The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[saveinla]

Oh no. Do you have any neighbors with kids around your kids ages that can help until you get home - it will be much better than the pastor I think. Sorry, I know how hard it is when you are somewhere else and cannot go home immediately.. 

[oped]

Feb 11, 2019 19:14:49 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Feb 11, 2019 17:36:21 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

I don’t know... I think some of them know they are being jerks and behavior is ignored/not being addressed by parents or reinforced.

And I had to bite my lips more time than I can count not to jump in. My daughter has my wife temperament : people pleaser, polite to a fault and not confrontational.

Many times I called out DD name so those parents would know who is her dad so you better watch your little jerk or Prima Donna ... I got mine! In reality I was polite and respectful but inside I was fuming....

Long day sorry / sorry end rant

I get more irritated with the kids' parents than the children themselves. Children only learn proper behavior when somebody teaches it to them.

My granddaughter will be 5yo this spring. She's the child I've said was different since she was a baby. She does not tolerate other children disrespecting her boundaries.

For example, there's a little boy that's at her other grandmother's house sometimes. He's a little older than her and does some strange things and seems to have some behavioral issues. My granddaughter doesn't like playing with him. Months ago she told him she didn't want to play with him. He got in her face, she told him not to touch her. A few minutes later, he came back and grabbed her, trying to get her to play I guess, and she hauled off and punched him and told him "I SAID don't touch me!".

That's how it was told to me and I can totally see her doing that. She's a sweet girl, but very much her own person.

It's hard sometimes knowing when to step in as your little ones are learning how to interact with other children and the other ones aren't as nice as your child is. And I think that in general, we tend to teach our girls to always play nice and not cause trouble, which is a problem if the message they get is that they shouldn't stand up for themselves.

I'm sure little Carlie will be fine. Her Mom will teach her to be gentle and kind and her Daddy will teach her to treat people well, but don't take no shit!

So someone assaulted your daughter and she stood up for herself. I'm actually good with this. 

But then i spent the end of last week in a room being run wild by 5 1st-2nd boys i don't trust at all and who are not being held responsible for their behavior. So i'm biased. (To be fair they haven't been violent, but i know that at least one incident happened while i was out of the room where one of them had to apologize to one of the girls... but honestly they are so impulsive and manic its a matter of time.)

[oped]

Hope you find find help and get home soon Mutt.

[Sam_2.0]

Omg, Mutt! I hope you are able to get things settled here soon. That has to be super stressful. Poor H hope it was a clean break and heals well.

[andi9899]

Feb 11, 2019 19:59:56 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. DH fell on the ice walking the kids home from school. He's at urgent care. He just texted me that his leg is broken. Our pastor is with the kids. I'm in Phoenix doubting I'm going to make it home tomorrow because of the weather. My parents can't come help because of the weather. Fuck.

It's just one thing after another! I'm sorry.

[Deleted]

Oh no muttleynfelix. There's never a good time to get hurt, but I know it's especially bad timing with you being away and the weather keeping extended family from being able to help until you get home. I'm sorry!

[Pants]

OMG mutt, hoping you can get home soon. That’s one of my literal nightmares when I travel. Hopefully it’s not a bad break (not that there are really good ones.)

[Works4me]

Mutt - that really sux. Hopefully your airport will be open and you will be safely home with your family ASAP.

[muttleynfelix]

I talked to DH last night, they were surviving. No school today and if my flights all work out, someone from church will pick me up at the airport. Our pastor is about my age with a 15 year old and 13 year old. DH actually contacted his wife, but she was unavailable (she's watched the kids before and the kids request her) and had him come over. With the kids in school and our school being so neighborhood oriented we actually have a good set of friends that can help out of need be. Anyway, I'm leaving the hotel at 8 this morning. My Minneapolis coworkers fly out about 30 minutes before me, so we are riding to the airport together. It was a lot of fun. We have a good group of people. No one take a themselves too seriously, but still professional.

[Works4me]

Good to hear that your plans for return flights are looking good and that you have a ride home arranged. It's nice that your kids are home today and old enough to help out a bit. Any idea how bad the break is and what he's looking at for recovery?

[raeoflyte]

Good luck on flights today Mutt!  Glad the kids don't have school and I hope everyone can take it easy.  

[finnime]

Hope today goes well for you and your family muttleynfelix. And that your DH recovers fast and easily.

[flamingo]

Oh no muttleynfelix! I hope it's a clean break and he heals quickly/easily. I travel a lot for work, and I swear every time I'm away, my DH hurts himself. Then, he waits until I get home so I get the pleasure of taking him to urgent care or the ER.    So I definitely relate your panic!

[TheOtherMe]

Here is to your flights today going smoothly and you get home safe and sound.  

[tcu2003]

Yikes, muttley!! Hope everything goes smoothly on your travels and you make it home today!

[tcu2003]

Feb 11, 2019 20:48:14 GMT -5 oped said:

Feb 11, 2019 19:14:49 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

I get more irritated with the kids' parents than the children themselves. Children only learn proper behavior when somebody teaches it to them.

My granddaughter will be 5yo this spring. She's the child I've said was different since she was a baby. She does not tolerate other children disrespecting her boundaries.

For example, there's a little boy that's at her other grandmother's house sometimes. He's a little older than her and does some strange things and seems to have some behavioral issues. My granddaughter doesn't like playing with him. Months ago she told him she didn't want to play with him. He got in her face, she told him not to touch her. A few minutes later, he came back and grabbed her, trying to get her to play I guess, and she hauled off and punched him and told him "I SAID don't touch me!".

That's how it was told to me and I can totally see her doing that. She's a sweet girl, but very much her own person.

It's hard sometimes knowing when to step in as your little ones are learning how to interact with other children and the other ones aren't as nice as your child is. And I think that in general, we tend to teach our girls to always play nice and not cause trouble, which is a problem if the message they get is that they shouldn't stand up for themselves.

I'm sure little Carlie will be fine. Her Mom will teach her to be gentle and kind and her Daddy will teach her to treat people well, but don't take no shit!

So someone assaulted your daughter and she stood up for herself. I'm actually good with this. 

But then i spent the end of last week in a room being run wild by 5 1st-2nd boys i don't trust at all and who are not being held responsible for their behavior. So i'm biased. (To be fair they haven't been violent, but i know that at least one incident happened while i was out of the room where one of them had to apologize to one of the girls... but honestly they are so impulsive and manic its a matter of time.)

My fear/worry is that my 1st grade boy is like that. We do hold him accountable for his actions, but put him in a group of other kids, he is a wild child. It’s like he forgets that he still needs to make good choices and think about things. 🤦‍♀️

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

We *may* have good news on the car front.   The Pontiac is not repairable, a piston was knocked out of alignment and took out the rest of the engine.  It turns out this is not DH's fault so hopefully he and my dad buried the hatchet while standing around outside.   When the weather improves we need to get it towed and salvaged.  DH canceled the insurance so that makes March's payment a little less painful.

My dad mentioned he is thinking about getting rid of their 2012 Impala since they have two cars and don't really need two anymore now that my mom doesn't work.   They discussed selling it to DH.   It's not a sure thing yet but if that works out that would be a huge boon to us.   I actually prefer my dad's hand me downs if we can get them because we know exactly what we're getting.

In the meantime the 2005 Impala is chugging along.  It needs some engine work but nothing as drastic as the Pontiac.  The only concern is it rusting out and being unsafe to drive but we should be able to kick that can down the road thru spring/summer.  We'd be in a "better" position come fall to discuss getting DH car (provided that this situation with his job results in him keeping said job).

[MJ2.0]

Feb 12, 2019 10:21:19 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

Feb 11, 2019 20:48:14 GMT -5 oped said:

So someone assaulted your daughter and she stood up for herself. I'm actually good with this. 

But then i spent the end of last week in a room being run wild by 5 1st-2nd boys i don't trust at all and who are not being held responsible for their behavior. So i'm biased. (To be fair they haven't been violent, but i know that at least one incident happened while i was out of the room where one of them had to apologize to one of the girls... but honestly they are so impulsive and manic its a matter of time.)

My fear/worry is that my 1st grade boy is like that. We do hold him accountable for his actions, but put him in a group of other kids, he is a wild child. It’s like he forgets that he still needs to make good choices and think about things. 🤦‍♀️

mine is VERY impulsive, and he really feels his feelings (gee, wonder where he got that from! ). Sometimes he just gets so excited he forgets about body awareness, so he'll accidentally whack another kid because he's excitedly flailing around. We've discussed with him MANY times that he needs to make sure no one else is close by before doing stuff like that - excited or not. He has breathing exercises, but for him things happen so fast that he doesn't really register what he is supposed to do all the time.

Then there are times when he feels he's been wronged or treated unfairly by another kid... or God forbid, loses a game. It's not pretty. Those are constant conversations. Like, CONSTANT. As in "it's not okay to put your hands on someone just because you think they cheated/you lost the game/they took something from you/etc.). I always reiterate the 3 steps:

1. take a deep breath

2. walk to find a grown-up in charge

3. tell the grown-up what happened to make you feel upset

The key being that the time between steps 1 and 3 will calm the child down long enough for them to think rationally enough to not do something harmful and to explain their feelings

I think he's been doing that more and more with what he's been telling me, but I don't know. He's a bright kid that wants everyone to love him... but he's fast, and strong, and doesn't always think.

[oped]

Feb 12, 2019 10:21:19 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

Feb 11, 2019 20:48:14 GMT -5 oped said:

So someone assaulted your daughter and she stood up for herself. I'm actually good with this. 

But then i spent the end of last week in a room being run wild by 5 1st-2nd boys i don't trust at all and who are not being held responsible for their behavior. So i'm biased. (To be fair they haven't been violent, but i know that at least one incident happened while i was out of the room where one of them had to apologize to one of the girls... but honestly they are so impulsive and manic its a matter of time.)

My fear/worry is that my 1st grade boy is like that. We do hold him accountable for his actions, but put him in a group of other kids, he is a wild child. It’s like he forgets that he still needs to make good choices and think about things. 🤦‍♀️

Would he think about them better after he grabbed someone and they pushed back? 

I don't want violence. But I can't see excusing one half of it and expecting others to be ok with it... I know it is hard. But just because one can control themselves and doesn't get rowdy doesn't mean they should have to just deal with it because someone else gets excited and acts out. If you don't want someone to touch you, you shouldn't have to be the one to compromise because someone can't keep his hands to himself..

I know i'm not saying this well, and i am not saying you are ok with it happening. Like i said, i've been filling in a classroom where legitimate lord of the flies references might apply and so i'm sensitive at the moment, but it just is not fair to other kids to have to take that and not respond or get angry or push back because others 'didn't mean to' invade their private body/space. 

[swamp]

Feb 12, 2019 11:13:02 GMT -5 oped said:

Feb 12, 2019 10:21:19 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

My fear/worry is that my 1st grade boy is like that. We do hold him accountable for his actions, but put him in a group of other kids, he is a wild child. It’s like he forgets that he still needs to make good choices and think about things. 🤦‍♀️

Would he think about them better after he grabbed someone and they pushed back? 

I don't want violence. But I can't see excusing one half of it and expecting others to be ok with it... I know it is hard. But just because one can control themselves and doesn't get rowdy doesn't mean they should have to just deal with it because someone else gets excited and acts out. If you don't want someone to touch you, you shouldn't have to be the one to compromise because someone can't keep his hands to himself..

I know i'm not saying this well, and i am not saying you are ok with it happening. Like i said, i've been filling in a classroom where legitimate lord of the flies references might apply and so i'm sensitive at the moment, but it just is not fair to other kids to have to take that and not respond or get angry or push back because others 'didn't mean to' invade their private body/space. 

I get what you're saying.   If another kid knocks you on your ass for being obnoxious, you'll probably think about your actions next time.    

I generally don't condone kids hitting each other and encourage my kids to walk away, but sometimes a kid just needs a physical attitude adjustment from another kid if they keep it up.  

[oped]

I know MJ. And i'm not saying i have the answers but here is what i saw also... a little boy who is quiet and kind who had 'made regressions this year' in maturity and started just randomly kicking people... but why not... when its really the only way to get attention in the classroom where 5 boys rule through their misbehavior and suck up all the resources... and a young girl who was very anxious during one activity and needed just as much emotional support but because it wasn't as showy, or as immediately dangerous, she had to just deal with it herself... and other times when the girls were expected to adjust their behavior in ways those rowdy boys did not. 

Now part of this is school structure. But also, its just reality sometimes. We've advanced from boys 'like you' if they pull your hair, but there is still quite a ways to go with treating girls, or really any quieter, less obtrusive children who don't have 'showy' issues. 

Again, this is definitely not politically correct way of saying this. 

[stillmovingforward]

Sometimes kids learn from the reaction of others. But some kids don't. Their brains are wired differently and they see the world differently. I have had a few of those.
So no, letting the kids fight it out doesn't work. Constant direction similar to what MJ is doing with her son is excellent.
Although, my DS1 solved a bullying problem by slugging the bully. And it never happened again.
The terrible question is 'what is going to work for THIS kid?'

[MJ2.0]

Feb 12, 2019 11:21:26 GMT -5 oped said:

I know MJ. And i'm not saying i have the answers but here is what i saw also... a little boy who is quiet and kind who had 'made regressions this year' in maturity and started just randomly kicking people... but why not... when its really the only way to get attention in the classroom where 5 boys rule through their misbehavior and suck up all the resources... and a young girl who was very anxious during one activity and needed just as much emotional support but because it wasn't as showy, or as immediately dangerous, she had to just deal with it herself... and other times when the girls were expected to adjust their behavior in ways those rowdy boys did not. 

Now part of this is school structure. But also, its just reality sometimes. We've advanced from boys 'like you' if they pull your hair, but there is still quite a ways to go with treating girls, or really any quieter, less obtrusive children who don't have 'showy' issues. 

Again, this is definitely not politically correct way of saying this. 

I know what you're saying. The squeaky wheels always seem to get the oil. That's a deeply ingrained behavior for EVERYTHING, from dealing with problem kids to dealing with dramatic adults. I think it depends on the kid if a punch from another kid sets them straight or if that punch will encourage that kid to be even more physical. I always preach to DS ZERO physical contact because that's what the school says. And if someone gets physical with you, then go find a grown-up in charge right away and tell them. IF AND ONLY IF there is no grown-up around and this person continues to hurt you, THEN it is okay to fight back.

[tcu2003]

Feb 12, 2019 11:13:02 GMT -5 oped said:

Feb 12, 2019 10:21:19 GMT -5 tcu2003 said:

My fear/worry is that my 1st grade boy is like that. We do hold him accountable for his actions, but put him in a group of other kids, he is a wild child. It’s like he forgets that he still needs to make good choices and think about things. 🤦‍♀️

Would he think about them better after he grabbed someone and they pushed back? 

I don't want violence. But I can't see excusing one half of it and expecting others to be ok with it... I know it is hard. But just because one can control themselves and doesn't get rowdy doesn't mean they should have to just deal with it because someone else gets excited and acts out. If you don't want someone to touch you, you shouldn't have to be the one to compromise because someone can't keep his hands to himself..

I know i'm not saying this well, and i am not saying you are ok with it happening. Like i said, i've been filling in a classroom where legitimate lord of the flies references might apply and so i'm sensitive at the moment, but it just is not fair to other kids to have to take that and not respond or get angry or push back because others 'didn't mean to' invade their private body/space. 

I get your point. And thankfully, C generally keeps his hands to himself, so for him it’s just more being loud/not listening/acting like a banshee. He does tend to grab his sister to give her a hug whether she wants one or not, and I’m all over that every time. We don’t touch or grab people without permission. He needs to ask. There are consequences like her pushing you or not wanting to play with you. We reinforce that the only thing C can control is C, so regardless of what someone else did, C needs to focus on C.

[raeoflyte]

I found C and E's top choice for bunk beds on craigslist in the price range I wanted.  I still need to get 2 more single mattresses, but I'm waiting to see everything put together to decide how deep of mattress I want for them.  Getting E's bed transported was a fiasco between dh and I so my plan is to just get movers to handle the rest.  The train bed in her room is a beast that I can't move by myself, but the movers will have it down and out in no time.  I can just have them assemble the new beds at the same time and take care of a couple other things that I'd rather not do myself too.  

I'd like to really redo their rooms, so we'll see if I can contain myself a little.  At a minimum I want to get them both big nice, soft carpets because they hate hardwoords and I'm ripping up the carpet in the rest of the house, and actual bedding sets.  Both rooms could really use some lighting changes.  

If they ever "move out" of my room I can redo that too which would be nice.  

Oh and random....last night E was saying how much she wants a little sister--about 3 years old would be good she thinks and asking me how adoption works.  

[TheOtherMe]

Feb 13, 2019 11:02:54 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

 

Oh and random....last night E was saying how much she wants a little sister--about 3 years old would be good she thinks and asking me how adoption works.  

That is sweet.  

[muttleynfelix]

Made it home. I'm sort of working from home today. I had to take DH to the orthopedist this morning. They put a cast on it. He is not allowed to put weight on it which will be difficult to do. It will be a 6 week hopefully. He'll get a new cast in 3 weeks.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Poor Abby has croup. 102 fever. She'd been sick all day yesterday but around 2 am is when the rat-a-tat-tat started.

I'm pooped. Missing being salaried and having more sick time than I know what to do with.

She sleeps with me so I'm done for. Trying to keep Gwen and DH segregated.

[raeoflyte]

Feb 13, 2019 13:38:32 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Made it home. I'm sort of working from home today. I had to take DH to the orthopedist this morning. They put a cast on it. He is not allowed to put weight on it which will be difficult to do. It will be a 6 week hopefully. He'll get a new cast in 3 weeks.

hugs

[TheOtherMe]

Feb 13, 2019 13:38:32 GMT -5 muttleynfelix said:

Made it home. I'm sort of working from home today. I had to take DH to the orthopedist this morning. They put a cast on it. He is not allowed to put weight on it which will be difficult to do. It will be a 6 week hopefully. He'll get a new cast in 3 weeks.

Were you delayed getting home?

So sorry about DH, but I'm glad you are home again.