want to wrestle with a baby as I buttoned a gazillion tiny little buttons. Whoever put buttons on newborn clothes should be shot. Same with snaps. Velcro, that's the way to go. ;D
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,436
|
Post by swamp on May 24, 2011 8:18:06 GMT -5
You apparently missed the crock pot thread back on the old MSN and the wedding thread and every other thread cawiau has posted. I do remember all those threads, but I didn't quite get the crock pot issue. They're like $15 and I use mine all the time.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,547
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 24, 2011 8:19:39 GMT -5
I thought it was because she wanted it and then it ended up in a cupboard somewhere.
|
|
|
Post by bobbysgirl on May 24, 2011 8:20:55 GMT -5
LOL ;D So true.
Yes she has a problem. Either have a heart to heart, adult to adult with her, or you will 1) end up giving in or 2) the D word is on the horizon. I hope it comes to neither of these.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,547
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 24, 2011 8:22:26 GMT -5
Doesn't she have a little dog that she can dress up? Much cheaper than a baby
Probably more cooperative too.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,436
|
Post by swamp on May 24, 2011 8:24:09 GMT -5
Is she like this in other stores or just baby stores.You apparently missed the crock pot thread back on the old MSN and the wedding thread and every other thread cawiau has posted. It's not just Baby's R Us. Though I will say that store is particularly bad for impulse shopping even for those with self control. Something about a cute little shiny pair of baby shoes makes me melt and forget the price tag. We've actually had to agree to not go to Baby's R Us unless there is a fantastic deal we can't get at our local Toys R Us because we never leave with just what we came for. ![](http://boards.msn.com/Themes/default/emoticons/red_smile.gif) Missed the crock pot thread... but I do remember the apartment saga. Doesn't she have a little dog that she can dress up? Much cheaper than a baby ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png) I think buying outfits for the dog has been the subject of a thread too...........
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,436
|
Post by swamp on May 24, 2011 8:24:44 GMT -5
Doesn't she have a little dog that she can dress up? Much cheaper than a babyProbably more cooperative too. And when it annoys you, you can chuck it outside and lock the door without someone calling child protective services on you. ![](http://boards.msn.com/Themes/default/emoticons/tongue_smile.gif)
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,547
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 24, 2011 8:27:19 GMT -5
And when it annoys you, you can chuck it outside and lock the door without someone calling child protective services on you. ![](http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/1-1.gif)
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 21,632
|
Post by giramomma on May 24, 2011 8:31:51 GMT -5
Yes, you can be addicted to shopping.
But, I dunno if your wife is..
Is she shopping to get high? To self-medicate? To escape? Which emotional needs of her's aren't being met?
Does she routinely hide her purchases? Bring her purchases in the house when you aren't looking? Does she feel shame after she shops?
My for my stress relief, I do all sorts of needlework. It makes me happy, and at the end of the day, I will spend time with this over making sure our house is picked up, etc. This is also where I spend my discretionary income. I also have more patterns/projects in my stash that I can do in my lifetime. But, it's my thing. I'd never be as reckless as your wife is about shopping. But, well, i can get sucked in too much at times.
As long as your wife is NOT using shopping to manage her feelings, maybe it's just her thing? I don't get having shopping be one's thing, but I'm sure she wouldn't get giddy over different types of fibers like I do.
|
|
Gardening Grandma
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:39:46 GMT -5
Posts: 17,962
|
Post by Gardening Grandma on May 24, 2011 8:45:09 GMT -5
She sounds like a shopaholic.. My cousin is married to one. She spends compulsively. Her rationalization is that she's buying for someone (she overspends on gifts)... My cousin, in spite of having a very good job, has filed for b'ruptcy twice. And though they are both in their 50's, they live in an apartment because they can't buy a home. (they lost their home to foreclosure)... But she is still spending. No retirement savings.... ![:(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/sad.png)
|
|
patchwork150
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 19:01:28 GMT -5
Posts: 240
|
Post by patchwork150 on May 24, 2011 8:48:36 GMT -5
Then according to your description, I am a shopaholic. I love shopping- going out, seeing new things, browsing, window shopping, gift shopping, grociery, etc. I am responsible with $ now that I 'grew up' financially, but I still love shopping. I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying something that is a part of day-to-day life. I would LOVE to shop for a baby if I were preggo. Doesn't mean I would buy EVERYTHING and overspend, but I would enjoy it very much. I think your wife can get to this point as well.
All in all, I think your wife is more than capable of maturing. She needs to do it on her own though- without you being the policeman.
|
|
ohmomto2boys
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 9:25:38 GMT -5
Posts: 1,008
|
Post by ohmomto2boys on May 24, 2011 8:53:36 GMT -5
Yep, she sounds like a shopaholic....because she sounds just like my SIL.
SIL is pregnant and they have choosen not to find out what they are having. HOWEVER, she found the cutest girl swimsuit and coverup and it is only $7.99 & $8.99 and wants to buy it "Just in case" she has a girl. Really??? Save yourself $17 and just wait. I understand the excitement, but you don't know if it is a girl for sure.
cawai - it's great you have a lockdown on your $. You most certainly have a spender on your hands.
|
|
|
Post by Savoir Faire-Demogague in NJ on May 24, 2011 8:55:11 GMT -5
All in all, I think your wife is more than capable of maturing. She needs to do it on her own though- without you being the policeman.
Problem is, they are married and thus, have shared and combined financial responsibility. We've read hundreds of threads here and on the old MSN forums, about one spouse spending the family into oblivion. From Caw's 100s of threads about his marriage, it seems as though his wife has the mentality of a young child. Our pal Caw has married a real winner.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on May 24, 2011 8:56:59 GMT -5
I think the critical difference between some of the self-proclaimed "shopaholics" on this thread and Carl's wife is that he feels compelled to hide any extra cash so that she doesn't spend it. I suspect that Sroo and Patchwork are more the self-limiting types (being YM posters and all ;D)
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 25,936
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on May 24, 2011 8:58:29 GMT -5
I am thinking now we are ok since our budget is so strict and I leave no excessive disposable income in our checking... but I am thinking I will need to be vigilant as our income grows because my wife might spend every extra penny we make. Is she a shopaholic? Just curious as to where you are hiding all this excessive disposable income?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 4, 2024 2:05:53 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 24, 2011 9:02:36 GMT -5
"I mean seriously, she wanted to buy anything and everything and I was like a parent and had to say NO, NO, and HELL TO THE NO (I did buy 2 outfits that she picked up)."
Was she saying "let's get this and this and this" or was she saying "how about this" and you would go no and then she would say "then what about this" and you would say no, and so on. There is a big differance between the two.
And I think cawiau throws his wife under the bus for our entertainment.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Jul 4, 2024 2:05:53 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 24, 2011 9:11:58 GMT -5
Yes, she's a shopaholic. It was a pressure cooker, not a crockpot. I think it cost $100 or something. Wanting a baby so you can shop for it is creepy and wrong. Like the others have said babies poop, pee and burp up stuff everywhere. Zippered sleepers and onesies will be your best friend. DS is almost 2 1/2 and I've yet to get through the day without some weird body fluid on me. ![>:(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/angry.png) I love to shop too so I do understand on some level.
|
|
Frugal Nurse
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 3, 2011 18:19:55 GMT -5
Posts: 988
|
Post by Frugal Nurse on May 24, 2011 9:14:18 GMT -5
I don't see anything wrong with loving to shop. I love to shop. I like having extra money to spend as I choose. It isn't so much that I like spending money, but I like nice things. I like to present myself well, and I enjoy giving gifts to others. It isn't about the Joneses, I just don't feel confident when my clothes are unkempt or my furnishings are in disrepair. And I'm a dreamer too. I talk about what we'll do "when we have the money". I talk about the home improvements, the big vacations we'll take, the cars we'll drive, etc. This is just talk though. I know that I won't do any of that until the money has been saved. It is nice to dream though.
I make a shopping budget, and I stick to it. I fund my retirement, pay my bills, keep out of debt. I save money when and where I can. I use coupons and shop sales. I save up for big ticket items. I have an EF and don't compromise my or DH's future.
Does your wife spend money you don't have? Does she refuse to stick to the budget? If so, then yes, there is a problem. If she is simply a dreamer who talks about spending a lot of money, but sticks to the budget, I don't see an issue.
|
|
busymom
Distinguished Associate
Why is the rum always gone? Oh...that's why.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 21:09:36 GMT -5
Posts: 28,740
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"https://cdn.nickpic.host/images/IPauJ5.jpg","color":""}
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0D317F
Mini-Profile Text Color: 0D317F
|
Post by busymom on May 24, 2011 9:19:32 GMT -5
I enjoy shopping, but can walk out of a store without buying one thing, because I always put the family budget first.
Can your wife separate wants from needs? Does she have clothes in the closet that still have tags on? Is she unable to leave a store without buying a "little something"? Those are the red flags I would be watching for.
|
|
happyscooter
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 5, 2011 9:04:06 GMT -5
Posts: 2,416
|
Post by happyscooter on May 24, 2011 9:26:00 GMT -5
You're just now finding this out??? ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png)
|
|
kiskis
Initiate Member
Joined: May 18, 2011 13:26:36 GMT -5
Posts: 59
|
Post by kiskis on May 24, 2011 9:33:04 GMT -5
I don't see anything wrong with loving to shop. I love to shop. I like having extra money to spend as I choose. It isn't so much that I like spending money, but I like nice things. I like to present myself well, and I enjoy giving gifts to others. It isn't about the Joneses, I just don't feel confident when my clothes are unkempt or my furnishings are in disrepair. And I'm a dreamer too. I talk about what we'll do "when we have the money". I talk about the home improvements, the big vacations we'll take, the cars we'll drive, etc. This is just talk though. I know that I won't do any of that until the money has been saved. It is nice to dream though. I make a shopping budget, and I stick to it. I fund my retirement, pay my bills, keep out of debt. I save money when and where I can. I use coupons and shop sales. I save up for big ticket items. I have an EF and don't compromise my or DH's future. Does your wife spend money you don't have? Does she refuse to stick to the budget? If so, then yes, there is a problem. If she is simply a dreamer who talks about spending a lot of money, but sticks to the budget, I don't see an issue.Completely agree with all of the above. I love to dream up crazy bathroom remodels, redecorating, and will window shop and check online sites as a form of entertainment. However, in actual behavior, I spend very, very frugally. Even DH, who has worn the same five sets of clothes for the past three years, admits that I am satisfactorily thrifty.
|
|