The kid thread: Planning, pregnancy & parenting

[raeoflyte]

Yesterday a kid at school said he didn't want to be in a group with C (to C), presumably because he was concerned about "catching" diabetes.  Now...presumably because when getting the interaction from C, I wasn't really positive that diabetes was ever actually said and C could have assumed that was the issue.  Dh has been going on and on about how that could be a concern from kids and parents that we really have to address, but of course he isn't actually addressing it, he just keeps talking about it enough that I'm sure C has overheard him so I worry that dh planted an idea that wasn't there.  

C told the health aid about it and said it was his worst nightmare come true.     The assistant principle (who we also love) is going to talk to C and the other boy individually.  I told her if it is diabetes related that will help us and C navigate conversations and perceptions, but I didn't want to freak the other kid out.  The district has a diabetes panel tonight that we're going to, and I'm hoping to get some suggestions for a short movie that gives the basics that the school could show his grade.  C has never wanted to talk about it with kids at school, but at this point is open to something like that.  He wouldn't even have to be in class when they show it.  

I called dh out on his part in the issue last night and he at least didn't deny that his behavior could cause problems.  We're never going to get ahead of the misconceptions out there, and pretending like we can or dwelling on them doesn't help C.  I want to protect him too, but prepping him to deal with reality I think is the best way to set him up for success.  I worry that dh's focus on this one possible bad scenario makes it more likely for C to want to keep his distance from the other kid.  

[zibazinski]

Nov 28, 2018 15:59:16 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 28, 2018 15:55:25 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

What is up with the tantrums and the meltdown at this stage : ~22 months

It is like my daughter is a ball of emotions and any of them is ready to explode at any time.

She cries at the drop of a hat and for anything, something is not right she cries, you do exactly what she wants: she cries.

Like what 🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️

Let me lie and tell you it gets better.

My 7yr old threw a tantrum that lasted well over an hour this morning. Because she didn't want to wear pants. And its 11* outside.

Life is hard when you are little and have BIG feelings.

It doesn’t end soon.  I used to get phone calls from DS about how cold it was in Gainesville. Um, you’re wearing shorts and flip flops. He was 18. Hello.  This is from someone with almost a 4.5 in high school and almost perfect on the SAT. Sigh. 

[gracendignity]

What is up with the tantrums and the meltdown at this stage : ~22 months

It is like my daughter is a ball of emotions and any of them is ready to explode at any time.

She cries at the drop of a hat and for anything, something is not right she cries, you do exactly what she wants: she cries.

My 6-year-old granddaughter had a tantrum recently as we were trying to leave for an overnight trip because (as near as I could make out) she only had room for one stuffed animal in her backpack and she wanted to take two.  It ended with an unfortunate slip on a wood floor and cutting her head on the corner of her bed.  She bled like she had been bludgeoned with an iron pipe and she tearfully asked if she needed to go to the "demergency room and get my brains sewed back in."   .   (She didn't, thankfully.)  No one can have drama  like a girl!

My baby granddaughter is a couple of weeks younger than your little girl. She can throw a tantrum, too, but she carefully lies down first and THEN tosses her hissy fit. LOL!

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 28, 2018 17:09:03 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Yesterday a kid at school said he didn't want to be in a group with C (to C), presumably because he was concerned about "catching" diabetes.  Now...presumably because when getting the interaction from C, I wasn't really positive that diabetes was ever actually said and C could have assumed that was the issue.  Dh has been going on and on about how that could be a concern from kids and parents that we really have to address, but of course he isn't actually addressing it, he just keeps talking about it enough that I'm sure C has overheard him so I worry that dh planted an idea that wasn't there.  

C told the health aid about it and said it was his worst nightmare come true.     The assistant principle (who we also love) is going to talk to C and the other boy individually.  I told her if it is diabetes related that will help us and C navigate conversations and perceptions, but I didn't want to freak the other kid out.  The district has a diabetes panel tonight that we're going to, and I'm hoping to get some suggestions for a short movie that gives the basics that the school could show his grade.  C has never wanted to talk about it with kids at school, but at this point is open to something like that.  He wouldn't even have to be in class when they show it.  

I called dh out on his part in the issue last night and he at least didn't deny that his behavior could cause problems.  We're never going to get ahead of the misconceptions out there, and pretending like we can or dwelling on them doesn't help C.  I want to protect him too, but prepping him to deal with reality I think is the best way to set him up for success.  I worry that dh's focus on this one possible bad scenario makes it more likely for C to want to keep his distance from the other kid.  

I'm sorry.  

[alabamagal]

Nov 28, 2018 15:59:16 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Nov 28, 2018 15:55:25 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

What is up with the tantrums and the meltdown at this stage : ~22 months

It is like my daughter is a ball of emotions and any of them is ready to explode at any time.

She cries at the drop of a hat and for anything, something is not right she cries, you do exactly what she wants: she cries.

Like what 🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️

Let me lie and tell you it gets better.

My 7yr old threw a tantrum that lasted well over an hour this morning. Because she didn't want to wear pants. And its 11* outside.

Life is hard when you are little and have BIG feelings.

A ball of emotions ready to explode at any moment is a pretty good description.

My calmest, most easy going child was the one who threw the largest tantrums. When he was in 4K, his teacher said he had the most intense tantrum she had ever seen, and she had been teaching 30 years.

[zibazinski]

Thank heavens my two threw them in the best scenarios and my MIL taught me how to handle it because she got the first one. She shooed everybody out of the room then peeked in occasionally until he was done. One and done. No attention-no repeat. I had DD but we were in a children’s hands on museum so anyone there had kids and it was loud anyway. Mercy, she threw a good one and a long one. Finally she was done and we went to see the tarantula exhibit. No attention so there’s nothing gained. I was so lucky. 

[Sam_2.0]

I am probably too much of a hippie for most here. Tantrums annoy the hell out of me, so I step aside for a minute to calm myself first. Then, I go and sit with the kid on the floor while they freak out. No special attention or bribes/threats to stop. Just assurance that feelings are normal and OK and mom is still here.

[gs11rmb]

raeoflyte I'm sorry you're going through this with your son.  I will say I'm really shocked that this is considered an issue for either other children or their parents.  I know this is just an anecdote but I went to school with a girl who had diabetes.  I don't think it occurred to anyone that you could possibly 'catch' it and we were all a little jealous because she got to keep snacks in her desk!  We started primary 1 together in 1978 so many years before the Type 2 phenomenon and no-one was afraid.  I'm just struggling to understand why this disease is considered a problem for anyone other than the child affected.

On a positive note, I know you worry about your son's long-term health.  My school friend is a healthy and thriving 45 year old woman  .

[alabamagal]

My mom says I was an absolute terror as a child. Champion tantrum thrower, lots of irrational fears (animals, noises, falling through the tub drain to name a few), night terrors. And she said the worst part is that I would only throw tantrums when she was present, everyone else thought I was a well behaved child. Almost all the issues stopped at age 5. And I think I turned out pretty well😋. Never been to counseling and I have always had a great relationship with my mom.

[Deleted]

Nov 29, 2018 7:57:30 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

raeoflyte I'm sorry you're going through this with your son.  I will say I'm really shocked that this is considered an issue for either other children or their parents.  I know this is just an anecdote but I went to school with a girl who had diabetes.  I don't think it occurred to anyone that you could possibly 'catch' it and we were all a little jealous because she got to keep snacks in her desk!  We started primary 1 together in 1978 so many years before the Type 2 phenomenon and no-one was afraid.  I'm just struggling to understand why this disease is considered a problem for anyone other than the child affected.

On a positive note, I know you worry about your son's long-term health.  My school friend is a healthy and thriving 45 year old woman  .

Yeah, I wouldn't have thought anyone (certainly not parents) would think diabetes was contagious.  I also grew up in the 70's and knew kids with the disease back then. Ex 1.0 was diagnosed as a teen in 76.  He's 55 now and his main health issue is not from the diabetes, but from not getting enough exercise and drinking too much beer (he's getting fat!).  He was not a poster child for managing it in his twenties either.  He's a lot more careful now. 

[Lizard Queen]

Could be the kid was just talking smack. They just do that sometimes.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 28, 2018 20:17:00 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Thank heavens my two threw them in the best scenarios and my MIL taught me how to handle it because she got the first one. She shooed everybody out of the room then peeked in occasionally until he was done. One and done. No attention-no repeat. I had DD but we were in a children’s hands on museum so anyone there had kids and it was loud anyway. Mercy, she threw a good one and a long one. Finally she was done and we went to see the tarantula exhibit. No attention so there’s nothing gained. I was so lucky. 

This assumes that the kid is only throwing a tantrum for attention, and if that's the case...they probably need more attention in the first place?  As if they don't have emotions or thoughts/wants of their own.  

Tantrums ime are more about not having control and not having the tools to deal with emotions.  I have times as an adult that I WANT to throw a tantrum because I'm so upset, but outside of swearing I'm now able to control myself.  

[raeoflyte]

I said the same thing to dh about parents.  They assume we fed/feed him crap and that is the cause.  Kids I can see coming up with crazy ideas to explain it.  

The panel was really good.  Lots of talk about dealing with the stupid stuff people say, and just that validation that he/we aren't alone.  C was able to bring the incident up during a group exercise and another mom said her son has dealt with that as well.  I really love our school, the district, and that they specifically partnered with the major diabetes research and care facility that we go to, to do stuff like last night.  

C and the other kid have bonded a bit over christmas parodies.  The songs might drive me nuts, but at least they've found something else in common.  

[Deleted]

Maybe it's due to the surge in Type 2 in younger people and they're confused as to what he actually has?  When I was growing up, diabetes from your diet was unheard of except for in elderly people, nobody ever talked about food choices in kids and diabetes like they do now.  Even my kids will comment to that effect when we stop off at the bakery.   During grade school in my time, juvenile diabetes was just this awful disease that you had to take shots for the rest of your life, there was no blame attached.

[raeoflyte]

There is so much out there now that eating this or that causes diabetes.  All the memes of "diabetes in a cup" type stuff.  The natural medicine groups that push so hard that all our issues are due to poor nutrition, take this spoonful of cinnamon and you'll be cured!  Even if it says its for type 1 or type 2, people don't see or understand that part.  Smart, educated people but its so pervasive and unless you have to dig into it, why would you.  

Our old housemates are extreme in their food choices for a lot of reasons, and while the parents maybe have enough of an understanding to know it is an auto immune disease they have no idea that how they talk to their kids and what they expose them too just reinforces the belief that it is a self inflicted disease caused by your own choices.  The 7 year old that is adamant that eating sugar causes diabetes because that's what she saw on tv and her parents talk about the evils of sugar like its heroine.  

[Pants]

Nov 29, 2018 11:10:57 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

There is so much out there now that eating this or that causes diabetes.  All the memes of "diabetes in a cup" type stuff.  The natural medicine groups that push so hard that all our issues are due to poor nutrition, take this spoonful of cinnamon and you'll be cured!  Even if it says its for type 1 or type 2, people don't see or understand that part.  Smart, educated people but its so pervasive and unless you have to dig into it, why would you.  

Our old housemates are extreme in their food choices for a lot of reasons, and while the parents maybe have enough of an understanding to know it is an auto immune disease they have no idea that how they talk to their kids and what they expose them too just reinforces the belief that it is a self inflicted disease caused by your own choices.  The 7 year old that is adamant that eating sugar causes diabetes because that's what she saw on tv and her parents talk about the evils of sugar like its heroine.  

I... I don't get it. Doesn't everyone know there's multiple types of diabetes? Literally I think I learned this as a child? I'm so confused.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 29, 2018 12:15:59 GMT -5 Pants said:

Nov 29, 2018 11:10:57 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

There is so much out there now that eating this or that causes diabetes.  All the memes of "diabetes in a cup" type stuff.  The natural medicine groups that push so hard that all our issues are due to poor nutrition, take this spoonful of cinnamon and you'll be cured!  Even if it says its for type 1 or type 2, people don't see or understand that part.  Smart, educated people but its so pervasive and unless you have to dig into it, why would you.  

Our old housemates are extreme in their food choices for a lot of reasons, and while the parents maybe have enough of an understanding to know it is an auto immune disease they have no idea that how they talk to their kids and what they expose them too just reinforces the belief that it is a self inflicted disease caused by your own choices.  The 7 year old that is adamant that eating sugar causes diabetes because that's what she saw on tv and her parents talk about the evils of sugar like its heroine.  

I... I don't get it. Doesn't everyone know there's multiple types of diabetes? Literally I think I learned this as a child? I'm so confused.

They know there are multiple types, but for most people it all comes down to eating crap and not exercising.  Which is a crappy and untrue assessment no matter what kind of diabetes you have.  But it is what's out there.  

One of the exercises last night was that everyone (kids and parents) wrote down something hurtful that had been said to them about diabetes.  There were a lot of, "what did you feed him that caused that? Did you take vitamins when you were pregnant?  If he stops eating sugar he'll grow out of it" type of responses."  Honestly that stuff I feel like we can handle.  It's annoying, and if its someone who should know better I may fly into a fit of rage.  But I feel like C, dh and I are comfortable in knowing it isn't our job to educate people and can decide how to resond with those.  

[Pants]

Nov 29, 2018 12:27:19 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 29, 2018 12:15:59 GMT -5 Pants said:

I... I don't get it. Doesn't everyone know there's multiple types of diabetes? Literally I think I learned this as a child? I'm so confused.

They know there are multiple types, but for most people it all comes down to eating crap and not exercising.  Which is a crappy and untrue assessment no matter what kind of diabetes you have.  But it is what's out there.  

One of the exercises last night was that everyone (kids and parents) wrote down something hurtful that had been said to them about diabetes.  There were a lot of, "what did you feed him that caused that? Did you take vitamins when you were pregnant?  If he stops eating sugar he'll grow out of it" type of responses."  Honestly that stuff I feel like we can handle.  It's annoying, and if its someone who should know better I may fly into a fit of rage.  But I feel like C, dh and I are comfortable in knowing it isn't our job to educate people and can decide how to resond with those.  

I think it's just me, I seem to know medical stuff that other people don't? Like the other day I explained "sundowning" to someone with parents who have dementia and she was like "How do you know this stuff?!?" and I was like "How do you NOT know this stuff?" 


It would never even occur to me that someone wouldn't know the types of diabetes and besides that would judge a kid based on having ANY of them. FFS.  

[swamp]

Nov 29, 2018 12:37:39 GMT -5 Pants said:

Nov 29, 2018 12:27:19 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

They know there are multiple types, but for most people it all comes down to eating crap and not exercising.  Which is a crappy and untrue assessment no matter what kind of diabetes you have.  But it is what's out there.  

One of the exercises last night was that everyone (kids and parents) wrote down something hurtful that had been said to them about diabetes.  There were a lot of, "what did you feed him that caused that? Did you take vitamins when you were pregnant?  If he stops eating sugar he'll grow out of it" type of responses."  Honestly that stuff I feel like we can handle.  It's annoying, and if its someone who should know better I may fly into a fit of rage.  But I feel like C, dh and I are comfortable in knowing it isn't our job to educate people and can decide how to resond with those.  

I think it's just me, I seem to know medical stuff that other people don't? Like the other day I explained "sundowning" to someone with parents who have dementia and she was like "How do you know this stuff?!?" and I was like "How do you NOT know this stuff?" 


It would never even occur to me that someone wouldn't know the types of diabetes and besides that would judge a kid based on having ANY of them. FFS.  

It's like they never talk to anyone, or read a paper, or watch something other than crap on TV.   Even sitcoms often touch on these issues. 

[Pants]

Nov 29, 2018 12:52:17 GMT -5 swamp said:

Nov 29, 2018 12:37:39 GMT -5 Pants said:

I think it's just me, I seem to know medical stuff that other people don't? Like the other day I explained "sundowning" to someone with parents who have dementia and she was like "How do you know this stuff?!?" and I was like "How do you NOT know this stuff?" 


It would never even occur to me that someone wouldn't know the types of diabetes and besides that would judge a kid based on having ANY of them. FFS.  

It's like they never talk to anyone, or read a paper, or watch something other than crap on TV.   Even sitcoms often touch on these issues. 

Right Even if not, one of the first things I would do if a parent appeared to have dementia was... google information on dementia? In which I'm sure sundowning would come up? Right 

[Lizard Queen]

I didn't know about sundowner's until my nurse friend brought it up.  I guess I'm just an idiot.

[MJ2.0]

Nov 29, 2018 12:37:39 GMT -5 Pants said:

Nov 29, 2018 12:27:19 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

They know there are multiple types, but for most people it all comes down to eating crap and not exercising.  Which is a crappy and untrue assessment no matter what kind of diabetes you have.  But it is what's out there.  

One of the exercises last night was that everyone (kids and parents) wrote down something hurtful that had been said to them about diabetes.  There were a lot of, "what did you feed him that caused that? Did you take vitamins when you were pregnant?  If he stops eating sugar he'll grow out of it" type of responses."  Honestly that stuff I feel like we can handle.  It's annoying, and if its someone who should know better I may fly into a fit of rage.  But I feel like C, dh and I are comfortable in knowing it isn't our job to educate people and can decide how to resond with those.  

I think it's just me, I seem to know medical stuff that other people don't? Like the other day I explained "sundowning" to someone with parents who have dementia and she was like "How do you know this stuff?!?" and I was like "How do you NOT know this stuff?" 


It would never even occur to me that someone wouldn't know the types of diabetes and besides that would judge a kid based on having ANY of them. FFS.  

um, *I* didn't know the sundowning thing (still don't, haven't googled it). I do think it's a problem when people spread misinformation, but expecting people to know detailed information about conditions that don't affect them is a little too much IMO.

[MJ2.0]

Nov 29, 2018 13:18:15 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I didn't know about sundowner's until my nurse friend brought it up.  I guess I'm just an idiot.

we're both idiots apparently.

[Lizard Queen]

Nov 29, 2018 13:31:55 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Nov 29, 2018 12:37:39 GMT -5 Pants said:

I think it's just me, I seem to know medical stuff that other people don't? Like the other day I explained "sundowning" to someone with parents who have dementia and she was like "How do you know this stuff?!?" and I was like "How do you NOT know this stuff?" 


It would never even occur to me that someone wouldn't know the types of diabetes and besides that would judge a kid based on having ANY of them. FFS.  

um, *I* didn't know the sundowning thing (still don't, haven't googled it). I do think it's a problem when people spread misinformation, but expecting people to know detailed information about conditions that don't affect them is a little too much IMO.

I also think there's a difference between conditions that have been well-known for decades (and you may have learned about them in HS health classes), and conditions that have emerged and the knowledge about them has evolved much more recently.

[Pants]

Welp, glad I could make people feel like idiots, my work here is done. 

[raeoflyte]

Nov 29, 2018 13:31:55 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Nov 29, 2018 12:37:39 GMT -5 Pants said:

I think it's just me, I seem to know medical stuff that other people don't? Like the other day I explained "sundowning" to someone with parents who have dementia and she was like "How do you know this stuff?!?" and I was like "How do you NOT know this stuff?" 


It would never even occur to me that someone wouldn't know the types of diabetes and besides that would judge a kid based on having ANY of them. FFS.  

um, *I* didn't know the sundowning thing (still don't, haven't googled it). I do think it's a problem when people spread misinformation, but expecting people to know detailed information about conditions that don't affect them is a little too much IMO.

To be fair, she was talking to someone who was affected by dementia.  Not just a random conversation.  

[NastyWoman]

Nov 29, 2018 13:18:15 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I didn't know about sundowner's until my nurse friend brought it up.  I guess I'm just an idiot.

Don't feel bad: I never heard of the term either and I am much older than you are (LOL _). However, I read it, I google it and now I know.  This happens a lot to me → hear something new (or it catches my attention for the first time) and I look it up. No shame in not knowing something. But there should be at least some shame atached to refusing to educate yourself...

[oped]

Well, more kids are getting type 2 diabetes these days, but it still does not excuse rudeness, especially to children.

[chapeau]

Nov 29, 2018 20:36:37 GMT -5 oped said:

Well, more kids are getting type 2 diabetes these days, but it still does not excuse rudeness, especially to children.

Back when my sister was a diabetes educator, there was some thought/studies taking place that the pancreas were damaged/attacked by some kind of virus. In some people there were no issues, in others type 2. I don’t know if anything definitive either way was discovered. I’m not really even sure how you’d study that, but I bet gene sequencing is involved. Probably of various viruses.

[raeoflyte]

They're also realizing that many adults diagnosed with type 2 as adults actually were lada and have type 1.  

And we don't know what causes type 2 either.  Sometimes diet and exercise helps, but sometimes not.