muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Feb 9, 2019 15:03:41 GMT -5
My kids are writing their own thank you notes!!! Yeah, 6 weeks after Christmas, but between illness and birthdays, it has been a little nuts. DD#2's bday is in January. The note she sent to my mother came back to our house last week because DD forgot to put a stamp on the envelope.
Last summer we were writing letters to my Great Aunt and one time the letter came back because the stamp fell off. For some reason those stamps were not sticky at all and kept falling off.
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oped
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Post by oped on Feb 9, 2019 15:43:39 GMT -5
I think that it's a perfectly reasonable policy to keep cell phones out of the bedrooms, but do whatever works for you and your family. I've thought about giving a phone to my oldest. I don't think I want to go there yet. Sounds like more trouble than it's worth at this point. Giving him one wouldn't solve any problems for us, and would probably create some. How old is he? Mpl. don’t know if I’d mention it. I would probably not monitor it though, although it seems his habit so he probably doesn’t need reminders. It might not be an issue. My biggest thing in general is that 18 and college is a big transition time and learning to navigate lots of little responsibilities along the way can help to make that a little less overwhelming. Not to make too much of the cell phone, and I’m sure mpl kids have lots of self reliance, it just struck me reading it.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 9, 2019 16:09:44 GMT -5
I think that it's a perfectly reasonable policy to keep cell phones out of the bedrooms, but do whatever works for you and your family. I've thought about giving a phone to my oldest. I don't think I want to go there yet. Sounds like more trouble than it's worth at this point. Giving him one wouldn't solve any problems for us, and would probably create some. How old is he? Mpl. don’t know if I’d mention it. I would probably not monitor it though, although it seems his habit so he probably doesn’t need reminders. It might not be an issue. My biggest thing in general is that 18 and college is a big transition time and learning to navigate lots of little responsibilities along the way can help to make that a little less overwhelming. Not to make too much of the cell phone, and I’m sure mpl kids have lots of self reliance, it just struck me reading it. Going on 9. I have 2 old tracfones just sitting around, and my DH is talking about upgrading his, so it could become 3 old smartphones. The minimum minute cards to keep service days going is very cheap. They have Wi-Fi capability for web browsing, so i could have already given him an old one for free, and used a free number for texting over the Wi-Fi only. But, it's yet another screen.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Feb 9, 2019 16:13:06 GMT -5
It's just going to be a house phone for now, but talking on the phone? Way better than this running around the house with a video chat in my book!
I haven't caught up but this seems like a happy compromise to me minnesotapaintlady . Your ex has no boundaries, so I would tell him he can call Carrot anytime on the phone (during reasonable hours of course) but Carrot's screen time (and therefore the tablet) is limited, and only in Carrot's room. Program your ex's number into your new "landline" so you don't pick up inadvertently. But when Carrot goes to bed, you'll need to remove the tablet. You'll soon see whether Ex 2 tries using the tablet to chat with you (I'm guessing he will).
Ideally I would have preferred to keep Carrot's tablet in a public space, and explain to him that you and his Dad are divorced so he shouldn't be running around filming everything you do. But again, your ex has no boundaries. He indeed seems totally capable of telling Carrot to "surprise" you in the shower like someone else mentioned.
Also, I'm guessing the novelty of the tablet will wear off a LOT faster if Carrot is confined to his room during those great conversations with his dad.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Feb 9, 2019 16:21:57 GMT -5
1) I think it's great that Carrot called you also while you were at work. That means it's far more about the tablet than about him wanting his dad to "be in your house". Knee Deep in Water Chloe , I think it's MPL's ex/Carrot's DAD wanting to be in MPL's house, not Carrot wanting that.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Feb 9, 2019 16:26:32 GMT -5
minnesotapaintlady I just had a pretty Machiavellian thought. Actually, it might be, um, interesting to leave Carrot his tablet at night, to see if your ex tries to contact him at crazy hours. Like Drama said, your Ex 2 is obsessed with Carrot. He wants to be Carrot's best friend, but he doesn't act like a dad/responsible adult. If he DOES start texing/calling Carrot past his bedtime, that could go a VERY LONG WAY towards ensuring that you get custody of Carrot ... just saying. I'd turn the volume off when Carrot goes to bed though. You should still be able to keep a log of the calls if they come in at inappropriate hours, or take screenshots, dunno. (I'm not very tech.) I'm sure your Ex 1 could/would help you with this.
ETA: Also you should be documenting all the stuff with the piano lessons, ie his refusing to take Carrot to his lessons, the fact that you bought a keyboard for his place, etc.
With every post, you prove how you try to provide stability and continuity for Carrot. Your ex 2 does not. ETA2: I originally said "your kids" then edited it to just Carrot. You do that for both, but you're not fighting Ex 1. Carrot is the issue here.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Feb 9, 2019 17:12:37 GMT -5
Oh my goodness, my sweet girl wrote a thank you note for me and DH. I wondered why she had 6 thank you notes when she only needed 5.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Feb 9, 2019 17:52:10 GMT -5
ODD has a phone with an app that just lets me shut it off, really it is on a timer. The nice thing is if I need to reach her I can by just turning her phone back on calling and then turning it off. But she is 12. Today ODD and I just went out for some girl time. We walked main street some, was going to fudge but it wasn't ready yet They didn't have any last Saturday either. It is a small sweet shop and they are closed Sunday and Monday. So we went to the icecream place instead on main street. Then we got lunch. A bit backwards but all good. YDD was complaining, but I will take her tomorrow to do stuff. We do a lot of things together, but today I just wanted to give ODD some one on one time. Besides that we are all being lazy at home.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Feb 9, 2019 19:45:05 GMT -5
Jocelyn is so upset that I'm going to be gone for 2.5 days. She just started crying at supper that I'm leaving in the morning. She's been places without us. I've had to leave overnight without them before, but she has not been happy about me leaving all month. Other than I have to leave early tomorrow morning. She is barely going to notice I'm gone Monday and Tuesday. Poor DH.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Feb 10, 2019 12:58:51 GMT -5
My baby girl turns 21 today. I feel so old.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Feb 11, 2019 12:11:56 GMT -5
Is it normal for toddlers to be jerks? And more so is it normal for me to want to smack those little toddlers that are being jerks to my daughter?
Just asking!
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Feb 11, 2019 12:42:42 GMT -5
Is it normal for toddlers to be jerks? And more so is it normal for me to want to smack those little toddlers that are being jerks to my daughter? Just asking! It's quite normal. All they are is tiny people. People of all ages are assholes.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Feb 11, 2019 15:26:19 GMT -5
I am (somewhat irrationally) annoyed that parent-teacher conferences were postponed for our school district last Wednesday evening and Thursday day, and then they announced yesterday via email and social media that they are cancelling them and not having any makeup times for them. I get that teachers and the school buildings themselves already have other things scheduled, and they don’t want to cancel any school days to make up conferences. I’m more annoyed that I don’t think they really needed to cancel them - no students or buses were involved as reasons to cancel, the roads weren’t that bad (especially because the conferences didn’t start until lunchtime on Thursday), and getting the conference info via a folder home and/or email isn’t the same.
I emailed C’s teacher to see if we could meet on Thursday after school since I’ll be there anyway for the Valentine’s Day Party, and was told she’s sending home the info today, academically he is very strong, and the only behavior thing she was going to talk with us about is him making good choices, which leaves to him being off task or talking during instruction. If I still have questions, we can meet Thursday after school. Yes, I’m still going to have questions - I can talk about making good choices and listening in class until I’m blue in the face, but he’s not going to listen to me. So I’d like her input on how to help him with that. Because frankly, that’s an issue at home as well. Argh. And to be clear, I’m not annoyed at his teacher - just annoyed at the situation in general.
ETA: and clearly, this is a first world problem
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Feb 11, 2019 15:57:51 GMT -5
Jocelyn is so upset that I'm going to be gone for 2.5 days. She just started crying at supper that I'm leaving in the morning. She's been places without us. I've had to leave overnight without them before, but she has not been happy about me leaving all month. Other than I have to leave early tomorrow morning. She is barely going to notice I'm gone Monda y and Tuesday. Poor DH. DD#2 had meltdowns like this from ages 8 - 10. I'd taken a new position in a school district that had me at the district office working with teachers in six different buildings. I was often sent to PD conferences to bring back that information and training to the district. It got to the point that we wouldn't tell her I was leaving, and I'd leave early in the morning the day I had to be out of town. She doesn't have the meltdowns anymore, but she still gets bonus anxiety when either one of us is leaving town.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Feb 11, 2019 15:58:40 GMT -5
My baby girl turns 21 today. I feel so old. It's awful isn't it. DD#1 turned 21 last month. Ridiculous.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Feb 11, 2019 16:00:01 GMT -5
Is it normal for toddlers to be jerks? And more so is it normal for me to want to smack those little toddlers that are being jerks to my daughter? Just asking! Welcome to parenting!
Keep in mind that toddlers don't know they're being jerks. They're just trying to figure out how the world works. Also, try not to smack other people's kids.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Feb 11, 2019 16:01:58 GMT -5
I am (somewhat irrationally) annoyed that parent-teacher conferences were postponed for our school district last Wednesday evening and Thursday day, and then they announced yesterday via email and social media that they are cancelling them and not having any makeup times for them. I get that teachers and the school buildings themselves already have other things scheduled, and they don’t want to cancel any school days to make up conferences. I’m more annoyed that I don’t think they really needed to cancel them - no students or buses were involved as reasons to cancel, the roads weren’t that bad (especially because the conferences didn’t start until lunchtime on Thursday), and getting the conference info via a folder home and/or email isn’t the same. I emailed C’s teacher to see if we could meet on Thursday after school since I’ll be there anyway for the Valentine’s Day Party, and was told she’s sending home the info today, academically he is very strong, and the only behavior thing she was going to talk with us about is him making good choices, which leaves to him being off task or talking during instruction. If I still have questions, we can meet Thursday after school. Yes, I’m still going to have questions - I can talk about making good choices and listening in class until I’m blue in the face, but he’s not going to listen to me. So I’d like her input on how to help him with that. Because frankly, that’s an issue at home as well. Argh. And to be clear, I’m not annoyed at his teacher - just annoyed at the situation in general. ETA: and clearly, this is a first world problem That's definitely weird--especially for an elementary school. Secondary schools have such low parent turn-out for conferences that it makes sense to not re-schedule. I'd just reiterate that you want a face-to-face meeting.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 11, 2019 16:04:26 GMT -5
I'd be annoyed too TCU. We're at the school all the time it feels like, but there isn't much interaction with the kids teachers specifically about the kids. The first couple years they had a different routine where we had 1:1 conferences twice a year and then group conferences twice a year that included individual work at home assignments. I definitely felt more involved with that set up than I do now. I was out of town for the first set of conferences this year so I really haven't sat down with the kids teachers at all this year. However, their school is trying a new thing out where they are offering voluntary home visits from the kids teacher to come to your home (or another location) to get to know your child outside of school. The kids loved the idea so that's happening--of course at our home, so they can meet the pets and stuff. I was like...um does that mean I have to clean for your teachers to come over? ETA: Bless the teachers. It would really stress me out to try to schedule these, let alone actually go to students homes. Tag me in to argue on the next "teaching is easy" thread because I guarantee they aren't getting this done in 40 or even 50 hour work weeks.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 11, 2019 16:08:05 GMT -5
They did home visits for preschool.
I didn't like it it felt like an intrusion into my privacy. They were nice but it was hard not to feel like they were judging me.
I'm sure other parents probably loved it.
I prefer in school myself.
Teachers really can't win with conferences it seems.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Feb 11, 2019 16:19:14 GMT -5
I definitely would not like my kid's teacher coming to my home.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 11, 2019 16:26:58 GMT -5
They definitely offered "or other location" on the flyers, so they would meet people at the library so that people wouldn't decline because of that. It's meant well, but I'm more of a hermit until its on my own terms so I wouldn't have minded if the kids had wanted to pass.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 11, 2019 17:08:27 GMT -5
Sister teaches pre-K and they do the in home visits in the first semester. She co-teaches, so it's the two of them.
She's never talked about somebody's home, just that they can tell the why some of the kids act the way they do after meeting the parents. As in, parents do not discipline their kids, their kid never does anything wrong, etc.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Feb 11, 2019 17:36:21 GMT -5
Is it normal for toddlers to be jerks? And more so is it normal for me to want to smack those little toddlers that are being jerks to my daughter? Just asking! Welcome to parenting!
Keep in mind that toddlers don't know they're being jerks. They're just trying to figure out how the world works. Also, try not to smack other people's kids. I don’t know... I think some of them know they are being jerks and behavior is ignored/not being addressed by parents or reinforced. And I had to bite my lips more time than I can count not to jump in. My daughter has my wife temperament : people pleaser, polite to a fault and not confrontational. Many times I called out DD name so those parents would know who is her dad so you better watch your little jerk or Prima Donna ... I got mine! In reality I was polite and respectful but inside I was fuming.... Long day sorry / sorry end rant
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 11, 2019 18:35:51 GMT -5
Welcome to parenting!
Keep in mind that toddlers don't know they're being jerks. They're just trying to figure out how the world works. Also, try not to smack other people's kids. I don’t know... I think some of them know they are being jerks and behavior is ignored/not being addressed by parents or reinforced. And I had to bite my lips more time than I can count not to jump in. My daughter has my wife temperament : people pleaser, polite to a fault and not confrontational. Many times I called out DD name so those parents would know who is her dad so you better watch your little jerk or Prima Donna ... I got mine! In reality I was polite and respectful but inside I was fuming.... Long day sorry / sorry end rant My Aunt would have asked “who’s parent is yours?” Or worse. But she had no issues shaming bad parenting or kids being a-holes.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2019 19:14:49 GMT -5
Welcome to parenting!
Keep in mind that toddlers don't know they're being jerks. They're just trying to figure out how the world works. Also, try not to smack other people's kids. I don’t know... I think some of them know they are being jerks and behavior is ignored/not being addressed by parents or reinforced. And I had to bite my lips more time than I can count not to jump in. My daughter has my wife temperament : people pleaser, polite to a fault and not confrontational. Many times I called out DD name so those parents would know who is her dad so you better watch your little jerk or Prima Donna ... I got mine! In reality I was polite and respectful but inside I was fuming.... Long day sorry / sorry end rant I get more irritated with the kids' parents than the children themselves. Children only learn proper behavior when somebody teaches it to them. My granddaughter will be 5yo this spring. She's the child I've said was different since she was a baby. She does not tolerate other children disrespecting her boundaries. For example, there's a little boy that's at her other grandmother's house sometimes. He's a little older than her and does some strange things and seems to have some behavioral issues. My granddaughter doesn't like playing with him. Months ago she told him she didn't want to play with him. He got in her face, she told him not to touch her. A few minutes later, he came back and grabbed her, trying to get her to play I guess, and she hauled off and punched him and told him "I SAID don't touch me!". That's how it was told to me and I can totally see her doing that. She's a sweet girl, but very much her own person. It's hard sometimes knowing when to step in as your little ones are learning how to interact with other children and the other ones aren't as nice as your child is. And I think that in general, we tend to teach our girls to always play nice and not cause trouble, which is a problem if the message they get is that they shouldn't stand up for themselves. I'm sure little Carlie will be fine. Her Mom will teach her to be gentle and kind and her Daddy will teach her to treat people well, but don't take no shit!
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Feb 11, 2019 19:59:56 GMT -5
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. DH fell on the ice walking the kids home from school. He's at urgent care. He just texted me that his leg is broken. Our pastor is with the kids. I'm in Phoenix doubting I'm going to make it home tomorrow because of the weather. My parents can't come help because of the weather. Fuck.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 11, 2019 20:05:00 GMT -5
Oh mutt....I'm so sorry. I...want there to be something better to say than that.
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chapeau
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Post by chapeau on Feb 11, 2019 20:07:42 GMT -5
Oh mutt. I don’t know what to say, except I’m so sorry. Is there anything your employer can do to make it easier for you and the kids?
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Feb 11, 2019 20:07:49 GMT -5
SO glad you at least have the pastor to help!
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Feb 11, 2019 20:10:47 GMT -5
So sorry mutt I hope you are able to get home to your family soon.
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