justme
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Post by justme on Feb 8, 2019 11:38:36 GMT -5
I don't think he has Prime. Would he still have a Kindle account? Probably... I figured out why he wanted him to have it. So he can be in our house every F@#$*% night. He calls Carrot on it and they video chat. Carrot carries the Kindle all around the house showing him what we're doing and what we're having for dinner and I HATE IT. Last night I was like "shut if off" and he goes to his Dad. "Mom says I can't talk to you anymore". I would be suddenly having a lot of internet issues. Even make one just for Carrot to use and whoops it's not connecting now! Because I think with the controls you'd have to reset them every time Carrot comes home.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Feb 8, 2019 11:39:13 GMT -5
That is completely obtrusive and unnecessary. You legally can set boundaries, like video chat time is 7:00 to 7:30. No Court would ever require 24/7 access. Let him bitch about it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2019 11:47:28 GMT -5
It was really stressing me out. It was like he was there. I wish I knew how to set up different wifi logins. I have no clue how to do any of that stuff. It doesn't help that our internet provider doesn't give us a lot of options we can't even change our password to the router. Ex 1.0 is a network administrator for a big company. Maybe I can have him help me with it.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Feb 8, 2019 11:54:52 GMT -5
It was really stressing me out. It was like he was there. I wish I knew how to set up different wifi logins. I have no clue how to do any of that stuff. It doesn't help that our internet provider doesn't give us a lot of options we can't even change our password to the router. Ex 1.0 is a network administrator for a big company. Maybe I can have him help me with it. Of course it was stressing you out. Also, that was my immediate guess, was that it was a way for him to get increased access to Carrot *and* you as a secondary bonus. Please do call your ex 1 and see if he can help you on the tech side. Otherwise, you need to set both time limits and place limits. I.e., you can talk to your dad in your room from 7-8pm. This counts against your daily screen time. You can't carry the video chat around the house, it's not respectful of the rest of our privacy. I'm sorry MPL. I'd be so upset.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 8, 2019 12:01:30 GMT -5
I'd limit the chatting to 20 minutes, same time every night. Once the novelty wears off it will likely be less attractive to Carrot.
On my router, I can set up a "Guest" (could be "Kids") network with a separate password. I can find the instructions on Verizon (my carrier) web site. Then I can limit access to that network.
The American Pediatric Association has come out with a strong recommendation to strictly limit children's screen time, for their health. You wanting to limit this is just good parenting.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 8, 2019 12:19:08 GMT -5
It was really stressing me out. It was like he was there. I wish I knew how to set up different wifi logins. I have no clue how to do any of that stuff. It doesn't help that our internet provider doesn't give us a lot of options we can't even change our password to the router. Ex 1.0 is a network administrator for a big company. Maybe I can have him help me with it. This would make me so angry because he was there. He doesn't belong in your home. Please talk to Ex 1.0 and set up Carrot's network with time limits.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2019 12:27:26 GMT -5
I'm totally praying the novelty wears off. I could hear Ex 2.0 going "THIS IS SO COOL!" And he was talking to him while he was at Target! He told Carrot he had to shut if off for the drive home, but he'd call him right back when he got home. And he did. From his car in the driveway.
I wish he'd get a girlfriend. Or a puppy. Something.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Feb 8, 2019 14:32:25 GMT -5
this is the same ex that flakes half the time on Scout meetings and activities right? And yet he has the time to have Carrot be on the tablet video chatting with him all day?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2019 15:01:23 GMT -5
this is the same ex that flakes half the time on Scout meetings and activities right? And yet he has the time to have Carrot be on the tablet video chatting with him all day? That was Carrot's first year in Scouts when he started randomly showing up and then just leaving in the middle of a meeting pissed off. I think he was still using back then or having issues with his meds or something (he doesn't take any meds anymore except his thyroid one). Last year he was to every meeting and this year he's the den leader and hasn't missed any either...except for the multitude that have been called off due to weather in this wonderful winter we're having.
He doesn't like it when other activities fall on his time though. Today I'm leaving work for an hour to take Carrot to a make up piano lesson at 3:30 because there is no way he would agree to take him at 5pm. I already have to work 2 hours late due to the schools starting late. Might as well tack another hour on for good measure.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2019 19:03:59 GMT -5
Carrot is at his Dad's now and keeps trying to video call me while I'm at work.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 8, 2019 19:28:52 GMT -5
Carrot is at his Dad's now and keeps trying to video call me while I'm at work. That new “toy” needs to stay at his daddy’s
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2019 19:38:34 GMT -5
I don't think he has Prime. Would he still have a Kindle account? Probably... I figured out why he wanted him to have it. So he can be in our house every F@#$*% night. He calls Carrot on it and they video chat. Carrot carries the Kindle all around the house showing him what we're doing and what we're having for dinner and I HATE IT. Last night I was like "shut if off" and he goes to his Dad. "Mom says I can't talk to you anymore". That would upset me too. I would see it as an invasion of the privacy I expect in my home. And if that's what's going to happen, I'm not sure I would allow the Kindle in my home, period. At the very least, any video chatting would have to be in Carrot's bedroom. You don't have to accept this intrusion into your home and I hope you figure out what to do about it soon. ETA: My grandbabies have kids' Kindles and the parental controls are pretty good for limiting access to apps and screen time. Tell Carrot's Dad to either give you the password so you can set the rules for what you allow in your house, including overall screen time, or the Kindle will have to stay at his house.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2019 21:24:44 GMT -5
Carrot is at his Dad's now and keeps trying to video call me while I'm at work. That new “toy” needs to stay at his daddy’s I talked to him a little about it tonight and as expected, the reason he sends it home with him is because he wants to be able to talk to/see Carrot during the week. He said he feels he's missing out during the week not being able to ask him how his day went and stuff. He also said he thought it would be cool if he could watch Carrot practicing piano in the evenings. I about fell over when he said that because I've asked him for the past 2 years to try and squeeze in a little practice at his house when he's there on the weekends, because he often misses three days in a row those weeks. I even gave him a good keyboard to have at his house. But...nope...never. He says it's not the same as a real piano (btw, I don't have a real piano either, it's a digital). I think if he really cared he'd go out and get a used upright or digital from somewhere. My friend at work that has known him as long as I have said HELL TO THE NO! You know it's going to progress to, "So Carrot, where's your Mom? In the shower? Go surprise her with the Kindle, it will be funny". Anyhow, before I just accidentally break the thing. I think I'll start with the setting rules on times he can be on Messenger and video chat not to leave his bedroom and see how it goes. Maybe the extra interaction will cool him off in the wanting to take me to court for more days thing. He seems to have backed off on that entirely after I put my foot down, but he might have just let off on the trying to talk me into it thing and I'll be served with papers instead.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 9, 2019 8:14:44 GMT -5
Yup, saying goodnight and chatting for 15 minutes in his bedroom where you can be “putting clean clothes away” or some other monitoring excuse so you can listen to the interaction is wise. But the kindle never leaves Carrots room or its returned to the giver.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 9, 2019 8:15:26 GMT -5
After carrot signs off, remove kindle from room until next night time chat
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2019 9:39:11 GMT -5
Oh, neither one of my kids are allowed to have any electronics in there rooms after bedtime. That's just way too much temptation. My 16 year old's phone is plugged in in the kitchen at night and sometimes that thing will be going off at midnight on school nights with what I'm assuming is friends texting him. He has this super loud, obnoxious alert too. Definitely not good to have in his room at night.
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oped
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Post by oped on Feb 9, 2019 10:11:28 GMT -5
Disclaimer: As i enter the dreaded realm of dissenting from another's parenting choices... this is just a question/ idea and i don't care what anyone does in their own house!
I agree its not great to deal with the text at night thing MPL. BUT he's 16. Isn't this the time he should learn how to be balancing those things on his own, while you are still around to comment and give advice... at 18 does he just get to go to college and have his phone all night without learning to establish his own self imposed habits? IDK. I feel like those mornings when kids are up all night and still have to get up and go to class are a good time for me to discuss how their decisions feel and what impact they have and what they might have done differently, etc.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2019 10:24:24 GMT -5
I suppose. It's just been our routine forever and he doesn't even question it, so it seems weird to me to just tell him, "why don't you take your phone with you to your bedroom tonight".
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 9, 2019 10:52:55 GMT -5
That new “toy” needs to stay at his daddy’s I talked to him a little about it tonight and as expected, the reason he sends it home with him is because he wants to be able to talk to/see Carrot during the week. He said he feels he's missing out during the week not being able to ask him how his day went and stuff. He also said he thought it would be cool if he could watch Carrot practicing piano in the evenings. I about fell over when he said that because I've asked him for the past 2 years to try and squeeze in a little practice at his house when he's there on the weekends, because he often misses three days in a row those weeks. I even gave him a good keyboard to have at his house. But...nope...never. He says it's not the same as a real piano (btw, I don't have a real piano either, it's a digital). I think if he really cared he'd go out and get a used upright or digital from somewhere. My friend at work that has known him as long as I have said HELL TO THE NO! You know it's going to progress to, "So Carrot, where's your Mom? In the shower? Go surprise her with the Kindle, it will be funny". Anyhow, before I just accidentally break the thing. I think I'll start with the setting rules on times he can be on Messenger and video chat not to leave his bedroom and see how it goes. Maybe the extra interaction will cool him off in the wanting to take me to court for more days thing. He seems to have backed off on that entirely after I put my foot down, but he might have just let off on the trying to talk me into it thing and I'll be served with papers instead. It's called a phone. He doesn't need freaking video chat to talk to his kid during the week. What a crock of shit.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2019 11:15:23 GMT -5
I sometimes wonder if there's something wrong with me, because when my kids are gone, as long as I know they're safe, I'm totally cool with many days going by with no interaction.
It's been like this forever with him though. We went to Hawaii when Carrot was 18 months old and he almost refused to go because I didn't want to take him with. Then when we were there he had to check in with my Mom all the time. The kid was having the time of his life at her house and I figured she'd let me know if anything was wrong. We got back in the middle of the night and had to stop at her house to pick him up before going home...waking everyone up at midnight, because he couldn't wait until the next day to get him.
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oped
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Post by oped on Feb 9, 2019 11:22:26 GMT -5
Yeah you aren’t the weird one there.
He has no self control/ thinks only of himself, Even if I did miss my kid, the best interests of the child were not to pick him up at midnight... etc.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Feb 9, 2019 11:25:20 GMT -5
I am so okay with my kids being gone for a bit, as long as I know they are safe too. When they go to the ILs I just get updates from DH who still talks to his mom daily, if they go for a week I might talk to them 1/2 way through just to say hi, glad you are having fun. Girls are fine with it. However, E has called me everyday he has been gone on this construction job. Some of it is to talk about what people have said, his reactions, and if he read social interactions correctly, and at the start to calm his anxiety. I have a feeling that he will be one to check in daily for awhile, which I am okay with. So I think it depends on the kid and the parent. But I can see where if I didn't have the daily interaction with the girls, I would want to talk to them every night at well, and face time would be better than on the phone.
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justme
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Post by justme on Feb 9, 2019 11:39:02 GMT -5
Disclaimer: As i enter the dreaded realm of dissenting from another's parenting choices... this is just a question/ idea and i don't care what anyone does in their own house! I agree its not great to deal with the text at night thing MPL. BUT he's 16. Isn't this the time he should learn how to be balancing those things on his own, while you are still around to comment and give advice... at 18 does he just get to go to college and have his phone all night without learning to establish his own self imposed habits? IDK. I feel like those mornings when kids are up all night and still have to get up and go to class are a good time for me to discuss how their decisions feel and what impact they have and what they might have done differently, etc. Not a parent, but that's a relatively easy thing to learn after 18 on your own. Not to mention the rules will completely change then because it could be a friend messaging at midnight about a party you want to go to. I didn't get a smart phone until 23 and it was easy enough to learn to either silence it or put it in another room when I didn't want to be woken up. And even before then with a regular cell in college. But maybe I'm missing something on the if your phone wakes you up and you don't want to be woken up do something so you won't be woken up thought process that needs parental guidance.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2019 11:40:17 GMT -5
Yes. I'm trying to be understanding about his anxiety without compromising my own happiness. I have my own neurosis when it comes to the kids. DS is taking the ACT for the second time right now and I'm so stressed for him I can't focus on what I'm supposed to be doing. Makes zero sense, but it is what it is.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 9, 2019 12:16:47 GMT -5
I sometimes wonder if there's something wrong with me, because when my kids are gone, as long as I know they're safe, I'm totally cool with many days going by with no interaction.
It's been like this forever with him though. We went to Hawaii when Carrot was 18 months old and he almost refused to go because I didn't want to take him with. Then when we were there he had to check in with my Mom all the time. The kid was having the time of his life at her house and I figured she'd let me know if anything was wrong. We got back in the middle of the night and had to stop at her house to pick him up before going home...waking everyone up at midnight, because he couldn't wait until the next day to get him. Nothing wrong with you. I am waiting for the day both kids can spend the night at grandma's. If she'd take DH and the dog too I'd be in heaven! Carrot is an obsession for your ex. If he really missed him that much there are hundreds of other ways he could communicate in 2019. That was an attempt to guilt trip you into allowing the thing into your house and not limit access to it. You're well within your right to limit screen time AND protect your own privacy. Don't let him try to intimidate you. You've been more than generous given the legal agreement. A good judge will see that. He probably knows it on some level otherwise he'd have followed thru on his court threats. The fact he hasn't shows how little this is about being an actual parent.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Feb 9, 2019 14:29:54 GMT -5
I'm going to dissent on a few of the tablet things here. But, minnesotapaintlady, please know I'm personally on your side. I'm mostly just playing devil's advocate.
In slightly random order: 1) I think it's great that Carrot called you also while you were at work. That means it's far more about the tablet than about him wanting his dad to "be in your house". 2) I also had my older daughter have her phone up on the kitchen counter from 10pm on until she graduated from high school. I don't have to do that with DD#2. I think that rule is dependent upon the kid's personality and choices. 3) While I don't think you should have to feel like your EX2.0 is in your house, I also don't know that you can completely limit access to him. I do think that time frames can be set, but in my state, unmonitored phone calls are allowed with the non-present parent. You might check your paperwork on that. 4) I'm completely conflicted on whether or not EX2.0's demand for more parenting time is a good thing or not. Based solely on my own co-parenting experience, it was just damn easier FOR ME when my XH didn't give a crap about whether or not he saw our kids. However, my children are scarred from having a parent who has completely cut them off because they don't adore him on his terms. If he was actually interested in our kids and spending time with them, I imagine I'd have worked through my own hatred for him to knowing that him actually liking them and validating their existence was a good thing. However, the fact that Carrot's dad is not a healthy person (putting it nicely) would make me hesitate "sharing" Carrot with him. 5) I'm a full-on helicopter parent and don't go very long without interacting with three of my four kids. The third one is a different type of beast and barely talks to anyone.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2019 14:47:46 GMT -5
1) I think it's great that Carrot called you also while you were at work. That means it's far more about the tablet than about him wanting his dad to "be in your house".
Oh, I know on Carrot's side it's all about the device. I think it's more about Ex 2.0 wanting to "be in my house". Remember, he still refuses to acknowledge we're divorced, and he's always saying how he misses me and the house and being a family. His last time going on about that was just New Year's Eve.
I'm going to mention to DS that he can keep it in his room if he wants. My GUESS is he's going to look at me with a cocked head and ask, "Why would I want to?". LOL TBH, there have been a few times when I wish he did keep it in his room, namely on days I'm at work early and he has to be up for something. Texting or calling him to verify his alarm worked it kind of useless if it's upstairs (his alarm clock is rather...unreliable) I'm a little worried about it though, so we'll see.
I don't even have to look. All it says for him for parenting time is 4 hours supervised every other Saturday and 2 hours supervised every Wednesday. Carrot is actually getting a phone this week. Just a plain Jane flip phone from our junk drawer because I got the free extra line from Ting deal. It's just going to be a house phone for now, but talking on the phone? Way better than this running around the house with a video chat in my book!
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Feb 9, 2019 14:50:08 GMT -5
My kids are writing their own thank you notes!!! Yeah, 6 weeks after Christmas, but between illness and birthdays, it has been a little nuts.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Feb 9, 2019 14:54:16 GMT -5
My kids are writing their own thank you notes!!! Yeah, 6 weeks after Christmas, but between illness and birthdays, it has been a little nuts. DD#2's bday is in January. The note she sent to my mother came back to our house last week because DD forgot to put a stamp on the envelope.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Feb 9, 2019 14:57:04 GMT -5
I think that it's a perfectly reasonable policy to keep cell phones out of the bedrooms, but do whatever works for you and your family. I've thought about giving a phone to my oldest. I don't think I want to go there yet. Sounds like more trouble than it's worth at this point. Giving him one wouldn't solve any problems for us, and would probably create some.
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